ngdawg

Pap smear is to detect cancer-nothing more. You may have a tilted cervix, endometriosis, tilted uterus, the list goes on. Don't rely on a simple office visit and pap. Certain things, like endometriosis, can only be detected through ultrasound.
Birth control pills alone can dry you out to the point of pain-research their combined effect with whatever else you currently take.
Internal orgasms (g-spot) are not necessarily achieved through plain old screwing...the g-spot is smaller than a quarter and is not in the same place for every woman (essentially, it is a particularly sensitive area of the vagina-akin to the nerve endings in the clit-most of the vagina wall isn't really sensitive). You have to 'look' for it.
Also, you cannot 'stretch' your vagina to make it more accommodating!!! While it has the ability to stretch astronomically( horizontally, more or less) for childbirth, it will stretch enough for a penis at the time it has to-it's not going to stay that way! Well, at least not until after the 5th or 6th kid...
All the second guessing in the world is not going to fix things. Talk with each other, research, visit professionals. Good Luck.


edit for the jokesters: 'tilted' means slanted, not related to the forums.

abaya

Ditto. Love means you set yourself aside and put her at the front of the line. I don't see a lot of that in the quoted IM discussion about how "everyone SHOULD want sex all the time" because they're human? Dude, if that doesn't make her feel like shit, I don't know what would. If someone told me that I was basically "not human"for not wanting sex when it's always painful to me, I'd break up with him immediately.

There is a a LOT of deep stuff going on with you guys... why are you getting married so young? Do you think these problems will go away after the wedding day? In other words, do you have an option of at least delaying the wedding, working on your sexual incompatibility, and getting married when you actually feel 100% comfortable and satisfied with each other (which doesn't necessarily mean having more sex, btw)?

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

pig

Ok, I'm just checking to make sure that those...

tilted's had nothing to do with this forum's name/mission - otherwise, if you ladies are adsorbing this whole tilted thing to the point that your uteri and cervixes are adhering to it, this shit's more serious than I thought...

/end quasi-threadjack

__________________
You don't love me, you just love my piggy style

st33lr4t

so the question is...if sex wasnt painfull for you, do you think you would be having enough sex that in your mind you would be fulfilling him?

visotech

Has sex always hurt for you? You did mension you are taking accutane? Im a guy but I was on accutane a few years ago, and it does mess with your skin and its sensitivity all over the body, could that be why you have burning sensations?

maleficent

http://www.erbook.net/accutane.htm
Accutane® (isotretinoin) can permanently affect your sex life, reducing libido and sexual sensation. In some cases it may also induce sexual dysesthesias in which sexual sensations feel like "pins and needles" instead of being normally pleasant.

Doing more research on Accutane, it's a depressant, that combined with the birth control you are on (does the doctor who presribed the Accutane know about the bc you are using, and does the doctor who prescribed the bc, know about the accutane. That combination of medicines, is bound to screw up anyone's system.

You might want to have a chat with the doctor who prescribed the Accutane...
http://www.fda.gov/cder/drug/infopag...ant%20warnings

__________________

la petite moi

I only just started accutane a couple weeks ago. This problem of burning has been going on for a long time. So has the problem with my libido.

And NOW...the full background on my life and everything I've thought about!:

I think I have a lot of mental troubles that affect my sex life. I've been thinking about what could affect me, and quite frankly, I have always come back to the fact that I have ALWAYS been exceptionally self-conscious. I have gone through eating disorders, and have never felt good enough for my parents. I still have this feeling with nwlinkvxd, though I am able to think I look good now. As Loveline always seemed to include: "Were you abused as a child?" And yes, I was. This could affect me as well. As some of you know, I recently endured another reminder of my childhood abuse. I still have extreme selfesteem issues, that I need to talk to a doctor for. Also, I keep thinking that I have never been in a relationship this long. All of my relationships were great in the beginning, but my selfesteem always ended up driving them away.

After I sort all this out, I think I can get back to being normal. It has seemed that since I was 14, there has always been some sort of self-esteem issue: from 14-17 I was incredibly depressed, had eating disorders, smoked marijuana, took uppers, cut myself for attention, and actually drank cough syrup in huge amounts to get 'drunk'. Now that I'm a little older, I still have depression problems and huge selfesteem issues.

I thought I was past it when I stopped crying after sex. I was wrong, and yes, guys, I need to get doctor help. It's just calling them up and doing it.

nwlinkvxd is not really at fault for this. I'd like to think that. He may not be the most sensitive guy on some occasions, but who wouldn't lose their patience when their girlfriend is obsessively depressed and bashes herself constantly. This sex problem is just a deeper underlying problem that I need to get help for.

Hm, let me address a few things that were bugging me from earlier posts:

hossified, YES- I need exercise, you are completely correct in that aspect.

ratbastid, nwlinkvxd doesn't make his own appointments (mom still does it for him), so how could even KNOW how to make mine? He and I don't have our own insurance yet. Also, we live so far apart, and doctor's offices aren't open on the weekend. No, this is a problem I need to be strong enough to deal with.

Rinn, I am nearly sure that I don't have endometriosis. nwlinkvxd's sister has it, and I don't really have any of the symptoms.

ironmaiden, I make no excuses. The absolute reason I turn nwlinkvxd down on several occasions is extreme exhaustion. It does not help that I do not have a correct vegetarian diet and make no attempt to change this. Oh, and I never said this was his problem.

Thanks for all your input guys. It is appreciated, even if some of it hurts.

maleficent

That's a huge step for you... Atta girl!

__________________

pig

word. always best to track the problem to its root. this can be a good path to do so. follow through with your plan, and congrats on taking the step.

__________________
You don't love me, you just love my piggy style

settie

Yeah, I was wondering when someone would bring up the Accutane in this thread. As soon as I read Petite's sentence about Accutane, an alarm went off in my head.
I was on accutane for the good part of a year, I know exactly what that drug can do to your body. The physical and mental changes are not to be taken lightly, which is why they make you sign that contract before you even start taking the pills. I even had my dosage reduced halfway through because I found it was affecting my liver, changing stats on my blood test results.
Accutane is well known to dry out your skin. It can affect bodily fluids, even things like your sweat glands and saliva production. If you have noticed a difference, let the doc know.
Some effects can be permanent. I have been off accutane for almost a year and still my skin is pretty gosh darn dry.
I'm not sure how long you have been on Accutance Petite, but I'll bet that it is the cause for your pain. Accutane is pretty sneaky, it can do a lot of weird stuff to your body, I suggest finding out all you can about the active ingredients in it to see if the side effects match yours in any way.
Always be cautious when on Accutane if you are sexually active, it is one powerful drug that should be taken seriously. Pay attention to your body while on that drug, cause Accutane sure as hell can do some damage if you're not careful. If necessary, see if you can reduce the dose you are taking right now, it could possibly change the way your body is reacting to the drug.

la petite moi

I made my appointment to the doctor's in order to get a referral to a psychologist. April 1, 11am.

skysooner

That's great LPM. Medications have such far reaching effects and drug interactions can be really tricky. My wife had some issues with an OCD medicine and birth control a few years back. She knew something was wrong and finally got it corrected.

pig

I believe you're in school - are you going through the school guys to get the outside referral? I also know that many universities have some manner of free counseling - at least for a certain number of sessions.

Seriously, for both you and your man - don't forget to give yourselves a break. Stress is a real bitch. Y'all are ahead of the game, really. You've got a problem, but you've recognized it. You're open to the possiblity (I would almost add strong probability) that it's symptomatic of a deeper issue, and you're working on it. I think you should be happy with your decision, and you should give yourselves a day or two off from worrying about this stuff.

edit another thing, don't you LPM specifically take this all on yourself. Some individual counselling is probably a good thing, but if linkx is open to it, it might be beneficial for both of you to participate in the sessions. 1. y'all are getting married, as you may have heard, and 2. some of his behavior in this situation, while being natural and somewhat normal in a sense (i don't know if the average guy pops a nut 3-5 times a day - my little buddy would probably throw a strike / work stoppage after a week or so if I pulled that on him, and would have when I was 20.) doesn't sound ideal from what I've read, and he may have some things he might want to work on / work out too.

best of luck.

__________________
You don't love me, you just love my piggy style

MoonDog

Awesome! Once I heard about the Accutane, I was like "WHOA! Red Flag!". I think you're on the road to dealing with this. Good luck.

lindseylatch

so, a little off topic, what is accutane perscribed for? It may have been mentioned and i just missed it...

__________________
"Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities"
"If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him."
"It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong."
-Voltaire

la petite moi

Acne. I've had it since I was 13 or so, and it still hasn't cleared up and has since caused scarring.

Funnel

Whoa Whoa Whoa coming from the perspective of the more sexually driven member of a relationship i have to say that nwlinkvxd you are being kind of scary towards her. So young as am I but honestly she must be frightened of you in some way. Nobody, I repeat myself NOBODY should ever have sex if it is not something they want to do. That said maybe you need to calm down a little and just step back. You are putting off the impression it is her fault something makes it hurt or that it is her fault she can't give a bj. Now if you want to be with her you must first accept her for who she is and work with her. By the way it sounds you are only working against her and making her feel less like doing so.

A long time ago while being friends with benefits with the girl i am now dating i took advantage of her in a bad way. I made her do things she didn't want to do and i made it sound like she was a bitch for not doing so. It took a very long time to regain that trust even though we fell in love with eachother. I now ask a sexually oriented question once and if she says no its a no go. But the benefits of that is that she is so comfortable there is no time she is not willing to stand up and say hey i want to give you a bj or i want to have sex. Treat her as you would like to be treated please don't place blame. If she doesn't wake up horny like you do every day she isn't a bad person she is just not horny. Don't put things into a context they don't need to be in.

If i had to take a bet why it hurts her I would say she is scared in some way or this is some kind of emotional trauma or something maybe not with you even but something little small maybe she doesn't even know what it may be and it needs to be fixed. But please, stop making this anybody's fault. It is not.

Acetylene

Well-said, funnel. Having read Petite's post about her past, I've lowered my opinion of nwlinkvxd by about a hundred notches--even the strongest woman, psychologically, would wilt under heavy sexual pressure from her lover, but a woman with abuse in her past would have all her old wounds opened up, every time.

__________________
There's no justice. There's just us.

james t kirk

Ok, I have been reading this thread until right here.

Are you cracked buddy, never mind chemicals to kill your libido, get yourself another girlfriend who is as horny as you.

abaya

Um Jim kata, have you TOLD your gf how you feel about sex once a month? How else is she supposed to realize its effect on your relationship if you don't tell her?

Also, I'm not sure about your comment "I don't know why girls don't understand this." If you think it's all about bc, then you really need to talk with your gf more, man.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

james t kirk

Everybody, get off the guy's back. He's just a normal horny 20 year old male.

Second, you two are WAAAAYYYYYYY too young to be even thinking about getting married. You are like 20 years old for crying out loud.

Let's look at this objectively for a moment. When all the other advice seems to be all over the map, you have to look at things from an objective point of view.

He wants it, she doesn't.

Let's be realistic, I doubt he will change. He's a sexually driven male (so am I, so are a lot of men, but a lot of men are not.) He's hard wired this way. For him to try and change this would be about as possible as going to the moon. So all you people advising him to lay off, or back off, climb off your high horses.

I have been in this type of relationship before, and in my experience what happens is that the two people polarize. He will just want it more and more, and she will want it even less and less. It's already happening.

From what I read, LPM has some issues she needs to resolve. She doesn't like intercourse (it hurts), she doesn't like oral (it hurts), hand jobs (never really got addressed). She doesn't like being near him even. Well, there's not much left is there?

I would recommend one of two things.

1. You break up.

Sooner or later you are going to break up over this, I can assure you. I know it sounds cold, but the truth of the matter is that you are sexually incompatible and this is a HUGE issue. Eventually it will rip you apart.

He can find someone more on his level, she can find a male on her level, and everyone is happy, hopefully still friends.
or....

2. You let him take on a sex partner that is purely sexual while you work on what about sex bothers you. You guys stay together for everything else, but the sex thing gets handled elsewhere.

Not the ideal, but it works for lots of people, you would be surprised.

eribrav

I get to the end of the thread and there, finaly is the RIGHT answer.

Or let me put it another way: Not only should you two not get married, you should probably never even speak to each other again.

Sage

You know, generally I don't go along with the kind of extreme measures that are sometimes recommended here like the ones by Kirk and eribrav, but this time I think I will.

LPM, based on what you've posted (on other threads and on this thread) about your home life, your early childhood, being molested, hating your mother, etc etc, etc, I think you have SERIOUS issues which need to be dealt with FIRST AND FOREMOST before anything. Your medication might be enhancing these issues, but I don't think that's all of it. My personal opnion? Break up, move out of your parent's house, get your own job, go to thearapy, put your head together. Because if you don't have your shit together, you can't expect ANYONE else to do it for you, not your sister, not your thearapist, and ESPECIALLY not your SO, whomever that may be. I KNOW- I'VE BEEN THERE.

You seem to be coming to TFP looking for someone to give you the easy way out, but it's not that simple. You seriously need to do some growing up, mentally and emotionally, before you're gonna be ready to tackle hard problems like sexual dysfunction. Based on what you and nwlinkvxd have said, I think that nwlinkvxd is just acting like a typical, horny, not too grown up himself 20 year old man whose GF is having emotional trauma. Yes, he's being a semi-bastard, but it's not that atypical in your situation.

Just because you can have sex doesn't mean you should be. Get your shit together LPM, and grow into a whole, complete woman who can and does take care of herself BEFORE you start thinking about marriage, or even a long term relationship. I wish you luck, but at the end of the day you're the only one inside your own head.

__________________

innovis

Not to thread hijack, but my I'm pretty much in the same situation.

My girlfriend has no sex drive, she doesn't masturbate or fantasize, she actually is opposed to trying new things, new positions or locations. It hurts her either to the point that we can't do it, or just so she won't orgasm about 1/3 of the time (she actually orgasms from me grinding against her during sex, and then I thrust for about a minute and finish). She'll say it feels like she has a paper cut or bruising, or its scratching or burning.

The big difference in our relationship compared to LPM's and nwlinkvxd's is that my SO has done NOTHING to see if she can alieviate her pain, or alter her lack of desire. She doesn't think her lack of libido or pain are cureable/solvable problems, and after some research I've found that not viewing lack of sexuality as a problem is characteristic of asexuality. I don't know if her pill is affecting her adversely, because we never really had sex before she was on it, and she was a virgin. We fooled around before that, but I'd only see her for 2-3 days every 3 weeks, so I don't know how she'd act normally.

I'd like to ask what I can do? I mean I've tried, I've spent hours upon hours researching, reading, and shes done absolutely nothing.

I'd also like to say to nwlinkvxd, you have a good woman, she really cares about something that is very important to you, and at least shes tried. Try imagining how you'd feel if she didn't try anything at all and at least be happy that you have hope to sustain you while shes trying to do something.

irseg

That happened to me on Accutane. You know how it feels when you whack your "funny bone" in your elbow? That's exactly what an orgasm felt like. I figured anything that messes with your body THAT extensively is some pretty nasty stuff, so I quit taking it. Fortunately its effect on my acne was permanent, whereas the sexual side effects were not (whew!).

macmanmike6100

Just want to interject the fact that I think many guys (including myself) don't respond well to a blowjob. That is to say, it can feel amazing but still rarely trigger an orgasm.

No worries on that front; I think it's fairly normal.

innovis

I have to agree with macmanmike6100, I have only orgasmed from a BJ alone 1 time, and it took probably 45 minutes to achieve (best orgasm I've ever had though, lasted like 15 seconds and felt like I had 10 at once). I'd like to note, though, that that was my first time receiving and her first time giving. The only other girl I've recieved BJs from complains about giving them after 5 minutes(and its not really even for 5 minutes, because she stops and licks and just kind of tongues it, which really does nothing towards building an orgasm, kind of like a guy stopping clitoral stimulation and licking the outter labia?), which kills the mood entirely, so I haven't really had a chance to see if I'm capable of orgasming more quickly, but I suspect if I could find a woman who could S a D with the stamina and focus I have for eating pussy, I could definitely get off in about 10-20 minutes.

My only suggestion for your jaw aching is to start eating alot of large sushi rolls(whole)... perhaps the awkward chewing and unhinging of the jaw to get the rolls in would build up your stamina. I also find that if my SO pumps with her hand while she is doing it, it works alot better towards building the orgasm, otherwise it just feels like too much targeted sensation.

joeb1

Ok... let me first start by saying that I truly feel for you both. There are obviously a lot of issues that need to be addressed. And it will take time. You two are so young. Please just slow down for a minute.

LPM has a lot of issues that she needs to get cleared up. First and foremost is loving herself. No.. not in a sexual way. But loving herself enough to stop, and take care of herself. Whether it is the situation with her past, her current home life, making these appointments. And really communicating with the doctors. She looks as if she is taking the right steps. All these things will build her self esteem. Taking care of yourself is a wonderful thing. And should be priority number one!

And for her boyfiend situation. Man.. you know..I remember the hormones. But I also remember that it was controllable. You make the choice to be the way you are. Yeah so your libido is strong. Is it stronger than your mind? Does it give you the right to treat a woman you say you love that way? No No No. Shame on you! There is some growing up that needs to be done here. I know you are 20 yrs old. Are you sure you are ready for marriage?
You seem like a great guy who is headed in the right direction, I am just not sure you are getting there the correct way. Please support LPM as much as you can. Backing off on the sex is a good start. Emotionally she really needs someone there for her right now! Let these other issues get resolved before putting your hurculean sex drive back into play.

__________________
Disco Duck...

la petite moi

What in the hell?! Kevin and I love each other very much. My sexual problems do NOT signal that we are incompatible, nor do you have the right to say we are twoo young to get married. Also, since when did I say we're getting married RIGHT NOW? Answer: We're not.

We have been CURRENTLY planning on trying for after graduation from college. I'm sorry, but I've dated other men, and Kevin is definitely my husband, even if he IS a little insensitive. But really, I don't want some mushy gushy guy who'll cater to my every needs. Sorry, but this isn't something I'm budging on.

Also, for those that didn't READ my last few posts: I AM GETTING HELP! I have already schedule a doctor's appointment so I can talk to a psychologist. These problems I am having are not nwlinkvxd's fault, nor do I expect him to understand my problems!

nowthen

remind me again, WHY are you getting married then? my wife is the one person in the world i DO expect to understand my problems. she is my partner, together we are stronger. i honestly think you both need to grow up a lot.

__________________

"People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them."

George Bernard Shaw

abaya

On another note, Innovis, have you seen my threads on yeast infections and pain during intercourse? (Both in sexuality and in ladies' lounge). What your girl has sounds EXACTLY like a yeast infection... leads to very painful intercourse, like your dick has sandpaper covering it. Has she had it checked out?

Also, my jaw goes numb after 15-20 mins of a bj, too... LPM don't feel bad about that, either we aren't made for it, or it just takes practice... but I don't think that going down on a woman is the same as going down on a man, simply because of the lack of a big thick cylinder blocking the throat and creating a gag reflex. So Innovis I don't think it has much to do with "stamina," I want to give my bf the best bj's ever but my lips just go numb.

And LPM, I don't think any of us are blaming your bf, but we are not excluding him, either. You both have issues, as do most people in any relationship. I think both of you need to be in counseling, perhaps as a couple, before getting married. Please don't get angry or defensive about this... after all, you did come here for advice, right? Sexual incompatibility is a very serious thing to address before walking down the aisle, and I've seen couples who got married at your age get a divorce within a few years because of it. Neither of you wants to go through life resenting the other person, even a little bit, because of sexual problems.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

james t kirk

Uh, no.

You just haven't met a woman who really knows how to give head and loves to give head.

Once you do, you will know.

Kalnaur

la petite: Getting help would be very good, not just for what has happened in your past, but talking to a counsellor for couples (if you say you don't have problems as a couple, I will laugh). Stop trying to impress your parents. They are just human beings like you. They are just as prone to mess something up as to get it right. In short, they are not perfect; you have no reason on this earth or any other to try and impress them. Same goes for any other part of your family. Also, if your family does not support you, but instead makes you feel stress, hurt and alone (which is what I'm getting from what you're saying) then they are part of the problem. Talk to your family and tell them if they are doing something to hurt you, especially if it is one of your parents.

Do you use Lube? Does it have Non-Oxyl 9? Do not use anything with that vile chemical. My wife and I did until we found out from my sister that a major amount of women are allergic to it. Scoure the lables. I know Kimono Condoms don't have it, but not sure about lubes and such.

And nwlinkvxd, it isn't just her fault. Your presurring her will actually make her want to have sex with you less. If she has been abused in the past, you are going to help dredge that up by trying to guilt/reason/shame/etc her into sex. So even after she gets help, don't fricking do it. Sex may have been the hardwire, primal trigger of the past, but just like religion, politics, and other modes of life, it evolves, it changes. You may be 19, you may be horny, but you are also a reasoning individual. Let brains win out over your cock, ok? Also, you better make it your business to understand her problems. That is one of the corner-stones of marriage is communicating, not only in good times, but whenever you or she is feeling bad. Tell each other what bothered you that day, care about what the other person says. OTherwise, what reason do you have to get married? If it's for guaranteed sex or to thumb your nose at the world or family, or something dumb like that, look for a better reason.

Good luck to you two, and have a plan for what's going to happen when you two marry, not just for sex, but all things such as school, work, life ambitions, etc. Don't listen to the nay-sayers; you can make it work if you first understand that life together is about supporting the other person as well as yourself.

__________________
PC: Can you help me out here HK?
HK-47: I'm 98% percent sure this miniature organic meatbag wants you to help find his fellow miniature organic meatbags.
PC: And the other 2 percent?
HK-47: The other 2 percent is that he is just looking for trouble and needs to be blasted, but that might be wishful thinking on my part.

Johnny Rotten

I would recommend changing your form of contraception, stat. Frankly, these things can and will fuck with your mind and your relationship. Every time I read one of these stories, I think more and more that the hormonal turmoil caused by many pills/patches/shots is a commonly overlooked factor. And the change happens so subtly and gradually that you don't notice the change and don't think of it when you wonder why you have X problem in a relationship.

I had an awesome, serious relationship back in college that just caved in when she started taking the pill. But I didn't realize it, and she didn't realize it, and it ended up fueling the actual problems that broke us up.

Don't let it happen to you.

__________________
"The idea that money doesn't buy you happiness is a lie put about by the rich, to stop the poor from killing them." -- Michael Caine

Martel

YES, IT IS.

__________________
Anamnesis

la petite moi

Sorry, but he was not raised with a low self-esteem or in an abusive household. Until you've experienced that, you can't understand or even begin to fathom what kind of problems someone has after that.

The reason my sex life is so lame, I realise now, is from 1) birth control hormones and 2) very, very low self-esteem brought on from all of the stress I still feel from my childhood.

If your wife had this happen to her, and you say you "understand" her...wow, I don't believe it, is all I have to say.

If not, then you shouldn't pass judgments on others.

Otherwise, nwlinkvxd understands me as fully as he can. He loves me for my flaws, and I love him for his flaws. I don't want to jump down his throat because he is impatient, and he doesn't want to just dump me and never speak to me again (a previous suggestion) because he loves me despite my faults!

nowthen

well what can i say. every person, every relationship has problems, and some of those problems quite frankly make your "i'm 18, and my lifes so fucking hard cos my parents never loved me" shit pale in to insignificance. DON'T FUCKING INSULT ME BY TRIVIALISING THE THINGS I HAVE TO DEAL WITH AND UNDERSTAND.

you come on here, tell us how your relationship is basically a train wreck waitng to happen, but, in your words, your getting married and it isnt something you are "budging on", and then people with more life experience than you give you advice, only for you to react bitterly to that advice. i wasnt passing judgement, merely stating the obvious, if you guys are at this point already, then you SERIOUSLY need to re-evaluate what you are doing together.

if you dont want opinions, don't post. you may not like it when someone gives you advice other than the nice fluffy "you can make it work", but back in the real world sexual incompatibility is a huge problem.

__________________

"People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and, if they can't find them, make them."

George Bernard Shaw

ShaniFaye

I think you just really need to decide if you're going to be a victim your whole life. By letting your "childhood" influence your adult life you are choosing to do such that.

I have a very hard time with people that decide that the affects of the situation they are in now are because of crappy parents or a crappy childhood etc. If you're cognizant of the fact that there is a problem DO something about it. (which you say you are....this is just a statement about people in general that say these kinds of things).

If you dont get help and choose to stay with your partner you are in turn making them a victim as well. Whether the person chooses to look over your "faults" as you put it and love you anyway is up to them....but they are asking for trouble down the road, because without help ya'll are nothing but two victims perpetuating the problem.

Break the cycle......get the help....do it seriously....dont be one of those people I hate who say...well you just dont understaaaand....this and this happened....Your supposed to be a grown up....quit blaming others, quit being a victim....be a grown up who's made her own choices and decided that your childhood isnt going to rule your adulthood.

I really hesitated saying anything in this thread.....but I wanted to put a different slant on it, even though right now Im of the same opinion of a lot of others, you're not ready to get married. I've seen you tell people on here to "quit posting about it on a message board and do something about it" and now you've gotten upset and defensive when you're told the same things.

I dont say any of this to be a bitch.....I say it with concern for you and your relationship and the outcome of the rest of your life.

__________________
I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

Acetylene

Woo, this got angry fast. Nowthen, I think she's referring not to the events she experienced, but to the pain she felt. The seriousness of a trauma does not always corrospond to the depth of the pain. For example, a healthy person who loses their father will mourn for 6 weeks, but a person inclined to depression will trigger a majoy episode and be ill for years.

LPM, I'm glad you're seeing psychologist. That's the right thing to do. But keep in mind it will take a long time to start feeling significantly better. Average is at least 6 weeks for some effect, 6 months of significant effect for psychological treatment. Kevin will need to be kept in the loop about your treatment so he can participate and speed up the process. What I mean is, if you and your doctor are talking about, for example, childhood physical abuse, he's going to need to be sensitive about that subject and avoid frightening you since you will have those memories fresh in your mind.

Just one quick thing, though (and please don't be sad, I'm just trying to let you know about something): it's very possible that for a relationship to be based on your psychological problems, and fall apart when you start to feel better. When I was 18, I had been in a relationship for 4 years and I was convinced we were getting married. But I was also depressed, and when my illness became too severe to ignore I finally sought treatment. During treatment it because evident to me that I had chosen and structured this relationship on inaccurate data, patterned it after my parents (who were going through a messy divorce), and as a result I had a boyfriend who was reinforcing my depression. As I got better I realized this but I didn't want to leave him because I loved him, but I was not able to fully recover until I did.

Again, I'm not attacking Kevin, I just think you should be aware that, especially when one is younger (and 18 is young enough, but you two must have met when you were even younger), one tends to pattern relationships after one's family. Since yours was dysfunctional, it might be good to take a look at your relationship with Kevin and try to cut out any behaviors or patterns that you brought into it from your childhood. I'm sure this will be necessary for you to fully recover from your trauma.

__________________
There's no justice. There's just us.

xepherys

Admittedly, I've only read through the first page of this thread, but I feel the need to interject. Since I seem to have a numbers of thoughts on this matter, I'll just list them:

a) Some girls do not like internal stimulation, and they never will. Every person is built differently for what makes them feel good. I LOVE oral sex, but I can almost never have an orgasm from it. Combatmedicjen is the same. In fact, in my experience, VERY few women can get off from intercourse alone. Regardless of position, girth and length of the penis, and mental state. If LPM needs clitoral stimulation... so what?

b) There are no such things as sexual screw-ups. Sometimes people are just not compatible. My ex-girlfriend and I had a LOT of problems with sex. It's hard to explain, but it could be very frustrating for both of us. I've never had problems with anyone else, so I always assumed it was a "problem" with her. Thinking back on it now, I realize that it was most likely "us" that had the problem, not her. *shrug*

c) Yes, young guys (and even not-so-young guys) are prone to excessive horniness sometimes. That doesn't mean it should interefer with their lives. NWL... learn some damned control. Yes, you CAN go without. That's not control. If you go for a few days and get over-stimulated, perhaps you have a problem. Yeah, if I don't get off at least once a day, I can become irritable... but you have to let it go. A LOT of things make me irritable. If I'm a dick to those around me, or make them upset, it's still MY problem.

d) The flip side for LPM... the suggestion has been put out to get checked by a doctor. Sex should not be actually painful. If it is, there may be something else that's wrong. Do you use condoms? Perhaps you have latex allergies. If you don't, perhaps you are allergic to semen (it happens). Maybe there is an on-going infection. Maybe it's nothing at all... Regardless, you should see a doctor.

e) If this is such a huge problem for you, perhaps you need to back off and look at the relationship from a different angle. I gaurantee you 100% that if this state of mind continues for both of you, you will NOT have a happy marriage. It's about way more than sex, but if sexual problems can cause this much anguish, it's a bad omen of things to come.

f) Urges can come and go... When we first met, CMJ and I got it on like crazed rabbits. After she got back from Basic Training, she didn't have the same sex drive anymore. I was horny all the time, but she was not. I respected that and life went on. Sure, I jacked off... but I also didn't let her know everytime I did. That's not good for one's self-esteem. Recently, she stopped using her birth control (the patch), and the result is a MASSIVELY increased libido. Lately, with things on my mind, I've not been quite as horny. Now it's a reversal. She'll be getting all frisky, and I'll be trying to sleep. I'm sure she plays with the little man in the boat... it doens't bother me. The point is, do your thing... as long as you're being faithful, and understanding of each other, it should all be good in the end.