*Nikki*

I am posting this for a lady member who would like to remain anonymous.

Please read and give her some advice:

I am dating a guy who feels the need to keep things very low key until he and his “ex” have gone to court and everything is final with their divorce. Now I understand this especially considering that I have seen her vindictive streak and I know she would make his life hell in every way possible if she knew he is seeing someone even though they have been split for nearly a
year. But, in the time that we have been dating, he has gone up and down in his level of keeping things quiet. For some time we went places together and he stayed the nights with me etc. Lately he has been feeling the strong need to be OVERLY (in my opinion) discreet. To the point that he doesn't stay the night even though he has nobody to answer to for not coming home until dawn. (except a room mate that he SAYS knows we are dating but I have yet to meet nor do I feel I ever will) I don’t believe the roomie really knows and I think he is afraid if he stays the night, the roomie will “slip” and say something in passing to his “ex” or a friend of hers. But when I addressed that, he says he knows. Okay, getting off track. This is so complicated!
Bottom line is that anymore I feel that we seem to manage to find time to have sex and brief visits and some conversation but nothing like it was. Not even close. And I for the first time in my life I feel like a dirty little secret and I feel that there is a level of shame that he feels but will not admit and I am so very frustrated. At times I simply feel used. I know he
cares about me as a person but he is so freaked about what “she” might empower herself to do to him that he is running scared. And I end up feeling lonely and as I said, used. Now obviously I care about him or this wouldn’t be an issue and I wouldn’t be here asking advice. I have told him how I feel
except the part that I feel used. I know this would hurt his feelings and he would not want to touch me for fear I might think it a violation…he would take it wrong, I know that. I am pondering telling him I don’t think we should see each other until his divorce is final. But I have to be prepared to follow through whole heartedly and that could be months. So ladies, I ask
you, what would you do? What are your thoughts? I want feed back, a lot of it. What is more confusing to me is that I know exactly what I would advise one of you to do if it were YOU in the situation and yet I can’t seem to trust my own judgment. I don’t feel I know ME anymore. Based on what you have learned here, let your feedback flow…