He has TOO MUCH stamina
 

I've been dating my current guy for almost 6 months now, and, despite being a law school widow, things have progressed very well for the two of us. We have sex, though not as often as I'd like, but when we do, it's good... for me at least. He always does his duty and gets me off, generally multiple times, but I have yet to make him orgasm through intercourse. Every time ends up with one of the following 1) He just lets it go and doesn't orgasm, 2) He goes to the bathroom and jerks off, or 3) I join him in the bathroom and blow him until he gets off. He claims that he is just conditioned not to orgasm during intercourse, for fear of pregnancy. With our current methods of birth control (note the "s" on the end of that), that is very unlikely.

Sooooo... how can I change this? Are there any good positions that we haven't discovered yet? What can I do on my end to make sure he enjoys this to the fullest? I'd appreciate ANY help on this topic!

Is he interested in changing? It'll be tough to "make" him orgasm if his brain is already set against it.

What makes you think he's not...

An orgasm isn't always the be all and end all -- the journey getting there is often quite nice...

I agree with mal- Martel says that he takes a really long time to orgasm when he's really really turned on, and pops off like a bottle rocket when he's not as into it- so perhaps your guy is just insanely horny when you have sex!

Remember, communication is the most important thing in a relationship- talk to your guy and ask him if he's as satisfied with sex as he can be. If so, then don't worry where he orgasms... be happy that he does at all!

Introduce him to prostate massage...

I have had this happen to me before... For about a year and a half, during sex I would concentrate on lasting as long as possible. Now, it has made me a great lover, but sometimes I simply cannot achieve orgasm. Not all the time by any means, but it still happens. I still really enjoy sex, and it's great being able to completely satisfy my partner.

Sometimes I'll go until I'm exhausted, sometimes I'll just stop.

You didn't specify your birth control types, but if you're using a condom, try using one that's made for increased sensation. These are usually thinner and feel better for both partners ;)

This could very well do the trick.

There's also the chance that he's a frequent masterbater. I'm not saying that this is the case, but it can definitely make it hard for a guy to get off from "regular" sex.

Ya I think masterbation could have something to do with it or he may just have the gift of self control. I know that sometimes I have to concentrate on cumming otherwise it just doesnt happen.

If he jerks off, tell him to stop. If he masturbates hard and fast, he might only be used to coming like that and there is no way a pussy can be as tight as a closed hand. Tell him to stop jerking off for 2 weeks at least.

To the above three posters: I don't believe that excessive masturbation is the cause; if he can come from a blowjob, he should also be able to come from vaginal penetration as well. I'd recommend following Sage's advice.

this was exactly my problem when I first started being sexually active.
I could get really close...but I'd always have to finish myself off.
I stopped masturbating for a week (one of the hardest things I've ever had to do :p ) and at the end of the week I just needed to release, which took only 2 minutes. Since that mental barrier has been overcome I've had little problems being able to finish.

Exactly what I was about to say. Sometimes it's just natural for a guy to take forever. The first time I ever had sex, my girlfriend at the time didn't believe she was my first because I didn't orgasm at the end. It comes with knowing your body, and being able to keep calm under any circumstance. Sometimes we just stay a bit too calm for the situation, but it really is hard to balance. Be glad you're getting endless sex and you're enjoying it. He's probably enjoying it just as much as you.

If anything, try positions that keep 'you' tightly closed, so 'he' doesn't have that much room to move around. My personal favorite is also a very simple position: Female lying down on her side (which side he likes depends on his own preference; I personally like the woman's legs to be pointing towards my right), male going at it like a beast. You'll like it too, but depending on your constitution down there, it might hurt as it puts a lot of strain on you 'down there.' At least it did for my girl at the time.

Everybody's different; try different things.

hmmm, probably his nerves. otherwise, there is a bunch of good advice here.

oh, whats your birth control? I found it quite hard to orgasm in a condom after years of none.

I started on the Pill a few months ago, plus I use a diaphragm and spermacide... Once we made sure we were clean, we go without a condom... he hates them too.

i'll trade him. I cum fast whether it's intercourse, blow job or masturbation. i'm just super sensitive

Male orgasm isn't necessarily tied to ejaculation.

Through masturbation we condition ourselves to couple orgasm and ejaculation (to you psych majors, this is called positive reinforcement... I think), but prepubescent boys are known to masturbate themselves to experience orgasm without ejaculating, so don't look at his having stamina as a problem.

If having him orgasm and/or ejaculate during intercourse is important to you, have you considered using the masturbation and blow job as a setup for the intercourse? Reverse the order so that he isn't having to out so much effort at the begging, and finish off with the vaginal penetration. Just a thought.

Gilda

Maybe he's on Zoloft or something like that. It can sometimes make it impossible to cum.

How does Viagra (or it's equivalent) affect how fast you cum? Also, can you maintain your erection for a long time after orgasm if on Viagra? I wouldnt' care that I came too fast if I could keep the erection and keep going for awhile...

Hard to imagine. To me, being inside my SO is the ultimate sensation. It is the best, easiest and fastest way to come. I think there is an emotional / mental block at work here.

It could be that his dick lacks normal sensitivity. This is the case for me, so I rarely orgasm during intercourse. Ditto for blowjobs. My state of mind plays a role in this, though, so there are times when I orgasmed and ejaculated without any problems or extended lengths of time. However, I usually try to get my partner off first, then ask for some nipple play and a handjob or something. That always does the trick.

Supersteph, don't worry too much about your guy's methods. At least he gets YOU off and makes sure you're satisfied, so I guess if you feel bad that you aren't there (an active participant) when he gets off, tell him to jerk off for you in bed. Touch/kiss/lick him while he does his thing, so you'll be close to him when it finally happens. Also, perhaps he's a clean freak that doesn't like to make a mess, which is why he retreats to the bathroom, or had some bad experiences with masturbation when he was young (got caught/ridiculed/didn't work/etc.), which makes him want to be alone when he gets off.

I have to point out that there are MANY times when my wife and I are together that I don't achieve an orgasm in the traditional sense. That doesn't mean, however, that I am not satisfied witht he experience, or that I need to achieve that actual physical release. I get an immense amount of pleasure from seeing my wife get off, and sometimes that's just enough.

Plus, I'm getting old enough now where the occasional leg cramp, foot cramp, etc. interferes and we have to stop! LOL

a couple things from my experience:

- years of not using a condom will definitely have an impact when a condom is used
- he's might not be bullshitting when he says he's mentally conditioned...but in that case he needs to work at de-conditioning himself
-- i've done a fairly good job at conditioning myself to last longer, to help the woman achieve much longer durations of pleasure. unfortunately, that means that there have been several occasions where she simply tells me to "Stop, stop, it's too much", and I am left dry. get him to stop masterbating for a period of time and that might put him in a place where mental conditioning does no good...