normal?
 

In an attempt to spice up our sex life,I offered to maybe pick up some slighty kinky outfits etc.My SO refused, said he likes me better "normal" what gives with that?

An approach that seems inauthentic to sexuality can be a real turn-off. Perhaps you can ratchet up passion through other means.

I'm not quite sure what you mean.I do know he appreciates the "nasty" look on other women so his reaction was somewhat surprising.

Are you naturally "nasty"? If you try to be "nasty" do you feel like you're acting, or is it natural to you? Why are you trying to be "nasty" is it just for him, or because you've always wanted to be "nasty"? Does he like "nastiness" because it is an escape from reality, and he doesn't want to see it in you because he has a real intellectual and emotional connection to you? What is really missing in your sex life, and how does what you are wearing truly get to the heart of what is missing?

What's missing in our sex life is variety imho, it is becoming predictable and routine.

try explaining to him the problem you see rather than the solution. I could be wrong but it sounds like you've diagnosed this lack of variety, come up with the solution (kinky outfits) and told him what you planned on doing without telling him WHY.

Perhaps a better approach would be to talk to him about the fact you feel there is a lack of variety and come up with a solution together.

I find it better to not tell the person what you plan to do and just do it.

You really find a lot about a person's kinks when they are in a intimate situation.

What?

Your guy is insecure.

Do you only want to wear the naughty outfits in private, for him? Or do you want to wear them in public?

In any case, I have a hard time feeling empathy for your guy. I love it when my woman surprises me sexually. Really.

I don't think he's insecure at all. I appreciate the 'nasty' look on some women but it would be a great turn off for me is she dressed like that. I think that's probably textbook hypocricy, but it's the truth and there's nothing I can do about it.

Your boyfriend doesn't want to think of you as 'nasty'. If you guys discussed it and gradually introduced something like this then I think it would work out a lot better.

As the moment if my girlfriend walked in in a 'nasty' outfit I'd be very freaked out, it would be very uncomfortable for me and I wouldn't want to see her in those sorts of outfits.

I'm sure I'll get slammed for being immature and hypocritical, but just as most people would find it an instant turn off if their partner introduced scat into their sex life, I'd find the 'nasty' look very uncomfortable.

My other guesses would be that it was just a very big surprise to him and he was in shock, and wasn't sure how to act. Or he finds that look degrading and holds you in very high regard, and has a lot of respect for you and is of the opinion that wearing those outfits would be degrading for you.

I'm just throwing out guesses here, I think you should ask him how he feels about your current sex life and go from there. Instead of introducing kinky new options he may not be comfortable with (which is fair enough) and then being upset that they don't work out, save the heartache and discuss it first.

You can look tastefully sexy without turning to "nasty" or "kinky" as alternatives... However, you can be tastefully dirty too. My husband loves me naughty or nice. My advice would be to not shop at porn stores for this spice you are looking for. If you are really serious, go to Frederick’s of Hollywood or Victoria’s Secret and throw down a nice chunk for something sexy yet timeless.

Maybe instead of going straight to latex and whips you could buy a nurse or school girl outfit and try that first...

There's a really fine line between "kinky" and "cheesy". I like kinky. Cheesy is sort of fun, but not in a sexy way.

I suspect you crossed the line.

I wasn't trying to be "cheesy" I'm just concerned because our sex life is becoming so predictable and routine.Grab my ass for 30 seconds,kiss for 1 minute,grope my left breast a few times,insert penis sort of routine. I want to try to spice things up and keep it interesting.

then you should be talking more to him than to us...

But it's not a surprise when she says "I asked him if he wanted me to... "

Just Do It!

Suprise him... Be spontaneous... if it doesn't work, don't get upset, just laugh about it... Do something fun, be creative...

You're married to him, you should know what he likes and doesn't like by now... If you are questioning it, then you really do need to communicate likes and dislikes a lot more.

i can see where he's coming from. my ex would buy all this crap to wear for me but NOTHING got me more turned on then just her in her bra and panties.

there are plenty of sexual type games you can play to spice things up if the dressup thing isnt for him.

I can't comment on this unless you post pictures of you in these outfits or links to what you wanted to wear ;)

If it is variety you are looking for, then why not just DO different things instead of WEARING different things? I wouldn't help to be in an outfit if he then just does the same thing to you with you in the outfit. I take some small pride in doing at least SOMETHING a little differently each time (I'm a guy). That is the only way to grow, expand and keep your sex life interesting. Do: Oral - in all the varieties and positions; Doggie, girl on top, etc. etc. ; do it in different places - even if it is just in different rooms; do it together while watching porn; Better yet, Make your own porn and then do it while watching together; toys, light bondage, etc. etc. etc. Just keep mixing it up.

You are a partner in this stuff too. It is 50% your responsibility to decide what you guys do. Half way through next time, just flip him over and do something different to him. See if he likes it. Do what you like best and he will like it.

/just making suggestions...

Damnit...this man stole my routine!!

I'm going to have to agree with everyone here...suprise him. If you think that things need to be spiced up, start spicing them up. Don't talk to him about it ahead of time, unless you're planning somethinge VERY drastic. Test out the waters a little, and if the reaction you get is not favorable, then sit him down and discuss it with him.

I agree with some of the other posts that perhaps seeing you kinky is just not his thing. For example, although I find why wife to be very sexy, I don't think I would find her sexy in a kinky outfit. It just doesn't fit her personality. One of the things I find so sexy about my wife is the she is very sweet.

Maybe you could try some soft lingerie...sheer red or white teddies, rather that leather.

Yeah, he says I'm like the girl next door type. Unfortunately that translates into sex that's getting to be not worth bothering with as it's becoming so predictable and routine.

So break the routine. Oral, toys, anal, you on top, donkeys, midgets, the list just goes on and on! I'd start slow, though. How are you at oral? (rhetorical question!) Something like that gives you the initiative and is unlikely to be a problem for him, no? He could even reciprocate if you SUGGEST IT STRONGLY ENOUGH!!!!, as the demure girl-next-door, hey? Then again, I've never been a woman in this lifetime, so maybe this isn't something a woman can do. :crazy:

heh after reading your stuff here I keep seeing "predictable and routine".

Anyway maybe to spice things up, try taking him to fredricks of hollywood, Victoria secret and maybe look for something you will like together. Or maybe try talking during the act to see what turns him on. Or try telling him some of your ideas to see how he responds.

Its hard to have simpathy for this guy really because its awesome to see a woman who is wanting to spice things up and such.

I feel your frustration. Talking about it is great to advise, but hard to do once so much tension has built up. For sure you need to communicate more, and not in the bedroom.

Best of Luck

Sounds like you need a better lover, not a kinky outfit. Education is the key if there's any real passion left in your relationship.

someguys arent in to outfits... im not... dont get me wrong i like them on some girls but if my gf wanted to wear a naughty nurse outfit i would laugh... its not that she doesnt look good cuz she does... its just that its not her to wear something like that... if she wants to turn up the heat she doesnt try and be cheesy she knows what to do wear a thong every now and then or nothing at all and give me a peek or just try something new... position technique partner whatever it takes