GF and I broke up - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Temporary_User · 10-19-2005, 08:47 PM

I knew her for 10 months.
I kind of wanted to breakup for a while, but was too big of a pussy to just come out and say it (im horrible)
anyways, one night i got mad and just went home, the next night she called me and came over and we talked about it.
I said that i think she wants me to be someone im not, and she sort of agreed, and then she left crying and we officially broke up over text message.
she was the one who finally said goodbye..
that was sunday night.
on tuesday night she called me, and told me she got a few job offers and such... said she doesnt want to lead me on, but wants to be on a friendly basis and finds it hard to not talk to me, since we talked everyday before this. i kinda agreed, i do want to remain friendly. she told me she wanted to go tanning so we hung up.
about 1 hr later she called again, and just bullshitted.
then again tonight (wednesday) she texts me asking if im up. i am but dont answer. about 10min later she calls me. i sleep with my phone next to my bed so i answer it and she asks if im sleeping. i say i was, and we bullshit a bit. then she says "oh i was going to invite myself over, but since your sleeping..."
i say "yeah im sleeping"

ahh what's going on here?
what should I do.
I am male, so im not opposed to sex, but feel that it is too early and if we had it we would fall right back into a relationship.

EDIT: after thinking, i dont know if this is in the right forum, if it should be in tilted living, or somewhere else, please feel free to move it. thanks

hrandani · 10-19-2005, 09:51 PM

'Broke up over text message' is classic though.

So evaluate where you stand.

If you just want sex and forget about her feelings, I don't see how you can lose here.

If you do care about her feelings and don't want to be in a relationship with her, this isn't going to work.

analog · 10-19-2005, 11:08 PM

no, sexuality is the right place for it...

As for the scenario, she wants sex. I guess she's gotten over it already, or maybe is really craving attention badly enough to want sex (not that wanting sex from you is a bad thing).

If it's too soon to be the friend with benefits, just tell her you're not ready to be a hook-up since you called it off so recently. If she doesn't understand, no big loss, you're not dating her anyway.

Daniel_ · 10-20-2005, 01:18 AM

I'll put the water on to boil, you get the rabbit ready. :/

bubonico · 10-20-2005, 01:26 AM

Talk to her, tell her where you stand. If she's okay with having some no strings attached sex then go for it.

Temporary_User · 10-20-2005, 11:03 AM

yeah, i don't know if no-strings is what she is looking for or not...
I kind of feel that even if we started w/ no strings, it would lead to strings...
it seems that is just human nature. girls that ive met seem to always want a relatiionship. i guess ill have to see if she calls me again...

BigBen · 10-20-2005, 11:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Temporary_User

yeah, i don't know if no-strings is what she is looking for or not...
I kind of feel that even if we started w/ no strings, it would lead to strings...
it seems that is just human nature. girls that ive met seem to always want a relatiionship. i guess ill have to see if she calls me again...

No. Don't walk down that road. You have no idea how bad it can be.

There will be strings, young man, whether you see them or not... and think about the moment of truth when the two of you are going through your post-coital routine. Fucking awkward.

She wants to see if she still has power over you. If you consent to Breakup-sex, you are giving her power. If that is okay with you, proceed with caution. I am guessing it isn't.

She will call again, I am sure; you need to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back out there. I really wish there was a support group for recently divorced/seperated/split-up men. Beard-growing, Beer-Drinking and Chili-Cooking contests that would help in the healing process.

Dude, I am in the same situation you are in, except I am married. Think about that for a second. I am telling you to cut this cleanly, and don't look back. You will thank me later. Now go and eat some red meat and start on those sideburns.

Hold on a second... Did I just give a guy advice and tell him NOT to have sex with a woman? Man, I must be more fucked up than I thought... I DON'T TAKE BACK WHAT I SAID, I WAS JUST MAKING AN OBSERVATION!!!

Cynthetiq · 10-20-2005, 11:41 AM

move on....nothing here.

feelgood · 10-20-2005, 12:38 PM

I've been down that road, most of us have.

It's kinda awkward to have your ex-gf as a fuck buddy after the breakup. Fuck buddy are somebody who has no emotional attachment with you whatsoever unless you guys are friends, which is cool.

But the fact that you guys once had feelings for each other may might complicate the situation even more. How? After awhile, one of you or both are gonna be confusing feeling for another and begin wondering if whether or not there is a legalimate reason to restart your relationship. Once you start the relationship again and realize you guys were wrong, the cycle begins again. Both of you need to sit down and talk about what is going to happen from this point on, are you guys just friends? Or are you guys more than that but short of having any real relationship?

aintyoboyfriend · 10-20-2005, 12:41 PM

sometimes it feels the same to fall in love and break it off.

She either wants the hook up

or

She thinks she can bait you back into the relationship by sleeping with you.

Neither will end well, so just don't do it.

Unless you secretly do want to be with her.

Then, by all means.

JumpinJesus · 10-20-2005, 05:54 PM

There's nothing I can add that hasn't already been said, but I do want to reinforce the control aspect of some of the replies already. I believe she's trying to test the conviction of this break-up and whether or not she can still get you to do her bidding. I don't think it's intentional, but it's manipulative and the one thing I really don't like is being manipulated, so I'd also echo BigBen by saying make a clean break. If you want to remain friends, that's fine, but give it a lot of time before you open that door. The break-up is still too fresh for that to be possible.

joeyaz · 10-20-2005, 06:56 PM

I was going through the same thing in a way..I broke up with my GF of 5 years a few months ago..we have been treading this..

Freinds with benefits line for awhile..it shouldn't happen..at least not so soon that was one of many mistakes I made its is alot easier said than done though..

She was my first serious relationship so this is all new territory for me..so I guess I can't really give advice...just know what you going through.

Cimarron29414 · 10-21-2005, 10:51 AM

Back when candy bars cost a nickel, I dated a girl for a year and she wanted to break it off. After about two days, she wanted to be "friends". So, we were "friends". We ended up being "friends" for 3.5 more years. Basically, I wasted 3.5 years that could have been spent with someone more deserving.

It's really simple, actually: you either a) want to be her boyfriend or b) you don't. If (a) then apply all of your energies toward her. If (b) sever ALL contact with her until you are both in committed relationships with other people. Don't do what I did - big mistake.

abaya · 10-21-2005, 11:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cimarron29414

It's really simple, actually: you either a) want to be her boyfriend or b) you don't. If (a) then apply all of your energies toward her. If (b) sever ALL contact with her until you are both in committed relationships with other people. Don't do what I did - big mistake.

Very, VERY good advice. There is no such thing as "being friends" until far, far into the future... months, possibly years, possibly never.

balinksi · 10-21-2005, 11:18 AM

I don't know about this. In my younger days I was going out with this girl for about a year. We broke up at the end of the summer but "remained friends" I went away to college and came back for Christmas break. As dumb luck has it I run into her at the mall. We talk for a little bit and the next thing you know I am jamming my johnson in her in the back seat of my car in the parking lot. So we got together a few more times during Christmas break and really all we did was fuck. I go back to school think nothing of it. Meanwhile she meets someone and starts a relationship. She is open and tells me all about it. No problem I thought I am over her, but it was nice to get my johnson taken care of while I was home (she was a good fuck). Anyway she continue to write to me during that semester. Fast forward to the next summer. I come home on a Friday afternoon. I never told her the day or anything that I was coming home. I am not home but 2 hours and there is a knock on the door, low and behold its her. I let her in and she gives me a hug. The next thing you know I had her bend over the take skirt up over her back balling her. This continued on and on for 3 years. We really didn't talk much just fucked. We both were in out of relationships but it was the sex that keep us going. I think it would still be going on today if it was not for the fact that I moved away. I am sure even now if we saw each other I would have her bent over a barrell giving it to her.

Temporary_User · 10-21-2005, 11:57 AM

yeah, this is weird...
im not good at getting into peoples heads, and I know you guys cant get into her's across the internet, but your thoughts really do help.
I knew from previous talks that she and one of her girlfriends are going to a nightclub on thurs, so she calls me at around 10 and says it is still early and dead.
she mentions that her friend told her that she is suprised on how little she is talking about me. Then she says but a guy walked into the bar that looked like me so she said to her friend it is hard not to talk about him when someone tha looks just like him walks in! When she tells me this, I just make a joke that she is starting to see me in everyone she see's.
then she askes if I would be mad if she calls later... i say "depends if im sleeping or not."
she calls @ 11 but im in the bathroom so i couldnt get to a phone.
so we broke it off sun night, and she has called me every day except monday now.

Cynthetiq · 10-21-2005, 12:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Temporary_User

yeah, this is weird...
im not good at getting into peoples heads, and I know you guys cant get into her's across the internet, but your thoughts really do help.
I knew from previous talks that she and one of her girlfriends are going to a nightclub on thurs, so she calls me at around 10 and says it is still early and dead.
she mentions that her friend told her that she is suprised on how little she is talking about me. Then she says but a guy walked into the bar that looked like me so she said to her friend it is hard not to talk about him when someone tha looks just like him walks in! When she tells me this, I just make a joke that she is starting to see me in everyone she see's.
then she askes if I would be mad if she calls later... i say "depends if im sleeping or not."
she calls @ 11 but im in the bathroom so i couldnt get to a phone.
so we broke it off sun night, and she has called me every day except monday now.

seems like you are a safety in case she doesn't meet or hook up with someone better.

nothing there.. move on already... she's either got to shit or get off the pot so someone else can.

Temporary_User · 10-21-2005, 03:55 PM

well, i thought of the safety idea.
but she called 1 hr later...
did she think she might of picked up that soon?
when we were going out, and one was @ the bar we would ask the other if we could call...
PS: we both live Downtown, only about 5 blocks from each other.

snowy · 10-21-2005, 04:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by abaya

Very, VERY good advice. There is no such thing as "being friends" until far, far into the future... months, possibly years, possibly never.

Exactly. Just walk away for a while. Don't talk to her. Just let it cool for six months or more. THEN you can talk about being friends. Otherwise, in the meantime, you're just going to waste your recovery time, and it's going to take you longer to get over the break-up. Don't do it to yourself.

Spotila · 10-21-2005, 04:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by onesnowyowl

Exactly. Just walk away for a while. Don't talk to her. Just let it cool for six months or more. THEN you can talk about being friends. Otherwise, in the meantime, you're just going to waste your recovery time, and it's going to take you longer to get over the break-up. Don't do it to yourself.

^Speaks the truth. The more contact you have with this girl, the more crazy it's gonna drive you. Ofcourse it's tricky to just walk away, break all ties even if only for a while. But trust me dude, you'll feel better when you do.

macmanmike6100 · 10-21-2005, 04:59 PM

I would seriously avoid staying friendly with her at this point. At the very least, avoid the friends-with-benefits situation. It simply doesn't work. She's likely still riding an emotional rollercoaster and I highly doubt that you want to ride, too.

The best way the break-up (I think) is to seriously just agree that you won't communicate with each other for a while. Let things simmer down and spread apart. Then, maybe, you can consider just being friends.

Shadefire · 10-22-2005, 07:48 AM

Man, imagine how awkward it is going to be when you bring someone else back to your apartment for some nookie, and your ex is still calling every couple of hours.....

10-19-2005, 08:47 PM	#1 (permalink)
Temporary_User Psycho	GF and I broke up I knew her for 10 months. I kind of wanted to breakup for a while, but was too big of a pussy to just come out and say it (im horrible) anyways, one night i got mad and just went home, the next night she called me and came over and we talked about it. I said that i think she wants me to be someone im not, and she sort of agreed, and then she left crying and we officially broke up over text message. she was the one who finally said goodbye.. that was sunday night. on tuesday night she called me, and told me she got a few job offers and such... said she doesnt want to lead me on, but wants to be on a friendly basis and finds it hard to not talk to me, since we talked everyday before this. i kinda agreed, i do want to remain friendly. she told me she wanted to go tanning so we hung up. about 1 hr later she called again, and just bullshitted. then again tonight (wednesday) she texts me asking if im up. i am but dont answer. about 10min later she calls me. i sleep with my phone next to my bed so i answer it and she asks if im sleeping. i say i was, and we bullshit a bit. then she says "oh i was going to invite myself over, but since your sleeping..." i say "yeah im sleeping" ahh what's going on here? what should I do. I am male, so im not opposed to sex, but feel that it is too early and if we had it we would fall right back into a relationship. EDIT: after thinking, i dont know if this is in the right forum, if it should be in tilted living, or somewhere else, please feel free to move it. thanks Last edited by Temporary_User; 10-19-2005 at 09:05 PM..

10-20-2005, 01:18 AM	#4 (permalink)
Daniel_ Evil Priest: The Devil Made Me Do It! Location: Southern England	I'll put the water on to boil, you get the rabbit ready. :/ __________________ ╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗ Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air, And deep beneath the rolling waves, In labyrinths of Coral Caves, The Echo of a distant time Comes willowing across the sand; And everthing is Green and Submarine ╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

10-20-2005, 01:26 AM	#5 (permalink)
bubonico Upright Location: Iraq :(	Talk to her, tell her where you stand. If she's okay with having some no strings attached sex then go for it. __________________ "People sleep peacably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf" -George Orwell

10-20-2005, 11:41 AM	#8 (permalink)
Cynthetiq Tilted Cat Head Administrator Location: Manhattan, NY	move on....nothing here. __________________ I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not. What's the best nation in the world? DO-NATION!

10-20-2005, 12:38 PM	#9 (permalink)
feelgood Free Mars! Location: I dunno, there's white people around me saying "eh" all the time	I've been down that road, most of us have. It's kinda awkward to have your ex-gf as a fuck buddy after the breakup. Fuck buddy are somebody who has no emotional attachment with you whatsoever unless you guys are friends, which is cool. But the fact that you guys once had feelings for each other may might complicate the situation even more. How? After awhile, one of you or both are gonna be confusing feeling for another and begin wondering if whether or not there is a legalimate reason to restart your relationship. Once you start the relationship again and realize you guys were wrong, the cycle begins again. Both of you need to sit down and talk about what is going to happen from this point on, are you guys just friends? Or are you guys more than that but short of having any real relationship? __________________ Looking out the window, that's an act of war. Staring at my shoes, that's an act of war. Committing an act of war? Oh you better believe that's an act of war

10-19-2005, 09:51 PM	#2 (permalink)
hrandani Insane	'Broke up over text message' is classic though. So evaluate where you stand. If you just want sex and forget about her feelings, I don't see how you can lose here. If you do care about her feelings and don't want to be in a relationship with her, this isn't going to work.

10-19-2005, 11:08 PM	#3 (permalink)
analog Banned	no, sexuality is the right place for it... As for the scenario, she wants sex. I guess she's gotten over it already, or maybe is really craving attention badly enough to want sex (not that wanting sex from you is a bad thing). If it's too soon to be the friend with benefits, just tell her you're not ready to be a hook-up since you called it off so recently. If she doesn't understand, no big loss, you're not dating her anyway.

10-20-2005, 11:03 AM	#6 (permalink)
Temporary_User Psycho	yeah, i don't know if no-strings is what she is looking for or not... I kind of feel that even if we started w/ no strings, it would lead to strings... it seems that is just human nature. girls that ive met seem to always want a relatiionship. i guess ill have to see if she calls me again...

10-20-2005, 12:41 PM	#10 (permalink)
aintyoboyfriend Insane Location: Arlington, VA	sometimes it feels the same to fall in love and break it off. She either wants the hook up or She thinks she can bait you back into the relationship by sleeping with you. Neither will end well, so just don't do it. Unless you secretly do want to be with her. Then, by all means.

10-20-2005, 05:54 PM	#11 (permalink)
JumpinJesus Junkie Location: Chicago	There's nothing I can add that hasn't already been said, but I do want to reinforce the control aspect of some of the replies already. I believe she's trying to test the conviction of this break-up and whether or not she can still get you to do her bidding. I don't think it's intentional, but it's manipulative and the one thing I really don't like is being manipulated, so I'd also echo BigBen by saying make a clean break. If you want to remain friends, that's fine, but give it a lot of time before you open that door. The break-up is still too fresh for that to be possible. __________________ "I can normally tell how intelligent a man is by how stupid he thinks I am" - Cormac McCarthy, All The Pretty Horses

10-20-2005, 06:56 PM	#12 (permalink)
joeyaz Tilted Location: Az	I was going through the same thing in a way..I broke up with my GF of 5 years a few months ago..we have been treading this.. Freinds with benefits line for awhile..it shouldn't happen..at least not so soon that was one of many mistakes I made its is alot easier said than done though.. She was my first serious relationship so this is all new territory for me..so I guess I can't really give advice...just know what you going through.

10-21-2005, 10:51 AM	#13 (permalink)
Cimarron29414 Still Free Location: comfortably perched at the top of the bell curve!	Back when candy bars cost a nickel, I dated a girl for a year and she wanted to break it off. After about two days, she wanted to be "friends". So, we were "friends". We ended up being "friends" for 3.5 more years. Basically, I wasted 3.5 years that could have been spent with someone more deserving. It's really simple, actually: you either a) want to be her boyfriend or b) you don't. If (a) then apply all of your energies toward her. If (b) sever ALL contact with her until you are both in committed relationships with other people. Don't do what I did - big mistake. __________________ Gives a man a halo, does mead. "Here lies The_Jazz: Killed by an ambitious, sparkly, pink butterfly."

10-21-2005, 11:18 AM	#15 (permalink)
balinksi Upright	I don't know about this. In my younger days I was going out with this girl for about a year. We broke up at the end of the summer but "remained friends" I went away to college and came back for Christmas break. As dumb luck has it I run into her at the mall. We talk for a little bit and the next thing you know I am jamming my johnson in her in the back seat of my car in the parking lot. So we got together a few more times during Christmas break and really all we did was fuck. I go back to school think nothing of it. Meanwhile she meets someone and starts a relationship. She is open and tells me all about it. No problem I thought I am over her, but it was nice to get my johnson taken care of while I was home (she was a good fuck). Anyway she continue to write to me during that semester. Fast forward to the next summer. I come home on a Friday afternoon. I never told her the day or anything that I was coming home. I am not home but 2 hours and there is a knock on the door, low and behold its her. I let her in and she gives me a hug. The next thing you know I had her bend over the take skirt up over her back balling her. This continued on and on for 3 years. We really didn't talk much just fucked. We both were in out of relationships but it was the sex that keep us going. I think it would still be going on today if it was not for the fact that I moved away. I am sure even now if we saw each other I would have her bent over a barrell giving it to her.

10-21-2005, 11:57 AM	#16 (permalink)
Temporary_User Psycho	yeah, this is weird... im not good at getting into peoples heads, and I know you guys cant get into her's across the internet, but your thoughts really do help. I knew from previous talks that she and one of her girlfriends are going to a nightclub on thurs, so she calls me at around 10 and says it is still early and dead. she mentions that her friend told her that she is suprised on how little she is talking about me. Then she says but a guy walked into the bar that looked like me so she said to her friend it is hard not to talk about him when someone tha looks just like him walks in! When she tells me this, I just make a joke that she is starting to see me in everyone she see's. then she askes if I would be mad if she calls later... i say "depends if im sleeping or not." she calls @ 11 but im in the bathroom so i couldnt get to a phone. so we broke it off sun night, and she has called me every day except monday now.

10-21-2005, 03:55 PM	#18 (permalink)
Temporary_User Psycho	well, i thought of the safety idea. but she called 1 hr later... did she think she might of picked up that soon? when we were going out, and one was @ the bar we would ask the other if we could call... PS: we both live Downtown, only about 5 blocks from each other.

10-21-2005, 04:59 PM	#21 (permalink)
macmanmike6100 High Honorary Junkie Location: Tri-state.	I would seriously avoid staying friendly with her at this point. At the very least, avoid the friends-with-benefits situation. It simply doesn't work. She's likely still riding an emotional rollercoaster and I highly doubt that you want to ride, too. The best way the break-up (I think) is to seriously just agree that you won't communicate with each other for a while. Let things simmer down and spread apart. Then, maybe, you can consider just being friends.

10-22-2005, 07:48 AM	#22 (permalink)
Shadefire Upright Location: Madison, WI	Man, imagine how awkward it is going to be when you bring someone else back to your apartment for some nookie, and your ex is still calling every couple of hours..... __________________ I was covered in blood, but it wasn't mine, so it was okay. - Anita Blake