because i don't want to become jaded.
 

I was at a show the day after thanksgiving, totally rocking out and singing along, and I noticed this very attractive bartender who also seemed to be enjoying the music as well. My friend and I laughed about it, both wanting to find some cute guy to talk to. We were both acting like twelve year olds, checking out every man that walked by, just wishing it was as easy for women to tell a guy he was lookin good as it is for (some) guys to do to women. I am generally quite shy around new people, though once i get to know someone i'm very open and smartassed, but this night i decided to see where flirting would get me with this matthew-broderick-in-ferris-bueller-lookalike-bartender. :)

i refused to go to the bar, but every once in a while i'd look over at him and catch his eye and smile. he then casually walked by my friend and i on his way to wherever he had to go...he did this a few times...i never stopped smiling.

I had a lot of fun at the show, never expecting anything really at all to come of my smiling, but when the headlining band played their last song, he came up to me and put his hand on my arm, and said that i had pretty hair and that i was cute. we talked for a little while about general things (age/where we lived/other randomness) and he kept intensely looking at me and i was feeling very good vibes from him, so i decided to give him my number, and he plugged it into his phone. giving some random guy my number is something i rarely do for fear of things turning out to be creepy. but i was really digging this guy. he gave me a kiss on the cheek and a hug. :icare:

we parted ways, and i went downstairs to say goodbye to my friends before heading home. as i walked through the emptying venue, i saw him again, and we talked some more. we discussed music (we have similar favorites! and he's a gemini!) and schooling. he noticed my shoe was untied, jumped off the bar where he had been sitting and tied it for me. he kept looking at me intently and saying i was cute. i was practically floating. i decided it was finally time to head out after talking for about ten minutes, and i told him he'd better call. i started to walk away, but he jumped up again and gave me another kiss and more hugs. ahh he was so great!

but alas, it is hitting the two week mark from that night and i have still received no call from this mysterious cute dork bartender from brooklyn. what is up with that? maybe i'm new to this whole giving out my number deal, but he seemed interested, so why not call? do you think i'm sol, or do you think my chances of getting a call are still good?


thanks for reading...

xojustine
(whose chances of finding a cute straight guy at school are slim to none)

Hmmmm . . . he sounded so interested - it doesn't make sense.
My theory - he plugged a wrong number into his phone.
Or - he's a major ass.

Either way - if you haven't heard from him in two weeks, you're not going to.

I suppose you could go back to the bar and find out what happened.

In any case - it's his loss, right?

You have admit that it felt good to empower yourself and go for the gusto. And even for the super short time you made the PLAY it felt good. Being shy has its place, but so does Going for it!
PS...who knows what happened to him, after, but you have added some confidence and that flirting thing you do WORKs, you go girl, I applaud you!

sometimes we (guys) aren't quite sure what we're trying to accomplish when we hit on a woman...
so when you gave up the number, if he was just taking a shot with no real intentions, he might not have known how to proceed

but whatever it is, the problem is with him not you

that's what i've been telling myself! hah. it's inevitable that I will return to the venue, so what do i do if i run into him again? just ask him what happened? i don't want to seem like i'm trying to stalk him.

it certainly did! i was glowing for days. :)


that's what i was thinking when i gave him my number, in a effort to show him that I was, indeed, interested, and that his cute line had worked. damn this "talk the talk" mentality! *laughs*

thank you for your support!

Just show up and say hello and see if there is any interest... from him or from you... he may not seem so shiny on second observation

Damnit, I HAVE to err on the side of accident, because I LOVE a sweet story like this too damn much. lol...

I say you go back there and see what's up. Don't ask, just go start talking to him again. If he forgot your number, and really was interested in you, he'll flip out with happiness you came back, AND you'll have some currency to spend, seeing as he goofed and he owes you. ;)

Otherwise, he might have a girlfriend, or just have forgotten. Besides, if he's in school at all, this is right in the middle of finals time. People forget who they are, let alone to call a girl, when they're in study/crunch mode. If you really like him, give him another shot.

Best of luck to you. Invite me to your wedding. lol

I wish more women like you would get up to bat and make an approach. Its hard being a guy, no matter what you may think. We can't just _say_ that women look beautiful anymore for fear of offending or being slapped with some sort of a descrimination lawsuit.

Any number of things might have happened with the guy. He might have lost his phone, mistyped the number ...

Keep rocking and keep working the game.

You can't get hung up on one potential date, just keep looking and trying and mabye he'll turn up some day.

Sigh, I've been there...

Last time when I gave the guy my number I thought for sure that he would call. He didn't. I had his number too, so I called him. No return call. I saw him after the initial meeting about 2 weeks later, and I didn't mention the non call at all, but he did. He said he got my message but his phone wasnt working (:rolleyes:) and that I could call him again. I did, and again he didn't call back. I havent run into him since.

My take? He just isn't going to call :( Why? Who the hell knows. Sorry that this happened to you, its a shitty thing. If you go to the bar again, just talk to him as if nothing had happened. Either
A) He'll bring up the fact that he didnt call, with some reason for that.
or
B) He won't mention it and then you'll know that he's just an ass.

Good luck, and don't let this get you down. Not all guys are like this. At least that's what I keep telling myself!!

Go back to the bar and flirt some more. It may be that he was in a coma for a long time, then awoke to find that Sandra Bullock was claiming to be his fiancee, but was instead falling in love with his brother.

It can happen. Didn't they make a documentary about just such a case?

Hmmm...

My question is, why didn't you ask for his number? It seems like girls are always expecting the guy to call. I don't understand that at all, really. If you like someone, ask for their number. This way you can make the move and do something about things, to make sure they progress, instead of having to wait and wonder.

Just my $0.02...

How many cute girls do you think he sees everyday at work? Out of those girls, how many give him their number? Probably a lot. That is the major problem with trying to meet people at bars. Everybody thinks their special in some way, when they are actually just another set of genitals in the crowd.

*Raises Hand*

I hate to admit it but I've been this guy countless times. Hell I've never gotten as many phone numbers as when I was a bartender.

It has never been a personal thing. Dont blame yourself, it is 100% the guy. People like us are interested in the chase and are love to flirt. The problem is that when we get the phone numbers we lose interest most of the time (barring the occasional one that sparks our interest in a not so typical way). I say again, dont blame yourself, it is entirely the guy.

That night I am absolutely sure he was extreamly interested in you. The problem is the night goes on for him after you leave, he has to clean up, take out the trash, help clean vomit off the floor, etc. So by the time he gets home he isn't thinking about you, he's thinking about BED.

He probably had the intention to call you, and like me he probably looked at the phone number from time to time trying to decide to call, but something else gets in the way. This continues until about the 10th day past when it's pretty much suicide for him to call because most girls wouldnt remember who he was.

I know nothing about this guy except for the dozens of guys just like myself. I'll say this AGAIN, it is NOT you, it is him. Keep going out, eventually you'll spark someone's interest and something beautiful might happen.

Thank you for all of your insightful comments. To clear one thing up, this wasn't just a bar. It was a venue with a bar. More revolved around the music part then the bar part. I can't just "go back", without going to see more bands perform and shell out for another ticket, so i need to see who is playing and get my act together

Yey for positivity! I like your attitude. From our conversations, i do know that he is not in school however. Working, musician, etc. haha i won't forget to invite you!


why thankyou!!

great advice! i'd probably get more shy and not know what to say, but now i'll just avoid it all together and just be cheerful.

i've kicked myself more than a thousand times for this. it was really spur of the moment and since i lack experience in this whole meeting people outside of school deal, i wasn't thinking clearly. if i had been sly enough to ask for his number i definately would have called. i didn't know how to get things to progress, so i basically blurted out, "hey do you want my number?" and he was like, "yeah that'd be cool." and he took out his phone, etc.

yeah my best guy friend said basically the same thing. damn pessimism. but there was this something... haha, yeah i know. :rolleyes:

thank you!

Sorry my phone broke and I lost your number! :D

Can't keep all your eggs in one basket. Keep going out. Keep searching. Maybe he's an ass, maybe he's misunderstood. It wouldn't hurt to go back sometime, but I'd say keep smiling at others in the mean time. It seems to be a numbers game. Good Luck!

I have had this happen to me before also. I kept running into the guy and he kept telling me he would call and would even make plans with me and then not call to confirm.

Finally when he found out that he lost out and I had since found another man, he called and called. He said that he was just bad at the whole communication thing.

Well then it was my turn to dis him........

No phone call=No interest

Please do not take this in a sexist way. I'm not trying to offend anyone, but there are some generalizations that DO hold true.

Hi, welcome to the world of being "empowered"... you'll learn that when YOU are making the move you get shot down once in a while. When you are the one being hit on , you know where they stand ( i.e, they are interested ) and can make the choice. However, you iniated contact by eye-contact and smilling ( usually the ONLY way a guy can tell interest until actual conversation occurs ). 95% of women have no idea about real rejection, as they never 'initiate' anything.

He knew you were interested just by your continued looks and smiles. It sounds like you made the point very clear, and that's why he came over. You also continued to display your interest by offering your phone number.

But... you gave him the number, he put it in his phone, and if you were memorable or very attractive then he would would have called. It is a soft form of rejection.

Anyway, I still have great respect for women to be as straightforward as you. At least you showed some interest instead of playing cold fish/hard to get on the initial encounter as to 'keep up appearances'. Good luck in the future.

PS: If I seem harsh, oh well. I have no reason to kiss people's ass on forums, and would hope that my honest opinion helps more than asskissing.

point well taken. no need to be defensive. i thank you for your honesty. i was never looking for any asskissing, just the truth.

Well, I tend to get in trouble, and am often considered to be a chronic troll on message boards for whatever reason. People see one thing they don't like and read the post, and then flame me and report me to mods or whatever for starting a flamewar. I add a disclaimer everytime I post something that might be questionable anyway, as I'm already under administrative warning here.

I say be a smartass about it. Go back there, and say something like:"What, you can't call me?!" With a smile. If he lost your number, fucked up when plugging it in, etc. he'll get flustered, and you're in for the rest fo the evening. If he consciously didn't call you, coz' he's a jackass, then he'll definitely be embarassed...I think... just my 0.2$ :)

Yup, exactly what I was thinking. I've been in that situation more than a couple of times, and that's exactly what's going on.

The other day I was putting a friends phone number into my cell and I must have closed it before I hit save. Because when I went to call the next day and the number was not there. So it could be pretty easy to screw that up.