False accusations-need advice
 

So this kid i knew at my college is accusing me of raping a girl.

Rape..!

This is the way i saw it. A few friends who knew the girl were telling me she wanted to hook up with me so i was like, cool im down. I'm no cassanova when it comes to women so i just figured we'd fool around, kiss, maybe i'd get some head.

So 'the night' finally comes around and i was chilling in my friends room with this girl and my friend. We're all drinkin and watchin southpark, ahh good times. So anyway, i ask the girl if she wants to come up to my room, and apparently she asked my friend for a condom beforehand, which i wasn't aware of until later. So we get up in my room and start kissin, its all good. Then later she busts out the condom, i was like woah im gettin laid tonight.

Did i mention we were drunk?

So anyhow the night goes well, alot of sex is had. But now, nearly 5 months later a guy friend of this girl is accusing me of RAPE. I just can't grasp their ideas of how i raped her. It makes me feel like shit! im being accused of rape when i barely made a move on the girl, i just don't understand. What should i do? What are your thoughts on this slice of drama? I was shocked to read his very, very hateful email. it was damn near the most depressing thing ive read in years, and for a minute i actually thought i WAS a rapist. But when i look back on it, i just don't see how he has any right calling me a rapist. I think of the night more like a one night stand, i mean, two people were horny, wanted to fool around, and they did. Is there anything wrong with that? thoughts please!

How about just telling him to shut up it's-none-of-your-business?

If she wants to accuse you of it I'm sure she would've done it :)

yeah, don't worry about.

maybe this "friend" is just jealous because HE never got any from this girl.

Sounds more like she jumped YOU. Don't pay any attention to what this ass-wipe has to say.

this is not a topic to fuck with or joke about, tell the guy what really happened, if that doesn't work theaten him with a large blunt object like a bat. getting tagged with somthing like that can fuck you up for life. and Imagine results in moving out of town.

I feel for you man, I'd freak out. I'd rather be accused of murder.

coarse that's just me and I've got pretty strong opinions on the matter.

i'm with cnor--get this straightened out ASAP.

The first thing you need to do is find out if SHE is accusing you or just HIM. Because its a whole differn't matter if he just took it on himself to say you raped her and she has started telling people you raped her. Either way just make sure the people that count get the story straight. Would try to avoid any threats towards phsyical violence. Of course I am also a pacifist.

Yup. Tell the guy that if he has evidence, he needs to show it or STFU, otherwise he will be looking at the business end of a defamation/libel suit.

This is pretty serious stuff. You may want to consult with an attorney. You need to stop this ASAP. Otherwise you could be known as "the accused rapist" for the rest of your life.

BBtB, thats a hell of an Avatar for a pacifist:D

Better get it straighten out quickly. These things have away of becoming a monster.
By the way the baseball bat probably isn't a great idea. I am not necessarily a pacifist but this guy already wants to see you burn. Don't add to his fire.

Listen:
If she is drunk
She cannot legally give consent
Thus, 'rape' is very applicable.


Dont fuck drunk chicks, it's bad news.

Whoa, almost the exact same thing happened to me a few years back.

To make a long story short, I was a sophmore in HS and a really well known, hot senior chic and I had been hitting it off here and there at some raves on the weekend. One night after a school dance we went to a party and got wasted. La la la, night went on and she brought me back to her g-friends house to spend the night. Wound up having sex with her, and to be honest it was kind of against my will cause I had to stand up a good guy friend to be with her. Either way, woke up in the morning really hung over, said bye, talked to her later on and we had the "post drunken-sex chat" and cleared everything up. Made sure it wouldn't hurt our relationship and all. Everything was gravy, till like you said, about 5 months down the line I hear that she said I raped her. I was like WTF *she* raped *me* if anything, and either way we talked about everything the next day and it was all cool. Well turns out the girl is a huge drama queen/ kinda fucked up from her dad cheating on her mom/ does coke here and there. She was getting back together with her old boyfriend and I'm sure she said something stupid like "oh he raped me" when she was apologizing to him for having sex with another guy.
I wouldn't trip too bad right away. It's extremely serious, but I believe you and think you should just hold your ground as long as she's not trying to press charges (which is possible but would be extremely messed up.) I'd worry more about your rep than legal things as of now. I lost a good friend during all the drama. Her brother found out everything and had mixed opinions but knew me too well to acuse me. After everything chilled out, all the old drama mixed with the fact that I simply had sex with his siter has changed things to this day. What a cracker the girl was. Looks like Christina Aguilera, and acts hot and stupid just like her too. I say don't mess around with em. Too much drama

Yeah. I dunno. Same thing pretty much happened to me here at college. Chick and I are drunk as shit and end up fucking. We barely remember anything. We talked about it afterwards and it's cool, we're good friends now. Also, the law sides on the side of the chick when it comes to rape since technically a man cannot be raped (the defintion of rape in the sense of the law is a penis into the vagina). Oh yeah, she came onto me too, asked if I had a condom. I wasn't even planning on doing anything that night, she starts kissing me, I figure that'd be it, then bam, suprise. I was too drunk to say "no" i guess. I'd talk to her. Her opinion is the one that matters, and tell the guy to stfu, it's not his business if she sees no problem in the matter.

Since she took the initiative, and you were drunk also, since her asking for a condom shows it's premeditated...did she rape you?

And while she cannot give consent while she is drunk, she may be able to before hand. Hence I am not raping my girlfriend if we get drunk and have sex. I hope.
Good luck.

:D And I knew when I said that someone would make that comment. Oh I still like a violent film here and there (although less then alot of people I know) I just personally try to avoid violence. Maybe I am not a pacfist. Maybe I am just a wimp. Either way.

Yet drugs (like alcohol) have also been used against alleged rape victims.

However I must agree, dont frux those drunk chicks.

I was once accused of rape. Only we were both sober and I didn't have sex with her. It took a while to get people to believe me. Watch out for those big brute sensitive warrior idiots who love nothing more than to be the defender of women everywhere by beating the fuck out of alleged rapists. She invited me back to her house a week after I allegedly raped her only she didn't tell me about the two guys she had waiting for me to beat my ass (which didn't happen, btw).

You guys kick ass, seriously.

But yea this kid threatened me sayin 'he'll rearrange my face' and the like if he sees me, and also mentioned taking it to the police at one point. Once i read the police threat is when i got nervous. Im hoping that since they havent done anything yet, (this happend back in Dec.) that they are just making hollow threats. Any advice on what to do if they happen to take legal action? I'm only 19 and have been thinking what this chick could do to me if she went to the police. If that happens what can i do, its much more likely they'll take her side...but if the truth shall set you free then thats what im gonna stick to.

Basically, you are probably overlooking the obvous. If this does go to court, get your friend to testify that she had asked him for a condom for you two. Also if they don't shut the hell up about this soon, you may want to threaten them with court---slander is against the law, and if they are stating this and it isn't true, you can press charges against them.

I feel for you, and hope everything works out-
although I do agree with the advice "Don't mess around with drunk chicks-that's playing with fire"

As are threats. One thing I would advice is holding on to those e-mails for now.

You should get this straightened out as soon as possible.

My roommate, at the time, was accused of rape from a guy friend same as you; he ignored it for a while hoping it would go away; he thought that folks who knew him personally would know better; they didn't and it followed him around for a long time.

Eventually my buddy got together the letters and such this guy was sending him and took them to his lawyer. Sure enough a big fat threat of a defamation lawsuit shut that guy up quick.

In the end it was too little too late; the stigma of being labled a rapist was stuck to the poor guy.

what other ppol have said is true. unless she has accused u and ur gonna be in court then she hasn't said anything and this guy is just bein a dick. all u can do is tell the guy what happend and talk to the chick to see wtf is up with this guy.

it's true those if u have sex with a drunk chick it's not really consent

I would try to get to the source of the problem -- the girl. Just talk to her non-accusingly and see what information you can extract.

Ever seen the movie... "The Life of David Gale?"

Well..... some girls are just whores' like that. Not that the movie has a lot to do with this scenario. But the law today.. when someone says they were raped it's taken seriously... even if the person accused is innocent. I'm sure after some psych exams or whatever the police will see the truth.

Personally I think that is shitty.. I know I've done stupid things kinda like that drunk... and I can't say I regret it.. but I have learned from it. Not sure what advice I can say...

Maybe ask for a polygraph exam on both parties? Those are sometimes accurate.

Just a thought.

uhm... I realize of course that he's "threatened to rearrange your face", but is there any chance of reasoning with him, before he does something really stupid? Also, have you talked to the girl? I mean, if you two are cool, then there really shouldn't be a problem. Maybe keep track of the friend who gave her the condom? Just so you're covered...

Yea i tried talking to the girl, she wrote me an email back spewing out many words of hatred toward me. Which was honestly shocking. Before anything had ever happened she was flirting with me and the like, (Ie:one night we were watching a movie in a friends room and i was chillin on the bed, she came over and latched on to my arm, and when i was gonna go she whined and held it tighter) so i think that her guy friend has just turned into her 'knight in shining armor' type deal, and i'm the no-good dude who lives in a castle on top of a gloomy mountain. Ahhh i just really hope this blows over soon...i haven't told anyone about this incident except you guys and so far you've been great, many thanks to all of ya :D And i think if it does go to court im going to request a polygraph test and the like. But it seems almost pointless because all she has to say is "he got me drunk" or "my judgement was too impaired" and im fucked...goddamit. This makes me a sad panda :(

Hm, well, you still have your friend whom she asked for the condom.

I don't have any experience with lawsuits or anything, but I can't see how anyone can you convict you as long as they get his testimony. Heck, if she takes you to court, repay her the favour :)

And if she keeps talking but not acting, take her to court for injury?

I think that you should talk to a lawyer and be really honest with him (or her) about what happened and find out what the law is like on this issue in your jurisdiction. I think that there must be something that you are leaving out, like she didn't know it was going to be a one night stand and wanted a relationship, but most people don't invent something for no reason. Most sane people that is. But there really is no win in this situation, you have to look for the least loss, and hopefully that won't include being labelled a rapist.

I think the guy is just fucking with your mind. She told him you two were together to get him jealous. Now he's taking out his frustrations on you and he's gettin to ya.

Think about all the people who knew she wanted in your pants. Think of her asking for the condom. Its scary when your in the shit, but step outside and look at it. A charge like that will never stick

Uh, BTW, she wasn't a minor right?

My take on it:

Talk to a lawyer. Better safe than sorry. However, aside for the general fact rape cases are really hard to prove, having been so long I honestly don't think you would lose this one if it were to go to court. Still, discuss it with a lawyer and, of course, be completely honest with him concerning the situation.

Have you talked to the friend that gave her the condom? That's a pretty big key for a defense right there.

Treat the situation seriously, but I wouldn't get too worked up about it. Just go through the points systematically - talk to lawyer, talk to friend who gave condom, and see where to go from there.

Dude... Find someone he slept with... and accuse him of rape. Create an Email Addy under her name and threaten to go to the police. Watch him freak out... and then let him know how fucking shitty it is to be accused of rape.

He's doing it all for the nookie.

Else.. the lawyer thing is a good idea. They'll charge you.. but if word starts getting around I think you have a lawsuit on your hands pal. Does the guy's family have any money?

I was searching for other similar social issues, and came accross this web site.

http://www.shatterdmen.com/False%20R...20Raped%20Man?

There may be links, and online resources for falsly accused men. Personally, having seen a coworker accused/arrested for trafficking, and although never convicted how it messed with his life, I can imagine what a false rape charge could do.

Ok wait wait wait. If a woman is drunk she legally CANNOT give consent?! I understand that intoxication can be used as circumstantial evidence for either the accused or victim but is that actually some kind of statute? Can anyone verify this for me cuz then like 90% of men are rapists (including me, hey one night stands happen, often hopefully).

Now I, like all of you, would be murderously outraged if someone we love was raped but we live in an age, it seems, where we minamalize a womens responsibility and make it all too easy for them to destroy a good man's life simply because it is easier for them than telling a boyfriend or parents that they are just as promiscuous as your average male. I've heard this same type story many times before and it outrages me as much as a true story of rape.

Sure many men are pigs but I know a helluva lot of evil women.

I've gotta say... what a crock of shit this seems to be!

I agree you *need* to talk to a lawer, maybe a friends parent, or just go spend some cash on one who can give you advice on what to do. It's well worth it to cover your ass.

This is the very reason I videotape all sexual encounters...:)

On a serious note...I agree that talking to a lawyer would be a prudent decision. I would also save ANY and ALL correspondance between you whether email or written. Of course talk to the friend with the condom and get their story. This would be very hard to prove especially with no physical evidence due to the timeline you described.

I am surprised that she was harsh to you in her email. Did she mention rape at all, or is she just pissed because you never called her back?

Lawyer dude, and do not discuss it with anyone else. Jail and bad reputation is nothing to screw with. The guy making the accusation can be sued for slander. A lawyer can probably communicate that to him better than you.

Actually, if she was drunk, she had no "legal" ability to make a desicion...so yea, she could actually accuse you of rape...SO seventhtao, its true.

Learned about it in high school....repeatedly

I'm with the people who say to speak to a lawyer. A consultation shouldn't be costly. It's easy to see that you're nervous about it, but it's the smartest thing to do. Don't get emotional. Especially with this other guy; he's obviously trying to draw you out.