I've been used...
 

Something that I never thought would happen to me. I was used by a woman. She pulled me and wouldn't let me go until she found somebody else. It's near enough to make me want to completely stay away from them. I'm kind of a sap, though, and I've wanted a good pretty girl that I could spend some time with for a long time. I thought she may have been it, but it turns out that I was completely wrong. It's kind of weird though, I'm happier now than I was for almost the entire 8 months that we were together. I guess I should have realized that, but I got so wrapped up in this woman that I didn't want to think about any of the bad things about our relationship. I wish I would have taken the time to, and to learn a few more things about her that I heard a little bit about now. But it's far too late for that. I knew she had a rough past but I didn't know quite everything, and part of me refused to let me learn, and that came back and bit me in the ass.

Now I'm not sure what to do. I really want to get out and meet someone new, but this girl was actually my first relationship, and it was only because she started it. I'm shy as hell and can hardly say a thing to someone without them saying something first. It's something I've been trying to get over for a very long time but I haven't had any luck with it. I'm also a little worried about just getting a repeat of what happened, though I know the chances of that are pretty slim.

I guess now I just go back and get lost in life again. I'm not even sure what my point is in posting this.

I think the point in posting is to formulate your thoughts. Get it out of your head. Helps a lot. Did for me, when posted about my ex leaving me last christmas. Seems to me you're pretty clear on what to do next, so there only one thing left to say: Go forth and sin! No, seriously, just get on with life, and chalk it up to experience.
Take care

Kyp,

On the old TFP there was a huge thread about how a girl dragged me around, and how I kept getting excited about stuff and nothing happened, and in the end she flaked out on me.

It's not you. It's her, just take comfort that there is obviously something very likeable about you, otherwise you wouldn't have had the relationship at all.

As far as meeting new girls goes, well I'm the wrong guy to ask, I suck at it too, we all do. The only thing you can do is meet as many as possible, and see if one sticks. Good luck!

By not approaching girls I think that you are mostlikely to end up in a relationship where you are the submissive one. If a girl approaches you, she's probably pretty dominant. Hopefully you'll get approached by a good dominatrix who really likes you for you and will give your bum a little whip every now and then.

exactly. otherwise we'd have a world full of single shy people, which just isnt the case. just gotta wait for the right one to find you.

Just because I'm shy doesn't really mean I'm submissive. I tend to come out of my shell once I'm more comfortable around a person. I'm not really looking for quite that type of relationship, withe the dominatrix / submissive thing, though there is a little something I like about a woman who takes control, I wouldn't quite take it that far.

check oout this site, it will give u some ideas on approaching chicks, and maybe u can find a wingman in your area

http://www.fastseduction.com/

Kyp,

I know exactly how you feel.

Here's a little tip that always helped me: Just PRETEND you're not shy. PRETEND you're actually a go getter. Only you'll know the truth :)

And remember, there are plenty of shy women out there JUST WAITING for a nice guy to ask them out. :)

Good luck!

Man that sounds like me quite a bit. I need a life. :(

Good luck, Kyp. Let us know if you have any success! :)

I am sorry to hear about how she treated you. Sounds painful and undeserved.

It has been a long time since I was in the dating scene (I am married) and I am not sure that this is entirely on-topic, but I would encourage you to keep at it (trying to find someone) and do your best to put this behind you. The last thing you want is to get hung up on someone who has hurt you and allow them to keep on hurting you by hanging on to the pain.

Also (and this may be obvious) it is probably best to limit the ex talk with prospective dates. Open and honest are good.....not able to move on isn't. Be yourself and don't let this one woman keep you from finding the next (and possibly last) woman for you.

Been there, done that.
Have done it again.

In the future, as much as you might want to care & help someone.
Make sure that they are willing to do as much for you.

And as I keep saying to myself, and others lately.
Let it go, do what you need, and move on.

Wow sounds just like what happened with me.

Except it was 2 years and 8 months.

The hell of the relationship caused me to fail out of not one but two colleges. Yes my life was ruined from a "bitch". But instead of getting mad or frustrated - I just think about what I can do to improve.

Re: I've been used...
 

Sweet quote, reminds me of how I sometimes consider dealing with my own problems.

Apu, if it'll make you feel any better, I've learned that life is one
crushing defeat after another until you just wish Flanders was dead!
- Homer Simpson

I couldn't resist.....Anyway, life is usually full of bad situation after bad situation it's how we deal with it that makes us who we are. If we're lucky there are some really good moments as well. Sometimes the good outweigh the bad; sometimes it's just the opposite.

You seemed to have found a little bit of happiness by being away from this woman. Hold on to it and the rest will fall into place.

I don't think that's really correct, sometimes not-so-dominant girls ... girls are just more like: WOW this is the men I want, and fall in love on the spot ... doesn't mean there dominant imo ...

After I read your post, I had to re-read it and then check the poster's name to make sure _I_ hadn't posted it, circa 1999. You're in my old shoes. I know they feel like shit, but the good thing is, there are other shoes. The thing I realized is that by not being more outgoing/assertive, i was just WAITING for ANY girl to approach- and with that attitude, you'll take the first one to come along, no matter what "red flags" would normally be set off.

My friends kinda tried to tell me, but I wouldn't hear it until we finally broke up. My first of everything- relationship, sex partner, everything.

STAY the nice guy that you are. I would just recommend being a little more outgoing, it worked wonders for me. It restored confidence, I got more friends, and I met more girls. There are lots of girls looking for a nice guy. Lots of HOT girls. Just be that nice guy that you are and keep looking- you'll find her soon enough.

Good luck, and keep your head up.

Well Kyp you have one thing going for you... She stayed 8 months... The chica that used me only kept me around for 4. I guess I wasn't so useful after all.

Seriously though, 8 months man. There has to be something good about you to keep you around for 8 months. There has to be some redeeming quality. The thing that got me through my 'horrible breakup' was sitting down and thinking about all the good times I'd had over the last 8 months. Be it sex or nights out on the town or nights just spent holding each other. I'm sure you weren't miserable for the entire time, and if you had better than 50% happy days, then you came out ahead on the deal. After you have the happiness fixed in your head, take a look at what you learned from this, and how you have changed over the last year. I'm talking about taking serious stock of who and what you were before you got together with this girl, and you aren't allowed to look through the filter of your experience.

Above all else, remember that she didn't do this out of some vendetta, she wasn't out to get you from the start, she just had goals and objectives that didn't include your happiness. She didn't pick you out of the crowd because she knew that she could ruin you, she picked you because out of all of the men around her, you looked like you would make her the happiest.

In her own little twisted and fucked up way, she was telling you that you are a special person. Never forget that.