Relationship Philosophy
 

Imagine relationships are non linear and you could choose where you "started". Where would it be? Would you go straight to sex? Get the break up (if there were one) over with first so you'd know you'd have nothing but good stuff ahead?

I think I'd start before sex, but after the first part of figuring out how interested you are in each other, in other words we'd already have figured out we were interested in pursuing a relationship or just sex.

This is of course assuming a classic/average relationship of coffee, dinner, movie, sex, intimacy, love, marriage, kids, divorce or death. Obviously not all relationships will last, and some might start with sex, or are missing love or whatever. I suppose this might reflect on if youre one of those people who reads the end of a book first.

I don't think I'd want to know the end, but I'm impatient in the beginning.

Hope this makes sense. :D

Interesting question...

The part I would go to is right after the Sex Haze fades, where the sex is no longer 95 percent about you and becomes better because you are in sync with each other. The games at this point are over, and you can really be yourself because the person accepts you as you are.

It still takes work because you still have to stay true to yourself, and learn how to be honest with your partner, but it's the easy part of the relationship because it's just too exhausting playing games.

It's been a few years, I think I remember it that way anyhow.. it could all have been some interesting dreams...

Ya, you're crazy. Great avatar btw.

On a serious note I'm in a somewhat unusual relationship myself. I met my girl while I was studying abroad in Russia. She was actually engaged at the time but when we first saw each other on a 'field trip' (she studied in the same department) it was obvious (whatever that means, and no i don't really know) right away. So it came to sex very quickly. I often wonder if it would help (things are still great besides the current 10000 miles of sepration) to ahve had some platonic time before sex. Having those kind of conversations now is quite interesting.

On the other had, my only other 'serious' relationship went on for abour a year with nothing more than interminable tops off makeout session. And that sucks, really bad. Especially when you're a young man, nothing is worse than blue balls and a girl that's cold as ice when it comes to anything that feels good (for either party)

I imagine I'll just have to play this one out, but as it goes now everything seems to work.

So your question, where do you start. I think you just gotta roll with the bunches, take what you're given and steal the rest. It depends on both people the situation, the time of life. I don't really think there is a best way to start a relationship. (unless it's just meant to be about casual sex, then well, that's obvious.)

Good question though

I'd choose to start when the awkwardness ends.

Concerning my relationships, that point varies.

I don't think I'd want to start at the end. I mean, what if it ended badly? It would be difficult to enjoy the good parts if you knew there was a big, black fog hanging over the relationship.

I'd start moments before one person (or both) confessed how they felt about the other, and going through that whole mutual ecstasy together. I really enjoy that part of the ride. Then again, I even love the anticipation and unknowing that lead up to that revelation (assuming that it is indeed requited love, since I've been down the unrequited one too many times)... so I guess I wouldn't change anything. :)

For me, though, the intimacy comes long before the sex... I mean, there's the hanging out with friends (for me, usually), getting to know each other's sense of humor, realizing your attraction, then starting to share things with that person. Building an intimate friendship before anything romantic happens... that sets me on fire. :D

I wanna start just before the first kiss, then skip the whole awkward, physical afraid-to-touch-each-other phase and restart at the hot sex stage. Thereafter anything goes. That said, my SO and I actually have a better quality sex now that our relationship's almost 2 years old than when we first started. Quality over quantity.

I love the start... the excitement of the new possibility, the getting to know each other and how the exhiliration takes off the further and deeper you get to know each other all building to the moment when you finally consummate the relationship. It seems to fill you with a zest and energy, you wake up and it's a beautiful day and you want to get out of bed.

This is of course if it works for the both of you, otherwise you fall flat on your face :lol: ...though after the initial fall, that can be fun too.

I'd start at the very beginning.

I like the beginning the best.. It's all downhill after the infatuation wears off.

I think I would start after the first couple dates...so I wouldn't have to be on my best behavior and worry he won't call...that is the best part..when you can start fallin in love

I would definitely start at the very beginning. There is something really thrilling about the first few interactions. The progressive flirting is a big part of that, not to mention the thrill you always get with the first kiss or, as abaya pointed out, the first time you confess your mutual feelings. Also, the beginning always has a boundless sort of energy that is unique and incredible, I wouldn't ever want to pass that up. (This isn't to say that more developed relationships can't produce the same feeling, but relationships that work out that well are fairly rare) Finally, pre-sexual relationships have a sort of emotional clarity that doesn't last too long after you get in bed. The possible benefits from a relationship that has gone deep enough to reach the sexual level are tremendous, but so are the risks. The beginning is much more carefree, plus jumping in at the middle or end pretty much precludes you from understanding the emotional depth and importnace of the actions you are taking, that could never be a good thing.

i'd start at the beginning too. not because i enjoy the 'game' of it. i don't consider it like that. but i do like the excitement of the first attraction, first touch, first kiss, etc. i would definitely stick to the beginning with my current relationship because it happened so fast and naturally. This is when we had our most marathon 4-6 hour phone conversations. This is when we shared our music for the first time and sang loudly in the car without being afraid, etc. I wouldn't trade those experiences for anything. the beginning is the only logical place for me to start.

I'd start at the very beginning. I've posted about how I met Grace, and the nervousness of that first night, and the first date that followed isn't a negative; the nervous excitement of meeting someone new, of the possibility that this person could be the one can enhance the pleasure of that moment. Since we're never going to break up, there's no need to get that out of the way.

Going out of order wouldn't work for me, I think. I know there are people who like to read the last chapter of a mystery first, who like having a movie spoiled for them in trailers, but I want everything to come to me fresh and new.

I agree with the last several. Call me romantic or a traditionalist or whatever else you prefer, but I like the way it progresses as it is too much to change anything. The realization that this person means as much as they do to you, the first kiss, the first date, falling in love.. I've met a girl now whom I intend to spend the rest of my life with, but prior to her I've been down the relationship road a few times and in most cases I can remember the whole thing fondly (in most of them the split was pretty amicable, excepting a notable few) and I don't think, given the choice, that I'd change a single thing about any of it.

I agree with starting at the beginning too, espeically regarding the relationship I'm currently in. I would've missed out on so much had we been able to just jump to whatever stage. I savour each day with my boyfriend and I'm facinated woth the way we've grown over the past few months. With my ex's however, most of them it would've been best to jump right to the break-up but, I guess you never learn anything that way. ;)

hmm..interesting question.. i rekon i'd start DURING sex, JUST BEFORE i came.. hahaha.

that would be the ULTIMATE introduction to any relationship...no? :D

I dont know what stage of the relationship this is, but my #1 feeeling is when you can say or do anything in front of that person; free flowing, electric, interaction and conversation, and you know and feel, the other persons unconditional love. It give me goose bumps just thinking about it.

On the other note, to know what happens, i will always live it and learn.

I was originally going to say that I'd skip ahead a month or two, to the point where the inital awkwardness has worn off and you start being yourselves around each other but on further thought, starting from the start is just fine. When you meet someone and they seem to flip a switch inside of you that turns your guts into mush, the feeling you get when you forget the lines to your perfectly scripted first phone call just as she answers the phone. There aren't many things that can produce the same kind of rush that meeting someone new gives me. When things get more familiar, I still find myself going back and re-living that initial electricity to sort of remind me of how this person makes me feel.

Hmmm....if the question is where would I start, assuming that I would have to go through everything else eventually, then I'd probably just start from the beginning and go right on through. Seems to have worked for a long time. If the question is where would I stay, then I think I'd take a place a little bit into the relationship, after the point we'd started having sex, and preferably where we were just hanging out without a schedule/work/etc - you know, a trip to another city or something. I'd take that feeling and bottle it and that could be my relationship vibe for the rest of the time.

I'd jump past the very beginning when faces and personalities as seem to be the same, to that point she says or does something unexpected and you become smitten. If I was less patient I would jump further to the moment you find out they like you too - nothing better!

Yea, the beginning is the very best. I'd definitely start at the beginning and live it like I've never lived before. lol.