Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - For fans of clean jokes, some are pretty cheesy though

slimshaydee · 04-09-2004, 10:16 PM

hought for the Day

Every time I get the urge to exercise, I lie down and breathe slowly 'til the feeling passes.
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Today's Quickie

The caller asked the stockbroker's secretary, "I'd like to know if he's bullish or bearish right now."

"Well, he's talking to his wife," the secretary replied. "I'd say he's sheepish."
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Recruiting

A man was coming out of church one day. As usual, the preacher stood at the door to shake hands. When the man got to him, the pastor grabbed him by the hand, pulled him aside and said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!"

The man replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor."

The preacher questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?"

The man leaned forward and whispered, "I'm in the secret
service."
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Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery

Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy.

Someone call the janitor -- we're going to need a mop.

Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog!

Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that?

Hand me that ... uh ... that uh ... thingie.

Oh no! I just lost my Rolex.

Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before?

Darn, there go the lights again...

Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens!

Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my
concentration off.

What's this doing here?

I hate it when they're missing stuff in here.

That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?!

I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses.

Well folks, this will be an experiment for us all.

Sterile, shcmerile. The floor's clean, right?

Anyone see where I left that scalpel?

Ya know, there's big money in kidneys -- and this guy's got two of 'em.
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Happy Easter

Q. What does it mean when the Easter Bunny arrives one day
late with melted candy?
A. He probably had a bad hare day.

Q. What do you get when you pour boiling hot water down a
rabbit hole?
A. Hot cross bunnies!

Q. What does it mean when you see thirty rabbits in a row
and they are all marching backwards?
A. What you have is a receding hareline.

Q. What can rabbits have that no other animal can have?
A. Baby rabbits.

Q. Which side of a rabbit has the most fur?
A. The outside.

Q. What is the difference between a new-age rabbit that is
preparing for the future and one that is getting ready for dinner?
A. The first rabbit will visualize world peace. The second
rabbit will visualize whirled peas.
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A couple of Spoonerisms

Junk Mail
A brother at a monestary tried sending out lots of unwanted advertisments, but he was arrested and put in prison.
He was also very unpopular in prison. After all - no-one likes monk jail.

Stocks Sink

A very nervous man became an investments broker. Whenever there was bad news about a company he held shares in, his nervousness would make is feet begin to sweat profusely.

It's apparently a common trait in investment circles, though - bad news makes your socks stink.
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Quote of the Day

"Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip." -- Will Rogers
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Just Wondering

Who's cruel idea was it to put the "s" in lisp?

04-09-2004, 10:16 PM	#1 (permalink)
slimshaydee If you've read this, PM me and say so Location: Sitting on my ass, and you?	For fans of clean jokes, some are pretty cheesy though hought for the Day Every time I get the urge to exercise, I lie down and breathe slowly 'til the feeling passes. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Today's Quickie The caller asked the stockbroker's secretary, "I'd like to know if he's bullish or bearish right now." "Well, he's talking to his wife," the secretary replied. "I'd say he's sheepish." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Recruiting A man was coming out of church one day. As usual, the preacher stood at the door to shake hands. When the man got to him, the pastor grabbed him by the hand, pulled him aside and said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!" The man replied, "I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." The preacher questioned, "How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?" The man leaned forward and whispered, "I'm in the secret service." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Things You Don't Want to Hear During Surgery Better save that. We'll need it for the autopsy. Someone call the janitor -- we're going to need a mop. Bo! Bo! Come back with that! Bad Dog! Wait a minute, if this is his spleen, then what's that? Hand me that ... uh ... that uh ... thingie. Oh no! I just lost my Rolex. Oops! Hey, has anyone ever survived 500ml of this stuff before? Darn, there go the lights again... Everybody stand back! I lost my contact lens! Could you stop that thing from beating? It's throwing my concentration off. What's this doing here? I hate it when they're missing stuff in here. That's cool! Now can you make his leg twitch?! I wish I hadn't forgotten my glasses. Well folks, this will be an experiment for us all. Sterile, shcmerile. The floor's clean, right? Anyone see where I left that scalpel? Ya know, there's big money in kidneys -- and this guy's got two of 'em. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Happy Easter Q. What does it mean when the Easter Bunny arrives one day late with melted candy? A. He probably had a bad hare day. Q. What do you get when you pour boiling hot water down a rabbit hole? A. Hot cross bunnies! Q. What does it mean when you see thirty rabbits in a row and they are all marching backwards? A. What you have is a receding hareline. Q. What can rabbits have that no other animal can have? A. Baby rabbits. Q. Which side of a rabbit has the most fur? A. The outside. Q. What is the difference between a new-age rabbit that is preparing for the future and one that is getting ready for dinner? A. The first rabbit will visualize world peace. The second rabbit will visualize whirled peas. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A couple of Spoonerisms Junk Mail A brother at a monestary tried sending out lots of unwanted advertisments, but he was arrested and put in prison. He was also very unpopular in prison. After all - no-one likes monk jail. Stocks Sink A very nervous man became an investments broker. Whenever there was bad news about a company he held shares in, his nervousness would make is feet begin to sweat profusely. It's apparently a common trait in investment circles, though - bad news makes your socks stink. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Quote of the Day "Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip." -- Will Rogers ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Just Wondering Who's cruel idea was it to put the "s" in lisp?