funny, but extremely scary at the time.
 

Ok, people, here's a true story for you all to laugh at: My wife and I were getting busy doggy style, she asked me to put our thin vibrator in her ass. So far, so great. The vibrations were doing wonders for us both. The damned vibrator was not flaired at all. All of the sudden, POOF! it was gone. Right up her ass. We were both pretty nervouse, as we were both in the USAF. (Anything other than missionary is pretty much against the rules in the US Military. Oral sex is against the rules. lol) So we were both freaking out. I tried to finger the problem out, to no avail. She ended up using a pair of 90 degree pliers, got that damned thing out. What a woman. lol

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YOUR KIDDING!!!!!!!! HOLY SHIT

im sorry, but omg thats unbelievable, and im so so so sorry but hilareous omg hahaha sorry just like your description... "POOF" OMG HAHAHAHA

Best. Post. Ever.
No really, that needs to go in a book of sexual bloopers. This by the way is why anal plugs are flared at the end. It's also why dildos that are used in ass play always have the fake ball sack at the base. To prevent "accidental" loss. It's a sex industry saftey issue.
Still, i feel for you having to go through that. I gather you where both sweating balls about it, though i figure she was far more worried than you considering it had gone m.i.a IN her.
Thanks for a great laugh, though i'm sorry you had to go through it!:p

There are some pictures of x-rays online of people who had to go to the emergency room to get sex toys surgically removed...

:lol:

I've seen pictures (on rotten.com) of this guy who put a jar of jam, and a potato up his ass. He had to have it removed at the hospital.

HAHAHAHA. That's absolutely hysterical. "When Good Sex Goes Wrong", next on FOX.

Pliers? Your wife used pliers to fish the thing outta her ass?

Does she have a sister?

That's a fuckin awesome story. I feel for you, but damn that's funny. lol

holy shit....

"I think I see it! hold on a sec... here bite on this while I... nope, gotta get the pliers"

yikes, man... :eek:

intresting, beats a cell phone i guess (more bad xrays running in my head)

glad to hear that it worked out.

if it were a cell phone, wouldnt it be easier to find? just call it! (and if the vibrate feature is on...)

aahh, I guess not, but at least it wasnt an object with very sharp edges or high breakability.

And why is anything other than missionary not allowed in the force, and how is that possibly regulated?

That's because the government tries to regulate every area of our lives.

Didn't she trust you with the pliers? That must have been scary to watch. Guess you will be getting one with a flared end.

OK, good safety tip.

Everyone remember to hump & bump wisely.

Flaired anal probe, check. :)

I find it hard to believe that the military actually tries to dictate how people have sex.

I would LOVE to see this one go to court!!

I can just imagine the talk around base after the hospital visit.

good thing they never went to the hospital...


but if it was anyone else :lol:

Next time, use your G.I. Joe kung-fu grip on that thing! :lol:

I'm glad things came out in the end. :lol: :lol: :lol:

the picture of standing at attention as the Drill instructor walks by and hears a humming.... hehehehehehehe... a lil time and a good push... well either way good thing its out... nest time tie a string on it hehehhehehe

Did they find any weapons of mass destruction up there, as well?

I can't imagine being in that type of situation.

oh my ghod. funny and scary. Though I once lost a cherry tomato in a girlfriend's pussy.

Thank Christ I've no experience to which I can compare your's, Wyodiver33. Glad things worked out...

Oh man that's so crazy. How long was the thing? I wonder what that must of felt like being stuck in her ass hahaha
Ouch!

OMG, that is the funniest thing I have ever read. Even funnier that the military tries to tell you how to have sex. She should have just tried to shit it out. That might have worked without having to result to pliers.

first off, glad to hear that you two managed to retrieve it and since you did, that's HILARIOUS!!!

can you imagine the panic had you not been able to fish it out and she had to carry on "as normal" until she could retrieve it with her little vibrating friend in her backside...good god!!

Well, I was all ready to take her to the Air Force hospital. But, as I stated before, anything other than the missionary position is against the UCMJ (Uniform Code of Military Justice) so we would both have been in trouble. When you join the military, you actually lose a lot of rights under the constitution. Yes, the military regulates your bedroom. Although the situation was consentual, and heterosexual, we both would have faced UCMJ punishment. If, while being questioned under oath, a military man or woman declared that they gave or received oral sex, that person could be court martialed. Long live the likes of John Ashcroft. Who said that Nazi Germany was dead? Hell, we have Ashcroft, Bush, etc. We have a new bread of fascists. Sorry, son, you are only 19. "Hey, thanks for enlisting with the US military. You are ok to die for our cause. Just don't drink any beer or suck any dick, or eat any pussy, etc..."

Not that I'm bitter or anything. lol

Ha...no bitterness detected.

great post! That's freaking funny. Glad everything worked out OK in the end! What a woman indeed!

oh......
my......
god......

sell the pliers on eBay.

My God... A pair a 90 degree pilers....

in the state of virginia its illegal to have sex in any position other than the missionary position. there are lots of these 'moral' or otherwise stupid laws that dont mean diddly. they dont enforce them, theyre just there for piece of mind. hell even when youre in the military they let you drink alcohol regardless if youre 21 or not. you only get in trouble for that if you have an anal bastard for a CO or maybe if youre in a court or some other circumstance such as that

limiting positions is stupid...

we should court-martial clinton.
oh yeah, we did, but that was for lying about it.

We should have pressed the charge that since hes Command in Chief, he cant do anything but missionary. It seems to me that if you force policymakers to obey policy, things would get a lot better, a lot faster.
Like social security. Instead of giving senators and their families thousands of dollars a month, lets just put them on social security, and fix them right up.

Now THAT is a story to tell

I took a human sexuality class in college where the prof read off a list of things that people had removed from their asses at the e-room. There were some really crazy things...the few that I remember include a bottle of Ms butterworth syrup, a can of spam, and a spoon. lol

LOL! Pretty funny, and I bet it was scary too. Did she try to crap it out? You'd think she could if it was solid and shaped like crap.

I don't know for sure, but:
I'd imagine the muscles that push along feces aren't strong enough to push out something that huge and long without much to push on. I'm assuming it was straight and not wavy or ridged since those would've prevented it from sliding in to begin with.

Damn...The way she got that out just makes me cringe...

I think we'll all try to learn from your mistakes.
Nobody wants to go to the doctor with one of those "one-in-a-million chance, doc" stories.

umm, i too have used pliers to fish things out- but not out of her ass. i know the feeling you speak of here. we were using one of those 1960's style massagers with the detachable plastic heads. well, one detached 'inside of her' and after pondering the hospital, i used a pair of needle nose pliers to retrieve the offending hunk of plastic. that was a tense moment, but surprisingly the pliers worked well.

btw, the wife banned all massager play after that.

"If it hasn't got that safety flare,
keep it out of your derriere."

-Jackie Chiles -

wow!!! unbelievable...... does stuff like that really happen?

can she laugh about it yet?

What sort of stimulation does a vibrator provide anally for a women? I figure they don't have any prostate or anything so they dont feel anything...

My GF and i have done the same position and situation. Fortunatly nothing went Poof on us. Personally have nightmares about this kind of thing happening.

YIKES!!! hahahah man i dunno what is funnier, your description (POOF! it was gone. Right up her ass) or some of the replies in here.....

So during the time you were trying to fish the viberator out, was it still buzzing?

wrong. there are nerves there, just like on y'all... no prostate != doesn't feel good.

Yes, it was still chugging along. lol.

all i can say is next time use a wrist strap on that thing, you know like the one on your digital camera :)

what kind of punishment would anal sex warrant?.. what does court martialling entail? I have never heard of the sex limitations in the military, seems weird that they can do that stuff... I will add that to my ever growing list of reasons not to join up.

Mostly scary.

In the military, a person is subject to all Civilian laws, as well as all Military laws, so life is a bit more tricky. I am not anti-military at all, I had a blast in the USAF, but I also feel that NOBODY has the right to regulate what goes on in my bedroom. As long as everything is consensual, mind your own damned business. Punishment for "Deviant" sex acts could be loss of pay, loss of rank, discharge, prison, etc. Yay.

I am crying...

I would just die to have had an experience like that ...

I am sooo Lonely

Sob

that's a wild post buddy; glad to hear that it all worked out

Being in the Marine Corps, I can simpathize with you man. I've had a couple friends that have barely avoided court martial a couple different times for similar things. I agree though, considering we as members of the military put our lives on the line, it would be nice if the UCMJ would stay out of the bedroom.

I'm glad that you were able to solve a potentially harming situation. This is a definite classic story. Very funny and scary at the same time.

I have a question, was it still on when it slipped in?


Glad

Yes, it was still buzzing away. lol.

Damn does that sound painful! So was she getting off while it was way in there or just scared as hell?

Actually, she didn't know until I told her. So the question is: even though I knew, did I wait until I was done? What would You have done?

(it was a small pinky-type vibe.)

LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I had to try to contain my stiff laughing in the middle of the study hall...

Speechless.

Glad you at least had some fun out of the whole ordeal.

youre a lucky man my friend. give my best to the mrs.

I saw a picture of a girl with a pretty cameltoe. Her bikini bottom was sucked into her pussy and I got to thinking.
You know how the diaphram can suck/blow air in/out of your lungs. Can it also suck/blow in/out of the pussy? Or, in this case the anus?
Of course the stomach muscles also could be used. I would think heavy breathing and contraction of stomach muscles could suck anything into your body. A vibrator has a pointy end and a flat end. It could easily go in, but not out.
Be careful with those little sex toys!

I haven't laughed that hard all weekend long. Thank you and sorry for your loss. . .

Hey, it's been 10 years since it happened, and she's an ex-wife now, so I had to share. It is a very funny story. It was really scary at the time, because we were both in the USAF, and we would have been in big trouble if we had gone to the base hospital. But looking back, it's pretty funny. lol.

i wonder what would have happened if she had to goto work with a vibrator turned on in the ass
HAHAHAHAHA

Sick leave until the batteries ran out. :D

hahe . very entertaining read. next time make sure you have a long 3 foot cord tied .. if there are no flares .. then you can just yank it out .. (ow)

anyone know of a website detailing the laws inside your bedroom when you're in the military?

hahahha holy shit. guess thats why they make plugs eh?

that's fucking hilarious

I never saw the pliers coming!!!

Call in MacGyver

Don't give up, buy one of them things with electric cords on em...ya can pull it right back out, and get on with your business!

Trust me, it's funny as hell now, but at the time, we were both pretty nervous. The US Military has zero-sense-of-humor when it comes to sex, even between a maried couple. If we have had to go to the base hospital, well other than being extremely embarassing, we would also have been punished. She was quite the trooper, digging that thing out like she did. I sure couldn't get it out. lol. ( I did try, but I was afraid that I would hurt her.)

LMFAO.......When I was a Hospital Corpsman in the Navy, we had a few visits with things lodged in the poopshoot. Don't worry about being turned in for that. It falls under the Dr-patient confidentiality rule (yes even in the military that applies). FYI-All the things we pulled, were from men's asses and that was before the dont ask dont tell rule. God...what a woman!

Talk about an ANAL probe!!!!

Funny ish!!

Ahem. Not to make this all political and shit, but those regs were in force when I and my husband enlisted back in 1985, and they were in force before that. No need to tar and feather Ashcroft and Bush for rules THEY didn't invent. Carry on.

/steps off soapbox

That was hilarious and reminded me of another story I read in Maxim that was sent in by a reader who had a misadventure with anal beads.

He was slowly feeding the beads into his partners anus and then pulling them back out and she was digging it big time. So he gets excited and decides to put all the beads in at one time........and then "yanked em out like I was pull-starting a god damn lawnmower." After that, there was a "loud noise, a lot of poop..." and what we can assume was a classically awkward moment.

lol that's fucking hilarious.... did you stop right then or keep going? ;)

funny, but it'd probally be taken down pretty quickly.

I see you live in Oregon, did this happen to be an OSU class....If so I probably heard the same lecture.

All's well that ends well!! :crazy:

holy shit

bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"HONEY, JUMP UP AND DOWN"zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"WHAT ARE THE PLIERS FOR HON...OMGzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz