Some moral issues with dirty dancing - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Sleepyjack · 09-06-2003, 08:04 AM

this is for guys basically, i hope it doens't sound too stupid....

You know when you're dancing in a club and sometimes girls "seemingly" like to rub themselves up against you, how abouts do you go to the next or approach to go to the next phase of physical contact. I guess it does have to do with the certain situations, but i don't know if half the time a girl is testing me or just having some fun and dancing?

Just last night i was at a club and like most other times i go to clubs, i get involved in dancing with a group of girls, with some of my other single friends. Although whenever i get to this starting stage of "dirty dancing" i am not sure what to do next. All my friends say is to grab their ass or something to that extent, but i sometimes feel a little uncomfortable about doing this....
Although as i said don't know if a girl is waiting for me to make a move, and then move on if i am not "man" enough to do so....

I always make stupid/friendly comments like "having fun" or "i love this song" but they're just nonsense half the time.

Any ideas?

lurkette · 09-06-2003, 08:16 AM

Sound less like moral issues than practical issues. Or etiquette issues.

I'd say the safest rule is "hands off" but that doesn't mean you can't respond to their moves with a little pressure of your own, or a little bump and grind.

I'd say grabbing their ass is a little risky, but what about lightly brushing their arm, or their back, as if by accident? Sexier, to start with, and if they don't appreciate it you can pretend it was just an accident. Hard to pretend you grabbed someone's ass by accident.

Sleepyjack · 09-06-2003, 08:37 AM

Yeah i've thought about the accident idea, although its sometimes a little hard toget the courage to pull a move, cause its so hard when you get "shutdown"

I guess most of my intial contact is umm... "accidental" anyway...

Good idea though, also that'd also be a good talking point...maybe, by apologising

thanks lurkette, i thought some people may have thought this thread to be a little stupid and just write it off.

Aladdin Sane · 09-06-2003, 08:39 AM

A girl is grinding her ass up against your crotch and you aren't sure if she wants you to touch her?

This makes no sense to me. Why would a girl pretend to fuck you on the dancefloor and then not expect you to respond in kind?

Sleepyjack · 09-06-2003, 09:01 AM

The key word is "seemingly" cause i don't know if its accidental or not myself??? If a girl was constantly grinding her ass in my crotch then thats a no-brainer, but its a bit more subtle and complicated than that... unfortunatly.

Normally i try to dance with a group of girls and get "invited" (mainly by them opening/allowing space for yourself) into their circle of dancing. I guess i have to make things more obvious or more innuendo myself, without suddenly grabbing them or making sudden and hasty moves. Most girls do like to dance and have a bit of contact without trying to let out that they want to do anything more you, its just the fun in the dancing and so on. Or there are also "cockteasers" but i wont broach this subject. I just have to do more of what lurkette was suggesting although make it a little obvious or with innuendo at the same time.

rosie21 · 09-06-2003, 10:19 AM

twotimesadingo · 09-06-2003, 01:38 PM

Well, Lurkette, this wouldn't be the first time you've said what I would have, and done so more eloquently... :P

Sleepyjack, here's the deal from a guy's perspective:
1.) The whole "bump and grind" thing is the most predominant form of dancing for people under 30. Therefore, while she may be backing it up, that may be because that's the only thing she really knows how to do.

2.) Girls rarely like to be touched if they haven't invited said contact. On the dance floor, it's damned tough to determine whether you've been invited or not.

Given these two points, I'd say take the girls you like to the bar, order a drink, or merely ask her to sit one out with you. If she wants something more than a dance, she'll accept, and you've got a chance to score points for personality as well as style.

Oh, and in response to your statement about being turned down...
Who cares? You're out having a good time. If she doesn't want to have a good time with you, her loss. After all, females are letting you dance with them.... So you've got to have something going for ya.

macmanmike6100 · 09-06-2003, 04:07 PM

I say respond with your body. Have to be a little bold, since the girl knows what she's doing and she'll be quick to let you know of her limits.

If things progress, great! If not, who gives a fuck?

analog · 09-07-2003, 12:17 AM

Three little words: hands on hips. All you have to do is lightly place those hands of yours on her hips while she's dancing in front of you, facing away. If she's game, she'll take that as a cue to slide in close- you get your grind, and your "grab my ass" card. If she was being casual and dancing for fun, and not going after your package, she'll dance in such a way it turns her around to face you, and makes you lose your hold on the waist. Sorry, you've been given 'buddy' status. Try to impress her more or maybe she's not digging you, it's nothing personal, you just might not be her type.

Sleepyjack · 09-07-2003, 04:36 AM

Cool, some things to "try out" next week

Also i've been convinced to go in our basketball singlets (ie my group of friends who normally go together), not only for the team thing, but to....show off our muscles... sigh

ratbastid · 09-07-2003, 06:32 AM

Ah, the meat market scene. Makes me glad I'm married.....

Best Advice So Far:

Quote:

Originally posted by analog
Three little words: hands on hips.

YES! Or, if she's rubbing against you while facing you, the small of her back.

This is physical contact of the "basically friendly but who knows where it could lead" variety. And it makes it clear the next move is hers.

Here's why you don't want it to seem like an accident: you WANT it to escalate. What you're looking for is a clear signal you can send that's not potentially offensive (like a big ol' ass grab) but DOES send the message that there's something going on. And you need to have the stones to not take it personally or as a big rejection if she turns and dances away from you. Say to yourself, "Well..... she's probably just not that kind of girl. Maybe I'll buy her a Shirley Temple at the bar later. Meantime, what have we over <i>here</i>?...."

siryn · 09-07-2003, 08:31 PM

"Hands on hips" is sooooooooooo right. As a chick, I can tell you that this is the way to go. If a girl wants a response, this is it. Grabbing her ass can be totally out of line with some girls. With the hips, its comfortable, less sleazy, and if she is offended, she will just move your hands away, rather than slap your face. If she wants you to go further, she will probably be bold enough to move your hands from her hips southward!

Sleepyjack · 09-07-2003, 09:50 PM

hands on hips is a goer

Cheers for all responses

analog · 09-25-2003, 01:02 AM

i do a LOT of dancing in clubs, and hands-on-hips always worked for me when i was interersted (not already with someone). I hope it all works out for you!

wry1 · 09-25-2003, 08:38 AM

Lurkette's a good egg....she gave you great advice.

If you're not comfortable, then don't do it....whatever it may be! Find something where you're in your element, and then approach the girl(s) for some conversation.

Honestly: the hardest part is just starting the conversation; once you get it going, it has a life all its own.

Sparhawk · 09-25-2003, 10:27 AM

Quote:

Originally posted by analog
Three little words: hands on hips. All you have to do is lightly place those hands of yours on her hips while she's dancing in front of you, facing away. If she's game, she'll take that as a cue to slide in close- you get your grind, and your "grab my ass" card. If she was being casual and dancing for fun, and not going after your package, she'll dance in such a way it turns her around to face you, and makes you lose your hold on the waist. Sorry, you've been given 'buddy' status. Try to impress her more or maybe she's not digging you, it's nothing personal, you just might not be her type.

I'd just like to say:

Word.

Although I am preferring the latin dance scene lately though. A lot more face to face, body to body contact.

fastom · 09-26-2003, 12:11 AM

I hardly ever go to clubs, last time i did a lovely 18 year old gal took my hands and led me to the dance floor and proceeded to grind her shapely ass into my crotch... yowza! Being dumbfounded to the new ways of dancing i had no idea what to do with my hands, luckily she grabbed them and placed my hands on her ribcage just below her ample hooters... which of course i managed to fondle although she did move them back downwards (my hands, not her hooters) to avoid stares.

Of course she traded phone numbers with my step sister who wrote it on her hand... and of course didn't transfer that to paper before washing

darkallaround · 09-26-2003, 10:55 PM

thanks for the tips from all...this is kinda a thing i run across too.
so...friendly, open ended contact...and then it's her call.
sweet. that'll keep me from looking like a dorkus on the dance floor

09-06-2003, 08:04 AM	#1 (permalink)
Sleepyjack Fast'n'Bulbous Location: Australia, Perth	Some moral issues with dirty dancing this is for guys basically, i hope it doens't sound too stupid.... You know when you're dancing in a club and sometimes girls "seemingly" like to rub themselves up against you, how abouts do you go to the next or approach to go to the next phase of physical contact. I guess it does have to do with the certain situations, but i don't know if half the time a girl is testing me or just having some fun and dancing? Just last night i was at a club and like most other times i go to clubs, i get involved in dancing with a group of girls, with some of my other single friends. Although whenever i get to this starting stage of "dirty dancing" i am not sure what to do next. All my friends say is to grab their ass or something to that extent, but i sometimes feel a little uncomfortable about doing this.... Although as i said don't know if a girl is waiting for me to make a move, and then move on if i am not "man" enough to do so.... I always make stupid/friendly comments like "having fun" or "i love this song" but they're just nonsense half the time. Any ideas?

09-06-2003, 08:16 AM	#2 (permalink)
lurkette My future is coming on Moderator Emeritus Location: east of the sun and west of the moon	Sound less like moral issues than practical issues. Or etiquette issues. I'd say the safest rule is "hands off" but that doesn't mean you can't respond to their moves with a little pressure of your own, or a little bump and grind. I'd say grabbing their ass is a little risky, but what about lightly brushing their arm, or their back, as if by accident? Sexier, to start with, and if they don't appreciate it you can pretend it was just an accident. Hard to pretend you grabbed someone's ass by accident. __________________ "If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing." - Anatole France

09-06-2003, 08:39 AM	#4 (permalink)
Aladdin Sane Degenerate Location: San Marvelous	A girl is grinding her ass up against your crotch and you aren't sure if she wants you to touch her? This makes no sense to me. Why would a girl pretend to fuck you on the dancefloor and then not expect you to respond in kind? __________________ Ceterum censeo Carthaginem esse delendam.

09-06-2003, 10:19 AM	#6 (permalink)
rosie21 Tilted	.. Last edited by rosie21; 05-21-2007 at 01:04 PM..

09-06-2003, 01:38 PM	#7 (permalink)
twotimesadingo Psycho Location: that place with the thing	Well, Lurkette, this wouldn't be the first time you've said what I would have, and done so more eloquently... :P Sleepyjack, here's the deal from a guy's perspective: 1.) The whole "bump and grind" thing is the most predominant form of dancing for people under 30. Therefore, while she may be backing it up, that may be because that's the only thing she really knows how to do. 2.) Girls rarely like to be touched if they haven't invited said contact. On the dance floor, it's damned tough to determine whether you've been invited or not. Given these two points, I'd say take the girls you like to the bar, order a drink, or merely ask her to sit one out with you. If she wants something more than a dance, she'll accept, and you've got a chance to score points for personality as well as style. Oh, and in response to your statement about being turned down... Who cares? You're out having a good time. If she doesn't want to have a good time with you, her loss. After all, females are letting you dance with them.... So you've got to have something going for ya. __________________ I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons. I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and voice of reason. I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices, son. They're one and the same I must isolate you, isolate and save you from yourself." - A Perfect Circle

09-06-2003, 08:37 AM	#3 (permalink)
Sleepyjack Fast'n'Bulbous Location: Australia, Perth	Yeah i've thought about the accident idea, although its sometimes a little hard toget the courage to pull a move, cause its so hard when you get "shutdown" I guess most of my intial contact is umm... "accidental" anyway... Good idea though, also that'd also be a good talking point...maybe, by apologising thanks lurkette, i thought some people may have thought this thread to be a little stupid and just write it off.

09-06-2003, 09:01 AM	#5 (permalink)
Sleepyjack Fast'n'Bulbous Location: Australia, Perth	The key word is "seemingly" cause i don't know if its accidental or not myself??? If a girl was constantly grinding her ass in my crotch then thats a no-brainer, but its a bit more subtle and complicated than that... unfortunatly. Normally i try to dance with a group of girls and get "invited" (mainly by them opening/allowing space for yourself) into their circle of dancing. I guess i have to make things more obvious or more innuendo myself, without suddenly grabbing them or making sudden and hasty moves. Most girls do like to dance and have a bit of contact without trying to let out that they want to do anything more you, its just the fun in the dancing and so on. Or there are also "cockteasers" but i wont broach this subject. I just have to do more of what lurkette was suggesting although make it a little obvious or with innuendo at the same time.

09-06-2003, 04:07 PM	#8 (permalink)
macmanmike6100 High Honorary Junkie Location: Tri-state.	I say respond with your body. Have to be a little bold, since the girl knows what she's doing and she'll be quick to let you know of her limits. If things progress, great! If not, who gives a fuck?

09-07-2003, 12:17 AM	#9 (permalink)
analog Banned	Three little words: hands on hips. All you have to do is lightly place those hands of yours on her hips while she's dancing in front of you, facing away. If she's game, she'll take that as a cue to slide in close- you get your grind, and your "grab my ass" card. If she was being casual and dancing for fun, and not going after your package, she'll dance in such a way it turns her around to face you, and makes you lose your hold on the waist. Sorry, you've been given 'buddy' status. Try to impress her more or maybe she's not digging you, it's nothing personal, you just might not be her type.

09-07-2003, 04:36 AM	#10 (permalink)
Sleepyjack Fast'n'Bulbous Location: Australia, Perth	Cool, some things to "try out" next week Also i've been convinced to go in our basketball singlets (ie my group of friends who normally go together), not only for the team thing, but to....show off our muscles... sigh

09-07-2003, 08:31 PM	#12 (permalink)
siryn Tilted Location: Long Beach CA	"Hands on hips" is sooooooooooo right. As a chick, I can tell you that this is the way to go. If a girl wants a response, this is it. Grabbing her ass can be totally out of line with some girls. With the hips, its comfortable, less sleazy, and if she is offended, she will just move your hands away, rather than slap your face. If she wants you to go further, she will probably be bold enough to move your hands from her hips southward!

09-07-2003, 09:50 PM	#13 (permalink)
Sleepyjack Fast'n'Bulbous Location: Australia, Perth	hands on hips is a goer Cheers for all responses

09-25-2003, 01:02 AM	#14 (permalink)
analog Banned	i do a LOT of dancing in clubs, and hands-on-hips always worked for me when i was interersted (not already with someone). I hope it all works out for you!

09-25-2003, 08:38 AM	#15 (permalink)
wry1 Loser Location: Far too far from my Angel....	Lurkette's a good egg....she gave you great advice. If you're not comfortable, then don't do it....whatever it may be! Find something where you're in your element, and then approach the girl(s) for some conversation. Honestly: the hardest part is just starting the conversation; once you get it going, it has a life all its own.

09-26-2003, 12:11 AM	#17 (permalink)
fastom Psycho Location: way out west	I hardly ever go to clubs, last time i did a lovely 18 year old gal took my hands and led me to the dance floor and proceeded to grind her shapely ass into my crotch... yowza! Being dumbfounded to the new ways of dancing i had no idea what to do with my hands, luckily she grabbed them and placed my hands on her ribcage just below her ample hooters... which of course i managed to fondle although she did move them back downwards (my hands, not her hooters) to avoid stares. Of course she traded phone numbers with my step sister who wrote it on her hand... and of course didn't transfer that to paper before washing

09-26-2003, 10:55 PM	#18 (permalink)
darkallaround Tilted	thanks for the tips from all...this is kinda a thing i run across too. so...friendly, open ended contact...and then it's her call. sweet. that'll keep me from looking like a dorkus on the dance floor __________________ the darkness it surrounds me, consumes my very soul. within this worthless existence i shall never be made whole.