awkward feeling...
 

recently i went on a state trip for my high school orchestra. while i was there, i met this one girl from my school who i immediately though was really attractive. she was really nice, a bit crazy, but all in all very fun to be with. that is, until i found out she's 14...

seriously, i had no clue she was that young, because she doesn't look it. she's got a great body, and didn't even come across as under 17. the moment i found out, i thought "oooooh cockblock." so now i feel like a fuckin pedophile.

just relating a very awkward feeling i had the misfortune of feeling. if you have any stories about mistaken ages, please post. make me feel less perverted :confused:

are we to asume that you are 18?

Well that sounds like it definatly sucks, and yes I would say it's safe to assume he's over 18. This is an 18up forum. They're making them better than they used to. Girls are growing into women younger and younger.

I would say perverted is knowing they are 14 and then still looking at them....as long as you thought she was around your age, its only natural to look.

it happens to all of us.

yep i'm 18.

well now that i know she's *shudder* 14, the natural interest is there, but nothing more. what i mean is, she naturally arouses me (and turns out a lot of my friends as well who didn't know she's 14) but not in a way that would ever manifest itself outwardly again. maybe when she's like 16 or 17...but then again i'll be like...20. DAMN IT :rolleyes: i guess this ship will never sail.

the worst part was when she came onto me a few times right before i found out. at first i was stoked, but then it was, like i said, "COCKBLOCK." bah, damn hormones...

I recall the same thing in my high school band. As a Senior, this really hot Freshman flute player was hitting on me, hard. Looking at the age (and maturity) difference, I passed. Didn't stop one of my classmates, however. (Plus, her brother was a Junior in the band, that would have been way too weird.)

Seniors dated Freshman all the time when I was in H.S. No big deal. You're really only a few years apart in age. You're 18, not 28.

Don't have sex with her for Christ's sake, but why not take her on a date?

Yeah i get the pedophile feeling when they are around 15, really annoying cuz it goes from, damm this girl is hot to oh gawd why me.

I feel for you man, don't worry though. As long as you stopped hitting on her after you found out she's underage your ok.. It does happen to all of us, just wait until you get older. I'm 26 and every once in awhile you will meet a girl who looks older and turns out to be under 18, or just turned 18 and instantly you feel creepy... It's hard, some woman just look and act older and it's difficult to tell.

I have to rant.
Folks, a true paedophile would not be interested in any girl with developed, secondary sexual characteristics.
When you are sexually attracted to a girl who is becoming sexually mature, that does not make you a paedophile. It makes you a healthy, mature male. Your biological impulse to mate with her does not go away just because you learn that she is only 14. Social taboo dictates that you don't act on the impulse, but the impulse itself is quite natural.
Paedophilia is a sexual perversion in which children are the preferred sexual object. Children. Meaning they are not sexually mature. They have no secondary sexual characteristics. If you are sexually attracted to a child, seek help. On the other hand, if a sexy 14-year old attracts you with her growing sexuality, never fear-- you are a perfectly healthy human male. Just don't act on your lust, because the social taboo is real, and for good reason.

*blush* my first serious boyfriend was 17 when i was 13..and 18 when i was 14...i was actually alot more mature then him at the time...i really dont see anything wrong with it :/

haha glad i'm normal. but that doesn't mean i still don't feel freakin weird about it.

man, if girls are arousing interest at earlier stages all the time, what'll happen in like 20 years?

well i'm trying to move in on a senior girl i know, who's older than me. safer that way, right?

kiwi, the problem is not that the girl's not mature or anything. its merely age. and i'm not gonna mess around with a 14 year old. i guess it depends on what you're comfortable with. i know a few guys who are 18 dating 15 year olds. the only thing is, who decides at what age a girl's "eligible?" i know i wouldn't mind dating a 15 year old, but doesn't it seem arbitrary that i'd admit to that but wouldn't go near this girl before she officially turns 15? that's where the awkward feelings start, i think.

hmm..i see what you mean...i guess i base it on maturity... things like how responsible and "grown up" someone is shoudl mean alot more then age...i've known 20 year olds that sound like preteens next to 15 year olds... my past boyfriend didnt know how old i was untill we had already talked on the phone for an hour..he fell for my personality and when he actually thought to ask my age he never gave it a second thought...i did ask him later if he would have dated another younger girl..he said he never planned on it and that his friends thought he was crazy for being with me but that he would rather be with a 13 year old that he loved being around and knew it then a 17 year old that he had to treat like a 13 year old

whats the difference between a 14 year old and a 15 year old? both are minors and theres not much difference in musical taste or knowlege

I had the same thing happen to me awhile back, I met this girl and i was like DAMN..She had such a sweet body, The cutest face..And the most nicest tit's i think i may have ever seen (And that was with her clothes on).

We started talking and i thought to myself..How old is she, She was 16 :eek: I felt like a bit of an idiot cause i kept staring her up & down.

Alot of girls look alot older than what they actually are..I totally thought this girl was atleast 21 or 22.

I don't think you should feel like a pedophile, I think alot of guys can say that girls that are 17, 18 etc sometimes tend to look alot older than what they actually are.

I have a worse one. I went on a vacation to the beach a while back, when I was 17. Met this very attractive girl on the beach in a bikini, and hit on her a bit, she seemed to respond... turns out we had condos next door to each other, so we'd talk on our balconies for a while every day.

Long story short, after about 3 days I found out she was 12. TWELVE!

In my defense, she did NOT look 12 in a bikini... but I still couldn't look at her for the rest of the trip without feeling mortified.

Everyday on the fucking subway in NYC. My gawd!

My daughter is going to be 18 in a few days. I trained myself long ago to just look her friends in the eye, smile in a fatherly way and pick up a book or something. Few things sadder than an old dude getting fired up over his children's friends. Disturbing too. I avoid even taking a peek at the bellies they show these days with those low riders and skimpy tops. Don't want to be the freaky Dad dude.

My wife and I are about the same age apart. 14 and 18 arent too much different on a maturity level, but you better be careful, you are considered an adult in most states. Her daddy is what you need to worry about. Better just be friends, no law againt that.

Beauty, eh? Ya definately don't want to be 'that guy' I think that would be the fastest way to get your daughter right pissed at you

lol my father had one of those american beauty moments once...weirdest thing ever..i couldnt look at him for about a month after she told me...

Quoted for emphasis. Im sick of people freaking out and thinking theyre peds because theyre attracted to a young teen.

Seems like every generation you always hear "they didn't make em like that when I was in high school"...:D It sure seems that way to me so there you go! Look if you must... just don't touch ;)

We're men and we're only human. You checked out girls when you were 14 right? You saw them as sexual beings...If a girl could be attractive at 14 when you yourself were 14 of course they can be attractive when you're 18 too.

It's natural. Don't let it make you feel weird. I mean I'm sure you remember a girl you thought was beautiful in middle school that you never saw again but still remember. You remember her that age and you still think she's beautiful even though technically she was a "cockblock" back then.

Don't beat yourself up for an attraction all you have to do is just not act on that attraction. Before you know it she'll be 18...many peoples parents are several years apart. Don't close the door on her now or you could regret it in a few years time lol.

Good luck with that man.

Asta!!

Couldn't agree more. I look at young girls and find them pretty and attractive, but I'd never act on that attraction. No harm in looking when they are young - it's natural and fine, and there are some ridiculously attractive and well developed 13/14 yo's around who don't look a day under 20 - it's scary!

As long as you don't act on that (or on any impulse for anyone in my case - I'd never do that to my wife!), then I don't see a problem.

To quote the wonderful DOMAI: "There is nothing dirty or unethical about enjoying the sight of a beautiful woman."

Changing the subject a little - you should read the DOMAI philosophy - it's really well written and hopefully will make you feel a bit better about benig attracted to someone so young.

hmm...

My boyfriend and I will have been dating for three years in May. He's 22 right now, and I'll be 19 in October. Mathematically this could be a problem, but he and I have one of the healthiest relationships I know of.

Luckily, it was legal. But only just.

But think about the girl as well... A few years back, the guy I was dating had a very well developed 14 year old daughter. Dad didn't seem to see past the little 5 year old in pig tails, but this girl looked 22, but still was 14, with the maturity to handle some situations of a 14 year old. We had all gone to a party, and she was in a swimsuit, she was a kid and wanted to go swimming. About an hour into the party, she completely disappeared, I went to find her and she was in the ladies room sobbing, that she was really scared and uncomfortable about the looks she was getting from her fathers friends. Some were leering, some were appreciative, they all looked. But she was not prepared for the looks she was getting, and didn't like it. As she put it, she can't help how she looks, why can't they just leave her alone.

Long talk later... She emerged from the restroom and was fine...

But.. rememeber.. that young teen that you are looking at... and lusting after... Doesn't always have the maturity to deal with the looks... She's still basically a child in the body of a woman.

wow, thank you for posting that. i'd have never considered things from that point of view... but i'm glad i did b/c it puts a completely different spin on the situation. i guess that's why teens today seem to be growing up quicker and at a younger age... because they have to.

Brilliant. Right you are. Right.

Oh don't be so hard on yourself, it's okay. We all get fooled at times be people's age. You can still be friends with her, that doesn't mean that you shouldn't have anything to do with her. Good luck.

hahaha one of my friends (19 years old) saw the girl i was talkin about when she waved to me today. first thing out of his mouth was "damn man, she's got a rack"

first thing i said to him as i was waving back to her: "she's 14, bud." this was followed by an almost-gag on his part. he's a real clean guy, and when i told him her age, lets just say he wasn't prepared.

happy to see first-hand that my reaction was shared by this guy. only in my case i didn't make any outward reaction. it was all internalized with me telling myself "DOWN BOY DOWN!"

When we were 16 my best friend in school pointed to a new girl in the neighborhood and said "I'm gonna marry that girl." I was astonished as this particular girl was all of 12 at the time! He didn't act on it at the time, but never forgot about her either as he dated other girls.

When she turned 17 he started dating her and they got married when she was 18, a senior in high school, and he was a senior in college. They will celebrate their 35th anniversary in August.

aww wisj2 that is so sweet! :) it made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside :)

awwww

wisj2's story brings out the hopeless romantic in us all.

so wait is the moral of the story to marry this girl? :D
just kidding!

Put it this way - don't feel bad. Girls are all sorts of developed at earlier ages these days, it's really REALLY hard not to look and think they're older. The key is that you cut bait and stayed away once you realized she was so much younger. Plus - in my opinion, if she goes to high school with you, she's fair game for talking/dating. The sex issue is a whole other issue, because of legalities and such.

Anyway while I can understand the icky feeling you got, she's still a high school student, so don't feel bad.

I was 17 and in a game room a long time ago. Three girls were giving me the eye. I ended up talking to one, taking her out, and sleeping with her on the first date. She had just turned 15 at the time. That wasn't so bad. She was one that believed in share and share alike with her friends, so she wanted me to go out with her friend who said she was 15. It turned out she was 14, but thank goodness I didn't sleep with her. Then she wanted me to take out her other friend (who turned out to be 13). I never tried that one since I was gun shy after the first lie.

My take is that the importance of age separation in a relationship, on average, is essentially exponentially decaying. Very important the younger the people are, much less important the older they get. I think a year or two is a pretty big deal around high school, order of 5 or so around late twenties, and it kind of gets up around that 1-20 year thing when you get in your 40's and up. Of course these rules don't apply across the board...but, if I meet a girl who is significantly younger than I am, I'm a little skeptical concerning her maturity level, hoping she proves me wrong. Some types of maturity you just don't acquire without hitting certain stages in life, and it's hard sometimes to get around the differences.

newt - definately not a pervert. sounds like you're just playing it safe. no reason you can't be friendly with her, etc - and who knows what you'll decide to do later on down the road?

How many years apart do you guys think is good? Right now I'm in a situation where I'm 22...going to be 23 in September and because I've been hanging out with a few guys who are 18-19, girls will be around from 17 and up and I'll feel bad considering anything with them since they're under 18 but then that idea comes into my head asking if 5 years really is an okay gap or not? For the record, my original thoughts prevail and I still have a 3 year rule for myself. I just wondered what everyone else thought?

My personal take? a little sketchy. Not saying a particular girl might not ring your bell. However, it's also a good way to cultivate headaches, in my experience.

then again, if you're already hanging out with them, and you know the spring time is coming, and the birds and the bees....according to my calculations, you're right on the border ;)

My parents met as student teachers in 1947 - ma was 18 and pa was 27. It still works for them.