TEN THINGS YOU SHOULD BE DOING TO PREPARE YOURSELF FOR THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL SEASON.
 

1. Go to the liquor store. Buy thousands of airplane bottles. Jim Beam had a warehouse fire. Price gouging is a possibility, and you don't want to get caught short-handed.

2. Cheer about everything in your everyday life. You need to get that voice in game shape. Clap loudly every time the elevator arrives. Try getting a co-worker to do "LET'S GO! FAX MACHINE!"

3. If you are a Penn State fan, start blaming any failure or mistake in your life on the 'over-whelming' strength of the Big 10.

4. Go to bed late, get up early in an attempt to prep for Friday night bars and noon kickoffs.

5. Chug all beverages. If friends question you, look at them as if they are insane.

6. Go to an old folks home, intentionally spill bourbon and coke on someone, practice apologizing.

7. Stand up all the time. Especially at meetings. When someone asks you to sit down, refuse.

8. Park as far away as possible from your building or the store. This will prepare you when you learn your tailgate spot has been moved another two lots from the stadium. If you live in northern Virginia you can simulate this by driving to Baltimore then walking to your downtown DC office.

9. Try again to figure out how picture-in-picture works.

10. Celebrate even the smallest of accomplishments by high-fiveing everyone in sight.

I usually try to pick out the funniest one and comment on it. But these are all a riot. Thanks - this will be passed on.