Loss of sex drive
 

I've always had a pretty high sex drive up until a little over a year ago (I'm 22, female). I've been on hormonal birth control for three years now, and it didn't really seem to affect my sex drive much. My mom died in Dec of 2002 and I completely lost my sex drive then, understandably. But the problem is that it never really came back.

I'm not really willing to go off the hormonal BC because one, it's so damn convenient and safe, and two, I'm pretty sure it's not the problem. Anyone have any other suggestions? My bf has been patient but I know it's really wearing on him, and it's frustrating to me.

Speak with a therapist for a session or two. I bet you're not over your grief.

Anything change to you physically, or to your boyfriend? Or did something change in his life too?

It might not always be you. When my wife and I aren't being as intimate as we used to be (we're both 27), or we start complaining about sex, it usually means something else is wrong in our lives.

Maybe we've put on too much weight, depressed about work, upset at the spouse, etc. Our sex tends to follow how well we get along.

I would like to try therapy, but I don't think I can afford a non-college therapist, and the therapists at my college have not been helpful at all. But now that you mention it, one of my friends told mt that there's a new therapist who has been helpful to her, albeit for different reasons.

Well, since my mom died/lost my sex drive, we've both lost 25-30 lbs each, he's graduated from college, found a job, lost it, found another job. I've decided to transfer to another school with another major even though I'm finishing my engineering classes this semester and should be graduating. Lots and lots of stress from my remaining family, also.

I have been under a lot of pressure, but I was hoping that during my spring break / his vacation last week, I would feel less stressed and my sex drive might come back. But no go.

His sex drive is just fine, it's mine that's the problem. :(

I would add, in addition to the advise already given, that perhaps you and bf should not worry so much about sex, but put some focus on just being together, close. And then just nurture and let the physical intimacy come from that.

good luck.

stress will do that to ya, for sure.

Meditation, Tai Chi, Yoga can all help you gain back your sex drive. Healthy and natural.

Exercise can also help with sex drive, but if you've lost that much weight it sounds like you're exercising plenty already. I hope.

Sometimes people just go through a phase where they're not very interested. I've been there, and I notice that other people have talked about similar times in other threads. Worry and pressure aren't going to help. Time, relaxation, and "no pressure" opportunities will eventually find you getting back on the horse.

If you're REALLY worried about your boyfriend, and I mean really worried, then you could always think about simply giving in some time when he's interested. It might help you remember why you were interested in the first place. (That's going to sound like bad advice to some, but I'm trusting you to realize that if you're going to resent him for the pressure and your giving in to it, you shouldn't give in.)

Good luck. I hope your tide turns soon.

Thanks for the input, guys.

I myself am not really worried about it, it's more that the bf is worried about it. And I do just "give in" someimes, and it doesn't really bother me.

And yep, we're exercising :) I keep trying yoga but I haven't found a good instructor yet. I've been trying some things at home, though.

Out of curiosity, bumping this to see if the situation has improved.

Hey, wow, thanks, I appreciate it :)

Well, the bf and I visited his parents for a few days. I love visiting them, they live north of West Palm Beach and it's really nice down there. No school, no work, no family stress. And I started to get back into the mood. So I'm guessing it's stress. I've just got so much going on in my life right now, it's driving me crazy. I'm getting a couple weeks of vacation in between semesters coming up, so I'm hoping I'll feel better then.

Thanks again everyone!

Start going to the gym with your boyfriend... maybe working out together will get the sparks flying again.

Oh, we do. We've been going to the gym together basically since we met (3.5 years ago)

I'm not sure how affective this will be or not, but don't put so much emphasis on it, and you'll want it more. I went through a period like that when I first moved up to Salt Lake, and I just rode it out. Now the sex life is great. Another thing I've heard is that when it comes to women, sex can become some sort of a habit and when you dont have sex for a while, you're not going to miss it. Men on the other hand get irritable and tend to miss sex more the less they get it. Try just foreplay with your boyfriend, and have him leave you wanting more. I think that would work for ya. Let us know how it goes :)

Shoot, my wife doesn't get it for four days, and watch out. She attacks me. It can go either way.

It's a good thing we're married to each other, otherwise we'd be hanging out at the bar picking up on fat skanks/drunks every wednesday and saturday. :rolleyes:

Other than the working out, which everyone else has already mentioned, I can add that my wife's sex drive has gone through the freakin' roof since she began trimming her pubic hair in such a way that her lips and clit are completely exposed. She says that she is constantly conscious of her genitalia now, which keeps her a little worked up throughout the day. Seems to me that this is similar to us guys, who have our genitalia exposed and rubbing against clothes all day, and you know how constantly horny we are. Good luck.