Sex on the first date vs. Marriage - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

analog · 08-20-2005, 05:59 PM

So this came up on the radio the other day, as a topic for discussion. I wrote it down and decided today I'd go ahead and pop it on here.

The topic was... how many current married couples had sex on their first date? The radio guy was taking call after call of people who had sex on the first date, and never stayed together... but the one they're with, and married, they didn't... they did it on date 2 or later. I thought it would be an interesting sampling. Also, I'd like your input on the matter, as to whether or not you think it says anything about the two of you, or pretty much guarantees you won't last, or doesn't mean shit.

Note: if you're as good as married, just say you are... if you've been together for forever, and plan on getting married, just pick one, it's not important- what's important is whether you had sex (actual sex, i'm not counting bases) on your first date/rendezvous/whatever.

Jesus Pimp · 08-20-2005, 06:11 PM

I had sex on my 3rd date with my first girlfriend. When then had a 1.6 year relationship then she cheated on me another guy who later dumped her.

shesus · 08-20-2005, 06:21 PM

JJ and I were friends for about 2 years before we started dating. So, obviously we didn't have sex on the first date. I think that being friends before dating has made our relationship stronger. Has anyone else been in this situation?

Sorry if this is a threadjack...

Seeker · 08-20-2005, 06:22 PM

I had sex on the first date with my SO and we have been together for just over 10 years... fair enough we have had a couple of breaks, but we really do like each other and the breaks have not been long...

We are still together and happier than the early days... We have worked a lot of stuff out during our time together and we are happy to be individuals in our relationship, it is by no means co-dependant!

I don't think it means anything if you sleep with someone on the first date... obviously there is a drive to do such, why not?

Grasshopper Green · 08-20-2005, 06:33 PM

We waited about two months, if I remember correctly, but I honestly don't think it means anything if you have sex on the first date. I've known couples who did who are happily married or have a happy relationship.

AVoiceOfReason · 08-20-2005, 07:26 PM

My wife and I, now married 24 years, did NOT have sex on the first date. Had we, I doubt we'd have ever married. I'd have thought much less of her from the beginning of the relationship. In fact, I didn't even think it was a possibility with her, which was one reason I wanted to get to know her better.

Redlemon · 08-20-2005, 07:58 PM

Does third base count (I'm saying "yes" and voting accordingly)? We reached hands-on-genitals on our first date, but waited on penetration until 4 months later. Married 11 years, together 18 years.

Pragma · 08-20-2005, 10:04 PM

I didn't even get so far as kissing on the first date with my current SO - took 5 months to get to sex. Been together almost two years now.

freeload · 08-20-2005, 11:26 PM

My wife and I had sex about a month after becoming a couple.
My sister-in-law had sex the first night (4 hours after they met at a party) with her (now) husband

Martian · 08-20-2005, 11:34 PM

Been together a year and we had sex within 8 hours of meeting.

I don't think there's any more than a casual relationship between the two. Some people have sex quite early on when things seem to just click. Sometimes things works out, sometimes they don't. For us, we'd likely be married already were it feasible, so while I don't know for certain that we'll last forever I have a strong suspicion.

ShaniFaye · 08-21-2005, 04:38 AM

Not married yet.....69 more days to go til we are married so I didnt know what to answer on the poll....but we had sex on the first date

Charlatan · 08-21-2005, 04:43 AM

Married for 13 years and we didn't have sex on the first date. We made out on the first date and had sex on the third or fourth date.

I see no problem with sex on the first date. I just don't get waiting. Seems like wasted time. Time you could have been having sex.

StanT · 08-21-2005, 04:45 AM

hmmm, I don't see a category for before the first date.

I knew my wife for a long time before we hooked up at a wedding. We didn't come as a couple, so I wouldn't call it a date.

livewirerc · 08-21-2005, 06:05 AM

I pierced my (now) wife's hood with a 10ga barbell on our first date, does that count?

I think we waited for about a week for it to heal before our inhibitions left us...

Lasereth · 08-21-2005, 06:11 AM

It was about 10 months before we had sexual intercourse, but we had oral sex starting pretty soon after we got together.

-Lasereth

analog · 08-21-2005, 11:58 AM

Interesting results, keep the responses coming, everyone!

bad jane · 08-21-2005, 05:03 PM

my current partner and i had sex on date 2. not married, been together 3 years (though if i had any desire to actually be married, i'd marry him).

Gilda · 08-21-2005, 08:14 PM

It depends upon what you consider the "first date". We stopped and had some tea on the way home from work one day when we were both there late, and made a formal date for later on that week. We did have sex at the end of that date.

I voted for had sex on the first date. Coming up on five years together and third wedding anniversary next month.

Gilda

Sugar&Spice · 08-21-2005, 08:44 PM

I was in a relationship for a year and a half. We had met at a party and fooled around, but no sex. About two months later him and some friends came over to see me and go snowboarding. We had sex that night. However, we are no longer together.

analog · 08-21-2005, 09:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gilda

It depends upon what you consider the "first date". We stopped and had some tea on the way home from work one day when we were both there late, and made a formal date for later on that week. We did have sex at the end of that date.

I voted for had sex on the first date. Coming up on five years together and third wedding anniversary next month.

Gilda

I'd more readily count this as "did not" only because the point of the exercise is opportunity. You may not have called the first outing after work a "date", but you were together, and had the opportunity. I know it's odd, and seems like a grey area, but that's the nature of polls sometimes. Can't cover every possibility.

And thank you all for being so honest and open with what you may consider to be personal info. I assure you, I'm not just trying to see who puts out.

tooth · 08-22-2005, 09:06 AM

Married. Waited about 4 months before we had sex.

5757 · 08-22-2005, 09:51 AM

Long time SO... waited 8 months.

vanblah · 08-22-2005, 01:33 PM

Married for 7 years and we dated for 7 years before that (14 years total to help with the math). We had sex BEFORE we were dating. It was a casual thing for a while during which we both saw other people. Then one day we just sort of started being exclusive.

legolas · 08-27-2005, 12:52 PM

had a gf of 3 years who i love more than i can explain, and we waited until we loved eachother (about 3 months) until we had sex.

kel · 08-27-2005, 01:40 PM

Two weeks after the first "date". We had known each other longer, but it took a while for the relationship with her ex to wind down

hambone · 08-27-2005, 08:22 PM

guess I am alone.

We had sex on our wedding night for the first time. wouldn't change a thing (we dated for 6 years prior to marriage). Never felt I missed out on a thing. Not wasted time. At all.

wisj2 · 08-27-2005, 08:42 PM

I am not married, had sex with 20 year SO on the third date. 3 days into it. LOL

snowy · 08-27-2005, 08:58 PM

Personally, I've never been in this situation, but I know my parents didn't have sex on their first date and they've been together 23 years (I believe they waited till the 3rd date). From what they've told me, my mom was the forward one--my dad, being a gentleman, didn't make a move to kiss her on the first date. But when she got out of his car to go to hers, he had rolled his window to say goodbye one last time, and she stuck her head in and slipped him some tongue.

Of course, my parents moved fast in other ways: they got married about six months after meeting and had me six months later

Martian · 08-27-2005, 11:44 PM

onesnowyowl's folks had a shotgun wedding! Whee!

No offense my dear, I just like the phrase shotgun wedding and will use it at every opportunity. It conjures a mental image of a bunch of southern good ole' boys firing off their sidearms in celebration.

It's interesting that the (amalgamated) totals are 51 vs. 27. I was convinced there wouldn't be any correlation or if any it would go the other way. I suppose perhaps chivalry isn't dead after all. Although granted I'm not entire sure I'd call this a representative sample, the group's still to small to make any final judgement on the issue.

jt6879 · 08-28-2005, 07:29 AM

We had oral sex on the first date but not sex until about a month later, but we had hooked up before. Im married now, have been for 3 years

Rubyee · 08-28-2005, 08:51 AM

We are not married, but have been together for 3 years. We had sex on the first official date.

YKK · 08-28-2005, 11:16 AM

The wife gave me a blowjob the first night we went out together. It wasn't a date and we were simply travelling as a pack. Canada day was our first date and yes we had sex.

MSD · 08-30-2005, 07:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by livewirerc

I pierced my (now) wife's hood with a 10ga barbell on our first date, does that count?

I think we waited for about a week for it to heal before our inhibitions left us...

Was this a planned thing, or was it a "Hey, since your hands are down there, we might as well get to know each other" kind of thing?

analog · 08-30-2005, 09:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by hambone

guess I am alone.

We had sex on our wedding night for the first time. wouldn't change a thing (we dated for 6 years prior to marriage). Never felt I missed out on a thing. Not wasted time. At all.

Yeah this isn't a "how long did you wait" thread, it's strictly about the correlation (if there is one) between those who do the deed on their first date vs. those who wait even until just date number two and if has any bearing on the longevity of the relationship.

Though not overwhelming, the numbers do definitely seem to be saying something.

onodrim · 08-30-2005, 10:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ohh_shesus

I think that being friends before dating has made our relationship stronger. Has anyone else been in this situation?

Yep, Secret and I were friends through mutual activities in high school before we started dating. Granted, he was trying to get me interested in him for a long time while I still saw him as only a friend.

Still, I think that the fact that our relationship grew out of a friendship did make it stronger.

crvtec · 08-31-2005, 09:54 AM

My wife and I worked with each other for a year plus. She had a boyfriend and I had a girlfriend. We both ended our relationships at the same time. But not as a plan. She wanted to go out and invited me to many different things. I finally took her up one day after many dropped plans. We both had a good time. We didn't have sex for two weeks. Had sex and it was BAD for both of us!! Long story short. We got married in two months.

Jesse

Ustwo · 08-31-2005, 09:57 AM

We didn't have sex on the first date, but the second, more due to circumstance so I voted first.

We have been together for 14 years.

Married for 8.

Still maddly in love, and know that our marriage is not based around sex.

I think much of the first date sex = no long term relationship has to go with the mindset a female has who is looking for sex on a first date. If you just want to get laid you are not looking or caring about a relationship per say. I don't include the men in this because most men will not turn down sex on a first date because they don't want to spoil a relationship.

YKK · 08-31-2005, 02:07 PM

Yeah, it disgusts me how easy men are.

eribrav · 08-31-2005, 03:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jt6879

We had oral sex on the first date but not sex until about a month later, but we had hooked up before. Im married now, have been for 3 years

Hey everyone, let's welcome Bill Clinton to the TFP!

streak_56 · 08-31-2005, 05:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ohh_shesus

JJ and I were friends for about 2 years before we started dating. So, obviously we didn't have sex on the first date. I think that being friends before dating has made our relationship stronger. Has anyone else been in this situation?

Sorry if this is a threadjack...

Lead543 and I were friends before we started dating... that and I lived in Ohio. We've been together for 8 month on Sept 8th

View Poll Results: Did you and your SO have SEX (actual SEX) on the first date?
I am married, and we had sex on the first date.	31	21.23%
I am married, and we DID NOT have sex on the first date.	55	37.67%
I have a long-time SO and we had sex on the first date. (tell us how long you've been together)	15	10.27%
I have a long-time SO and we DID NOT have sex on the first date. (tell us how long)	45	30.82%
Voters: 146. You may not vote on this poll

08-20-2005, 05:59 PM	#1 (permalink)
analog Banned	Sex on the first date vs. Marriage So this came up on the radio the other day, as a topic for discussion. I wrote it down and decided today I'd go ahead and pop it on here. The topic was... how many current married couples had sex on their first date? The radio guy was taking call after call of people who had sex on the first date, and never stayed together... but the one they're with, and married, they didn't... they did it on date 2 or later. I thought it would be an interesting sampling. Also, I'd like your input on the matter, as to whether or not you think it says anything about the two of you, or pretty much guarantees you won't last, or doesn't mean shit. Note: if you're as good as married, just say you are... if you've been together for forever, and plan on getting married, just pick one, it's not important- what's important is whether you had sex (actual sex, i'm not counting bases) on your first date/rendezvous/whatever. Last edited by analog; 08-21-2005 at 11:57 AM..

08-20-2005, 06:11 PM	#2 (permalink)
Jesus Pimp The Original JizzSmacka	I had sex on my 3rd date with my first girlfriend. When then had a 1.6 year relationship then she cheated on me another guy who later dumped her. __________________ Never date anyone who doesn't make your dick hard.

08-20-2005, 06:21 PM	#3 (permalink)
shesus Fancy Location: Chicago	JJ and I were friends for about 2 years before we started dating. So, obviously we didn't have sex on the first date. I think that being friends before dating has made our relationship stronger. Has anyone else been in this situation? Sorry if this is a threadjack... __________________ Whatever did happen to your soul? I heard you sold it Choose Heaven for the weather and Hell for the company

08-20-2005, 06:22 PM	#4 (permalink)
Seeker Getting Clearer Location: with spirit	I had sex on the first date with my SO and we have been together for just over 10 years... fair enough we have had a couple of breaks, but we really do like each other and the breaks have not been long... We are still together and happier than the early days... We have worked a lot of stuff out during our time together and we are happy to be individuals in our relationship, it is by no means co-dependant! I don't think it means anything if you sleep with someone on the first date... obviously there is a drive to do such, why not? __________________ *To those who wander but who are not lost...* ~ Knowledge is not something you acquire, it is something you open yourself to.

08-20-2005, 06:33 PM	#5 (permalink)
Grasshopper Green ...is a comical chap Location: Where morons reign supreme	We waited about two months, if I remember correctly, but I honestly don't think it means anything if you have sex on the first date. I've known couples who did who are happily married or have a happy relationship. __________________ "They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings; steal a little and they throw you in jail, steal a lot and they make you king" Formerly Medusa

08-20-2005, 07:26 PM	#6 (permalink)
AVoiceOfReason Psycho Location: Greenwood, Arkansas	My wife and I, now married 24 years, did NOT have sex on the first date. Had we, I doubt we'd have ever married. I'd have thought much less of her from the beginning of the relationship. In fact, I didn't even think it was a possibility with her, which was one reason I wanted to get to know her better. __________________ AVOR A Voice Of Reason, not necessarily the ONLY one.

08-20-2005, 07:58 PM	#7 (permalink)
Redlemon Devoted Donor Location: New England	Does third base count (I'm saying "yes" and voting accordingly)? We reached hands-on-genitals on our first date, but waited on penetration until 4 months later. Married 11 years, together 18 years. __________________ I can't read your signature. Sorry.

08-20-2005, 10:04 PM	#8 (permalink)
Pragma I am Winter Born Location: Alexandria, VA	I didn't even get so far as kissing on the first date with my current SO - took 5 months to get to sex. Been together almost two years now. __________________ Eat antimatter, Posleen-boy!

08-20-2005, 11:26 PM	#9 (permalink)
freeload Done freeloading here Location: on my ass :) - Norway	My wife and I had sex about a month after becoming a couple. My sister-in-law had sex the first night (4 hours after they met at a party) with her (now) husband __________________ The future ain't what it used to be.

08-20-2005, 11:34 PM	#10 (permalink)
Martian Young Crumudgeon Location: Canada	Been together a year and we had sex within 8 hours of meeting. I don't think there's any more than a casual relationship between the two. Some people have sex quite early on when things seem to just click. Sometimes things works out, sometimes they don't. For us, we'd likely be married already were it feasible, so while I don't know for certain that we'll last forever I have a strong suspicion. __________________ I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said - Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

08-21-2005, 04:38 AM	#11 (permalink)
ShaniFaye Submit to me, you know you want to Location: Lilburn, Ga	Not married yet.....69 more days to go til we are married so I didnt know what to answer on the poll....but we had sex on the first date __________________ *I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!*

08-21-2005, 04:43 AM	#12 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	Married for 13 years and we didn't have sex on the first date. We made out on the first date and had sex on the third or fourth date. I see no problem with sex on the first date. I just don't get waiting. Seems like wasted time. Time you could have been having sex. __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke Last edited by Charlatan; 08-22-2005 at 10:07 AM..

08-21-2005, 04:45 AM	#13 (permalink)
StanT © Location: Colorado	hmmm, I don't see a category for before the first date. I knew my wife for a long time before we hooked up at a wedding. We didn't come as a couple, so I wouldn't call it a date.

08-21-2005, 06:05 AM	#14 (permalink)
livewirerc Insane Location: Austin, TX	I pierced my (now) wife's hood with a 10ga barbell on our first date, does that count? I think we waited for about a week for it to heal before our inhibitions left us...

08-21-2005, 06:11 AM	#15 (permalink)
Lasereth Knight of the Old Republic Location: Winston-Salem, NC	It was about 10 months before we had sexual intercourse, but we had oral sex starting pretty soon after we got together. -Lasereth __________________ "A Darwinian attacks his theory, seeking to find flaws. An ID believer defends his theory, seeking to conceal flaws." -Roger Ebert

08-21-2005, 11:58 AM	#16 (permalink)
analog Banned	Interesting results, keep the responses coming, everyone!

08-21-2005, 05:03 PM	#17 (permalink)
bad jane Insane	my current partner and i had sex on date 2. not married, been together 3 years (though if i had any desire to actually be married, i'd marry him).

08-21-2005, 08:14 PM	#18 (permalink)
Gilda 32 flavors and then some Location: Out on a wire.	It depends upon what you consider the "first date". We stopped and had some tea on the way home from work one day when we were both there late, and made a formal date for later on that week. We did have sex at the end of that date. I voted for had sex on the first date. Coming up on five years together and third wedding anniversary next month. Gilda __________________ I'm against ending blackness. I believe that everyone has a right to be black, it's a choice, and I support that. ~Steven Colbert

08-21-2005, 08:44 PM	#19 (permalink)
Sugar&Spice Psycho	I was in a relationship for a year and a half. We had met at a party and fooled around, but no sex. About two months later him and some friends came over to see me and go snowboarding. We had sex that night. However, we are no longer together. __________________ -Speak your mind even if your voice shakes

08-22-2005, 09:06 AM	#21 (permalink)
tooth Addict	Married. Waited about 4 months before we had sex.

08-22-2005, 09:51 AM	#22 (permalink)
5757 Insane Location: Vegas!!	Long time SO... waited 8 months.

08-22-2005, 01:33 PM	#23 (permalink)
vanblah Junkie	Married for 7 years and we dated for 7 years before that (14 years total to help with the math). We had sex BEFORE we were dating. It was a casual thing for a while during which we both saw other people. Then one day we just sort of started being exclusive.

08-27-2005, 12:52 PM	#24 (permalink)
legolas shit faced cockmaster Location: CT	had a gf of 3 years who i love more than i can explain, and we waited until we loved eachother (about 3 months) until we had sex. __________________ "To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems."

08-27-2005, 01:40 PM	#25 (permalink)
kel WARNING: FLAMMABLE Location: Ask Acetylene	Two weeks after the first "date". We had known each other longer, but it took a while for the relationship with her ex to wind down __________________ "It better be funny"

08-27-2005, 08:22 PM	#26 (permalink)
hambone Zeroed In Location: CA	guess I am alone. We had sex on our wedding night for the first time. wouldn't change a thing (we dated for 6 years prior to marriage). Never felt I missed out on a thing. Not wasted time. At all. __________________ "Like liquid white from fallen glass, Nothing to cry over"

08-27-2005, 08:42 PM	#27 (permalink)
wisj2 Tilted Location: Oklahoma	I am not married, had sex with 20 year SO on the third date. 3 days into it. LOL

08-27-2005, 08:58 PM	#28 (permalink)
snowy Kick Ass Kunoichi Location: Oregon	Personally, I've never been in this situation, but I know my parents didn't have sex on their first date and they've been together 23 years (I believe they waited till the 3rd date). From what they've told me, my mom was the forward one--my dad, being a gentleman, didn't make a move to kiss her on the first date. But when she got out of his car to go to hers, he had rolled his window to say goodbye one last time, and she stuck her head in and slipped him some tongue. Of course, my parents moved fast in other ways: they got married about six months after meeting and had me six months later __________________ If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

08-27-2005, 11:44 PM	#29 (permalink)
Martian Young Crumudgeon Location: Canada	onesnowyowl's folks had a shotgun wedding! Whee! No offense my dear, I just like the phrase shotgun wedding and will use it at every opportunity. It conjures a mental image of a bunch of southern good ole' boys firing off their sidearms in celebration. It's interesting that the (amalgamated) totals are 51 vs. 27. I was convinced there wouldn't be any correlation or if any it would go the other way. I suppose perhaps chivalry isn't dead after all. Although granted I'm not entire sure I'd call this a representative sample, the group's still to small to make any final judgement on the issue. __________________ I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said - Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame

08-28-2005, 07:29 AM	#30 (permalink)
jt6879 Crazy	We had oral sex on the first date but not sex until about a month later, but we had hooked up before. Im married now, have been for 3 years

08-28-2005, 08:51 AM	#31 (permalink)
Rubyee I'm baaaaack!	We are not married, but have been together for 3 years. We had sex on the first official date. __________________ You don't know from fun.

08-28-2005, 11:16 AM	#32 (permalink)
YKK Crazy Location: Toronto, ONT	The wife gave me a blowjob the first night we went out together. It wasn't a date and we were simply travelling as a pack. Canada day was our first date and yes we had sex. __________________ We're all black sheep and we know it.. So don't fsck it up for the rest. -- Sick of It All; Yours Truly

08-31-2005, 09:54 AM	#36 (permalink)
crvtec Upright	My wife and I worked with each other for a year plus. She had a boyfriend and I had a girlfriend. We both ended our relationships at the same time. But not as a plan. She wanted to go out and invited me to many different things. I finally took her up one day after many dropped plans. We both had a good time. We didn't have sex for two weeks. Had sex and it was BAD for both of us!! Long story short. We got married in two months. Jesse

08-31-2005, 09:57 AM	#37 (permalink)
Ustwo Pissing in the cornflakes	We didn't have sex on the first date, but the second, more due to circumstance so I voted first. We have been together for 14 years. Married for 8. Still maddly in love, and know that our marriage is not based around sex. I think much of the first date sex = no long term relationship has to go with the mindset a female has who is looking for sex on a first date. If you just want to get laid you are not looking or caring about a relationship per say. I don't include the men in this because most men will not turn down sex on a first date because they don't want to spoil a relationship. __________________ Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

08-31-2005, 02:07 PM	#38 (permalink)
YKK Crazy Location: Toronto, ONT	Yeah, it disgusts me how easy men are. __________________ We're all black sheep and we know it.. So don't fsck it up for the rest. -- Sick of It All; Yours Truly