Woman troubles...

[Stillborn]

I'm really down right now. I met this girl a few weeks ago, she seemed pretty nice, good looking, etc. but the only thing is, she's a sophomore, well, now a junior, and I was a senior, now graduated.

The thing is, is I really REALLY like her. Very much. But, I don't know if I should ask her to go steady, or just let her go. I'm really torn between those two options right now and I need some good advice. I'd normally ask someone at another message board about this, but everyone at the other board I'm on are dickasses and they'll say stuff like "don't be a pussy, shut up, fuck her brains out, stop being a f*g", etc. etc. I figured that I can ask your opinions and mostly get rid of all that shit altogether.

Thanks for any help you guys can offer me.

[denim]

What are your plans for the Fall?

[Stillborn]

I'm gonna go to a community college that's literally just down the street to save up some money (and to brush up on some of my subjects I haven't taken in a while), and then either in the spring or next fall, I'm gonna go to the Rocky Mountain College of Art and Design in Denver, about 20 miles north of me.

[denim]

So you're not going far, then. But you are going to be with new people. I figure, go ahead with her and see what happens when you meet the new people.

[HFrankenstein]

This is going to sound chauvinistic, but I swear I know what I'm talking about:

It sounds to me like it's too early to tell whether you have a chance with this girl. It's only been a few weeks, as you said.

Keep taking her out on dates, but DO NOT, under any circumstances, ask her to be your girlfriend. That is not the guy's job, believe it or not. If she likes you enough, after a month or two, she will ask you a question that will let you know that you've clinched things with her: "So, where are we going with this?"

Keep taking her out and showing her a good time. Don't let her get to know you too well too soon. And whatever you do, do not pour your heart out to her. The less she knows about you, the more she'll have to think about you, and the greater her interest will be in you.

When she does ask you where you think you guys should be going with it, play it cool. Your very first response should be "What do you mean?" Don't tell her what it is that <i>you</i> want; get her to tell you what <i>she</i> wants. Play it cool, and she'll be hooked on you before you know it.

Good luck my man.

Hey HFrankenstein theGirl Freend over her completely diagrees with you and she has gone so far as to say she is gonna get an acct her...Good Luck my man.

Girl Freend? she's gonna kill me

[HFrankenstein]

I get negative reactions from about half of the women who hear my insights regarding relationships. About half of <i>those</i> eventually see those insights coming true in their own relationships. I know this sounds arrogant, but trust me, I know what I'm talking about here. When a guy comes on as strong as a lot of guys think they're supposed to, it only turns the woman off.

[HFrankenstein]

However, Stillborn, do not let her go unless you're sure she's not interested. If she's not interested in you, nothing you can do can change it and yes, you should let her go, but that's the only case in which you should do so.

Well, I mean, unless you lose interest yourself. :P

[denim]

Originally posted by Juxtaposed
Girl Freend? she's gonna kill me

It could've been worse. You could have typed "girl fiend". Has anyone ever had a girl fiend??

[HFrankenstein]

Yeah, one or two of my exes can definitely be called girl fiends.

[Conclamo Ludus]

I agree with HF, play it cool. Don't worry about the "girlfriend/boyfriend" job titles. Just enjoy being with her and see what happens, take some pressure of yourself.

[justadude]

gotta agree with HF 110%, and i'm speaking from VERY recent experience...

i have been seeing a girl now for about 2 months that i was really good friends with for a year before we "made it official" and started dating... i totally have a thing for her and jumped in with both feet telling her everything i was thinking and going through figuring she would see what an "open and honest" guy i was.

we're still dating, but things are kinda stressful because she knows how i think and feel and can pretty much work me as she pleases. she's been good in being considerate of this, but has basically said flat out that i have moved way too fast for her.

so i'm in the situation now of just hoping i didn't give her too much cause she could seriously rip my guts out with the information i have given her... (and i'm a pretty tight-lipped guy with my emotional stuff normally... she just did it to me!)....

keep some stuff to yourself and let her come looking for it...it's tough, but you gotta do it, believe me.

[Faith]

In my own opinion. HF is partially right, but mostly wrong. Keep taking her out and stuff, make sure she knows how you feel. Being with some on consitantly , with emotions such as yours. You shouldent have to hide or conceal your feelings because your older. My best friend just married a chick 8 years older then him. Their the happyiest couple in the world right now. Age is a relationship rule thats been abolished in the last 50 years. Men and women can be older then each other and still love each other. As long as you are willing to stay commited to her, and her to you. Play it cool, show her how you feel. And then make the decision if you will ask her out. But do not wait to long... People lose interest if their feelings are not felt back. In your case, Good luck.

[HFrankenstein]

There's an age difference?

*reads it again*

Oh, look at that. Didn't notice. I'm actually involved with a woman who's three years younger than me right now, so I guess I didn't pay any attention to it.

Faith's right. Age is irrelevant. However, I disaggree strongly with sharing all of your feelings, especially early on. Even later on, it's good to hold back at least a little bit. Show her how you feel about her with your actions, not with your words. Kiss her like you'd kiss a woman you're in love with. Never let her pick up the check, no matter how much she insists. Always get the door for her. Little things like that. Above all, do not be the first to say "I love you." Hell, don't even be the second. Be the third or fourth.

Ooh, and one more thing: all conversations must be in person. Don't go letting stuff out over the phone. Save it for dinner. And wait a little longer than you feel comfortable with to call her to make another date. It'll keep you on her mind more, raising her interest in you.

Now Faith, say you're dating a guy. At first, he seems like the strong, silent type. He takes you out on a few dates, you start to get to know him, but there are still lots of things that you haven't figured out about him yet. So you think about him a lot, wondering what's going on underneath that cool exterior. With that, your interest in him grows over time, especially when you're not around him. You find it hard to believe, but for some reason, the fact that you like him a lot and you're not sure exactly how much he likes you makes you like him even more.

Now, two months pass, and you decide that you're nuts about this guy and want to make him your boyfriend. So next time out, you ask him "So, Trogdor, where exactly are we going with all of this?" Suddenly, he pours out EVERYTHING. He dumps his heart out to you, tells you he's totally falling for you and has never met a woman like you and can't stop thinking about you, blah blah blahdee blah.

And now what happens to your interest in him, Faith?

[Stillborn]

Woah. Lotsa shit to go with relationships!

Sorry, I've really only been in one relationship before the contemplation of the possibility of a real relationship with this girl. My last one kinda didn't go so well. She was the first one to ask me out, I blindly dove into it, didn't know how she really was (she's kinda neo-Bohemian. Never bathes. Eew. And she, SHE!!! had a roving eye!), she went to France for Spring Break, fucked a Frenchie, came back, dumped me, and that's what happened.

So, I'm apprehensive about getting into another relationship. But with your guys' help, I think I'll hold off a bit, see what she thinks, and make my decision.

As they say in Germany, Danke.

[HFrankenstein]

Well, there's something about relationships that you always have to keep in mind: the first big one almost never works out. The funny thing about serious relationships is, you don't really learn how to handle them until you've blown one or had one blown for you.

So don't be apprehensive. Women can smell nerves just as much as dogs can smell fear. You've already learned some lessons, and you've probably got more to learn. Just have fun with it. You're young yet.

Oh, and one more thing: <i>never</i> let her see you cry.

[Frowning Budah]

Here is a grin for you. My wife is two years my senior and never dated younger guys because she just didn't think it was proper. Then I came along. We have been together for almost 30 years now.