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wow... great post. i think you did a great job of expressing your view of the situation. i can sympathize with you a bit, but your situation is unique in how long and intense it seems to have been. even so, i think i have a decent perspective on this.
here is my unqualified, unprofessional opinion:
what you said to her had to be said. it just isn't worth the stagnation that comes with bottling those feelings up, letting yourself be torn everytime she goes out with another guy and pretending not to care. that being said, the right thing isn't necessarily the most persuasive thing right now.
from your post i gleaned that you are both in your early 20s (like me), so my assumptions are built from that. if she was 32 and single, your confession might have had more effect. girls seem to value the "friendship" and "compatibility" parts of a relationship more as they get older. but she is still young, probably a pretty girl, and has guys approach her all the time. quite honestly, you probably just aren't exciting enough for her... not to mention that she gets all the emotional support she needs from you while she dates whomever she wants.
i'm not knocking you personally. if you two had just met this year... she would probably be head over heels for ya. but you are what is comfortable and familiar to her... not her knight-in-shining-armor.
she knows that you'll be around, no matter what she does. she knows that whenever you're on a date, you're thinking about her. this undoubtedly flatters her, but you don't hold any mystery or excitement. the type of love you have for her is an awesome thing, but no one is guaranteed to be loved back. again, not because of what kind of guy you are but because of your long-standing situation.
so this is what you should do:
move on. that's right, move on. and i don't mean date another girl to appear detached or to make her jealous. move on in the sense that you must be able to give another girl your complete attention. don't be mean to her, don't stop returning her calls completely... just treat her with the same manner you treat your other friends. she will sense when that happens, and only then will she force herself to evaluate what you mean to her.
chances are, you probably won't end up together. but, i will guarantee you that it will NEVER happen while you pine for her. i see the contradiction inherent in trying to pull yourself away from her by doing something that may only be done to get her back. still, do what you can to find someone new that you are devoted to.
if it works out w/her... man, that would be awesome. just don't wait around till she asks you to be her maid-of-honor.
i know some of this sounds harsh, but man do i ever wish someone had told me that at a few points in my life. i truly wish you the best man. not everyone is even capable of feeling the way you do about this girl. don't let it make you bitter that it isn't returned. understand, then search somewhere else.
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If you will not fight when your victory will be sure and not too costly, you may come to the moment when you will have to fight with all the odds against you and only a precarious chance for survival. There may even be a worse case. You may have to fight when there is no hope of victory, because it is better to perish than to live as slaves.
~ Winston Churchill
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