need some relationship advice (sorta long)

[ultimateending]

well im new here and im not too sure on how to go about this so im just going to lay it all out.

okay, well this has been going on for about a month now. I moved down here in july and my ex moved down in aug. Shes in college now and seeemd to have chose this one because i was comming down here. Now we did not see eachother that month while i was down here and she was back home. A few weeks on being down here i went to visit her at college. (Charely kept me away for a week or two). Earlier that week she wanted a "break" on our relationship of a year. So i was a bit leary and decided i had to go see her its been too long.

We saw eachother and things were great. she stayed with me for the weekend and i brought her back. The next day her "freinds" wont talk to her as what they call a joke. the next week we got hit by frances. she was susposed to come visit and stay during this huricane but wound up not for a few exuses she made up. She stayed with the two guys she hangs out ALL the time with at college.

She didnt even call me to see how things were and didnt asnwer her fone when i called her. So im getting a bit worried. i find out that shes got a few excuses that seem legit. So i turn my face on this one. And let her have the break. She disapears the next weekend with the guys again. She comes back and im furious because she wont even talk to me around these guys. So im starting to have second thoughts about what shes doing during this break.

So we get into a 5 hour discussion on our relationship and we wind up breaking up becuase she needs time to find herself and it had nothing to do with the guy, although she did mention she liked and i told her i wouldnt speak to her if she broke up with me for him. (yeah it seems childish but at the time i was pissed) I was mad but i know how hard starting new someplace since i was going through the same thing. I just hoped she would make more freinds other than these two guys.

So some time later i find this new girl at my school n we start hanging out. It felt so good after all that time of waiting for my ex and every thing. Now i find out that my ex is dating this guy she met at college, the same one that she admitted liking during our break up. So now im stuck, trying with this new girl and its slow, compared to what i had. Last night my ex n i talked about what we had. A few days after the breakup we were trying to get our freindship back intact. She claims were working on it but the part that really bugged me last night was when we turned the conversation back to how it used to be and how we talked. (we had a very intimate relationship btw. we would talk about anything and do anything). She started to defend her relationship with the guy and refuse talking like that. And yes she does have a flirty personality but she wouldnt give a response when i asked her if she even defended our relationship when she started talking to these guys.

Now i dont know what to do and i look to you for some advice. I mean she says she likes me and this guy. I wouldnt dare go back with her unless she really changes her ways, i cant even let my self trust her with the smallest things becuase i dont know what shell do next. I started something with this new girl but its very slow. My ex doesnt know about her and im not sure how that would work. I have a feeling it may make her spiteful as seeing that she doesnt seem to realize what is going on. The ex wants a freindship but we always fight and it winds up being her lack of being there or her relationship with this guy.

Theres more details but i dont want to make this post long. Yes her freinds have tried talking to her and most have stopped bothering with her. I apologize for this being so long but if you need more please let me know.
thank you all in advance

[maleficent]

Somewhere in all that you mentioned meeting someone new, and enjoying that feeling, but then you go right back to what the ex is doing... Honestly, let it go, get on with your life, you'll meet plenty of people who are much less draining on you, and are better for your spirit.

Your ex seems like she's getting a taste of independence and is enjoying it, perhaps she's not handling it as maturely as others might, but it's her choice and her decision, she's not treating you well, so why would you want to put up with that? She's playing a lot of games right now and that's just tiresome, take a break from it, and see how you feel in a few months.

[ultimateending]

yeah, thats all people have been telling me. But to add to this whole mess, this is my senior year of hs and i have moved from jersey to florida. So basically its a total culture shock. I guess its just a bit overwhleming.

I just hope that this whole new girl thing works out because its great to have that feeling that someone cares. Its the whole need for "instant gratifcation" that makes this so hard. and the fact that it was all thrown away so easily. Thats why i question still talking to my ex, because im tired of playing her games...

[maleficent]

You deserve someone who is going to respect you and your feelings, and treat you well, playing games is the opposite of that. You don't deserve that.

Moving to a new location for your last year of school can be a difficult, but join some clubs, get out and meet some other folks, you won't be alone for long. Just don't put all your worth into meeting a new girl, have some confidence in your self and be able to stand on your own...

[pig]

ultimateending, I'll give it to you from a guy's perspective, and a guy's perspective who has been through this before..essentially. Long story short - that first year after graduation from high school / freshmen year at college is a classic time for breakups. Your ex is in an environment that's totally new, she's trying to fit in with different crowds, etc. If you were older I'd talk about A Different World and Lisa Bonet and Dwayne Wayne, but that's all useless to you. This sounds like one of those "can't force a square peg in a round hole" situations - as tough as it may be, I'll back Mal on letting it go. If your friendship with the ex is "meant to work" it will...but if not, then you've got a situation where come December, it'll be soooo cold you'll have to maybe put on a sweater, and when spring hits in March the beaches will be crowded with ridiculously intoxicated young ladies in two-piece thongs. Life could be worse. Make the most of it. Have fun with the new relationship - it sounds like the old one was dying.

[ultimateending]

yeah, i understand what you all are saying. and i guess your right. I mean when she does decide to talk to me should i bother or just put it off. thats the part thats bugging me. Shell come back either today, tomrrow or the next day and talk like nothings wrong. I mean part of me feels i should be mad and tell her off for good, and another part feels bad.

[pig]

my personal suggestion? tough to say without all the details, etc; however, unless she's done things that really would make you not like her as a friend, there's no reason to burn the bridge on the relationship. At the same time, I wouldn't suggest trying to retain the level of intimacy you previously had. If she's demonstrating that she's not interested in that level of relationship, then she has to be prepared to understand that there are certain consequences - it's not that you're being a dickhead, but at the same time you can't leave yourself open and emotionally vulnerable to someone who is giving strong indications that they might not be there for you. Therefore, I would treat it like you would a friend - if she wants to get together and it works for your schedule and it's something you want to do, I'd suggest hanging out with her. If it's not a good time, then take a raincheck. There's really no reason to let her (or anyone) get you any madder than you can manage.

[Carno]

Bummer bro. Same thing happened to me when my girlfriend and I started our first year of college (seperate schools). A few weeks after school starts she tells me that she can't do the whole distance thing. I might have believed her, except that we were like 35 mins apart. Turned out that she had met a dude and wanted to go out with him.

I'd suggest asking her for some space so you can get over her. The more you talk to her the longer it'll take to get over her. She doesn't seem too bothered about yalls break up.. Do your own thing for a while and forget about her.

[ultimateending]

yeah, man im glad i posted something here. I think ill wait for these relationships i started with new girls to grow n see what happens. Im really getting annoyed with her stuff, cuz yes she still does treat me like we were still going out and still sends mixed signals. But i dont care any more, if she wants to throw it away then she could. She cant even find time for us to finish the converstaion we had last night, and it was to her own benefit. Im tired of figuring her out.

now i just need to find a good way to meet people. things are VERY slow down here, so college anticipation is growing quite rapidly. any ideas? im not a very outspoken person so this is all new for me, so please bare with me

[Carno]

Whereabouts do you live in Fl?

[ultimateending]

bit north of orlando, not too familliar with the area yet