I'm going to try to compress a long story into as short of a space as possible, and still maintain the ghist of the entire tale. I realize that upon completion, there may be details missing and as folks chime in with advice on the matter, I'll post updates.
To begin to understand my story, you need to have a *little* background. In December of this past year, I graduated with a degree in Technical Communications from Mercer University. The details of what my degree implies would take the length of an entire seperate post, but let's summarize my personal objectives as "web development" and say that my degree fits this objective.
As an undergraduate student, I worked 2 parttime jobs during my Junior and Senior years and still maintained fulltime credit hours (15-17hrs per semester). Also weighing in on my schedule was my college fraternity and a summertime internship. So, since graduation in December, I've been fairly relaxed -- charging up for the next phase of my life ... the job hunt and future employment.
I haven't sent out many resumes, and have been fairly slow to build my professional network in these months.
Now, the meat of my story. The internship from the summer of 2003 gradually developed into 1 of the 2 parttime jobs that I maintained during my time in college. In fact, I still working for this small marketing and webdesign firm in my college town, but I do so remotely. The firm is fairly pleased with my efforts, which leads into their recent offer.
I received an email today, from my boss at the small firm asking how much money it would cost him for me to become a fulltime, *local* (750miles from my current home) employee. I'm pleased that he is interested in taking me on as a fulltime employee, but I have a problem.
Some more background: During the four years that I was involved with my college fraternity (at a small, private Baptist affiliated University) I was the Chaplain. As that officer, I actively pursued religious development activities for my friends in the fraternity and it really became a part of how I defined myself, my life. In fact, I received a national honor for my work in religious development from my national fraternity. I am a devout Christian (even though I mess up in some areas of my life) and I have always been adametly opposed to the drug culture. But its also been a personal policy to not force my personal beliefs on others as long as they did not force their's on me (with regard to partaking in drugs). I've had close friends that smoked pot, and I don't have any problems with that fact. I've never been around it, and never assisted it.
Over the summer, I lived with several individuals that smoked pot as a regular thing -- inside my house and around my house, even after I requested that they not. I eventually backed down to not smoking when I was around -- which they were *still* unable to abide with, so I moved out. Pot was just SO important to these folks. During that time, I was miserable and scared for the consequences for myself if they were ever caught either smoking or in simple possession on my rented-property (they were also tenants, so I could not kick them out).
So, you should have a general idea for where I stand with regard to drugs. This is relevant, because my current employer is interested in undertaking an initiative to produce and market a website to sell drug-test countering supplies (drinks for pot-smokers that will allow them to pass drug screenings). This would be the entire purpose of my employment -- to effectively sell these products via the Internet through a variety of methods that I won't go into here.
The Christian belief says to follow the law of the land and the law of God. I'm struggling to put this current job into that context. As a professional, I know its just a job and that you can't always pick the client. You've sometimes gotta suck it up and just do it in order to pay the bills and keep afloat, but to what loss? And what gain?
I'm caught between the fact that I want to move out of my parent's house and, in order to do so, I must accept a job (for rent $$). But, I'm also hung up on the fact that I can't really bring myself to accept this particular job ... at least, not yet. I wouldn't say that my immediate boss at the firm has been a friend; he is a member of my fraternity (how I originally got the internship) but I don't think that's weighing much on my mind. I do have a friend inside the firm -- he calls himself the CFO ... and generally "rats" me out to the bigger boss -- never in a harmful way however. He'll spill the beans for the dates when I'll be town visiting friends ... and a project meeting is usually scheduled as a result. He spilled the beans on the fact that I was attending a job fair this past week, and I think that might have played a role in the recent attention to bringing me on for fulltime work (My boss is afriad of losing me).
There's also the matter that this particular opportunity poses significant risk. As a Internet Marketing officer of this firm, I would be reliant on the major engines indexing my sites quickly and placing me in high relevancy. We're not even sure if the general market for this kind of product shops on the Internet. So, I could very-well be sitting out of work in a few months if this project fails -- but, that's true no matter where I go (in this world of "right-sizing" and pinkslips.). On the otherhand, if I am successful in the task, I can expect a rewarding career in the field of Internet Marketing -- not my original goal when I started my undergraduate study.
I also can't see myself growing professionally while working at this firm. There would be none of the opportunity for tuition reimbursement that larger corporations offer. Well... I would be working much more hands on than I might be for a larger corporation as an entry-level employee. Its a tough call. I'd have opportunity for more in-the-trenches experience, but lose out on the official education opportunities elsewhere. Do want to become a Sergeant or an officer? I'm not sure.
This boils down to a more central moral debate of whether or not I can "turn off" my distaste for a product and work as a professional or stick by my beliefs and turn down the offer. Writing things out usually helps me come to a decision, but this time I'm still stuck.
What do you all think? Help me debate this out in my head. I'm going to need to have a well-thought out position, either way. It'll either be for my parents (they don't know too much about the job and don't really like my boss for taking me pay-free for the summer internship) or for my current boss when I explain why I can't take the job. My folks will probably want to know why, too, but will be much more supportive if I do turn it down. If I decline the offer, I can also expect to see a termination of my parttime activity.
PS: Sorry for the stream of consciousness style of writing. I just did a data-dump on the page... too much info to do otherwise.
PPS: Man, this is long. My bad.
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