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Originally posted by lurkette
This is probably the best way to go about things - she doesn't feel like she's under surveilance, and you address the root causes of any possible infidelity. Treat the disease, not the symptoms.
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Spying is not healthy for you or her. An e-mail -- even several -- does not mean she is "physically" cheating on you. What it does mean is that she needs someone to talk with. That means that something is missing in your communication (both ways, you to her, her to you.) Phil McGraw's book, "Relationship Rescue" is awesome at helping you figure out what you can do to help heal.
Her actions are a red flag that say, "I need change." That doesn't mean she doesn't want or love you -- just that there is an injury that needs to be healed. Good luck!
(BTW -- when this happened with my ex, I gave it my all. But he didn't want to give back so we did end. There is a point to call it quits. I hope for you this isn't the time; but if I read your post correctly, this is not the first time she has "cheated." If that is true, maybe this is her problem and not yours. You don't deserve to be cheated on.)