slept w/a lesbian...
 

so one of my best friends happens to be a lesbian, and that's fine. when i met her a couple years ago, i was attracted to her, before i found out (and technically before she really figured it out), and of course that went noplace fast.

we're both fourth year college students (i'm an engineer, she's art (go figure)) and last night we went to the seedy local club right next to campus for quarter draft night. we got a little tipsy, then we danced, and went to go home. I walked her back to her place to see that she got there, and to make a stop on my way home, it was really cold last night.

I wind up rubbing her back, we watch tv, and we wind up spending the night in her bed, amusing ourselves w/other things then tv.

now we're both kind of like, what the hell do we do now. i'm still intested in her, and she's suddenly at least somewhat intested in me (we arent blaming alcohol or anything like that). the issue arises of crouse from the fact that i'd make one guy she's been intested in, and she's not sure she's ok w/that (her: 'does this make me less of a lesbian'?...me: 'either that or you're reverse experimenting')

i guess i'm not looking for advice or anything. the situation is just pretty amusing and i thought i'd share w/people i've never met (since i've been sworn to secrecy at least for the time being w/people who we both know, she's built up a reputation for being a lesbian, and would be very irritated if people were like 'oooooo you slept with a boy!')

Sounds like Chasing Amy. Rent it with her. It should be good for a laugh.

Ugh, don't rent Chasing Amy!

Worst
Movie
Ever

and you'd have to listen to that actress' whiny voice. Ugh ugh ugh.

Back to the topic at hand, just be supportive of her. Sexual identity can be a confusing thing, and it's really hard for people to admit that it can change, especially when you've got friends who have gotten comfortable knowing you as a particular identity. Just keep being her friend, and if it moves on from there, great!

I agree with Lurkette - be sensitive and supportive.

pfft...rent, that's funny. we're college students, we dont rent movies anymore...arrrrr.

Some lesbians are hard-wired for women only, for some it's more of a strong preference ... which can change temporarily, occcasionally permanently, if the right person comes along.
Sounds like what's happening with you guys; and that's great. Let what might happen, happen.

You can get into this whole argument of who's a lesbian, who's bi, and so on. All I can say is that women in general aren't as either/or as guys are. Based on personal experience.

I've had two girls turn into lesbians after we broke up

LMAO that's not a good thing man.

And, with my TV, when she was in full whine mode my speakers would vibrate. She hit the same d@mn pitch every time. Made it even more annoying.

/end aside

Why isnt that a good thing he can always say he ruined them for life he was so good they couldnt go back men :lol:

:lol:

My wife turned one guy gay and another into a priest. At least, that's what happened when she turned the two of them down.

Would it be so awful if she was bi ???? If she didn't fight the fact that she was a lesbian then I wouldn't think that being bi would be so awful hard to accept.

Now, wait a minute.


Did you have SEX with her or just lay next to her in bed? I only ask cause you didn't really get into detail. Not that I'm looking for extreme detail or anything... but if you wanna tell us some that would be fine...


Anyway. Just run with it. Don't ask questions.

think more middle ground here. not sex, not just laying in bed.

in response to the earlier reply, of course she fought considering herself a lesbian, she fought it for years, but she resolved herself to it, and so of course she'd be resistive to changing again.

I do plan to just run w/it and see what happens.

Sounds like harmless fun. Just think, you could have turned a lesbian back to men!!!

Beat me to the suggestions. And it's a great movie. And her voice is sexy.

But I digress. All of the advice here is good advice. Just be supportive and understanding of her situation and realize that this is probably REALLY awkward and unusual for her to feel this way. But at the same time I would encourage her to follow her FEELINGS and not just what she's "comfortable" with. Think outside the box, you know? :)

o well, i lose. apparently i was doing a fine job representing the male half of the species, but she still dosent like us like she likes the women.

well... that seems pretty interesting, but, sorry it didnt go the way you wanted it to.... hope in the future things are different

Yeah... we all have to experiment. If not then how would you ever know if you're gay or straight. I've been with men... (more then my share as a straight man)... But it was all to find out if I liked throbbing cock or not.

Mmmmmm... men.


Anyway... I'm gonna go sit in the corner now.

Been there, done that.

It happened because you guys were right for each other - at least right then you were. My experience was very similar. We hooked up for a night or two at a time, over the course of several months and then just ended up not doing it any more. Just go with it. Go with what feels right. Have fun.

*shakes head at people's relentless need to categorize sexuality*

You are who you are. 'Lesbian' is a word, and a label. We all need to recognize that there is no "gay, bi, and straight", there are only our feelings. As an example, you would call me straight, because I only have sexual relations with members of the opposite sex, but _I_ would simply say I only love women.

Many people are strictly of one mind-set, preferring only one sex over the other, period... but many people see that experimentation or even occasional sex-partner gender-swapping is something they're comfortable with, and can soemtimes enjoy.

Why do we all have to put a name on everything? :)

*whimpers at the sight of reading lesbianism stories*

Let's this get out of the way but...its sexy...really sexy honestly

But back on the topic, the best best way to approach this is TALK to her. Alot of thing can go wrong if you or your friend just ignore it and that will affeck your feelings as well hers. She might think that you're rejecting her and visa vera.

You're going through a normal stage in your life where people at your age are starting to think more about sexuality preferences. Am I straight? Do I prefer people of the same sex. Some questions that aren't answered can be answered by experimenting and then looking back at your experience.

Socially, we're at a stage where homosexuality are becoming more acceptable IMHO and that paves the way to allow the concept to be more open. You seem to be open-minded about it but your friend isn't, perhaps she hasn't accepted homosexuality or she's afraid of the social rejection if she accepts it. I can only spectulate it but the next time you're caught in the situation with your friend where there's an awkward moment of silence or its hard to talk about that particular topic. Take a chance! Talk! Be open about it and when its over, you and your friend will absolutely be relieved and will thank me one day ;)

I wouldn't be too surprised at the amount of people that response yes to the question "Have you fiddled with homosexuality?" on this forum.

almost the same thing happened to me with one of my friends who is a chick. the next day was a little weird for a while but now we are back to normal and we joke about it and all.

we are acutally really good friends now and she has been my shoulder to cry on when i went through a VERY bad patch a couple of months ago.

Nothing wrong with experimenting. I don't see why some people feel the need to label themselves and then hold themselves under that label in order to maintain some sort of image. I don't know what she's trying to prove be swearing you to secrecy, but it's pretty silly if you think about it. Are her lesbian friends going to kick her out because she's touched a guy like a mother duck who won't raise a duckling that has been touched by humans? (I know that's an urban legend, but you get the idea)

What you need to do my friend is come out of the closet... Let her know you're a lesbian trapped in a mans body and you absolutely love women...

She'll be more comfortable with that...

Get Kissing Jessica Stein instead.

Sounds like you could get a threesome out of the deal....

she owns Kissing Jessica Stein, i've watched it w/her before.

I dont think anyone is 100% gay or straight. I surpose as society insists on using these catergories people just have to pick which one suits them best. This may not always be 100% accurate.

E.g. people call me a lesbian so in turn thats what i refer to myself as. however i have had numerous experiences with men.

Aren't labels a wonderful thing?

Make love, not badges.

A little off topic, but I read that as make love, not badgers...and it just struck me funny.

Heheeee....

badger badger badger badger
badger badger badger badger
badger badger badger badger

MUSHROOM MUSHROOM

ack, get it out of my head!

SNAAAAAKE, SNAAAAAAAAKE... etc.

Arf.

doing it with a lesbian definitly has to raise the threesome threshold at least a factor of 5.

but hey, if there's nothing there after the first night, then that's that.

Ack...it's like a yawn, it's contagious! ooooIt's a Snake....it's a badgerbadgerbadger....

Good luck with your lesbian buddy.I completely agree with this. I don't think there are very many people who refer to themselves as 'gay' or 'lesbian' who haven't had some kind of relations with the opposite sex....society is just so geared towards male-female pairings, espcially if it took you a while in your life to figure things out.

And hey, I'm a fan of leaving all options open. I just like people.

Hey Twisted its good to have someone that agrees with me on this subject. Peple are usually so bloody narrowminded. I don't mean at TFP but in everyday life.

Did you know I always wanted to be a dancer in Vegas?


Anyway...
Hitting on lesbians is fun. Most often they laugh at dirty jokes more and get offended less easliy. This is all of course from my experiences.

Getting away from badgers, mushrooms, and snakes and back to the topic…

Amen and send money.

Actually, it would be a legitmate concern of hers. Speaking from my own observances, she would lose about one-third of her lesbian friends because they would label her a "traitor". I don't know why, because it doesn't make sense to me, but it would happen.

Those of us who act on our urges for both sexes are more socially discriminated against than are gays in general, because have to put up with grief from both homophobes plus closed-minded gays and straights who have a problem with "queers who won't stick to our/their own kind." My estimation is that about one-third of the gay population and a significant number (probably about one-third as well) in the straight populace see bisexuals those who can't commit to one side or the other, who want our cake and eat it too, or are too spineless to decide who we really want.

She's probably fought long and hard to accept being lesbian. She's probably faced disownment from her family, discrimination at school and/or work, and being treated like a leper by longtime friends on her road to acceptance. To suddenly show up with a man on her arm would be treated by many as "I was just kidding, I was straight the whole time, just confused." Some will be more offended than they were when she announced her homosexuality. They will treat it as a slap in the face. "You mean we worked long and hard to learn to tolerate the idea of you loving another woman, and you go out and start sleeping with men. You know you could have decided to be normal to begin with and saved us a ton of heartache and grief."

Talk to her about it. Have her read this thread. She needs to know that she isn't the only one who has been in that position before. I find myself in that position every time I start a relationship, sometimes even when someone attractive of either sex walks by. She needs to know that if she decides to move forward with you, the only people she'll lose are those who she needed to lose anyway. Those who truly love her will still be there, and it'll take less time for them to adjust to her being bi than it did for her being lesbian.

BTW don't suggest a threesome to her. As any who has been in one more than one week knows, they aren't stable relationships and require a lot more maturity than most people can muster.

Hey, I like your thinking! I don't like labels. I figure, to each his (or her) own. Personally, I'm not into women. But hey, doesn't bother me either way, ya know? Let people feel how they feel. Love is love, right?

damn you lucky sob, just keep doinking her on the side dont worry about a relationship

Umm yeah, I think I would try to weasel a treesome out of this while she sorts out her feelings...

edit

to update the people who keep weighing in, at this point, we never wound up doing anything again (at least so far), and i'm w/a new girl.

*joking* I feel a threesome coming on!