Very awkward problem
 

My problem, simply put, is that I can't seem to finish up. Totally the opposite problem from what I would have expected as a virgin (sadly enough). I think we went for 45 minutes. I've tried two different kinds of condoms (including the ultra thin ones) and we've even tried to finish with oral. No such luck. It's very frustrating and it seems like there is just very little sensitivity down there. The odd thing is that masturbation always worked, maybe it had something to do with that, but I've abstained for two weeks to help out with the problem. However, it didn't really help. Granted it's less embarrassing than the other kind of problem, but it's getting a little ridiculous. Can you folks recommend anything?

Two words:

Pearl Necklace.

Don't think about it. Most problems with orgasm is completely mental. Once you train yourself mentally you can get off as fast as you want or as slow as you want.

You know what it feels to ejaculate, yes? Imagine yourself doing that into her, (even visualizing it) and lock your legs. Works for me..:)

You being a virgin previously, I am inclined to agree that this is a mental problem. You just need to not think about it.

Yeah joe, the only thing that has changed is that now you have an audience. Your partner is giving you a shy whacker.

Two suggestions:
1) Masturbate with your partner and see if you can finish.
2) Try a coupla beers if you're of age (or not if you already do this).

Are you on anti-depressants?

My exact question. Welbutrin kept me from closing the deal, which was fun for about one time, and then I went to my doctor and asked to change.

Have you ever climaxed with a partner?
Try skipping the masturbation for a week or so (hard, I know) and see what comes of it.

My advice, and you may find this odd:

Hit it from behind.

My guess is once you break this thing, it won't be as much of a problem. Do you have the same problem if she just gives you a hummer, no intercourse involved?

Joemc91, don't sweat it!! There will be times you wish you had the power to not ejaculate. Just know that while it's happening you can focus completely on her and have fun with it. Learn to enjoy it, experiement and play with it, its not all about getting off.

~~Kyll

I had the exact same problem when I first started having sex (you could search my user name, and find some threads, since I also asked TFPers about it).

Don't know what reasons there are behind it, but it is probably just mental, as it was for me. I expected myself to perform, was too thoughtful and didn't relax, and then because too self-conscious of not climaxing. However, after time, it wasn't a problem. The only time it ever feels like it could be (which could be good, in some sense, if it means I can control it for my GFs sake) is when I start worry about it. So, just try to relax, give it time, and realize that it isn't odd at all.

Sim

PS: maybe hitting it from behind could help...in some sense reduce the intimacy enough (since not face to face) so that you aren't thinking so much. Or, it'll just plain feel good. haha

Hmmm this all seems kind of odd for me, maybe because I never really brought up the topic of "How long can you go". Its always been more of how long have you gone for without leaving the room. But, that isnt the odd part. Even as a virgin I enjoyed having long stamina, and the first time my gf at the time had to tell me to stop because she was so far gone after an hour and a half. Since then I've only been breaking records, and have come to 3 and a half hours without any breaks, but the only thing holding me back is I havn't found anyone who can really last that long =/ It can be kind of dissapointing not to get off but the appreciation I get in return is more than worth it =D.

Odder still is the fact that I've only been able to get off twice while actually having sex; the first time was while I was loaded and was having a ripping good time with it, and the second was with someone I was truly in love with. The intensity was probably the cause for the first time, and the second time being in love definately helped. I can say though that the second time I visualised it as well though, so that could have been a heavy factor too.

Im going to have to say try visualising it, along with imagining the sensation will probably lend a helping hand =D !!!

Do this.

Next time you are lovin' solo pay attention to what gets you aroused. What you feel, what you see/hear and where you are. Then try putting yourself in a similar situation when you have sex.

Yay for shooting in the dark!
Did I hear an "ouch"? My bad.

How would you go about training yourself mentally? :P

i'm sitting here waitin for an answer to that question...

Paxil is also notorious for having this very effect - in men and women...

Can't say I've ever touched anti-depressants, so I know it's not that. Like many of you said, it's probably just mental, although I tried going solo about two days after the first time and it took longer than usual then as well. Who knows really? As for the from behind recommendations and holding off solo for a while, I've tried that too. Eh, no harm in continuing to attempt it, right?

If you don't know how to train yourself mentally for something.. then .. damn I feel sorry for ya. Everything we do is mental.

Just relax and enjoy it.. there'll come a day that you'll want this to happen.

It's probably nerves. Try different positions and try to relax.

I've had the same problem my whole life. For me is a physological problem and I need to have very specific stimulation to climax. Only certain positions really hit the right spot. Try switching around and experimenting with your positions. get creative.

OK, so ive posted like one time only on this site, but since i had the EXACT same problem, in fact it led to the demise of my first relationship... so I'll post a reply.

First off, are you circumsised (i bet so, if not you can pretty much stop reading this it mostly wont apply), and how do you mastubate? Is it directy with your hand using lube? Are you sore afterwards? If this is the case, the first thing you can do... and its really difficult, is to go totally without... and i dont mean for a few days, like a month. A vagina, while nice and warm, gives no where near as much friction as a hand.

Secondly, theres foreskin restoration, and i read some other posts here in the archives that made fun of it (and it totaly seems crazy i know). But i did it for about 6 months, im no where near "restored" but i usually have flacid coverage (im definantly a "grower"), but when hard i still totally look cut. Anyways i can masturbate now the uhh, other way. By moving the skin up and down. Sex actualy gives more stimulation than this.

Thirdly, exercise some if you dont. It builds testosterone makes sex better, atleast for me.

And lastly theres something called Yohimbe. Some sort of root from Africa, that makes me atleast a bit more sensitive. But be carefuly with this stuff, really, while the pro effects are definantly there (unlike most other "magic pills") it has negative effects as well, i stay away from it now, use this as a last resort.

Basicly i think 2 things are what really helped me out, the lack of masturbation and keeping my penis head covered most of the time, sort of repaired it, a bunch of skin, or keratinization ive heard it called sloughed off, but also theres no some sort of deeper feeling, like maybe i had damaged some nerves i dont really know. And secondly, i think i got used to less friction.

This message has been deleted.

I think maybe some people who haven't been sexually active but masterbate often get to a point where they have a hard time getting off with a partner. I've heard similar problems from people in that catagory before when they start a new sexual relationship.

joemc, I have led a spectacularly active sexlife and had the same thing happen about a year ago with an especially hot chick that I *absolutely craved*. I consider myself very much the master of my own faculties, destiny, etc, but this episode schooled me.

I'd be hammering away like a trooper, porn star style for an hour, feeling like it was backed up behind the Hoover dam. All very impressive at first, then just annoying.

Other times I'd go off half cocked, then other times I'd get boner failure!

Amazing, and thoroughly depressing/frustrating/embarrassing.

The lesson is, as explained by other above, that this is all mental.

As for the 'getting to ejaculation' methodology, it helps me to picture all the girls I have ever fucked. I recall the images of all my own cumshots. I see the blowjobs and the doggy style moneyshots, and the pearl necklaces. Needless to say, they are all loving it. Just picturing that always gets me though if I am hammering away with no result or find myself on the receiving end of an endless blowjob. With the latter, I lie back and say to myself "she's a good girl, she's worked hard, let her have what she wants." As perverted as that might sound, it *is* what she wants: your satisfaction.

Apologies if that was too much for some of you folks, this is a really annoying problem and our man is clearly in need of a little help.

...incidentally, one positive aspect of this is that when it does finally go off, it goes off *massively* and you can give an elephant a run for its money in the heavy load department, which while fairly shocking, does inevitably impress the girl with your tremendous virility!