New guy with a question...
 

Okay ya'll. I'm the new guy, and I have a quick question. After reading some of this stuff everyone has said, I know I may get some good advice.

What does one do with a girl who has an ex-boyfriend problem. And when I say that, I mean that they broke up around January. But they still spend all their time together, and I'm sure they are still "getting it on."

I'll give you a little background. I own a buisness that happens to be in a strip mall. She is the manager of another store down the way from me. We sell water, and she comes down all the time for some water. Sometimes three four times a day. I probably talk to her on the phone and at work a total of two-three hours a day. So its obvious there is some interset there.

But, everytime I go to make a move, I see her with her ex. In fact I called her on it the other day, and she got mad at me for assuming that they are still dating. She has expressed interest in hanging out, but I don't want to make any kind of commitment with her, only because I'm afraid of getting burned.

Just wondering what ya'll thought. I would appreciate any kind of feedback.

2 words

Walk Away



Sounds to me like she has alot of things left to sort out, and even if you managed to make a right move, you will still most likely get burned.

Ask her out, what the hell. It will give you a chance to see what she is like and if there is any interest there. It will also probably give you some insight as to her level of interest in her ex, primarily based upon she acts with you. Just don't go into it with any expectations (good or bad) that way you don't "get burned".

And if things don't work out, the world is full of other women. I have always "grabbed the bull by the horns" when it came to trying to figure women out. I'd be completely forthright with them when it came to asking them out, and there were always times where there was an ex in the picture. Personal example, when I met my wife (we'll be married for three years next month), she and her roommate were dating two guys who practically lived in their apartment with them. I met her through work and began to understand that things were less than stellar between her and her boyfriend. On a whim I asked her out one Friday after work and we ended up playing pool and grabbing a pizza at a local bar. We ended up sitting in a park until about two in the morning just talking. The next day (we were working weekends at that point) we grabbed dinner together and parted ways. I saw her Monday morning and she informed me that she had officially broken it off with her boyfriend and he had moved out on Sunday. I didn't waste anytime after that. I've been with her ever since.

Point of the story, I could have sat back and had others dictate events and how they played out. But if I had done that, I may never have ended up with my best friend.

Oh, and by the way Dale Kemp, sound advice to my question. I owe you one.

Ohhhh stay away dude... its not worth the headache that this girl will bring you

from the little description you gave it sounds like her and her ex are at least still gettin it on in the sack... and you dont want to have to have that in the back of your mind if you try to make a move

i second Nisses' movement to stay away

This girl sounds like baaaad news. I third what Nisses said.. stay away.

I don't know if walking away is the right answer.

Maybe I'm an eternal optimist, but I think that with any possible relationship, risk is involved. You always take the risk of getting burned. But, if you never take that risk...you may just miss out on something great.

Asking her out can't hurt...there just isn't that much invested yet.

if you want to pursue her i'd suggest you don't put all your eggs in one basket (and by that I don't mean go dating other women, just don't throw your heart at this girl), since they broke up pretty recently it sounds like it was either on really good terms or just an unhealthy relationship cycle (I've seen this before in a friend's sister and her scumbag ex, the broke up many times before she finally got the guts to leave him for good).

if you are curious about the nature of their relationship then you should ask, but don't assume anything cause that just opens you up for all sorts of criticism.

just be her friend, respect her, and give her space. let her make the move, but take your time if she does. no need to gat caught up in a love triangle or anything.

i'm wondering, when you say that you think they are still getting it on, what makes you think that? is there a possibility that they are actually just friends? how long was their relationship? how serious? cause it might not have been that long and maybe they actually decided it was better to be friends and that's why they're hanging around one another a lot. i would say ask her out, but go into it keeping in mind the situation. what have you got to lose that you wouldn't lose by dropping everything now?

It sounds like the ex is going to make you jealous. (even if they aren't having sex)

Well, here's the $0.02 I will offer.

If it weren't for what I am about to tell you, I'd likely say don't bother with her, try for another girl.

It may not mean that much. When my ex and I broke up, we were having almost as much sex afterwards as we did while we were still going out, and we still hung out ALL the time. Seeing that this happened to me, I'd say that each situation is unique-

but go in cautioned, and don't get too hung up on her until you know for a damn fact you're in the clear.

Good luck, man!

You can't get burned for hanging out ... go see a movie or go to a club for some drinks together.
Here's the key question: Is there indication that she is interested in going out or just hanging out? There is a big difference and it's not your call to make. What could be your call is hanging out and getting more information before you make any moves that she might not want.

Although walking away would be the easiest thing to do, if she has interest in you and you have interest in her, try and spend time with her, but remember you are not a couple, so in her mind "getting it on" with another guy isn't much of your business. Though, try not to allow yourself to get attached unless you're sure there is a more serious relationship in your future, then I would suggest letting her know how you feel about her if you haven't already. See if she returns the feelings, and if she does, by this point she has most likely stopped "getting it on" with the other guy if she really cares for you. Though, I know from personal experience that isn't always the case, and the best thing to do in that situation is just let her know you cannot be in a relationship with her if she continues her relationship ("getting it on") with her ex. This may sound obvious, but sometimes people have to be reminded of these things. :)

Someone said above to just be forthright with her, and I agree, although I would do it over time. Do not play games or allow yourself to be hurt by being honest with her and asking her to be honest with you. That's all you can really do.

Scott

just be her friend and go with the flow. If it was meant to happen, it will happen.

could it be that her and her ex are still friends. maybe he comes around because she dumped him and she is too nice to tell him to stay away and she defends him because he is still her friend. I say go for it anyway.

Is her ex a scary man? The "hunt you down for laying eyes on her" kind of guy? The whole situation with the ex is best avoided until you find out more about their current relationship.

What do you guys talk about over the phone? Do you openly flirt with her, and does she flirt back? Does she tell you personal things that she would never tell other people?

Thanks everyone for the advice. I have been meaning to get back to you and let you know.

Appearently one of the guys I work with has taken it upon himself to start talking me up. I don't know why, or when, but that's what he is doing. So I guess we'll see what happens.

I'll let you know if ya'll are interested.

Of course we're interested! I hate to be left in suspense like this!