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raeanna74 · 03-29-2004, 11:47 AM

Hubby and I will be married 5 years next week. I have pushed hubby to change but I don't think it's been too much and I really wish I hadn't pushed. (You'll have to ask him if that's true). He says I've changed in many ways. I'm not as much of a nag either as I was to begin with. One reason I nagged so much is because I felt neglected. It was a rough time for us. We got married, moved, I got pregnant, and was working full time teaching as well as part time in day care after school. Hubby was only working part time and didn't do much around home. I felt a lot of resentment and nagged as a result. We've come to a happy medium in a way. He helps more (Actually a lot more) and I nag much less. Sometimes when I want something done I'll just put it on his desk and he'll find it. I'm not vocally bugging him to do it - I think of it as helping him remember to do it. When he does do things for me I try my hardest to thank him. Also if there is anything I'm not satisfied with about the job he did I will try not to say anything and if I "fix" it I wait until he's not there. I want him to feel satisfied about his job at helping me and not as you sound - like you're helping won't be appreciated anyway so why help.

Yes marriage is about accepting the other person as who they are. It's also about compromise. A LOT of it. Everyone needs help sometimes and tends to be lazy or irresponsible at times. That's when they need patience and forgiveness. But if one partner is ALWAY lazy and irresponsible but they just say "Well that's who I am so deal with it." They don't deserve to be married and they put all the responsibility and work on the other partner. The other partner is then forced to be the "caregiver" and they don't get to be "themselves". So who gets to be themselves? Both of the partners - you just take turns and compromise.

I do hope to continue to change to be a better person. I hope hubby wants to continue to change in the same way. I can MAKE him change. I don't want to MAKE him change. It would then be resented and useless really because the change wouldn't last.

We all need to change and improve. We need to help one another see our own flaws since we don't see ourselves as clearly as others do. "Oh the gift to give us. To see oneself as other's see us".

03-29-2004, 11:47 AM	#22 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	Hubby and I will be married 5 years next week. I have pushed hubby to change but I don't think it's been too much and I really wish I hadn't pushed. (You'll have to ask him if that's true). He says I've changed in many ways. I'm not as much of a nag either as I was to begin with. One reason I nagged so much is because I felt neglected. It was a rough time for us. We got married, moved, I got pregnant, and was working full time teaching as well as part time in day care after school. Hubby was only working part time and didn't do much around home. I felt a lot of resentment and nagged as a result. We've come to a happy medium in a way. He helps more (Actually a lot more) and I nag much less. Sometimes when I want something done I'll just put it on his desk and he'll find it. I'm not vocally bugging him to do it - I think of it as helping him remember to do it. When he does do things for me I try my hardest to thank him. Also if there is anything I'm not satisfied with about the job he did I will try not to say anything and if I "fix" it I wait until he's not there. I want him to feel satisfied about his job at helping me and not as you sound - like you're helping won't be appreciated anyway so why help. Yes marriage is about accepting the other person as who they are. It's also about compromise. A LOT of it. Everyone needs help sometimes and tends to be lazy or irresponsible at times. That's when they need patience and forgiveness. But if one partner is ALWAY lazy and irresponsible but they just say "Well that's who I am so deal with it." They don't deserve to be married and they put all the responsibility and work on the other partner. The other partner is then forced to be the "caregiver" and they don't get to be "themselves". So who gets to be themselves? Both of the partners - you just take turns and compromise. I do hope to continue to change to be a better person. I hope hubby wants to continue to change in the same way. I can MAKE him change. I don't want to MAKE him change. It would then be resented and useless really because the change wouldn't last. We all need to change and improve. We need to help one another see our own flaws since we don't see ourselves as clearly as others do. "Oh the gift to give us. To see oneself as other's see us". __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma. Last edited by raeanna74; 03-29-2004 at 11:49 AM..