Ok,I need some advice/opinions
 

Ok,I met this woman in adult chat around may...We started out as just friends who got along great.I mean we like the same things like music and such.We get each others jokes,we actually finish each others sentences and we say the exact same things at times.

Well,the problem is that she is married and I know what most of you guys are going to say I should back off and leave her.But I love her..and i know she loves me.She tells me that she doesn't love her husband,that she hasn't for a long time.That he even forces her to have sex somtimes.I know that we're mean't for each other,I know this sounds like shes just plsying with me,but i know in my heart that she means everything she says.

We've been talking on the phone daily for going on three or four months now.We know we're going to meet somday when we're ready,well its more about when she is ready.She married very young,like around 18 and she really has never been by herself or done anything alone,she has no job and has no money of her own.

I'm not looking for exceptaince because I know it in my heart that she loves me,I hear it in her voice when we talk,when she tells me that she loves me.

I just want to know your opinions or some advice that you have,thanks in advance,I'll be checking back in a little while...

My opinion is simple: any woman that would sneak around behind her husband's back to have adult chat and phone conversations with a stranger is quite capable of doing the same thing to you after you get together with her.

So, if you want to get together with a penniless, jobless, deceitful woman, well, it's your life.

last time I thought it was for real, but objectively everyone else thought it was never going to work, it didnt work.

It is too easy to be blinded by your emotions, especially when you are this conflicted

if she cheats on him with you , she'll cheat on you with some one else.

and just to play devils advocate do you have conclusive evidence that it is not just a man toying with you?

Emotions can blind you without doubt, i myself have been the victim of this.

Yeah,I know shes not a man,I've seen a pic of her,which i know isn't concrete evidence,I've also talked to her on the phone alot,like for atleast 5-6 hours a day.And unless its a guy with a very femine (sp?) voice and has kids that call him mom,which I've heard her talking to them.

I would like to explain her her life a little more.

Her mother left her and her dad while she was still a baby,her father and brother.....and grandfather subjected her to physical and sexual abuse ever since she was 9 until she was like 15.she lives in the moutains,has three kids.She doesn't own anything that is hers,she basically has no way out right now.

She doesn't ask me for anything money or anything else,just that i love her.I don't have alot of money.well actually no money most of the time and she knows this.

She obviously has issues and those aren't going to stop by being with you. Those issues are what contribute to her doing all this behind her husband's back and they will contribute to her being able to do it behind yours. She has known chaos all her life and doesn't know how to leave it - thus she seems to be creating it.

And to finish off my armchair psychologist post, do you have a history of dating/falling in love with people with a history of abuse of some sort or abandonment? Perhaps you may be a bit co-dependant.

No,I actually didn't find all this out to a few months ago.

She's usually a really closed off person,took me months for her to tell me about her past,she has been married for like 13 years and has never cheated on her husband,she didn't even start going to adult chat until like three months before i met her.She does have low self esteem,which i've been trying to help her with.

I do honestly love her and I know she loves me as well.

Ok,speaking of her...I'm gonna call her now,i'll be back to check,reply in about a hour

Stay away.

Trust me man, talking to you mate to mate - stay away... atleast get her to divorce him etc..

Your gonna start some shit man.. stay away :(

But there are some shit worth starting...and i know she is..

Well go for her then.

But don't say we didn't warn you, there is always that chance that it would of been a good option, but it don't sound right.

I've never had any experience in anything like this, but everyone here is giving the perfect advice for you: stay away.

Sure, there is some shit worth starting, but in this case the ball really is in her court. You've stated your case, said that you like her, and now she has to decide what to do.

If she leaves her husband then perhaps you should take things more seriously, but until then she's a woman with a husband, with children, and with an established life, and you have no business butting in. If she decides to leave her husband, take that as a sign that she really likes you. If she doesn't leave her husband, take that as a sign that she is either too scared to do it, or she wants the best of both worlds. Either way, it's not something you want.

If she cheats on her husband, who's to say she won't do the same to you?

In situations like this you really have to use your head and not your heart.

I've been where you are, and it didn't end well. I don't believe it really ever does. I could go into detail, but I doubt that's necessary. But I will have you know, the situations are awkwardly similar.

That is so true.

No, apparently you don't.

Nothing's blinder than a man in love. There's no bigger sucker than a man in love. Why do you think that con men play on romantic relationships? It's one place where people make themselves vulnerable very, very fast. And sometimes, that's just not wise.

Maybe she's the perfect woman for you and you're the perfect man for her. Maybe. Or maybe there's something going on that you don't know about. Or maybe it's a bad situation that you can't see. A lot of things could be going on here. I recommend you take it SLOW and don't get too attached to any particular outcome.

Wow I have not spent 5 hours on the phone since i was in my mid teens... That is what this relationship sounds like... You are as RATBASTID said,,, Your not looking tor advice..
Actually your looking for people to say its okay. Your looking for that because part of you says it is wrong.... Listen to that part...
I know it is great to visualize you being the White knight riding in to the rescue. But you end up with Her and the kids, and and angry xhusband who will need to see his kids! THINK!

Yup...

She talkes to you for hours on end while her kids are there? That's not right, at all. Put yourself in her husbands situation... I don't know her situation, maybe he is an asshole. Or maybe he's not at all. maybe she's lying.


I know of a woman who convinced not one, but 4 different men that she was someone other than herself. She sent pictures of herself to these men, talked to them for hours on the phone. The last man proposed to her before they even met! Now, he's got issues too, but thats another story. He smartened up and did a background check. Turns out she's married, 4 kids, older than she sad, and certianly not the woman in her pictures. She looked like she ate the person who's pictures she was sending out.


Be VERY careful. I say run, run far away. But if you want to try this, arrange to meet her, and soon. That is the only way to tell. Oh, and have her send you a copy of her drivers license. For your own safety. If she really loves you she'll understand.

Like everyone else has said, dont do it.

Try to get rid of the emotions for a minute and think about it logically. Its no good.

Bang her and get the lust thing over with,
or go to a strip bar and donate a few hundred $$$ to someone that REALLY LOVES YOU!!

Dude, I hate to be the one to say this, but from your posts, it looks like you're pretty set in what you want to do. Someone else has said this, but I'll put it differently, "Once a cheater, always a cheater". Do you think what she is doing is cheating, or not? Even though you haven't had anything physical, it sounds like given the opportunity, you will!

If things aren't right in her relationship with her husband, suggest counseling. She needs help, and not from you. Yes you think you love her, but do you really? She needs help, period.

if you haven't met her in person, you can't honestly say you love her. it may feel that way, but you don't really know someone until you meet them face to face and spend time in real life together with them.

I'm not attacking your feelings or hers, I'm just saying that love takes more than a chat room and a phone conversation

You want advice/opinions? My advice is that you should forget about her and find someone IRL. My opinion would get edited by a mod so I'm not going to post it.

But bermuDa... I love you! Really, I do!


It's so easy to get caught up in internet things like this... I have myself a few times. But eventually you'll see the light and realize that it isn't worth it.

You either go meet the person to see if it's real, or you don't and move on. Which will you choose?

Thanks for all of your guys advice and maybe it is true what some of you said,maybe i was looking for someone to say it was alright.But I don't care I love her.
But all i ended up doing is hurting her because i showed her this.

And Averett I choose to meet her not now,but when she is ready.

this thread? what are u thinking? when i like someone i don't air their dirty laundry. and i agree with everyone that SHE needs to get her life together, by together I mean not saying that she is unhappy and having the desire to leave her husband, but actually doing it, and getting her self some therapy before u do anything.
by the way how do u feel about 3 kids. remember, even single moms aren't single, they have kids, and they are, or at least should be, a very big part of them.

I agree with bermuda on this one...People who believe in love at first site are one thing, but you havnt even met this person. I'd take a step back and really look at what your getting into.

We know what you're saying, and most of us know you're not really going to listen to us anyway, because love is stronger, and louder, than any words you could get here. Just try and keep in mind that if she will cheat WITH you, she can cheat ON you. And she has 3 kids, apparently- are you ready to support her and 3 kids? Because as you said, she has no money of her own. I know love is stronger than money, but.... it's your ship, captain... we're just pointing out the dark clouds ahead.

I was thinking precisely the same thing. Personally, I wouldn't pursue the relationship any further, but I can appreciate how these things get blended into shades of gray. Let your common sense be your guide (what's left of it) and back off of this woman.

Yeah it sounds like shes looking for a way out. Whats probably best for her is to be alone and be allowed to grow up as a person. Shes completely dependent on her husband and probably has a dependent personality. Dont get involved.

Even if it were true love, shes a mother. Her primary responsibility is to her children. You'd be a complete bastard for wrecking their household. If anything maybe she needs to divorce him and live on her own for her own self fulfillment, but if she does that, you should cut off communication from her for her own good. She needs to stand on her own two feet for a while.

I know that sounds hard and believe me it is. I had to let the love of my life go because I wasnt good for her. It still hurts but I really loved her enough to want what was best for her even if it meant I lost the best thing I ever had.