innovis

First part, about condoms.

Basically I let my girlfriend put the condom on when I was hard, accidentally got a wrinkle in it, she spends about 2-3 minutes working me in while on top, then says the wrinkle feels uncomfortable, so I try to get the wrinkle out but I cannot, and all the while "hes" unstimulated and like bleh, so of course he migrates south for the winter. So then shes like "do you not want to do it? Isn't my vagina enough of a turn on for you" or somesuchness, which I think is a really insensitive thing to say, but anyways, she won't "fluff" me to get me hard unless I go wash off the condom lube, so I do, come back, put on the condom. She gets on top, starts working it in again, he gets bored, 1 because there is pretty much no friction and 2 because when she is on top she does pretty much nothing to stimulate him. She does this kind of movement which manages to use all of her leg muscles but not move her vagina at all, because she hasn't learned after me telling her at least 20 times to do it a different way, and it feels like I'm just being bounced upon. At any rate, as I can feel him dieing again, I tell her to let me get on top, I try to get him in but he won't go because its too soft (the condom is still squeezing me when I'm unhard), so I try to wet her a little with some saliva (which I will ask about in the second part), and I get him in and he gets hard again. Eventually he dies again though.

I am wondering if perhaps the condom is too small? Its tight around me even when I'm completely flaccid. I've had equally bad sexual experiences and still remained hard otherwise.

For the second part:

Do any of you occasionally use saliva for extra lubrication? We used all of the KY, and saliva is always on hand, so occasionally I'll use a little if shes kind of dry (she doesn't ever get really wet). How do the ladies feel about this? Mine always cringes when I use it.

Min

If it didn't feel like it was squeezing, it wasn't too tight.
If you wash the lube off, that defeats part of the purpose of the condom. If it gets too dry, it breaks. You should have gotten another one and started over.
If she's not wet enough, perhaps more foreplay will help that.
If you need to use some spittle, go for it. As you said, it's always on hand but lubricant is best.

MageB420666

I use saliva all the time with my girlfriend, the only problem is that it doesn't last too long and then my mouth starts to get dried out. But as Min said, other lubricants are best, such as KY and Astroglide.

I have to wonder how you can be completly flacid and still have the condom be tight, your either using an extremely small condom, or have a really big penis when limp. You could try getting a larger sized condom, just make sure its not too large and doesn't slip off.

__________________
Apathy: The best outlook this side of I don't give a damn.

Sage

Hokay, lots of subtext here- first of all you need to talk to your GF about sex. If she's not getting very wet, then either A) she needs more foreplay or B) She's on BC and is having that terrible, awful hormonal up and down roller coaster thing going on and doesn't feel like having sex, in that case get her to switch BC. If she says something insensitive about your penis going flaccid, ESPECIALLY if you're flaccid in the middle of sex, then she's being insensitive and you need to COMMUNICATE with her about what you like and what you don't about sex. If you "told her about 20 times" that what she's doing doesn't feel good, maybe you need to rethink your delivery- you sound very bitter about the way your GF is acting. Also, if she's cringing at your spit, what does she think of oral sex?
/unsolicited advice

ALRIGHT, on to the condoms... no, it sounds like you're not putting them on right to me. Pinch tip, put on top of penis, roll down, sqeezing out all the air as you go, until you get to the bottom of the penis. If you go flaccid in the middle of sex, take condom off, get a new one! Unrolled condoms don't go back on as well, and you risk the thing slipping in the middle of sex (BAD). If you're not getting enough stimulation from sex, you might want to try a new kind of condom such as Kimono Micro-Thin which you can order off the internet and have them delievered in a plain envelope so your parents/roommates don't see what you're getting in the mail, you naughty boy.

You can use spit, but it doesn't work so well. Use the astroglide or the KY (niether of which I like, but perhaps your girl does), and if she gets a little bit too dry, just take some water from the glass at the side of the bed, put it on your fingers, and rub it over her labia (make sure it's not too cold tho). DON'T ADD MORE LUBE! you end up with a sticky mess if you keep adding more and more lube.

Good luck

__________________

MiSo

to me, ky or astroglide always provided too much lube for me. to the point where i couldn't feel much. i prefer using saliva as a lubricant. my gf wont lube up my "ahem" after its been inside her so i always use a little saliva when changing positions and such.

as for him dying when she's on top, i can relate to that. so its not only just you. it happens to me also. there's movement but not the kind to stimulate it enough.

i dont think its right for her to say "isn't her vagina enough for you" because its not like girls get dripping wet when they see a penis.

as for the condom, i suggest trying to find a slighter larger size.
and when using a condom, alot of sensation is dulled so there's going to be more work involved to keep your member going strong.

innovis

Well, it does feel very tight, and I have noticed there is considerably less ejaculate when I use a condom than not.

Miso I pretty much told her exactly this later:
Sage, she probably is all BC crazy, but refuses to use her insurance to get anything but the free stuff the county Health Center provides (because she doesn't want her parents to find out). I was a little bitter at the time when I posted this because it was just a bad experience and she didn't help at all. It doesn't really matter how much foreplay we do, although tonight we didn't have the time, but at any rate I've tried massages, kissing, intimate touching, oral, whatever, and nothing gets her the slightest bit wet/hot. I don't know exactly how wet the average woman gets, but I've never experienced her having excessive lubrication or her panties being moist.

Now that I think about it, she used to really enjoy having her nipples played with, but she doesn't anymore. Could her BC be affecting this?

ratbastid

Do you know that you STILL sound bitter? I was real glad Sage wrote what she did... I read your first post and thought, "Geez, well, I could answer the questions here, but there's WAY more going on than that..."

You two need to sit down and talk honestly. Seriously. There's resentment and bitterness in your relationship that is at the souce of your sexual issues. Your message REEKS of it. In my experience (13 year relationship, 10 years married--and all to the same woman!) sex is usually the first place that resentment will show up, but it's rarely the source of the resentment. It will LOOK like it's a sexual issue, but it's not.

To answer the mechanical parts of your questions:

1) Condoms suck. I have had the same experience--the business of putting the thing on and the decrease in sensation leads to immediate floppiness. All I can say about that is, it's better than being called "Daddy".

2) Spit works fine in a pinch. The reason she cringes is that she feels like she "should" be wetter and that there's something wrong with her. You needing to add lube makes her feel wrong somehow. Also, please don't actually spit on her. You want to use your hand to transfer spit wherever it's headed.

SonnyBono

Off topic question, how do you like the Kimono Micro Thin Condoms?
Have you used Tojan Ultra-Thin? That's what I use right now and I've found it to be the best, but I've heard very good things about Kimono. How do they compare?

For innovis:
You are going to have to find another way to communicate with her. If she isn't responding when you tell her what you want, then show her while you are having sex. Have her be on top and guide her with your hands. Let her do it and if she falls back in to old habits just show her what you want. Make sure it's a mutually stimulating motion. Just keep communicating.

snowy

Well said. Another tip would be, if she will let you give her oral sex, do that. But if she's not getting wet, then you're probably not paying attention to what she really likes in bed. Going down on her is a good place to start if she likes that--tell her to feel free to grab your head and push you where she wants you to go.

I'm going to have to agree with everyone here who has said that this is a communication issue. You two need to sit down and talk about what you want out of your sexual life. Secondly, you shouldn't jump to conclusions at all. Female sexuality is a VERY complicated issue, as is the female body. Sure, her birth control could have some role in her not getting wet, but I would bet that that is not it.

On another note, her county health department should have more than one kind of birth control to offer her, and she should really go back for an examination AFTER you two engage in an adult discussion about your sexual problems to eliminate any physical issues that may be causing the lack of lubrication.

But discussion is what needs to happen first and foremost, otherwise you'll never get anywhere at all.

__________________
If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau