How far will you go with someone you don't love?
 

If the physical attraction is there, but you don't feel emotionally connected, how far will you go? A lot of my friends can/do go all the way with girls they don't love. This isn't something I would be comfortable doing.

I know many of you are in serious relationships. How did you view this subject before? Now that you're in a serious relationship, is there anything you wish you had done differently?

I'm constantly hearing "Just fuck her and get it over with," but I just wouldn't feel right. I'm not alone, am I?

Thats become close to my attitude now, but in the past i have gone all the way with someone i didn't really care about.

Also you can't spend your time redigesting past regrets, so i don't really think about changing what i've done, cause i can't....

Friends.. That's all for me.

I would be quite happy to have a completely sexual relationship with someone I had no feelings for. I just regret that I was unable to do so before I got into a serious relationship. Now that I'm committed, I wish that I'd gotten to experience some things that I can't do now. Too bad, so sad...I'll cry later.

Id need to care.

If she has real feelings for you and you just continue for sex then I think no, if she is in the same situation than it would be ok. Noone in the relationship should be left hanging

nah couldn't.. if I can't love a person I can't 'love' a person..

I'd go all the way if I was single. it's just sex. it's only about pleasure.

I could probably have sex if I wasn't dating.
But I'm not sure, now that I've had sex a couple of times, I've realized its more about bonding with a person and less about pleasure. I mean, the sex act is fun, but for me it is the new relationship I have formed that I didn't even know was possible.

why does love have to be brought into the equation.

as long as you are both aware, and noones being hurt ... whats wrong with pleasure, for pleasures sake??

to answer the question, i´d go all the way, as long as she knows my feelings and intentions.

It would have to be an equal amount of emotional non-involvement for me to do it. I mean we would both have to know it was sex for the sake of sex and there weren't going to be any other expectations besides, as Larry Flynt one put it "pure carnality."

That is to say I wouldn't have sex with someone who wants a relationship that I have little or no interest in. I wouldn't let someone think there was going to be more than the sex just to get it.

That being said, I have never actually had intercourse with someone with whom I was not emotionally involved. There have been lots of other activities that led to orgasm, but no penetration.

I've had sex with two guys who I was not "in love" with. The first... well, that was just a fucked up situation, shouldnt have happened in the first place. But I'm an idiot..

The second... I care about this guy a ton, and I would get in a relationship with im in a heartbeat. I do love him, but its different from relationship love. If that makes any sense.

Would I make a habit of this? No. I'm too crazy, I couldn't handle it. I've passed up other chances because I know it wouldnt be good for me.

I think that about sums it up. As long as all parties involved are clear on what is expected, and what to expect, before, during and after...then O.K.

Not far.

it all depends
i have no emotional connection but if some famous chick wanted to F, i don't think i'd have a problem doing it
but just some girl on the street i wouldn't do much of anything
some regular girl that i know and think well of, i'd trade oral i think

Someone will always want more once sex happens, at least in my opinion, I guess I could go as far as cuddling while watching a movie or something.

I think you're right, Beltruckus. Thats why I doubt I'd go that route again. Because I know I wanted more with the 2nd guy, and it just is not possible.

I don't know how people go the whole fuck buddy route consistently.

Doesn't matter to me.

Sex with no strings attached is good.

I don't think I would enjoy it very much

Sex for sex is great if you can get it. I wasn't into that before I was married. So for me, I couldn't, I wish I could but can't/won't.

I've had long, serious relationships with people that I didn't "love". We had great sex - enjoyed each others company, and I think she loved me - but I just never came to love her. I wasn't "using" the other person, or taking advantage, or leading on, or anything bad. Sex is not some magical, mystical thing. It is important and it isn't. It can be meaningful, or just fun - It can be a thousand things. It is nothing if you don't have it. You won't be good at it if you don't practice. The worst thing possible would be to fall in love with someone before you had sex, and then when you have sex find out it is horrible and you are sexually incompatible. I couldn't "fall in love" with someone who didn't knock my socks off sexually. You have seen too many movies on Lifetime. Loosen up and get out there and live, love and learn. You won't find what you need without making lots of mistakes first. Your method is pretty close to rainbows and unicorns. You need to wise up and live a little.

All the way.

Yes, I know, I'm an asshole.

Nothing wrong with having a fuck buddy as long as you both want the same thing and nothing more. Just make sure that that's the case for you both. If not, forget about it and move on.

I'm pretty damn shallow so I'll go as far as the situation will alloy... sex, oral... anal?

Hmmm... I'd have to be at least very good friends with them. I'm 34 and have only had sex with 5 people, including Meff. Two were good friends of long standing, 2 were previous husband (whom I was married to at the time).
I don't think I could have a onenight stand.

I have gone all the way with chick i really didnt care for, i know alot of you frown upon this but hi im sure she felt the same way about me. Its just sex.

I find sex for me is more of an expression of love for the person (I guess Im too sentimental) so no, I wouldnt go anywhere past the friend stuff with a friend.

I have no problem with other people having casual sex. personally, I would never do it. When I lost my virginity, I was in love. She ended up dumping me, and I still think she is the best girl I have ever been with. Love is way more important.

I wouldn't do anything with someone who I wasn't in love with. It's not morals holding me back, the thought of just fucking someone doesn't appeal to me.

In the past i've passed up the opportunity to "drive pile" because i didn't love the lady, but as i've gotten a wee bit older, i think the "love" threshold has turned into the "like" threshold. The inevitable exception being if it felt like a bad situation, i.e. she was too drunk, etc. Since i'm not single though, it doesn't really matter, cause right now i luuuurve the lady i sleep with.

My past has proven to myself that I need to feel the love bond before I go "all the way." But man, sometimes I wish I could go back...

When I was about 18 and going to college art class, this woman sat next to me who was pretty hot, a little older, with red hair, petite... it turns out she was married to someone even older than her, he was probably in his late 40s, early 50s. Anyway, I don't think she was too happy, at least not sexually fulfilled. One day, the teacher of the class postponed some exam, the woman turned to me and said something like how we should celebrate the postponed exam by going to a movie. I just acted clueless. Another time she drove me to my dad's house, no one was home for about a week, it would have been perfect to invite her in, but I didn't.

Another college girl wanted me, I think... but she also was in a relationship! We had to pair up, so we chose each other. She asked the teacher if we could do the work in the hallway, he agreed. So, she is laying on her tummy in the hallway, giving me a great look of her cleavage. We'd go out for lunch and smoke pot, I swear I could've had her, but, like the other girl, she was in a relationship. The last time I saw her she was crying because she thought she was pregnant by her boyfriend.

So, I think it would have been fun, but I would have probably regretted it due to their being in relationships.

If they weren't in a relationship, I think having sex with them would've been nice. Oh well. I think I made the right decision. I'll try to do it with only people (or person) I love. Less issues (but I guess that depends on who you ask, also).

If both people are in it just for the sex then all the way is fine but if she wants more than sex stay away

i think if its your first time its gota be with some one you love, but your standards deminish as you get more and more.

i'd probably make out..

i'd only have sex if i cared about the person.

I know what you asked, and I'm going to answer this in a somewhat round-about way.....

Would I go all the way with someone I didn't love? Perhaps. It would depend on a few very important things, however:

**Did the other person feel the same way?

**Was there some sort of emotional connection there, but not necessarily love?

....and my most important criterion........

**Was I potentially in love with someone else?

If the other person felt the same way, and there was something of an emotional content to our interaction, and if I wasn't pursuing someone else for a serious relationship then yes, I'd go all the way with someone I didn't "love".

I just can't go through with it unless all three criteria are satisfactorily answered, though.

i'd like to amend my earlier post,
i would do a chick a previously had feelings for but don't now
only because i'm curious what it would have been like since we didn't have sex
and there are a couple girls that i know not my gf that i would have sex with
damn i wish my gf could talk them into threesomes

As long as it was understood by both people that it's just for fun, then all the way baby!
I wouldn't lead someone on just to get into her pants, that's not cool.

I will not sleep with someone I don't love. I would probably do about everything else though...

I would probably go no further then making out, if that far.

edited

i would have sex, but i'd most definitely have to respect that person on some level first

3 types of sex, as far as I'm concerned:

A) Sex where both parties are interested in a more-than-sex relationship.
B) Sex where one party is interested in a more-than-sex relationship, one isn't.
C) Sex where neither party is interested in a more-than-sex relationship.

Only one of those is bad. It's B. If you're in love, great! If you just want a to fuck, great! The only time I've had a problem is when the two sides of the equation aren't equal - people have GOT to understand the dynamic of the relationship and agree on where they stand and where they want to stand before they can go throwing sex into the mix. After that... have fun.

That's how I feel also. Besides why would I risk so much for one night of sex with someone I don't even love:confused:

I think you can fuck someone and NOT get very intimate. I've done it.
I didn't really enjoy it that much but I also didn't want to get intimate.

fuck
make love

I might fuck someone but not make love to them but at this point in my life I don't know if I'd do that.

I agree.....you are shallow!

Oh....I mean, I will go for anything as long as it is consensual and both parties know what the deal is. Unfortunately, I slept with someone last night who we both started out as just sex, but she is getting those queazy feelings when she gets around me now....falling for me. It is not mutual so I need to cut it off. I just don't feel the vibe with her.

Perhaps later in life my opinion will change, but here at college, I'm fine with having sex with any and all that I deem suitable.

ALL THE WAY. Been there done that several times. Would not change a thing.

I can have sex with people I don't love/like/whatever.

Sure, I'm majorly fucked up about sex, but who isn't these days? ;)

I don't go there.
It's about love...

i'd go until i realized i would never love her. people can grow on one another.

Life in the eighties! You got it on, i didn't matter. Sex was sex and love was love, the two didn't have to go together.

7 inches no more maybe less.

i'll admit the first time i just randomly hooked up with a gilr it was wierd. Espically when you both wake up in the morning sober and half wonder what the two of you did last night; knowing full well what you did.

Most of the time I just write it off as primal urges. Everyone has them. Sometimes you both experience the urge, take care of it and move on.

sheeee saiiiiiiiiidd
all the wayyyyyyyy
aallll the waaaayyyyyyyy
warped and scaaared...

:)

I've been all the way with several women that I don't "love." We're friends, and that's that. It's a good time, and I wouldn't change a thing.

Pssst...open marriages kick ass!

everything except sex...probably wouldnt want to make out much either -_-

I dislike making out a lot in general, so if i don't care about the girl in a "love" sense, I don't do a lot of the making out, just sex.

Sex can be meaningless- but with someone you love, it is truly something spectacular.

I could go all the way. Then again, I'm sure that if I was with a hot girl long enough to get to sex, I'd probably already be in love.

Once, I hooked up with a girl I knew I didn't love, or even had any feelings for beyond acquaintenance or mild friends. I don't think I even found her very attractive. She was a little overweight, smoked very heavily, and generally had a bad attitude about most things. But she wanted me like crazy.

I was about to break things off with my girlfriend of about two years, I knew she had been cheating on me very regularly and things were all but over. They just had to be made "official" and that'd be that, I just hadn't had the time to get over there and say it to her lying face. I wasn't angry, nor bitter really, but I felt like I wanted to take it -- whatever "it" was -- out on someone or something.

So I went to go visit this girl. Sure enough, she wanted to fool around, and it really wasn't long before she was kissing the front of my pants and begging to suck me off. At first I was kinda put off by it, but finally I decided "what the hell" and let her go to town.

You know what? I'm not proud of it. To be honest, I don't think I even felt good about it back then, either. But that's how much (or how little) I cared about myself back then. I'm glad times have changed.

Entirely agree, particularly given my non-monogamous, confused relationship.

i'd put it in the butt

although i'd much rather have something more long term

ive had sexwith women i didnt really care about it was fine, until i dropped the girl off.. i felt like an ass


:(

I've had sex with a number of women who I never cared about really (although there were always temporary feelings during the act). Sex was sex. It isn't near the same level of pleasure I get from making love with my life, but at the time it was pretty damn good.

I would go all the way to. But I'd tell the girl in advance that it will be nothing more than sex.

All the way...I have enjoyed having a fuck buddy...Like it was said above, As long as your on the same level of what you want...There's nothing wrong with it.

probably all the way.... thats how i ended up in this relationship.... i think

No where.
I've already traveled that path and know how little value it holds to your soul.

Being in college, I have a few friends that are very attractive women.

They will always be only that, friends, a hug and a kiss is as far as I go.

Well said. I go for this too. Never sleep with someone that you wouldn't hang out with in the first place.

I've lived long enough to realize at least to myself that sex is just sex. I have been in relationships where I have loved someone and relationships where I haven't and it makes no difference to me as to the outcome.In other words,again my personal opinion,sex with love or no love is equal. As long as the other person knows my true feelings,which they always do, no one gets hurt or feelings of being used.

I am a scorpio and a highly sexual person - I would have NO troubles having sex with a girl whom I found attractive.

Intensity is life in motion.

I agree with both of these completly.

I've been seeing this gril for a little over a week, she's great - funny, smart, and we're into the same stuff.

After only a week, obviousally I don't love her, but can deffently see myself going into that direction.

Under these conditions I would sleap with her, but only if she was feeling the same way.

For me, personally, one night stands are totally out of the question. I belive sex, while simply a physical expression, affects our subcouncious in powerfull ways. I'm not willing to share that sort of connection with a stanger. I'd perfer no sex to cheap sex.

ANd yes, I just dug up a old, old thread.

Of all the women I've had sex with, I was <i>not</i> in love with over 97% of them.

A penis has neither heart nor conscience.

I did that whole no strings attached one night stand sort of thing and I absolutely hate it. I had gotten out of a 2 1/2 year relationship and thought I needed to experience everything I had been missing out on. I found out that for me..sex without love or at least having feelings for the other person lessens the whole experience. I like to have that emotional connection with the other person. Did I do it again?? Yes I did..but I got a great boyfriend out of the deal :)

How far will I go with someone I don't love?

*About 7 1/2 inches.*

How far?
I'd probably go to Bosie with someone that I had just met, but I might go as far as Alberta with someone that I really cared about alot.

I've done it before and never really had any problems with it. I just make sure that they know the situation. If there was another girl I really liked I wouldn't go through with it, unless it was a threesome (Hint Redgirl).

Kiss, cuddle, make out. Maybe a little more. But not full sex.

Dunno why. Just couldn't.

Yep i'm strange :)