Quote:
Originally posted by iamnormal
How do you feel you are hiding who you are?
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I think it's less that I feel I'm hiding than that I don't feel free to express myself - there are times when I'd like to say something (like the other week at dinner with our whole gang of friends, we were talking about crushes and I didn't feel like I could talk about the crush I have on a female friend) but feel like I can't/shouldn't. I mean, there are plenty of times when we censor ourselves (like not saying geez those pants make you look fat) but somehow this feels different - it's less about expressing an opinion than about sharing a part of myself that is pretty essential to who I am. It's a huge relief to be able to talk about my/ratbastid's relationship with D&S with the 2-3 people who know about it. It's something that's really important that's going on in my life, and to have to hide it from most people makes me a little sad. That's a whole other kettle of fish, though (the polyamory thing, vs. just the bisexuality thing, which seems tame and normal in comparison).
Anyhow, I think whoever said this is a case-by-case thing is right: if I feel comfortable sharing it with one person, and uncomfortable sharing it with someone else, then I should tell the first person but not the second. I'm comfy with that - I have a pretty good feel for who among my circle of friends will freak out and who will say "yeah, and...?" The real issue is with my mom and my favorite aunt. I share nearly everything with them, they're real "coaches" for me in growing and developing as a person, and to have to hide this from them because I think they'd freak out really puts a lid on my relationship with them in some way. I feel like up till now, I've been totally open, intimate, raw with them, and now there's this piece I have to keep hidden, and it feels deceptive. I'm not so much worried about my mom - she's already clued in to the "bi" thing, but my aunt is a fairly Christian person (though one of the loving ones, not the judgmental kind) and I hate to think this might put up an even bigger wall than the "I'm hiding something" one I've got up right now. Then again, she was pretty open-minded about my (then) long-haired, ear-pierced hippie boyfriend (who's now clean-cut ratbastid, whom she adores), my purple hair, my brother's skateboarding, etc. But those are all appearance things, and this is an identity thing. And a sex thing. Danger danger!!!
Anyhow, ramble ramble ramble. I guess this isn't an easy thing to deal with, but all the advice so far has been really appreciated. I really do love you guys.