What is your Worst Sexual Experience?
 

I did a search, but didn't turn up anything...

After my experience last night, I decided I'd start a thread about the worst sexual experience you have ever had. It could be a range of different things, a crazy partner, a tragic moment, or just something totally embarrassing that happened. Anything goes, as long as it qualifies as one of your most terrible experiences ever. If you have a couple that are close, post em both - that way I can feel even less alone in this :D

Not for the faint of heart, as this is fairly disgusting - especially for me...

So, last night my girlfriend got home from a candle party or something - and she had been drinking. When we went to bed she was feeling a bit randy, so I performed oral sex on her. After she had finished, we began to have intercourse and she finished again. After that, I think she was a bit sensitive/sore and wanted to finish me off with her mouth.

Well, I'm lying on my back on the bed, and she's goin' to town. Just as I finish, I feel what I assumed to be the result of the action drip down my pelvic area - then it begins to pool around my ass. There seemed to be a ridiculous amount of liquid. I look down at my girlfriend and see her cheeks bulging out and a deer in the headlights look in her eyes...

Yeah, you'd better believe it. She had vomited on my cock just as I was finishing. I would delve into more details but just thinking about it gives me the heebie-jeebies - needless to say, it lead to a late night shower and several loads of laundry.

I can honestly say it was by far the worst sexual experience I had - now I want to hear about yours :D

Mine's tame as hell compared to that. Once we were messing around with a big jar of honey that had been warmed in the microwave. We left the lid off and left it on the floor by the bed. Afterwards we were laying around and she got up and stepped in something sticky, we looked down and saw a huge lake of honey all over the carpet, the lake was probably 3 or 4 feet wide. At some stage we'd knocked over the jar. I don't think we ever got the lake of honey stain out of the carpet.

Both times I've had a girl try oral on me I've wound up in a little ball crying like a baby.

Once the girl had no idea what she was doing, so she was using her hands, then gently squeezed the end so the hole opened. She blew in it. Imagine melted boiling lead being poured in the end of your penis. That feeling would be tame compared to how this felt.

The second time she got way way too enthusiastic. I wound up with stitches in my dick. Thats a really interesting explanation at the hospital because I couldn't stop bleeding. Luckily the doctor I had was in his twenties, took one look at it, and laughed his ass off. He thought it was the funniest thing he'd ever seen.

Thats why, until proven otherwise, I will believe blowjobs are evil!

irishsean.. funny story.. my university lecturer once told me a similiar story about himself lol..why he told me out of all pl i dont know..

but here my story...

my bedroom window opens onto a common area, so anyways, i was on the work bench doing my thing with the Mrs on Chrsitmas Eve, when at the strike of midnight, i see a shadow from behind the curtain.. some mother%$# peeping tom watching! mind you the lights were off, but there was plenty of noise.....

so anyways, i wasnt sure if it was the trees moving or if there was someone there, the mrs said "whats wrong ure freaking me out"..i walk up to the window and pull the blinds and theres this guy standing there..i didnt think he expected that id realise he was there...he ran off, i let off a roar..ive got bars on the windows so i couldnt run out and follow him..pulled some pants on, grabbed a knife for protection and ran out after him in the middle of the night barefoot and topless. couldnt find the bastard, but if i did, i dont know what would have hapened..sometimes i think im lucky i didnt catch him...

ive never felt so violated...mind you i didnt sleep for a week..id sleep with 1 eye open for 6 months, and even paranoid these days... i must say it did have an effect of the sex life.

Is it just me or is stabbing someone for peeping just a little extreme...

I'd sure say that's an overreaction.

Mine seems positively mild compared to some of these, but here goes: one time while having sex the girl smelled like poo. Not a good thing to keep you in the mood. She was drinking and probably didn't wipe very well earlier in the evening.

Peeping on someone is a violation of privacy. It gives you that same feeling as someone breaking into your house or mugging you. It robs you of all the feelings of protection you should have in your own house. If I ever catch someone peeping in my window, I'll probly shoot them.

Worst sexual experience for me was having a girl dry hump me so hard I wanted to curl into a ball and weep for my penis. She was humping me so vigorously that it was crushing the head of my penis and I kinda started to lose my erection. I thought my poor cock was going to be bruised in the morning. I kept trying to wriggle my penis to safety but it wouldn't work. She was freakin locked on to it.

On top of the cock smashing, we never even had sex! She was a freakin tease. My dick still kinda hurts just thinking about that experience. I was even wasted and it still hurt like a bitch. Bah!

I'd say the worst was a one-night stand where the guy was so...vigorous about the whole thing that his bony hipbones left horrible bruises on my thighs. It must've been lack of concern on his part because I've had similar experiences with equally bony men and not received bruises. It fucking hurt to walk the next day they were so bad.

This one won't win the competition for the worst, but i sure as hell wont forget it.

I'd been working on my SO for a while to try to get her to finish me off orally. Oral stimulation had been a part of our sexual experiences for a little while now, but she had never been able to let me finish in her mouth. Well, she finally decides to give it a go. Of course, due to my excitement this is the one time that I orgasmed without warning instead of being able to give her a chance to brace herself. Needless to say, the surprise and the taste caused her to remover her mouth from my member, which, unfortunately, was not quite done with its climax. The process that we had to undergo to clean my clothes, her clothes, and her wall was one thing, but the effort it took to repair her confidence was something else entirely.

Luckily, i am happy to report that she is now quite a master in the art of the BJ.

:)

Hmmm the incident with me accidently peeing in my ex's mouth when she went down on me was ackward. never happened before, and never happened since but that was definately not expected.

The first time i performed oral sex, she had a yeast infection and didn't know it. Ugh.

Mine are all tame by comparison.

There is a good friend of mine who finally plucked up courage to lose her virginity to her girlfriend (after a coule of months of being together, but only hugging and kissing).

She's posted this story on other boards, so I'm not betraying any confidences, by the way.

Anyway, they finally got started, ended up undressed in the bedroom, over the bedclothes. My friend on her back, with her GF creeping down her body, kissing her way to the promised land.

When she got there, the shock was so extreme that my friend fell off the bed and broke her leg.

So they called an ambulance - and given the state of the place and the two girls it was apparently clear to the paramedics that they'd been getting it on - they were very cool and professional about it all, but the girls were still mortified.

Anyway - at the hospital they had a really cute doctor - apparently he was flirting like mad - and they all had a giggle about the whole situation.

They get the plaster on (hip to toe) and send the girls home. They give my friend some serious pain-killers, and after a couple of hours the girls are talking about how sad it is that they never quite got all the way.

So my friend gets on the bed, and her GF starts sexy stripping to get them both back in the mood.

When she's finished and they're going to go for it again, she starts to warm my friend up manually, and then restarts her gentle descent.

This time my friend is very careful not to fall off the bed.

So careful that she stops paying attention to her GF and smacks her in the forehead with her new cast.

Knocking her off the bed.

Onto the side table.

Where she knockes herself out cold.

Again they call an ambulace.

It's the same paramedics (at the end of their shiift) and the same doctor...

Certainly no shock value here.. just one guy who thought he was a sewing machine.. :(

Ex wife.....Frigid....christian minister

Made this one statement during a discussion about our sex life:

"Its my wifely duty"

she never had to report for duty again

My god. Props for getting out of there brother.

I had a one night stand with a girl who got into the 69 position, and she's sucking me off, my balls, and i've got a finger in her ass as she's doing it & loving it. She goes a bit further down and buries her face, starts licking my asshole rampantly.... felt fucking great if I must be honest.... so i'm thinking she likes anal, and sure enough I slip out from under her - shes still on all fours, and I start to go at her ass - we were so drunk it was pretty rough sex - *ALL GOOD* until she starts gagging, pukes a bit in her mouth and runs to the bathroom where she throws up violently & loudly.

I didn't go to help her, but she comes back, passes out and leaves me wih an aching erection to deal with.

Never to be seen again of course....

I guess I can share.
This is the worst sexual experience that I can remember.
I was throwing a party at my house and since it was open a variety of people show up.
One of them is my on again, off again girlfriend (she was an ex at this time)....
I decided to get rip roaring drunk( if you know me it takes a lot for me to get rip roaring drunk) and get her into the bedroom had her naked and fucking in no time....
Problem the condom I was using broke(on the way out I think) and I am extremely unconcerned about it because of the alchol. I tell her it is alright, that the cum looks good on her leg, vomit into my trash can and pass out on the bed.

I was lucky....no babies.

grabbing a knife was a spur of the moment thing..but for i knew he could have been a thief, or he could have had a gun or knife. some sort of protection is warranted in this case. its not like someone was watching from the other building..that would have been my fault for not closing the blinds, but for someone to be inches from your window, and a metre from where your having sex, im sure anyone would feel enraged. it IS like having someone in your house.. and my right to privacy and my right to have unhindered sex, without some peeping tom is my right.

like i said, thinking about it now, im glad i didnt find him.. but under certain circumstances, finding someone like that and giving him a good belting is the least you could do.. its been 2.5 years now, and i still get paranoid about the window and having someone there. im forever checking if anyone is there (of course there isnt), but it takes it out on you mentally (and as stated earlier sexually, cos our sex life suffered cos i refused to do anything in the bedroom for a long long while). so i dont think that grabbing a knife was extreme, no! why are the victims portrayed as worse than the accused?

I don't have anything particularly gross, but I once had sex with a man whose penis ended up being under two inches.

When fully erect.

The condom fell off it. And I couldn't tell when it was in. There's three minutes I'll never get back.

first my gf and i tried anal sex all was going well till i felt a lump in the end of my penis, so i pulled out to have a look only to find a peice of corn in the eye of my penis, she now douches before we have anal just to make sure

You really should wear a condom when you do anal...

I guess i have one...

One is when me and a friend of mine were going to town. We were quite in the mood and decided to go all out. Hell, we even got on her roomates bed (we didn't really like her at all, and thought it was funny). I had both her legs on my shoulders and we had used a lot of lube (a lot). I was shifting my position between thrusts and (side note: this girl likes it any way as long as its really really hard sex like sweaty headboard breaking sex) my angle of entry changed and when I went to thrust hard again the angle and lube made me go in where no one had ever been before. I think I got one maybe two thrusts off before I noticed a difference, not to mention the look on her face. She cried a bit and I begged for forgiveness. Luckily she realized it was a mistake and wasnt' too mad.

I have quite a few embarassing moments leading up to sex (I once fell asleep on a girl because I was too drunk to stay awake, even at the prospect of 'getting it on.'

But as far as worst...well, that would have to be the wannabe pornstar.

She made a big display of everything. I helped her out of her clothes and she kept...I don't know how to say this...'offering' herself kind of like an animal in heat will 'offer' themselves. Not to mention the strange looks she kept giving me as I was removing her clothes. I didn't realize it then, but I do now as it's the look all the girls give the guys in the movie. Sort of non-verbally asking, "Is this what you want?" Normally, that's pretty hot, but with her it seemed...forced.

When we actually got around to the sex, she was all over the place. Moaning, gyrating, limbs flailing wildly, hands grabbing at the bed like she was holding on for dear life. Again, all very hot, if I had been touching her. I mean, there was a moment where I was trying to put my feet on the floor to gain better positioning. I adjusted the condom, moved some shit on the floor out of the way to stand, reached over and dimmed the lights. All the while, she's still going at it. It was like I wasn't even there.

I just found it really difficult to believe that this girl was having the experience of her life while I was busy (not touching her, mind you) fine tuning my approach.

It certainly helped my reputation though. When I came out afterwards (I was at a very big party) my friends stood in awe at my sexual prowess. Yes, she was making that much noise. And it's not to say I didn't enjoy it as even bad sex is still sex, right? It just wasn't as enjoyable as any of my other sexual encounters.

I can relate man, it wasn't my first time going down on her but it still sucked. Needless to say, I had a pretty harcore sore throat the next day.

I have an "shower cap" on the end of my penis (Ill let you figure that one out on you own!) and so when the skin is pulled back its really sensative. And my then girlfriend decided to cut her pubes so short that they were no longer curly but still there, and she was spanish so had really corse hair. Anyways they were like little razors and we were both naked kissing alot and she started to grind on little blahblah454 and the hairs were digging into me, it felt like I was going to die.. That killed the moment really fast

drinking with the GF one night, i drank a lil too much (ok allot too much) we ended up in a park in the middle of no where, she got me to the ground gonna give me a BJ... well if stars start to spin thats a bad sign, i puked just as she was starting :(

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Mine wasn't that horrible but at that age it was bad. Living in arizona it gets pretty hot in the summer, me and my cousin had met some girls and went back to their apt. Me and my "date" went to the second floor and oh yeah these girls electricity had got turned off the day before.

It was sooo hot but I was with a good girl..after awhile we started messing around then having sex, I'm sweating before we even start so we are going at it for awhile but I can't finish..this has never happened and I started to feel awkward and a bit sick we are sweating so much that its dripping off me and the bed had this huge wet spot from our sweat and the beer didn't help my oncoming dehydration, eventually I felt really dizzy and just stopped and threw up in the bathroom. We partied with those girls a couple more times but I never tried that again.

My worst experience was with a guy who would get off within two minutes everytime we had sex. It didn't matter how many times we had done it in a day, he was still a one minute wonder. Finally after the upteenth time this has happened I ask if maybe we should try more foreplay. He rolls off and says, "No, my dad always told me that some little slut would make me do that."

Thanks, ass.

I was drunk at the bar & ran into my little sister's ex. She & I always had a competition thing going and she went after a few of my boyfriends, so I'm flirting with this guy & he's getting excited...We are so all over each other, and talking dirty & making out & I am soooo wanting it.
We stumble out of the bar & over to the motel next door. Its all we can do to remain respectable in the presence of the motel staff as we get a room.
We burst through the room and rip each others clothes off madly, and start going at it hard. He's giving me the best oral sex, he's humming as he has his mouth on me & I'm shivering. He stops & repositions me, and I feel something cold & wet.
I'm soo horny I've soaked the sheet underneath me, my wetness is all down my legs,all up my tummy & all over him. I'm kindof embarrased, but he was okay with it wet faced & all, he threw me on the other bed & ****ed my brains out.
I was really embarrased when I got up earlier than him the next morning & saw the shambles we made of the bed. I pulled the blanket over it, called a cab & slipped out of there as quickly as I could.
I wonder what the chambermaid thought.

I ever tell you about my worst blowjob ever?

It was awesome.....


/guy joke

heh, ROFL!

The funniest part is that this is the third time a rookie poster has made that same post in this kind of thread. Again, I'm calling BS.

I don't believe the corn in the dick thing either. Stinks of an urban legend.

Twinkle, I'm sure that dude appreciated the fact that you didn't just get up and walk out after seeing it. Probably would've hung himself.

/both puns intended.

yup. I've had a similar experience. The condom wouldn't fall off. But it was definitely too lose, and I couldn't tell when he was in either.

But other than that, I'd say my worst experience was the first time I gave someone a blowjob. It was my first relationship too *and* the first time we'd seen each other fully naked. It's nothing gross but it was more emotionally bad for me because he tasted really gross (the worst one since..) and he broke up with me 3 days later. So of course, I thought I had done something wrong or he was repulsed by my nakedness :P

mine was with a girl that I worked with. She was the training manager of my department. Pretty girl. Big boobs. A couple years older than me.

She had been going out with this guy that worked in another department. They broke up. He quit his job. I applied for and got his job. Even sat at his old desk.

I go out to see this band that's playing for free with a group of people. The two of us walk one friend to her car. I had the next day off work. Was going on vacation. Go to the bar with the girl for a couple more drinks. Get drunk. Making out in the alley. She lives in walking distance. Go to her place.

Great sex. Fun. Hot. She's talking and in to it. Later that night, during our third session, now on her bed, she starts to cry. I instantly stop and she tells me that I'll never love her.

It sucked. I went away on vacation. Came back. She went on vacation. Then it was akward in the office for a while.

Now we're friends though. She got married to a great guy and is having a baby. Too bad too. The sex up to the crying part was hot.

Here goes...

I had been stringing this girl along for a while, she really liked me, and all i wanted to do was do the no pants dance. I found her really annoying, although she was hot. She was 17 blonde, really nice body and said she loved sex.
I got her back to my house (was living with my parents), made her wait on my bed (like the rude bastard that i was to her) and went and had a shower. I thought id last longer if i jerked off a couple of times first. So i did.
When i got back down there, i just wasnt really in the mood to kiss and stuff. I pretty much just wanted to fuck her a few times then drive her home. Anyway, try as i might, i couldnt get it in! Probably had something to do with her being quite petite, me tall, and me not helping foreplay and getting her wet. Anyway, i got really frustrated with her- and my ineptitude at getting it in. I think jerking off a few times just killed my patience aswell. So i flipped her over and just jerked off all over her back. I felt this irrational anger towards her and insisted on driving her home so my parents didnt find out.
I regret the sex (or lack there of) and i also regret acting like such a bastard. She must have told her sister about me aswell, cause i get these filthy looks everytime i pass her by.

The worst I heard happened to my mate.
He often cooks with fresh chilis. (Can you see where this is going)

Well, whilst the pasta sauce is cooking, he cleans up and goes to the bedroom with the missus for a bit of a kerfuffle.
About 1 minute into it, her eyes bulge and she just ups and legs it to the bathroom. He wonders what's up and goes to see.
He finds her sitting on the sink with her legs either side of it with the cold tap running, she busy splashing water onto herself like a dog licks water from a bowl.

He hadn't washed his hands that well...

LMAO!!!!!!!

my worst is tied between..

1. i was giving him head and i sneezed..i had a really bad flu at the time and an infection..green snot all over him..wasnt pretty

2.we were having sex and i kinda zoned out and started talking about lamas and emus and wanting to have a lama farm....yea you get the idea...while we were still..interlocked and he was still going at it liek mad.

3. giving my first handjob i kinda didnt have any idea of what to do so i ended up digging my nails in by mistake...

4.ripping off another girls clothes at a party and i threw her dress out the window by mistake...she wasnt wearing undies...it was kinda an uncomfortable situation when we had to leave the bedroom.

Harharhar!! Yea that sounds like a reaaal accident there!!

/end sarcasm

^ lol actually it was...her parents were there.

:lol: What a prick. Sounds like he was getting off early just to spite you too. (Sorry, can't help but laugh at the cartoonish idiocy of that guy)

This isn't mine, but it was so funny I thought it was definitely worth sharing:

http://tuckermax.com/tuckertriesbuttsex.html

With respect Irishsean - I disagree strongly.

If you are mugged, your body is injured and you might die. If you are seen having sex there is no injury to your body, minimal risk of disfigurement, disability or death.

Looking at it from another point of view - concepts of privacy vary widely between individuals and human societies. Some groups are used to seeing each other changing, having sex, going to toilet etc (eg some indigenous/tribal peoples). Groups working in close quarters (military etc) also have reduced expectations of privacy, as do children, and those with altered mental state due to drugs (eg drunk) or congenital differences.

However, if you look at each of the above groups, physical assault is generally considered an affront and will be punished or responded to.

So... there are clearly major differences between physical attack and seeing something that others consider private.

You're luck you only waisted 3 minutes. I waisted 6 months and my virginity on a sexist pig who had a 3 inch penis (fully erect) and believed he was God's gift to women. Better yet, when I saw an average guy (now my SO) I was scared because it was SO BIG in comparison to what I'd had... and my SO is average sized, not a porn star by any means.

And why did I stay with him? Because I wasn't sure if there was anything better out there... stupid stupid stupid.

one pump jump. i refuse to even call it sex.

This is a bad experience?

ok, so... this is when I was 18 and with the guy I lost my viginity to...

One day I'm over at my boyfriend's house (he still lived with parents) and we had been playing video games for a while and I was somehow suddenly in the mood so I tried to distract him from his Tony Hawk game...

This was quite effective (I have almost mastered this "distraction from video games" skill ;) ), and we got all hot heavy... blah blah blah, and started having sex. For me, this began as probably one of the only good sexual experiences with him; however, we didn't notice what time it was, nor did we hear his garage door open.

We thought he had locked his bedroom door, but the door wasn't all the way shut when he locked it.... I think you can tell where this going....

His mother knocks... but doesn't wait until she is told she may come in. She just opens the door, and there we are... I'm completely naked, but he has a shirt on (I forget why it happened that way). Plus, I was being quite loud the whole time because it was one of the few times we had gotten to have sex while his parents weren't there. So, his mother most likely saw me naked, and saw her 18 year old son's penis all nicely wrapped in condom. I could not go downstairs for at least an hour with his parents down there. I can only imagine how traumatized his mother must have been... and how much she made fun of him after that. He and I just didn't speak of it again.... :rolleyes:

ok I can relate here. So I knew this guy for a while but he was kinda off limits(my babys daddy boss) I wanted him for a while and always thought it would be good. Boy was I wrong. It started okay but then he started asking for head. This isnt a problem but advice to men please dont ever beg. Its not a turn on. Then we start having sex. He wanted on top so I am like okay. Then I swear he acts like he is havin a fuckin siezure or some shit. So I tried on top didnt work either. He keeps asking how do I want it now (about 10 times). Then he bites me(nibbling is okay) but I had his teeth marks on my neck for a week. Then he jerks me up by my hair and says Fuck me now bitch. Then I was like Im out and left. And he actually had the nerve to ask me if I was availiable the next day. HELL NO!!!!

One of my most embarrassing--yet funniest--sexual experiences was when I was getting it on with a friend in his car in the parking lot of the community college. Just after we finished (seriously right after), a light appeared in the back window. It was a cop. So we had to talk to him and give him our IDs while totally naked. He let us off with a verbal warning--he was even more embarrassed than we were.

But the worst part is, thinking back on the timing of everything, the cop seemed to wait till we were done to intervene. I always wonder how long he was there before we knew it...

I have 3 bad expierences

1. In one of my old bedrooms i had shelving right above the top of my bed, We started out at the top of the bed and somehow ended up being at the bottom of the bed..Everything was going great until, For some reason, She swung her leg up and hit the shelf that had beer, Pizza and dipping sauce on it..It all ended up on us and all over my bed.

2. After a night of sittin around smoking weed with this girl that i had wanted for a long time, She starts giving me signals that she's pretty horny...Very horny..So we start doing the foreplay and move into the bedroom, I slide into her and it's great, About 5 minutes in..She is WET, I was taking full hard thrusts into her and i could feel the wetness on my stomach..I was lovin it and she was too..We finished up and cuddled eachother and fell asleep. Wake up in the morning and she goes to the bathroom..She comes back in and tells me she got her period..I lift the blanket up to see that my stomach had blood on it and my fingers the same..I was like.

I will admit it was great sex..She was an animal that night, But when i seen the blood on my fingers and stomach..It kinda grossed me out.

3. I was at a club and met a girl, I asked her to come back to my place to go swimming after the club..We get to my place and we were straight downstairs into bed..I was too drunk to be having sex and i kept slippin out of her..I felt like the biggest ass, It was some sloppy sex..So i said fuck it and finished her with my fingers and mouth.

I was fucking very hard and fast when I thrusted out of her by mistake rammed my dick on the right side of her ass bending it at a 90 degree angle. It was the worst pain. I thought I would have to go to the hospital. I wanted to die. I had a purple bruise ring around my dick and the pain went away in about a week in a half. The moral is "You don't always have to fuck her hard...." Jack Black -Tenacious D :eek:

Worst sex ever?
 

Statement from an old man: "The worst sex I ever had was just fan-damn-tastic." (No, I'm not that old man.)

Drinks, friends, sneaking feels under the table, listening to karaoke and him wanting to join in. Closed the bar, went outside to his car, he played a love song and we snuggled. Back to his room, get naked, I get on top, he smiles sweetly and proclaims "I am going to fuck your brains out." A few minutes later, he pushes me off, runs to the bathroom and throws up...a lot...with blood. There's a last night together one wants to remember......

....all my dreams of Dawg have simply vanished, poof. What a mystery.

I'd say a bad attempted handjob that consisted of her stroking me with her thumb up and down really fast near the base of my dick... it burned like hell.

It was still nice though.

Quote from my grade 9 band teacher: "Sex is like pizza. Even if it's bad pizza, it's still pizza."

huh?? what I do now?? *I* didn't make him throw up!!! It was the gin and tonics and beers... :confused:

I had buddy tell the story of pulling out and finding a pea on the end of his dick.

I guess it could be true, my dog shit in the house and I found an intact pea.

Thats really fucking disgusting.

Worst was in university when for months I was sniffing up this little bookworms ass. Finally the day came,...but I didn't. Hard to get turned on I suppose from an average guy's perspective( size that is) when her crotch was so loose you could put Skippy peanut butter jar in there and she wouldn't have noticed.

Six months wasted trying to get her pants off. Standing in the wind with a woody has more feeling than that. It's a wonder her guts hadn't slipped out before hand.

Hm. It depends on what we mean by "Worst sexual experience". Probably either in my car or the two times I got my caught (once by my parents, other time by hers). If we're looking emotionally the night before we broke up and I felt like shit for doing it even though I didn't really want to.

I've got a couple. So me and my gal were fooling around in my basement like usual, and so I decide that im going to finger her for a bit, and then go down on her. So I'm kissing her inner theigh and fingering her, and right before I started to go down on her I pulled my finger out to switch hands, and both my index and middle finger were completely covered in blood. Thank god I didn't go down on her. The second might not seem so bad for some but it totally grossed me out. So I was getting a handjob from my gal(same as before) in this recliner chair. She has me lying back on the recliner while she sits on the arm of the chair(she's pretty short, about 5 ft) and so shes giving me this great handjob and we haden't fooled around in like 3 weeks due to her vacation, and I'm getting really close, and when I came, it shot at the perfect angle to fly through the air and splatter all over my face and in my mouth. I had hoped to live my life without having to taste semen, but I guess that wasn't in the cards.

lmao these are soe of the greatest stories ever

My story involves masturbation - it's not really bad, just embarassing.

I was living with my Dad still, this happened when I was around 15ish.

Anyway, I was beating off, looking at porn. Everything is good, I start feeling my climax building and like "this is going to be a doozy".. I am on the verge of cumming when my dad knocks, and walks into my room. Now, the shock sent me over the edge, and I instantly reacted. I quickly pressed alt F4 to close out the porn, bending over in my chair at the same time to act like I was tying my shoe.. but I didn't have any shoes on. Keep in mind I'm still shooting my spunk.

Dad: "you ok son?"
Me: "yeah oooohh dad, just a stommmmmmach ache."
Dad: "ok."

he leaves my room, I lean up and my pants and stomach(my shirt somehow got scrunched up) were completly coated with my manjuice.

Im ashamed to admit...

I was at this party , drunk as hell when I meet this girl who looks like angelina jolie, I spit a lil game and next thing I know im banging the hell out of her. I dont even remember any pleasure out of it, but I was really going at it. I passed out, and someone she me home. Anyways... I wake up feeling like my rips and pelvis were about to be crushed. As I came out to I realize I have a 500 pound woman riding me..

Well one time I got off of school for my lunch break and i met this girl at my house that i had dated about a year before. We had never "done the no pants dance" but we had gotten close and she decided to come over drunk. First thing she does is just rip her clothes off and i took mine off and i noticed something wierd around her vagina i thought it was lent from her undies. I had left my shirt and boxers on because i was a stud that did girls with my clothes on. Anyway, so a minute into it i smell something and look down and there is white stuff ALL over me, the condom, my shirt and my boxers, and also the bed. So i just stop and pretend i was done and was like well oops im sorry that was so short my bad. I changed boxers and washed my hands but i forgot to change shirts so anyway about fifteen of the most awkward minutes of my life were sitting in my living room and im waiting for her to go back to school for soccer and i look down and see what was still on my shirt. God it was terrible i ran to the bathroom and threw up. I came back out in a new shirt and got her the hell out of there. The funniest part about it was when i only told one of my best friends and then i get a call a few weeks later from a friend i hadn't spoken to in a few months and he says, "What the F*** did you have sex with her too it hurts soooo bad when i pee." So i told him what happened and he called her and said. "B**** what is wrong with your vag. It turned out she had a yeast infection and lets say it was the first and only one i have ever experienced and am not proud of it.

Great stories! I'm sure I have a few comparables... One was when I was fooling around with an on again off again gf, we were in bed with our friends in the bed beside us, probably doing it. Anyways, when I was fingering her, for some reason, I came, and I was humiliated. So I just rolled over and pretended I was asleep, because I know she wanted to jerk me off, but I was already done.

Another was when my wife I began a fight while we were doing it. I'm not proud of it, but it happened. Takes a while to get things back to normal after that.

Debbie?!? :eek:

Wow, some of these are pretty funny, some are pretty gross.

I have a bad memory but I really can't think of anything anywhere near the caliber of bad experiences you guys have. If I remember anything, I'll let you know :P

Inadvertent Fumilingus (i'm going down, she floats an air biscuit)

New Years eve 2003, Smashed to hell (15 beer in 3 hours, I was 18yr/old) so I am scoping all the hot babes I went to school with and one of them told me to meet her upstairs at the house we were at. So I go up there and wait a few minutes... pass out ... then wake up to someone giving me oral... This chick was so hot and I was all into it, the lights were off but I could barly see anyway. Then I hear her say stick it in my cunt ... So I do ... then after a few minutes I hear stick it in my ass ... so I am thinking this is the GREATEST EVER ... then the lights turn and there is 10 people standing in the door. Laughing their heads off ... apparently the chick that told me to meet her threw up and went home ... and the girl whose house it was came up stairs and found me unbuttoned and took advantage. Now not to sound shallow... She was a COW! Fat ... annoying ... and apparently horny ... she was a friend but definatly not someone I wanted to do that with.

eeew how can u not know?!!?


io wont post any of my worst ones theyre all too horrid for me to remember!! right now i dnt thnk id complain at any action!Lol :lol:


im worried abotu the blowin down the cock thing..i do that!!!

Ok... I have got 2....
1) Ok... Me and my ex-GF were in the back of my car in the bowling place's parking lot (I was only 17 at the time so we did the best with what we had...) Ok... We are going at it like crazy and after a while, and We decide to take a break... Ok... i pull out of her and I suddenly hear the loud fart sound... look over at her to see her red-faced and holding her hands over her mouth (I had no clue what had happened) I proceed to chuckle trhinking she had farted... ((It came from her pussy for those who hadn't guessed...))

2) Ok me and and my gf (diff from one above) are in a 69 position in my living room floor going at it and all of a sudden I feel a water like stuff fly all over my stomach, penis, and thighs... and well you guessed it... She had puked on my dick while attempting to deep throat it.

recently got a blowjob from a girl who had large amounts of sharp teeth that she raked up and down on my penis as I debated stopping her or not. Checked my skin for puncture wounds later and was relieved not to find any real damage but I was sore for a couple days.

the worst experience was going down to Vancouver for New Years and getting a nice hotel room so I could take my ex-girlfriend out on the town and then back to the hotel. Once we get back to the hotel she decides it wouldn't be right for us to have sex so she calls a cab and goes home. I then got to listen to the people in the next room having sex. :(

note we'd split because she moved by the way, and we planned this night. Oh well..

I was in the bathroom of a bar with a girl and she was giving me oral. Anyways she says, "I want you to f*ck my face". Never doing so before I start slowly and she seems pissed off that Im not going harder. Then she actually says harder. So I thrust as hard as I can and bang her head off the metal hand drying machine. I watched as her eyes rolled back in her head and she started to collapse.

Luckily on my part she came to before she face planted on the floor and we finished in style except for the part where she was having problems keeping her balace due to the blow to the back, and I guess front, of her head.

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