Breaking a cherry advice
 

Hey everybody. Ok, here is my situation. I'm an 18 year old male, and I have only had sex with one other girl before my current girlfriend. We did it three times, but I never came in her.

Now, I'm with the love of my life, and I'm having two problems. One, she is very petite, and ergo her vagina is very tight, and I can't quite penetrate her. Also, I know nothing about breaking a heimen (spelling?). If someone could give me some more detailed advice about that, it would help.

The second problem might go away once the first one is solved, but it seems that since I can't penetrate her, I can only move my penis around her and in the small area directly inside her vagina (before the heimen). Because of this, my erections aren't lasting very long (I'll only be hard in between 15-45 seconds, as nothing can happen due to the lack of penetration).

Any advice would be very much appreciated. Thanks.

Errr... well, normally it won't take much to break the heinman (not sure how to spell it either). For some unlucky girls, well, they need to go to their doctors to have it cut. I guess.

Yeah, I'm no help.

Oh, and USE PROTECTION!

Thank you and have a good night :D

i would gues syou need toreally get this chick geared up...through oral....finger ..whatever......get her to the point where she is ready to blow. This will ensure she is relaxed and willing to take some discomfort......and it might help you out in your scenario.

Use more lube than you're using. It's a common rookie mistake not to use ANY. Get her very relaxed and wet (but don't rely on nature for that) and you'll find it much easier going.

There's no "ergo" connecting her physical size and the tightness of her vagina, by the way. If she can push a baby through that thing, I guarantee you'll fit.

Listen to this man. This is a smart man.

What did they do in the days before lube ;-)

so should i just keep trying until it breaks?

(i see what you are all saying as well, our options with lubrication are limited as most of the time we're covert in our activities [we both just graduated high school and are at home])

its probably not her hymen (not sure either, but I will throw that spelling in to the mix...), more likely the fact she is nervous, consciously or unconsciously, and as said above, not wet enough.

"so should i just keep trying until it breaks?" - if you are having conversations that are anywhere near the tone of that remark, she is probably scared to death., and therefore tense.

Just both try to relax, enjoy, dont be so caught up in the idea of "penetration" that it becomes a big issue. Your tryin to make love here man, not have sex! There is a big difference, remember that!

ok no offense but if you can't get up the courage to go to a store and buy some lube so that "the love of your life" won't be in pain during sex then you should keep it in your pants. I understand that you're afraid of being found out by parents or what not but sex is something for mature adults and if you're not ready to be honest about what you're doing maybe you shouldn't be doing it. either way it is not ok to just keep going if she's not ready.

I hope theres decent amount of foreplay before you try to penetrate her...From the sounds of it, seems like your just trying to stick it in her. Work her up with some lube and foreplay (fingers, tongue?) and then try, the foreplay will probably relax her a bit and get things going down there. Also you said you were only hard 15-45 seconds? Sounds like both of you are really nervous about this or something - take it slow, your not trying to impress anyone, just getting mutual pleasure. Try to get totaly comfy around eachother through foreplay first.

yea, im sorry thats not totally what i meant...
i am giving her foreplay, and she is plenty wet...
its just that shes as much bothered by this as i am
we are nervous, but what teens arent?
if she says things like "i want you in me!!" what am i supposed to do?

i appreciate the advice, but try not to take too much offense to what im asking here...

i did have a friend in college who actually had to have surgery because her hyman was fully closed and not breakable -- if you really can't break her hymen (it should be easy, in fact most 18 year old girls had theirs broken years ago without having sex) she should consider talking to her doctor. I know that's not what you want to hear but if there's something wrong she does need to get it looked at.

I couldn't be of any help ont hat subject.... I've never had sex with a virgin before, so I wouldn't have any clue as to the "proper" way of going about it.

When in doubt, though, use lots of lube.

First of all, everyone, "hymen" is the proper spelling.

Anyway, one thing I'd recommend that no one else seems to have mentioned is using your fingers more. Make sure they're nice and lubed and work your way up from one finger to two or three. If, then, you still can't penetrate her, follow the others' advice and get her a doctor appointment.

Breaking in a new vagina is always difficult, unless the girl did the work for you with a dildo or something. Pain, tension, fear, etc will go away with time if you play your cards right.

You might want to ask her this first. Can she use a tampon? If no (I couldn't for a long time) then she's definately in need of some help with her hymen. My first broke it just by being rough but I don't recommend that.

If she can use a tampon, then a finger should fit just fine. So after that it's a matter of using one finger, then two, then three, and then your penis should fit too (like Slauncha Man advises). But this whole procedure can take a VERY LONG TIME. That is, over an hour. Possibly multiple sessions. It did for me, and when it did break, I bled enough to be scared. Good news is, it doesn't hurt :)

So in short, the main thing to keep in mind is, everything takes time, especially vaginas!

This isn't quite true. It's also not true that plenty of lube will solve the problem (although it is the first thing to try.) There's a couple of conditions that most people are not aware of that may be an issue here.

Most likely is vaginismus. This is an involuntary tightening of the vaginal muscles that can make penetration impossible. So a couple questions for metblack85...
Can you get any penetration at all? The hymen shouldn't cover the entrance to the vagina completely.
Does she use tampons?
Can you locate the entrance with your fingers? Get your head down there (get comfy down there, many girls like getting head better than anything else.) Can you see anything?
Check some online pics to see what you can expect to see. Try http://www.the-clitoris.com/f_html/hymen.htm The web is your friend.

Also, like a previous poster said some women have hymens that are just too tough to be broken. If it really isn't working she should go to a doctor.

Ive had to 'break' in two girls and the first time is always hard to get it in. Patience grasshopper. It will happen. I would still check out all the other avice given just to be sure though.

Try a vibrator. It can make her wet, but if you insert it, it may 'stretch' her out a bit. It's unfortunate that you can't keep an erection for long but maybe you could try mutual masturbation before you choose to have sex.

Let's not worry the guy. 99% of cases, it's lack of lube and patience. Yes in some rare cases there may be medical situations at play, but let's not add "I have a Syndrome" anxiety to an already sensitive situation, hm?

Yes. Do this. WELL lubricated fingers. Use the forum's search function about recommended lubricants--not all lubes are condom-compatible. If you live in any decent-sized city there are stores around where you can discreetly equip yourself.

ok thanks guys
to answer the questions
i can sort of penetrate (just that small "lobbey" by the entrance to her vagina), she can use a tampon, but right now the space is only a little wider than my index finger. I tried using two fingers after about an hour of attempted sex and the second i tried she said it hurt. I'll try to use all of your pieces of advice, but im sure you are right that this problem with fix itself with time. thank you

Hmm, I'm sure it did hurt, that's an unfortunate side effect of touching nerves that have never really been touched before. The sensation is probably also causing her tokeep her muscles very tight. I don't really know how to help here because, like I said, I solved all these problems just be being rough and putting up with the pain until, after a couple times, it was all gone and all good ;-) But you mustn't suggest this route to her lest you frighten her...it was my own decision to ignore the pain.

I am not an expert in this matter, but another suggestion would be to let her be on top and control the depth of penetration.

Use LOTS of lube...I'd suggest getting her off at least once before you two try anything, that should ensure that she's comefortable (if you can't get her off with oral or fingers, she's probably too tense to try anything anyway).

She should know that it might hurt a little...

keep on pushin'. i small kink in the boner is a small price to pay for the smiting of a girls cherry. thats the best advice i got

You definitley need to slow down... ya need to find a place where you know you can be alone and not interrupted, especially if it's her first damn time! (Imagine daddy walking in on the first time!! - that would scar her for life!!)

Try to let her control it as much as possible, ask her if she wants to be on top or something so that there isn't any chance of you hurting her... or if it starts to hurt she can back off.

Like the others said... lube is your friend. It breaks easier than you think, I bet you are just freaking out or something.

Good Luck.

edited.

just start jackin man, she'll push through it! j/k.

just go slow, and listen to her.

Two words, foreplay & slowly!

Spit. : ) lots of it.

Nothing prepares a girl for sex better than a few good finger fuckings,and NO wonder she is tensed shut,You are talking about breaking her like a toy(that will come later),
Foreplay,foreplayForeplay,Do you get her off? If you do,you should use two hands while she is excited,one to pet nicely and one to play slightly rougher as she cums.Perhaps you should make the moment more comfortable and special by taking her somewhere that you wont be interupted,and make sure that you have plenty of time to turn her on,and help her to relax.This is HER first time.Make it nice for her....

Don't forget to get the blood stains out of the clown suit afterwards... Seriously though- Just take your time, be gentle and use a ton of lubrication. Nature should take over from there.