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What mr sticky said...
If you have a reasonable suspicion then it sounds like you could probably be correct that she is cheating on you. It sounds like you have just cause for spying to confirm. I would install one of those keystroke programs (at the very least) - it can email you invisibly everything she types. If this were me, she wouldn't "feel like she's under surveilance" because she wouldn't know.
To me, there would be no excuse for ever being cheated on. While it might be "possible" that I could forgive, it isn't likely. If my S.O. or spouse wants to cheat, then leave first and do what you like. I can imagine no greater breach of trust or disrespect for me as a man. This isn't theoretical, I've been married 17 years.
If she is cheating, then she has broken trust. If not, then move on.
What you do about broken trust is up to you. I can't imagine going on and trusting her again.
It isn't fair for you to be expected to just go on living and not know for sure. If she is cheating then you need to confront it directly, not live a lie or dance around it like it doesn't exist. That is no way to live - it isn't honest and avoids meaningful relationship and meaningful communication. If she is cheating on you, the "why" is secondary, made irrelevant by the fact that she has broken trust (if that is what has happened).
You need to find out for sure. Then do what you will... Only you know what is best in your relationship. Obviously, things can't go on the same - whether she is cheating or not.
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