Hey, biracial couples

[Sledge]

Are people surprised when they find out your SO is of a different race? Do you get stares?

I'm East Asian and my woman is a pan-European mix, but it doesn't seem to be a big deal at all here. Then again, "here" is an ultraliberal private college on the East Coast.

(Sorry if this has been done before. I was scared to look up "interracial" in the search engine... )

[WarWagon]

I've gotten some looks, and a few people have asked if I got any looks, but I really don't care. I'm white and my girlfriend is Korean.

[anti fishstick]

no i haven't . i have only dated white guys and i'm asian (filipino) and no weird looks. i'm pretty americanized as it is, i think i'm white :P

[LaughinMon]

well im half korean, a quarter english, an eighth german, and an eighth scottish.
so essentially im half asian, half caucasian.

my girlfriend is part lithuanian part english and part german.
so essentially shes caucasian.

we've been together for 9 months and not a single person has said anything concerning race other then one of her roommates telling her that i was the cutest asian guy shes ever seen.

[Cynthetiq]

Originally posted by anti fishstick
no i haven't . i have only dated white guys and i'm asian (filipino) and no weird looks. i'm pretty americanized as it is, i think i'm white :P

I'm the same way.... but when we walk in predominately asian parts of town the wife gets some stares.... I guess they think I should be with my own kind.

[legolas]

Eh in high school it was no big deal (I'm white gf black) but now in college I've noticed how racist people can be. Liek I had no idea how it was. One of my friends asked me like "how the hell did you get a black girl, you're SO white" and another asked "does she talk like us?" The stares I always just assume are people checking me or her out =P It's better to think like that but the comments and prejudgements are just too much sometimes. I'm starting to get really annoyed by them.

I know we're all guilty of prejudging sometimes at least, but there is standard I would like to think of. I am trying to make a big point of not judging people like that anymore.

[tekaweni]

I'm originally from South Africa where inter-racial marriages were banned for most of my upbringing. Screwy I know, but a fact I grew up with.

Now I live in London UK and theres a total intermix of everything, and nobody really notices or cares about that. After just a short time here neither did I.

If people stare, its their problem not yours.

Cheers

[toxic515]

My wife's hispanic, I am white.. Mostly we don't ever hear anything at all. Once we had someone say something about half-breeds about the children. You'd be amazed how quickly that gets retracted when a 6'4" 300lb man gets angry... so the kids don't really get any crap now. I have an 8 year old boy that will be glad to inform ANY adult how ignorant and stupid racism is.

[lordjeebus]

I'm multiracial, my girlfriend's white, and no one has had a problem with it. Of course, it would be unreasonable for someone to suggest that I stick to my own race.

The biggest question race-minded people have is "what race are you?" (to me) which I guess would need to be answered before they could determine that we're interracial and form a judgement about that. I never answer that question -- I think if people can't tell, it's better that way -- so they don't have the opportunity to make that judgement.

Hundreds of times more significant for relatives and other people are our differences in national, cultural, and religious background.

[collide]

This thread just reminds me of how conscious we are about race and identity. No matter where you stand on the issue, there will still artificial barriers to living a "normal" life. Frankly I think that my private life should remain that way -- private, but it is sometimes difficult to ignore the status quo when you can't show intimacy or affection with a person of another race or of the same sex the same way you would with the opposite sex or the same race. Go figure.

[Jim Kata]

That is strange. I was gonna start a thread about this today, but I actually had to do some work today at work (imagine that).
My girlfriend is white, and I'm brown. I don't get many looks, but that is cause I don't pay attention too much to anyone else around me when I'm with my girl.
Although I think a muslim/catholic wedding is gonna be weird since my religion (at least what I was raised with) is anti alcohol and my girlfriends is waaaaaay pro alcohol at weddings (especially). Oh well, I guess I will roll with punches.
Sometimes I wonder if people are actually thinking that I am "Stealing their white women", but most of the time I like to think the rest of the world is like me, COLOR BLIND (wishful thinking I guess).

[ninety09]

I'm white, and my girlfriend is Chinese.
Sometimes we do get stared at by some old fashionned Chinese people. But we never got any comments from anyone.

Honnestly, I don't give a fuck what other people think, it's none of their business.

[onetime2]

Not very often although I seem to notice it more from members of her nationality than my own. I'm white (Irish/Czech) and she looks Korean but is also Italian and a few other things.

It's sometimes a little bit funny in our conversations because she thinks of herself as white and expects that everyone else thinks of her that way but she clearly has more Korean than Anglo features.

On a side track, the worst looks I got were earlier this year. She had undergone brain surgery and one eye was left temporarily paralyzed. Sometimes (depending on how tired she was) it was fully closed while other times it was slightly opened with the eye pointed off to her left. She got quite a few looks when we'd go out in public. People would first look at her with a little sympathy and then when they noticed me, you could see the lightbulb click in their head. This 5'3 100lb asian girl must have been beaten up by the 5'10" 200lb asshole boyfriend. She was freaked out about the stares because she was very self conscious about the way she looked. Thankfully her eye is almost back to 100% with just a little dilation and some slight double vision which is expected to go away in the coming months.

--Paul

[SexyCat]

It depends on the area (and the people, I guess) whether or not they are concerned with me (white) and my boyfriend (black). I don't let it concern me, because I am my own person and race is not an issue with me either way.

[legolas]

Yea I guess I'll just add in this topic that I didn't used to see colors at all. In 9th grade I would have to think to tell you who is white, black, or anything else. Then one of my friends brought up how he is the only black person that sat at our table. I tried to tell him that I don't see colors and he just kept going on about it. After years of everyone mentioning and refering to race, I notice it now and it's sad.

[Mitzkrieg]

it's interesting with my fiance and i. she is from El Salvador, and i'm a whitey, woot! anyways, she's got lots and lots of relatives, most of whom i still have not met. but it never fails, when i end up meeting them for the first time, it's like they're all wowed, or shocked a little bit. and for a little while during the visit, i'll get the stares. but after a while, it wears off. they always treat me very nicely though which is great.

funny.... one year she was getting homesick. she hardly ever visits El Salvador much as it's lot's of money flyin down there from orange county, ca. but that's besides the point. so the one year, i ended up going with her. this was, of course, my first visit to El Salvador and it was quite an experience. I NEVER SAW ONE WHITE PERSON THERE AT ALL! lol, everywhere we walked people seemed so suprised i was there. fun trip though.

[skysooner]

I received some looks when I dated an African-American (roughly 20 years ago). I didn't get any comments when I dated a Korean (except some envious comments).

[Great Scott]

I dunno I supposed I am used to it. Dad is a scond generation American with roots in Eastern Europe and Mom is from Ecuador. I grew up a mixed child. The wife is Finnish, and while not exactly blond haried and blue-eyed we do stand out a bit as looking kinda different. Of course we are in Finland which is one of the most closet racist places I have ever been to. We get some stares and dirty looks, but after awhile you just get used to it. In NYC no one looks twice.

[Averett]

I think it's more socially acceptable for a white person to date somebody of Asian heritage than for a white person to date somebody who's of African heritage. Is this okay? Nope.

I've only had relationships with white men (I'm white). Would I have a relationship with somebody of a different race? Sure. It's the person, not the package they come in. I wish people would realize this.

[Sledge]

Originally posted by Great Scott
I dunno I supposed I am used to it. Dad is a scond generation American with roots in Eastern Europe and Mom is from Ecuador. I grew up a mixed child. The wife is Finnish, and while not exactly blond haried and blue-eyed we do stand out a bit as looking kinda different. Of course we are in Finland which is one of the most closet racist places I have ever been to. We get some stares and dirty looks, but after awhile you just get used to it. In NYC no one looks twice.

Wow! Tell me more about closet racism in Finland. My girlfriend lived there briefly and she talked about it a little.

Originally posted by legolas
Yea I guess I'll just add in this topic that I didn't used to see colors at all. In 9th grade I would have to think to tell you who is white, black, or anything else. Then one of my friends brought up how he is the only black person that sat at our table. I tried to tell him that I don't see colors and he just kept going on about it. After years of everyone mentioning and refering to race, I notice it now and it's sad.

Sociologists have noted for a long time that children of different ethnicities in kindergarten and early elementary school are more than willing to play together. It's in junior high that they start breaking off into social cliques, and it's then that race really begins to divide people up...

Such a social construct, and anyone who tells you otherwise is ill-informed.

Originally posted by onetime2
Thankfully her eye is almost back to 100% with just a little dilation and some slight double vision which is expected to go away in the coming months.

Good luck to you both, amigo. Tough situation to be in, social misunderstanding or not.

[motdakasha]

never had a problem with it.

[analog]

I don't understand how people can still stare and make comments, it's fucking ridiculous. I'm white, and have dated 4 girls in total, all white. I've participated in beating the shit out of people who make racist comments to my "non-white" friends. Ignorance and intolerance are pretty much the 2 things I absolutely cannot stand in this world. As for my white girls, I'm a goth kid... I like them very, very pale.

[Sensei]

Originally posted by analog
As for my white girls, I'm a goth kid... I like them very, very pale.

Aside: I knew this Asian Girl in High School and she said she had never dated an Asian guy before. But then again she was goth and asked me when was the last time I saw a goth Asian dude.

[deve]

Im white and my girlfriend is Korean--no one around here thinks its weird.

[Rlyss]

I'm white and my partner is of SE Asian heritage (her parents are from there) but she's grown up here (white country) and has only ever been back to her parent's home country a couple of times on vacation.

I seem to be the only person here that notices race. I'm happy to admit that I'm not blind to race at all. I see white people, I see black people, I see Asians and I see Indians, I see Aboriginals, I see everyone. I'm proud of my partner, I'm proud of her heritage, I'm proud of her Asian roots, just as I'm proud to be who I am. I'm human, and I'm proud of that; I'm Australian, and I'm proud of that; I'm of Irish/English decent, and I'm proud of that. There seems to be some great taboo about acknowledging somebody's skin color, but I don't see why there is such a problem with it. I think people should be proud of their heritage (heritages? I'm unsure if this is singular or plural!) and be proud of their skin color. Yes, we're all human, and yes, we have different ethnicities. Embrace everything

[dnd]

I'm asian(indian race), but been brought my whole life in england went to predominatly white schools and lived in very white areas, for this reason i sometimes forget that i am asian. Ive always found white girls more attractive, no idea why. But i've not really had any problems with looks i go out with my white gfs (maybe i got used to strange looks growing up from old fashioned white people and now just ignore it).

[numist_net]

I'm white, my SO is white. Wouldnt matter if she were anything else, though, I would love her just as much.

Being color blind is good, I was until high school, when people started mentioning it in a racist context. Since then, I notice it, but I dont put any stock in it.

[collide]

Being color blind is ignoring the issue; being color aware forces us to deal with the issue and get use to it.

[Jesus Pimp]

I get happy when I see biracial couples. I think people who stare and gawk should get over themselves.

[Sledge]

Originally posted by Sensei
But then again she was goth and asked me when was the last time I saw a goth Asian dude.

Ahahahaha. Ahem. Uh.

Never mind... I should leave that particular epoch of my life where it belongs.

[rufgti]

Welp, Im Asian (filipino) and I have been dating other races since I started.

First gf was West Indian, next was Portuguese, then Chinese, then a WASP, then Russian, then Afro-American (she was from Boston), then married a filipino, then divorced a filipino and now going out with a Romanian.

No problems or comments that I can recall--then again, I don't have eyes on the back of my head, so....

Hm, looking back at that, I didn't have much of a dating life... *crying*

[hiredgun]

i'm a pakistani guy and i'm head-over-heels for a WASP gal. no one i know has thought that it was strange, but i come from a really diverse east-coast community with a lot of couples like that, so that might be a factor.

on a tangent, my parents may not be so pleased.

quickedit: dorito2, i agree with you

[analog]

Originally posted by Sensei
Aside: I knew this Asian Girl in High School and she said she had never dated an Asian guy before. But then again she was goth and asked me when was the last time I saw a goth Asian dude.

Got them all over. White people are certainly the largest ethnicity found in goth culture, but by no means at all the <i>only<i> one. Besides, how can she say that when she's asian and goth? lol sometimes I don't understand.

[hobo]

Biracial couples are always nice to see.

[venusinfurs]

my boy is filipino and i am an American mut mostly Italian and other southern european crap, and Polish. No strange looks often, i do get started down everytime i go into an oriental market....bah.

and with the goth thing, i know a few goth and goth wanna be asian dudes, LOL, so your theory is bunk, yo.

we need more biracial couples in this crazy metling pot place. It is better for the genetic make up of humans too. FOr science!

[monkeysugar]

I'm white, and my girlfriend is 1/2 Japanese, 1/4 Chinese, 1/4 white. She grew up on an air force base in Japan. I've gotten several comments like "Wow, she speaks really good English" or "What's it like to _insert verb here_ an Asian girl?" which is pretty irritating, but other than that I'm not aware of anyone having problems with it. Not that I'd care anyway, I'm too happy with my sweetie to give two shits about what anyone else thinks.

[Vaultboy]

Originally posted by Averett
I think it's more socially acceptable for a white person to date somebody of Asian heritage than for a white person to date somebody who's of African heritage. Is this okay? Nope.

This is probably the most true comment made sofar. One of the issues here is that despite how we all feel about racial equality etc, as humans we still long for certain physical attributes to be passed down to our children (call it preserving/strengthening the bloodline or whatever you will).

One of the key issues regarding an interacial relationship with a black person is the issue of hair: The general feeling is that straight hair is better than coarse hair. I've seen families break up couples because of this simple and stupid issue: Mothers asking their daughters/sons "But think of what your kids will look like, etc."

Dating someone with African heritage also carriage the misconception that you're dating someone who is culturally backward, especially if that person observes African traditions.

All of this is comlpete BS, of course, but perception is often more important than fact.

[Supple Cow]

Originally posted by Averett
I think it's more socially acceptable for a white person to date somebody of Asian heritage than for a white person to date somebody who's of African heritage. Is this okay? Nope.

It's also seems more acceptable in Asian cultures to date a white person than a darker-skinned person (whether black, south asian, latino...). I'm Chinese-Pilipino-Russian and my mother used to rail on me for being with an Indian guy, but she doesn't so much as raise an eyebrow now that I'm dating a white guy. She's afraid that one day I'll have children with darker skin than I have. If you ask me, all the guys I've dated were equally attractive to me - the Mexican ones, the white ones, the Asian ones - and that's why I dated them!

[Tomservo]

Well, my beautiful wife is half Mexican and half Italian, but most folks just think of her as caucasian, so they don't even realize. However, our daughter (Mine by marriage) is 3/4 Mexican, and appears as such. On occasion, folks will make anti-Mexican comments (I live in L.A.), and they're usually very surprised to hear of her lineage... most other folks don't care.

Of course, she's a very attractive girl, and her physical ethnicity suggests Italian more, so maybe the hotter you are, the easier it is to get a "pass"?

[EleqTrizi'T]

I'm mexican, my wife is white. My dad has two brothers married to white women, another to a japanese woman.

I'ts never been an issue for me, or them. We do live in California, tho. Not a big deal