Glad-I-Ate-Her

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel ashamed.
Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery
and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn't drink this beer, they might be out of work and their
dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, "It is better that I drink this beer
and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver."
Jack Handy

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as
they're going to feel all day.
Frank Sinatra

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
Ernest Hemingway

Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
Catherine Zandonella

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.
Anonymous
Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me
leasure, hooking up with fat, hairy girls.
Ross Levy

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
W.C. Fields

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Henny Youngman

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the
time of your life.
Michelle Mastrolacasa

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
Stephen Wright

When we drink, we get drunk.
When we get drunk, we fall asleep.
When we fall asleep, we commit no sin.
When we commit no sin, we go to heaven.
Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
Brian O'Rourke

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you
that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
Dave Barry

Why is American beer served cold?
So you can distinguish it from urine.
David Moulton

I would kill everyone in this room for a drop of sweet, tasty beer.
Homer Simpson

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would
be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
Dave Barry

All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't
like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
Homer Simpson

The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.
William Butler Yeats

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
Ernest Hemingway

Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
Ambrose Bierce

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
W.C. Fields

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
Tom Waits

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some
kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
Frank Zappa

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
Winston Churchill

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
Benjamin Franklin

If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your
nose.
Deep Thought, Jack Handy

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
Humphrey Bogart

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
Kaiser Wilhelm


Glad

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I'm "Glad I Ate Her" because the payback was worth it!!