Resisting temptation/someone bitchslap some sense into me please

[Battlefield]

I've been with my current GF for 10 months. No sex--shes a virgin. Everything but sex. I can see myself having a future with her.

Enter a hotchick who recently became my neighbour. She began hitting on me and I ended up making out with her and *almost* having sex. She is attractive as hell and having no sex for 10 months makes a man restless. I feel like I have an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other...in my heart I KNOW it's wrong but my penis/devil on my shoulder is about to win....any advice on how to solve this? Is there anyway I could just have sex with her a few times and then keep it a secret??

PS the hot neighbour doesn't know I have a gf(yes I feel sleezy as hell).

[MrFlux]

Do what Vince does in Pulp fiction:
Tell yourself you're just going to go home and masturbate, and that's all you're going to do.

Why is sex so important to you? Why can't you be satisfied with everything but until she's ready? If you see yourself having a future with her, don't cheat on her. Because then you won't have a future with her.

[Apache]

Originally posted by Battlefield
Is there anyway I could just have sex with her a few times and then keep it a secret??

Is that a joke?????????

Obviously your a decent guy, to be with someone for 10 months and respect her wishes to stay a virgin. Even if your gf never found out you would have it in the back of your mind forever, it would probably eat away at you (especially if your already feeling like shit for not even telling this new woman you have a gf) You should really ask yourself one, are you that kind of person that would cheat on someone you really care for and see a future with??? Two, how would you feel to know that your gf had been making out (cheating on you) with someone else the way you and this other woman were??? Three, is it worth ruining the relationship with your gf just to get laid a few times??? And last but not least, the really big question. What would you do if you did do it just a few times and she ended up pregnant?????? It happens you know, everyday. If your gf is who you want the future with you can probably kiss that goodbye if you do this.
Besides how do you know that the other woman would even still want you after she found out you had a gf????? By making out with her and "almost" having sex with her, your presenting yourself as a single person.
Think long and hard with your brain (lol) before doing anything that could mess up your relationship. Good luck

[Averett]

Tell the hot girl that you have a girlfriend. Next time you see her.

If she is any sort of decent human being, she won't mess with you again. If she still wants you, then you know she's just a skanky bitch and do you really want a skanky bitch?

Oh, and talk to your girlfriend about the no sex thing. Not forcing her to do it, juts talk to her about it. Is she scared? Religion thing? Just not ready?

[Thraeryn]

To answer your question, there is no way to have sex with a new person while in a relationship and not have the old person find out. If you can lie as well as I can and if you have a good amount of personal restraint, you can set the time that she finds out instead of it being outed accidentally. This is the best that you can hope for.

I don't think you can lie well enough to hide from your new neighbor the fact that you have a girlfriend, though. I think I could if I put a fair amount of brainpower to it, but it would be rough and I'd only get a month or so out of it.

So! If you're really, really horny and care to take your chances, you can probably come up with a good set of lies, repeat them to yourself over and over and over until they become the truth, and screw around with your neighbor for a month while you figure out what you REALLY want to do. Use that time wisely, take a look at both of their habits and personalities, figure out which one you think you have a better chance with. . . .

Or, keep it in your pants and tell the neighbor that you have a girl already. That's hardly fun, though.

[lurkette]

Think about the person you'd like to be, and ask yourself what that man would do. You're the only person who can tell you what's right for you.

That said, I'm gonna give you my two cents anyhow.

You're trying to have your cake and eat it, too, and that never, ever turned out well. You want the great "I can see a future with this girl" relationship and you want the hot sex with the tasty neighbor. If the "no sex" clause in your relationship with your gf is a deal-breaker, have the balls to tell her so instead of going behind her back in a moment of weakness. And what do you think are the odds that the hot neighbor chick is going to be satisfied with no-strings-attached sex when you're done with her and go running back to the celibate girlfriend? What you're looking at here is a fantasy. The reality is you're either going to end up juggling two women who are both going to eat you alive when they find out the truth, or you're going to end up being That Guy, the one women all complain about who scoots as soon as he sees greener grass on the other side of the fence. Again, be the man you can look in the face in the mirror every morning.

[Cynthetiq]

having your cake and eating it too...

yeah.. know what that looks like? regurgitated cake or crap.... which is what the relationship with the g/f will be depending on the point of when she finds out.

[Rlyss]

If your girlfriend acknowledges that she wants to have sex with you some time in the future then keep it in your pants and be grateful that you've got a wonderful partner with whom you might want to spend the rest of your life.

It's fair enough that you want sex as a part of your relationship, and if she doesn't then you're never going to be able to compromise. If that's the case then you might want to re-think your future with her. If she really isn't interested in sex, and doesn't look she will be for a long time, then it's fair enough to think that it might not work out. It's a shame and all, but if you want sex and she doesn't, then neither of you can help having those feelings, but it'll never be resolved.

I know that if I was in your position I'd choose my partner over my neighbour in less than a heartbeat. Sex is one thing, but possibly a lifetime of happiness with your partner? I'd say that's worth putting up with just masturbation for a bit longer.

[Rippley]

*slap*

[tekaweni]

All the above advice has been consistent, and mine is exactly the same. You're a decent dude who has lucked onto a great lady so dont fuck it all up for a moment of madness.

Spank the monkey till she's ready. That way your balls wont explode.

[sigma1042]

nail the neighbor

hard

but after you figure out that there is something wrong with your current relationship and thats why you've expressed doubt with her already

if you're content, lie to both of them
don't ever tell your gf anything
tell you neighbor you were on the outs with your gf, but got back together

[AlCap0wn]

If you're even considering "can I get away with it?", there's fundamental issues in your current relationship already.

[MooseMan3000]

Just out of curiousity... have you talked to your GIRLFRIEND about this yet?

I mean, it sounds like a silly question, but I'm serious. Talk to her about how you're feeling. Admit that you have these "feelings" for your neighbor. Tell her what you did, but that you restrained yourself. Have a serious talk with her about your relationship. See if it's going anywhere. See what she feels.

I see this time and time again; people just don't communicate, and the relationship suffers because of it. Just talk to her. Though it might be hard... No, it WILL be hard... it will ultimately make things better. Trust me.

[mediajunkie]

Dude if you are thinking about cheating on your girlfriend then that means you don't love her. If you don't lover her then why are you with her?

Answer that question and you will know what to do.

P.S. --- If the hotchick is your neighbor there is absolutly no way you can pull it off without your G/F finding out about it. Way to close to home.

[jbrooks544]

Hell, you aren't married, so it really isn't a big deal. Are you going to marry your girlfriend? Is she EVER going to have sex with you? If yes, when? How long are you going to wait for current girlfriend to unfreeze? Is she not going to have sex until married? What if the chemistry sexually is never right and you don't find out until after marriage? What happens a few years in when she wonders what she had missed out on and wants a taste?

I would say to GF - "hey, let's get married" because you can't be expected to not have sex for this long. Or, say to her "if you don't have sex with me I'm going elsewhere". Tell hot sex girl that you are so in to her and that you are going to gently break up with GF b/c you can't wait your whole life for miss ice princess. What if you die in a year? Won't you regret not having sex for two years? I would. Life is short. Don't get hooked to a prude. Live a little because you will regret it later if you don't believe me. Unless of course it is true love - you get married and live wonderful life - but put a one year from now limit on abstinance unless you want to explode...

[Rlyss]

Or, say to her "if you don't have sex with me I'm going elsewhere".

I think he should say it a bit nicer than that. Maybe the girlfriend isn't a prude, maybe she honestly isn't ready for sex yet. She can't help that any more than Battlefield can help wanting to have sex.

The best way to go about it isn't to say 'Give me sex or I'm outta here!'. Ask your girlfriend why she doesn't want sex, and if she simply wants more time you have to decide whether she is worth the wait. If she can't see herself ever having sex, if she just decides that it's not something she feels is necessary in a relationship, then you two have something that you can't compromise on (unless you have an open relationship, but I doubt that's the case?).

But on the other hand if she is simply a prude then break it off with her first and <i>then</i> visit your neighbour.

[bermuDa]

if you foresee a future with your current girlfriend, don't put that in jeopardy. Be honest with the neighbor, and tell her that as much as you'd want to do all kinds of things to her, you already feel badly for what you've done, and can't ruin the relationship you're in.

[hparcins]

Someone said it best when they said the hot chick was too close to home. Totally true. You cheat on your girl with someone that lives RIGHT NEXT DOOR and next time your gf comes over the odds of that ho rollin' in and mucking things up is very high. Hell you're probably screwed already what with the making out.

Distance is the key. I lived 15 mins from one town and 15 mins from the other, in opposite directions. I had a girl in each town, going to two different colleges near mine, located centrally. It was badass. They NEVER saw each other, they never even got close. The key was limiting the time they were in my general area, and mainly only visiting them at their own respective places. I did this easily as I lived in a quad at that time and I just said shit like 'My roomies are being gay, I need to get away' or 'One of my roomies is having a girl over today' and so on. This way, I was able to bang one of them quite a bit and get good old fashioned bjs from the other one just as often (since she refused to have sex). In addition, I could hook up with the occasional neighbor or random chick at parties at my college town that I would barely ever see again myself. Granted, this takes a lot of dodging and diplomacy, but it was the best three months of my college career up until this point.

Keep in mind, this is for the guy seeking no emotional stimulation.

[dylanmarsh]

In my book, you've already cheated so you might as well fuck away with the neighbor. I think there are some definite issues with you and your gf. You have to respect her wishes to not have sex. Obviously, if you don't respect at all by making out with some other chick when you could easily do it with your gf. Dude get out now and try to salvage some self respect. This incident will come back to haunt you.

[wry1]

Okay, time for the questions....

How old is your girlfriend? If she's fairly young, then it might just be fear on her part that's keeping her from having sex. On the other hand, if she's 22 or 23, then you've got a whole different issue - she's doing this on principle!

Have you two discussed sex before? As quite a few have commented: if you don't talk about it, don't expect it to improve. It's only fair for you to tell her how you feel on this subject - but it might be relationship suicide to tell her about making out with the hot neighbor.

If you've discussed it, then why is she waiting? Granted, there are many reasons to wait - some religious, some personal - and she has a right to feel any way she wants to about the subject....just as you have that right, too. If she can't put her finger on why she's waiting, then help her talk it out so that you both will know why.

Is there anything she is willing to do? While intercourse may be off the table here, is she up for helping you orally or otherwise? Try discussing that, if need be.

And if she's a cold fish to any and all attempts to discuss it, go with "Plan B".....find a new girlfriend. Not wanting to have sex is one thing, but being totally closed-off about even talking about it would be too much!

[motdakasha]

The way I see it, you have one of two choices:
1) When you tell your girlfriend, you become the good guy because you realized you love her and the relationship with her was not worth the risk of getting involved with the neighbor.
2) When your girlfriend finds out you've slept with the neighbor, she leaves you and you become the bad guy.

Good guy or bad guy. Those are your choices.

[Battlefield]

hey all thanks for the advice. I took the advice about ditching the neighbour. I also told my gf that I made out with my neighbour but turned her down for sex, unfortunately my gf still feels I cheated on her(rightly so) so it's not clear what will happen...

[Johnny Rotten]

Don't fuck your co-workers, don't fuck your room mates, and don't fuck your neighbors. This is the Holy Trinity of Laws You Do Not Fuck With, and if you fuck with them, you only end up fucking yourself.

Slappy enough for you?

[motdakasha]

Originally posted by Battlefield
hey all thanks for the advice. I the advice about ditching the neighbour. I also told my gf that I made out with my neighbour but turned her down for sex, unfortunately my gf still feels I cheated on her(rightly so) so it's not clear what will happen...

Good luck!