If an SO became retarded...
 

A serious thread.

If your SO had an accident and received a brain injury making them functionally retarded, assuming you stay with them, would you have a sex life with them? Let's assume they hadn't forgot your lives before, they just had less intellectual ability than before and didn't function on the same level as you anymore. Would you feel strange about it? And if you did, and they had normal adult urges and approached you for sex in their own way, would you reject them?


For me, as long as they could understand the concept of what I was doing with them and they wanted to be close to me sexually I could. I mean they're a different person, sure, and it can be argued in more severe retardation, i.e. non-functional, but I just couldn't push them away becuase they weren't as smart as I was anymore. The burden would be on you to direct intimate contact and the burden of quality would probably be on you, but I just wouldn't turn away someone for that, provided they wanted the contact in that form.

That's quite a deep topic actually.

I don't believe it'd be right to stop loving someone just because they have something unfortunate happen to them, but it'd make things very difficult to cope with. If you were to turn them away or leave them, you'd quite possibly be the last person they'd ever experience closeness & intimacy with.

Oh geez. Tough question.

I would definetly feel very strange about it. I don't know if I could...I'd definetly have to be VERY in love with that person. Even then, I don't know if I could do it...I mean, I wouldn't stop loving them, but the dynamic between us would probably change.

It's a very tough question and a question of ethics as well due to the regression of maturity most retarded ppl have. I think it would be harder for a woman with a male retarded partner than the opposite, not just in sexual practice but in general.

I already feel like I'm taking advantage of someone if I have sex with them, I couldn't dream of having sex with someone that might not fully understand it.

I think that stems from the male being seen as a sex predator in our society, no matter whether he's a rapist or not. It strips women of responsiblity and allows society to not have to deal with female arousal, and since men are the intiators and agressors in the "game"most of the time it provides a convenient scapegoat. Perhaps in days of yore it was a predatory relationship but now women have the oportunity to be as strong and aggressive as we are,and that includes going after men sexually. I think we have to stop portraying men as predators and women as innocent victims of sex. Women are slow to rise but damn if they aren't as sexually hot as us when fully aroused. If consent is implied or explicitly given there are no victims, only participants.

I wouldn't feel that way...think of it as a woman desiring you, and wanting to share something with you not everyone gets, even if she's promiscuous, which there is nothing wrong with if she's savvy with STD protection. I'm not coming down on you, just trying to figure out your feelings.


I think many would share this feeling in engaging in sex with the mentally handicapped. As long as a partner can understand what is going on and welcomes your touch I can't see a problem with it. If they have memories of their previous life they will most likely understand and want sex still, especially when the desires of the body combine with the less bridled affectionate nature of the mentally less-abled, desiring closeness.

:)

No, I wouldnt, it would feel like abuse to me. It's a hard question to answer though.

I'd dump her. Sorry if it is cold, but it is honest.

I don't think I can even hypothesize an answer to this question... This is one of those situations where you have no idea how you're going to react until the proverbial shit hits the fan.

....pardon the crude language.

I think it would be hard to cope with. But this may depend on the severity of the situation as well as how dedicated this relationship is. Few months, years? If it was truly the love of your life, say your wife then I would say it may not matter. I'm sure I would feel bad about our life and feel bad for her, but I wouldn't leave her after I committed my life to her. This is a situation no one wants to be in... and I think I've spoke about all I can about it. Pray that this never happens to anyone. .. although we know it may.

I'm kind of torn on this one. If the mental retardation was severe enough to create a personality that you would not really click with and pursue a meaningful much less sexual relationship in someone else, I don't think I'd be able to have any type of sexual relationship with the person. I've spent a bit of time around disabled people in my line of work, and the mind set is really one of a child, or adolescent the majority of the time. I take that to mean they really don't have enough awareness of what is going on to give full consent, and I would feel wrong in pressuring anything from them.

I wouldn't be able to, and I probably wouldn't even to be able to stay with that person. Sure, they may be the same physically to an extent, but mentally they are only a fraction of the person they used to be, and the persron you decided to have a relationship with. It would seem like taking advantage to me, as they don't really have a concept or idea of what the purpose of sex is, and the emotional connection would definitely be gone.

I think that if you've been with them for such a long time that you'd stay with them through that trauma, then the answer is yes. If they remember what life was like before the accident, then deep down they are still the same person and I don't think I could throw that away no matter what the situation. As long as it was still physically possible to have a sex life with them, then I believe I would. Then again, that's easy to say seeing as I'm not in that situation.

I don't know what I'd do. But I'd hope that I'd be able to stay with my SO and put up with them. The problem would be that I would not want to have any kind of sexual relations with them then. If they suffered a debilitating enough injury than having sex with them would be like having sex with a child. Even if they want it, they don't have the capacity to make that decision.

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Ohh yeah..nope. No way I could do it. I would feel so gross like I was some sort of molester.

at least my lawnmower wouldn't be lonely in the shed

That's a toughie. I love my girl more than I ever thought I could love a person and while I'd like to believe I could stay with her after such an event I must be honest and question it. I would certainly try, but as time went on the changes in her might be too much. I love my fiance's personality. I love our talks and her sense of humour. I love her intelligence and wit. I love the fact that she challenges me intellectually. These are the things I love and keep our relationship exciting. Without these things the girl I love wouldn't really exist anymore. Probably I would stay with her and take care of her for the rest of her life but sexually I think it would be over. I would hold her and make her feel safe but I don't think I would feel right about sex. It just wouldn't be the same.

good link motdakasha. I am close friends with a family who has a daughter with Downs. The father said that he felt her sex drive was remarkably "normal" for someone her age(17) and he resented that it was considered taboo for her to try and act on those feelings with someone she felt intimate with. It was a very difficult discussion for the entire family that they still haven't fully resolved. The general belief was that if she wanted to do it with a very close friend who was also disabled then the family would "allow" (tough word choice there) it while making sure that it was protected and comfortable. I don't believe anything has happened yet.

If she could still derive physical pleasure from the act, absolutely.

If she was still hot, then yes, otherwise teh dump.

Totally depends on the severity of the injury and his desire.

if i guy becomes retarded later in life will he get the attributes that go along with it like retard strength, a bigger tongue and huge junk?

if so you girls should be all for it

I'd probably commit suicide or turn homeless, whatever let me escape the situation. I hate dealing with problems.

These things are hard to foresee. But things being as they stand now, I cannot predict a circumstance where I would not want to spend the rest of my life with the woman I've chosen as my wife. Like I said, if she started killing people or something, that might make things difficult, but there's no way something like an accident would make me love her less. And to me sex is intertwined with love. At least with her and me.

you don't stop loving someone when they die. you don't stop loving the way someone used to be when they change. but you can stop loving the way people have changed. dump her and move on.

for more practical information, check out "jane eyre" by one of the bronte sisters.

It's a very taboo and controversial topic because it is steeped with ethical issues. I don't think this is something the country, or even the state, should decide since each situation is so completely different from the next. I think it's something to be discussed by whomever is taking care of the mentally retarded person/people.

For instance, if a mother finds her fetus has Down Syndrome, it should be up to her to decide to keep it or not. Children with DS can live a happy life, however they will be dependent upon a caretaker or group home. If you can get past the controversy of abortion, then you're faced with the ethical issue of "who are you to decide if a child with mental retardation will be happy or not?" And I think the truth of the matter is it depends on each situation emotionally, physically, and financially.

Or another example would be two adults with DS. While they probably don't count as consenting adults legally, who are you to decide if they are allowed to breed or not? If they were to successully breed, their child can come out completely normal and healthy.

You also have to be careful with your definition of disabled. Deaf people don't see themselves as disabled (personally, neither do I), yet our country tells them they are. Then there are the para/quadrapalegics who may not be mentally retarded and have full reproductive capabilities. Or the people who are paras/quads with mental retardation that was caused by an accident and still wants to have children with his/her wife.
What do you do then?

I don't think there is any one blanket statement that will suffice for this topic except that each situation needs to be considered individually. For me, I don't know what I would do if I had an SO that became mentally retarded (DS, accident, etc.) or disabled (schizophrenia, bipolar, etc.), but how much I loved that person would weigh heavily into my decision.

If it were my GF I would break up. If I were married it might be different....but that really depends on how long we had been married....