Why don't straight men cuddle with straight men
 

Why not? - I don't ... and I actually "love" some of my dearest male friends - so I thought maybe some of you "straight" men who "do" cuddle with other straight or not that straight men would know ;)

Do straight women cuddle with their straight friends?

In my opinion, cuddling is something more intimate then friendships maybe go. I love my friends dearly, and I hug them, but cuddling is something reserved for my boyfriend only.

Guys dont cuddle with guys...
It just wouldnt seem right. You joke around, make fun of, fart etc, but you dont cuddle...
It just wouldnt be right or comfortable.

Listen you can say guys don't cuddle, but lets say you best buddy that you share everything with had something dramatic happen in there life where they are just an emotional wreck. Your damn right, I'd comfort them in anyway short of sex to help them over that hump in there life, I'd expect they same from them....MEn, MEn,MEn, MEn...

I'll just say I don't called it cuddling, but comforting my best, man friend.

I've seen straight women cuddle with same.
I remember holding my best friend's hand in second grade and being told to "stop at once" by my mother. So I think there is a pretty big social stigma. But I am more or less past that. The main reason I don't want to is...men aren't soft and squishy in the good way, like women are. They don't smell good the way women do.


...Also, I don't really care if some guy's breast brushes up against my arm.

I like to cuddle with women, but I couldn't see myself cuddling with another guy.

Guys share handshakes and the occasional manly hug. But we don't cuddle.

I've seen guys cuddle with guys but not the way guys cuddle with girls. I see a lot buttsmacking and grabbing too.

The only guy i've "cuddled" with would be my best friend/roomate-
And even then it's more of a long hug until the other guy gets uncomfortable. At first I was the one always to push away, but lately there has been some "oneupmanship" going on and it just got akward. At the end of the 2? minutes I think if anyone walked in on it, it would look VERY bad. We agreed to a truce after that.

Girls smell nicer.

I also consider cuddling an act of intimacy, not friendship.

Myself, i only really cuddle girls. Although with other straight guys there's a different ettiquette of intamacy as Jesus Pimp sorta pointed out. This is normally a handshake, arm around shoulder (even hugging), chest bump, knuckleduster, chest punch/tap, buttslap/other tap... etc

Although i have connotations of cuddling as in a bed/lying down/more intimate spot, which is very different to a traditional hug.

The only time i'd cuddle with another guy, is in a life/death situation, where you'd need to share body heat etc. Otherwise, not really interested.

That said, i do and actally quite often cuddle with a straight heterosexual male, although that's my cat :p

If you look on page 2 of your straight male handbook. You can see there it says Thou shalt not cuddle with thy neighbour unless thy neighbour be a hot chick.

Guys just aren't... cuddleable, for lack of a better (real) word. I don't even think I'd cuddle with myself. Plus, for what reason would I have to cuddle with another straight guy? Guys don't show companionship with each other through touchy-feely methods. They don't really talk much either. Mostly grunts and farts... the occasional burp. Hitting, but only with a closed fist, is acceptible, as is a firm handshake and a pat on the back for a good friend. That's just how it is.

If someone looks like they need a hug, they get hugged.

Gender is irrelevent.

I got over this whole "will doing this mean/make me gay???" bullshit a long time ago.

In pakistan, it isn't odd to see two hetero males in a car and one of them leaning his head on the shoulder of the other while sleeping. I've even seen two men hold hands that were hetero.
It may just be a culture thing.

I wouldn't mind a certain amount of contact with a close male friend, but no way I'm spooning with a guy. Nothing to me is attractive about a male, and to be that close to someone I expect them to be soft, have tits and a vagina. I'm totally down with gays being gay...I hope they get all the cock they can handle, just like I want all the pussy I can get.. But to have some guy all snuggled up to me...gross. I think I'd prefer head from a guy than something that intimate. Well, maybe not.

Who say we don't? ;)

Something like that here in Russia, too. It's an intensely homophobic culture, but at the same time, it's not unusual for men to walk down the streets arm in arm, and quite normal for men to kiss (mostly three times from cheek to cheek). Much more intense interpersonal relationships in general than in the West, with people either totally ignoring each other or otherwise holding very extended eye to eye contact. My teacher once said that Russian interaction begins where Westerners' leaves off, and I have to say he is not far from the truth.

Concerning the homophobia, perhaps it is just because there is such an attitude that it is possible for this intimate heterosexual exchange to exist - if you understand that you are an absolute heterosexual, the intimacy carries no homosexual overtones.

I don't know if you are saying it this way, but I'm so sick of being a man being called homophobia in this country. No str8 guy I know or have ever known would want some guy all up in the crack of his ass, no matter how close they are. Imagine going to your buddies' house on SuperBowl Sunday and him and another buddy are spooned on the couch in front of the TV. I don't even like football and that just repulses me. Most men by nature are not interested in any kind of physical contact with aother men unless they are gay, or they are extremely close and trust the man in question. Just because a guy doesn't want to kiss other men, snuggle on a couch in front of Monday Night Football, and give men hugs doesn't make him homophobic. If we're phobic of anything it's the intimacy and exposure of weakness to another man. Most straight men can allow allows themselves to let go emotionally around their woman, and suppress their "weaker" emotions around other men. Given this you can't expect a str8 guy to express himself emotionally in a physical way to other men. Of course the ultimate disclaimer applies (Many but not all).

Like I said, I'm very supportive of homosexuality. Naturally intimate emotional contact between males in part of the territory. In love you can expect nothing less from your partner, and I want to see all gays come out and marry and have houses and families just like anyone else. I refuse to accept the label of homophobe just becuase I don't want to engage in intimate behavior with males. Homophobe has become another smear word to intimidate ppl and make them look like something bad, when being a straight man is not bad.

Blue mud. Stupid and arbitrary rules by which we live our lives.

I'm not about to go up against the blue mud wall unless there are decent reasons for me to do it. So, I cuddle with my female friends, and bond only using other mechanisms with male friends.

Then again, there are female friends I don't cuddle with, and those I do. So, things aren't so simple as that.

Straight guy 1: "Dude...get over here close to me so we can cuddle. :)"

Straight guy 2: "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!!?? :mad: KISS MY ASS TINY TIM! I Aint gonna CUDDLE with your dumb ass!!!"


nuh uh....aint ever gonna happen.

I really feel like cuddling now.

you know I thought about that once, but then the shrooms started settling down a bit.... I still love the guy, just not going to cuddle....

Why don't straight men cuddle with straight men ?

That's what womens are for. And if I did cuddle with other guys, I wouldn't be straight.

Just my 2 bits.

Out here in my pee-cee college town, there's a fair amount of same-sex hugging; you see it in 12-step groups, spirituality groups, men's groups, some churches, and so on. It's usually done as part of a meeting or ritual, so There Are Rules.

I'm not much of a hugger myself, with males or females, except with the missus, but it doesn't kill me when it happens.

Wait... so other guys don't spoon with their guy friends?! I'VE BEEN BAMBOOZLED!

There is a big leap from hugging to cuddleing. I see cudling as a lasting embrace. I don't see resting agianst eachother, holding hands or giving a hug (or man hug(shake to hug) cuddling. I haven't ever cuddled with a freind, it just never occured to me as something to do.

hhahaa.. GOTCHA!

no, wait.. =0


/doesn't actually know the previous poster


Love this thread though. Funny stuff. I think a hug is one thing, as is comforting a friend in a time of need. Cuddling/spooning on the couch is something you do with someone intimate. If you and your buddy are that intimate, then you better hope one of you is cooking breakfast in the morning for the other.

This is a very funny thread. I'm not sure why straight men don't cuddle with other straight men but I know it should never happen...EVER. Yup, page two of the handbook.

nothing wrong with a man-cuddle....so long as there are no wandering hands

hugging and cuddling are two seperate things.
"Hey man, you look like you want to cuddle. Come over here, big boy!"

I've never cuddled with another man, but now that I think about it....

I like to cuddle. I like to cuddle with women because they smell nice. I like to cuddle with women because they are soft.

Following that train of thought....

I guess it would be alright to cuddle with a chubby man who smells nice. Although it would be difficult to deal with "problems" caused by "friction," but I guess the idea of two chubby guys cuddling probably helps that. So, yeah, I'd have no problem cuddling with a pleasingly aromatic chubby guy as long as he bought me dinner beforehand, right??? right???

You know...

I have to admit. This is the strangest question we have ever had in Sexuality.

Nah, "How long till you can pee on a girl ?" is, no doubt about it.

Yep that one was cool too - I wonder if the one who posted that was as drunk as I was when I came up with this one ;)

Being a guy, guys usually smell disgusting. Besides that, it's plainly a social stigma.
For me, I'm a bit standoffish. I'm only comfortable with my wife and child entering my personal space. My son is hugs and playing around. My wife for more intimate issues. Sex, consoling, etc
Hell, even hugging your male child has a social stigma in some circles. My father and grandfather never hugged us kids. It was a handshake at most.

Guthmund- you completely cracked me up with your whole chubby guys cuddling thing. :D

Why do all you guys think other guys stink? My husband smells good! Why would girls cuddle with guys if they all stink? Now the softness issue is one I can understand, but not the stink issue.

And for the record- I have cuddled intimately with a girl and a guy and like it both ways. I do recall actually saying to the girl "you are so soft and smooth".

I hug my firends, nobody sees anything wrong with it. Sometimes it's a one arm hug, sometimes it's a big bear hug, but nobody ever wonders if I might be gay. It's just another way of being close to your friends. Sitting on a couch, leaning on each other, sutff like that, nobody does. Most people wouldn't be comfortable with it, and although it wouldn't bother me, close physical contact with male friends has no appeal, and doesn't convey anything that can't can't be shown with a big bear hug and some kind words. The only practical application I could think of would be sharing body heat, and a huddle of three or four people is more effective if we can't get inside for some reason.

I guess it jsut isn't really necessary.

I can see where guys might have a problem cuddling...straight guys especially.

But what I really don't understand is a couple of guys going to see a movie and sitting apart from one another, I mean intentionally leaving a chair empty between them, just so they wouldn't look like a couple. And then they talk over that empty chair and that's supposed to look "normal" and convenient.

To answer your original question:

Because It's Gay.

But what I really don't understand is a couple of guys going to see a movie and sitting apart from one another, I mean intentionally leaving a chair empty between them, just so they wouldn't look like a couple.

Well if it's a really empty theater you could say its for a little extra room...a little Ball room you could say.

Although...I would never separate a good friend of mine like that.

/mebeingahotbloodedheterosexualandall.

Yes- in fact, I see this on a regular basis. Very common.

I think I agree, that was.... well, that was pretty weird. :)

i dont even like other people to touch me. I just wouldnt want to its hard to rationalise

Im striaght and i cuddle with my girlfriends. ive been known to cuddle with my guy friends as well. its comforting and securing and i feel guys maintain that through different avenues.

Hmm. Thinking back to the last time I did this...

All 3 of us where pretty big guys. The largest is 6'6" and 250 to 280 lbs depending on the season. Having the extra elbow room was the main reason.

This thread reminds me of when I was little and watching the Olympics, "Mommy, why are those Russian guys kissing?"

I love hugs. Girls, guys, shemales, whatever. But I have never cuddled. I haven't had a girlfriend long enough for that, but I came close with a friend that was crying over his grandpa dying.

I've never cuddled with a guy before, but I am not against it. But all of us would be hard pressed to find another straight guy that would be ok with that. Homophobia is a basic foundation of the straight male social script.

There was a time that I infiltrated a high-testosterone group of guys, and after about two years, I got them on the hugging level. But they found out I was bi when I went to college, so they stopped hugging me. That hurt.

Never, EVVVER underestimate the homophobia of American guys. I was talking in the music lounge about the practical considerations of an orgy, and a guy said, "The biggest problem would be you're bound to make eye contact with another guy, and then your boner dies."

AHHHHHHH!!!

It never ceases to crack my ass up when a guy's world falls apart if someone even hints at them being a peter puffer. Guys call each other fags, because they know that the word cuts deep in a guys self-image.

In one of my psyche classes, the teacher said that a study was done over really homophobic men. When they were shown gay porn, they were disgusted, yet they were also getting a rise from it.

Damn this is a long post, but I have an anecdote. I was hired to work at a band camp in BFE. And the last thing I expected out of this farm community was guys hugging and touching left and right. I even told one of the students how the guys there completely contradicted my expectations of such a seemingly-macho social pool.

I agree that it is blue mud. It's just the way the pieces fell together in America.

To quote the all-wise Laurence,

"No. No, man. Shit, no, man."

I suppose any difference of opinion here is not over wether straight men ought to cuddle or not, but the definition of a cuddle. I see a cuddle as being intimate. It happens when reclined, or at least sitting. It involves most of the available contact area between your bodies being pressed together. Personally, I don't do that to anybody but my significant other.

Because I'm straight, I don't have any interest in men, and therefore would never cuddle with them, that simple. Not engaging in homosexual activities does not a homophobe make.

And not to thread jack this, but

I haven't seen anyone seriously posting "Cuddling is teh gayz, LOL FAGZ." I hardly am a unique person, there are thousands just like me everywhere I go. I don't show different affection to guy or girl friends. If anything, I show the girls less (I'm shy).

That said, why is it perfectly acceptable to be bisexual or homosexual, but not OK to be heterosexual? Going out on a limb, I know. But that one guy seemed disgusted that a guy he was talking to didn't want to be in an orgy because he found the site of other naked men to be a serious turn-off. Was that wrong? Did the guy then wax poetic about how how the bi-s will dig the graves to bury the homos in before it's their turn against the wall when his revolution hits, or did he simply state his personal aversion to men? To give the poor old horse one more kick, does he not have the same right to his orientation/preference that you do?

I find that, in general, all Americans are just not a touchy kind of people. Except for our closest friends, contact is kept to a bare minimum. Even hand shakes last less than three shakes, usually. That applies evenly to the guys and girls, in my experience.

How many women would be turned off by making eye contact with another woman? It isn't a matter of sexuality, it's a matter of comfort. Straight guys have virtually zero comfort level, because their heterosexuality is perceived as being fragile, when it is not.

As Jesus once said, "dude, chill the fuck out."

I think it's all a matter of socialization. The social mores that dictate acceptable gender based behaviors differ across cultures, thus the level of acceptable physical interaction between men as opposed to physical interaction between women differs from culture to culture. From an early age, the majority of us are taught that we are to act a certain way, dependant on what sex organs we possess at birth. Because of this, if we exhibit behaviors that are not consistent with our "assigned" gender roles, these behaviors are considered devient.

So with that said, would I cuddle another guy? Not like I would cuddle with a female. Give someone a hug? By all means. If they need a hug, shoulder to cry on, squeeze on the shoulder, or just an ear to listen to, theyll get one. I'm not one to place my self-image over compassion for others.

edited for slight rewording...the sociology final I'm studying for has fried my brain.....

In my cricle of friends, there's more ass and man boob grabbing than hugging between males.

this is one of the most interesting threads i have ever read... but i would have to agree and say cuddling just isnt a male form of expression, its a high five or something like that... i mean there are only certain greetings you do with your close friends... its all relitive

You know what I always say, theres nothing wrong with spooning.

Haven't you seen Friends???? If they can do it (and enjoy it), any guy can....;)

It's too sensual and personal..
The touching, the smells..

Even sexuality aside, it's not something I would like to 'share' with any male. It would just be really really really weird.

i'm so disturbed by the question that I almost cant answer...

I'm by far not a homophobe.. but the most contact I will ever share with another male is a hug and it's a different kind of hug from what you give a girl.. and it's a hug reserved for the closest of friends and family....

It's definitive... straight men don't cuddle with straight men because they're straight. That's a fundamental differentiation between straight and gay.

LMAO @ this thread. the image of a guy cuddling with his best friend.....yeah i'm gonna leave that one alone.....

LMAO! :D

I am a heterosexual male and have had the same best friend for 25yrs. We can tell each other we love each other and hug.

We call each other fags on a daily basis and when I come through the door, (I am staying with him for the time being) I am greeted with a warm middle finger.

We have a healthy male relationship. I would never conceive it weird to sleep in the same bed if we had to as we have. And do we cuddle? No not because we think its gay but its just not necessary! We have no need to show this lvl of intimacy.

Guys in general can say how the feel about each other with the actions the show.
Men don't backstab their close friends they don't diss them when they aren't around and they tend to hold onto their friendships for yrs as it means something to them.
The intimacy lies in the closeness they share as a whole not a physical touch or shared moment of cuddling! (Which to me sounds more silly than gay!)
My closest friends have been so for years and I hope will be that way for years more. But I don't feel the need to show or share that by curling up to them on the couch to watch the Rundown!
Or curl up and talk about the Hockey playoffs when it’s cold outside.
(even if he is a chubby nice smelling male lmao!)

Btw, I am a well-taken care of male work out and play allot of sports. I remove allot of my body hair as I think its gross and I smell very good if I say so my self as I do use nice soaps and body sprays for the ladies. And I still don't think another male would want to cuddle with me so saying its because " men are hairy and smelly! ~" Doesn’t make sense either.

Two straight men cuddling would be considered a homosexual activity. That's why you never see two straight men cuddling.

...cos its icky, just WRONG

Lol, you got that right. Talk about funny, you've never seen funny until you've seen 50 Marines huddling together, packed as close together as they can get to keep warm........and every single one of them about as homophobic as it gets.

I don't get this thread. I am a straight male with 2 best friends that are both straight. We hug all the time. Well hang on one another if were lounging around watch tv or something. We're not gay we close friends and we show each other affection to let each other know we ove the other not because we want to bone the other. And if one or even both some how turned out gay one day it wouldn't stop. We're like brothers

---------- Post added at 12:26 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:21 PM ----------

Another thing. This is a friend. I body build and had a contest and could getting in some where to get a body waxing before the show. One of my best friends did it for me. Now if I can't hung a friend that loves me enough to stretch the skin on my crack and groin and rip the hair out with hot wax on it what kind of friend am I

Hugging is not cuddling. It is okay nowadays for straight men to hug each, which was
not true in 80's when I grew up.
Straight men don't cuddle because they are straight, period.

Great question, great thread.

JESUS CHRIST! Six years later...it's still not happening!!! Nuh uh... never.

That just sounds weird. :D

"Hey Jim grab that pouch of redman and a couple of beers we've got some football to watch and an evening of cuddling to do."

Listen if I'm going to get all uncomfortably wrapped up with somebody else there better be more gratification then just a little human contact or old Jim can have the other end of the sofa and he better keep his dirty hands off my chew.

Really though I see absolutely nothing appealing on any level what so ever about cuddling up with my grubby ass friends. God damn the BO alone would be inhuman...just no.

It's interesting to note that other cultures have no issue with this. There are Indian men here that I see holding hands and, for all intents and purposes, cuddling. And yes, they are straight.

Hmmm, I wonder, does he still think so, after all this years?

My husband's take: "If I'm not going to get laid, why would I cuddle?"

My first time to Zimbabwe, traveling on a humanitarian mission, I had the leader of one of the bush villages hold my hand as we walked around and he introduced me to everyone. It was sort of uncomfortable at first but then I realized that a lot of men there hold hands with each other. In Morocco the men would play soccer on the beach and then lounge around on blankets afterward and smoke cigarettes. They would lay their head on each other's chests or put their arms on each other. Not that any of that is considered cuddling but it does illustrate how man on man contact is a cultural thing.

Personally, I may hug a guy. But to me, intimate hugging/cuddling is reserved for my S/O. Also, I must say that the multicultural aspect of this interests me. How in north America two men holding hands is considered gay and out of the ordinary.

Yet I talk to a friend who just came back from India and it's considered quite the opposite. Men are frequently holding hands and hugging, yet if women do, they are branded lesbians and treated (by some) unfairly. An odd, odd, yet very fascinating world(society) we live in.

Edit; as an addendum; Cuddling to me is as much psychological as it is physical. I consider it very sensual, and just as much a part of sex as foreplay and orgasm. alas, not something I do with brethren of mine. I talk, and share feelings, but that's where it ends.

Long ago I had done it with rare friends. But IMHO the way I cuddle a girl is way different from this. Today I cant imagine cuddling any male no matter how close we are...

it's quite normal to see men holding hands in the middle east as well as south asia.

because ive lived most of my life in the west, i still find it difficult to do, and im uncomfortable doing it. however i understand why its done and the reasons really have nothing to do with sexuality.

i think that in the middle east at least, the lack of personal contact with women (ie. hugging etc) could be a reason why men are seen to be more affectionate with each other.

it's just not normal, there's alot of psychology in this answer that i cant really explain without writing a few pages about

"Normal"? That's a term that makes me wonder if you just got out of high school. "Normal" in my neighborhood includes lesbian and gay couples taking their kids to the ice cream store, Middle Eastern men holding hands while their families walk to the mosque behind them and sitting shoulder-to-shoulder with lots of folks on a train or bus.

"Normal" is a term I despise since there's no such thing.

I'm with Jazz on this one.

Because there's too many women to cuddle first.

Once I have finished cuddling all the available women...in the entire world...then I will consider cuddling another man.

Hey, I'm open minded that way...

While pledging, my line brothers and I slept in un-heated basements in middle of winter. We slept only in our hoodies, and I could remember this one instance: We were in New England and finally allowed to bed down around 2 or 3 am after an intense night of getting smoked. I was sleeping next to one of my very, very close pledge brothers, and throughout the night I would keep waking up because I was so cold. I remember an intense desire to cuddle with him to share our body warmth, but decided against it because, well, it would be gay.

He later admitted too that he wanted to cuddle, but, I think, out of respect for each other, we didn't want to put each other in the awkward position of "Dude, WTF you doing?"

Is the answer "stubble"?

I wouldn't call it cuddling, but if me an one of my boys are on the couch watching tv we'll hang on one another. Its not gay or anything. We're just very close.

Why would i cuddle with my guy friends? Ewww lol i dont swing that way. I mean i could give them a pat on the back to comfort them in bad times but thats it in terms of physical contact.

Ok, I have even tried cock a few times when I was young but I would never cuddle with a man. LOL

its one of those things that just makes me go. Do what.

So this is a bit of a long story that deals with other cultures and how males relate to one another:

One of our favorite restaurants is a Chinese Bistro which is managed by a Chinese immigrant named "Tony". He has been here quite a long time and is in his 30's. He told us that, one year, his best friend from China came to visit. We'll call him Bob. So, Bob's plane is landing in D.C. Tony is waiting at the gate. Bob walks up and gives him a big hug and then begins to hold his hand while they walk to luggage claim. Tony had to explain to Bob that in this culture it was not "accepted" for two male friends to hold hands while walking together. That is relevant to Charlatan' post. Now for the rest of the story:

After baggage claim, they were trying to drive out of D.C. and got lost. They ended up in...the wrong side of town. Now, in China, one does not point using the index finger. Instead, they point using the middle finger. Furthermore, a common verbal filler in Chinese is "nicka". It is sort of like "um". Picture Bob hanging out of the window of the car trying to tell Tony to turn right....um, um, um, THERE!" In reality, Bob was hanging out the window flipping off the residents screaming "Nicka, nicka, nicka, nicka...." Culture can be deadly.

Fun story. Sounds more like a humorous anecdote than a true story for a couple of reasons...
* in China, pointing is done with an open hand, fingers extended but together.
* while there are different hand gestures used around the world to insult people, The middle finger (while used worldwide for counting) is pretty much used round the world to say fuck off.
* In both Mandarin and Cantonese, the single syllable 'en' is used in place of our umm or err.

Sources :
1. Several years traveling the world in the Navy.
2. My brother in law of 7 years who came here from Anhui province 11 years ago

While you're right, the story does seem suspect, some people do use, 'Na Ge' 【那個】 as a form of "um." And I have noticed some Chinese holding hands, or, sharing umbrellas.

Everything you guys are saying could be true. Tony told me the story verbally and he has a bit of an accent, so I could be missing exact sounds and such. I told it as accurately as I could remember. Perhaps, I am a victim of Tony's embellishment?

I have colleagues speaking Mandarin around me all the time and they use "ne ga" as "um" all the time.

I've not heard of using the middle finger to point though. Here, many point with their thumb.