Why don't guys call?
 

Alright, this is sorta a follow up to that other thread I started on here.

Guys, why don't you call a girl when you say you're gonna? What's up with that? Follow up questions to follow as needed :)

I would call. I am usually afraid of calling places or people I don't know, but with a girl I'm dating I would call because I know she will want me to.

Okay, this is mostly one of those "Why don't guys call girls that they meet, when they say they're gonna call?" type deals... Cause damn, that shit gets annoying.

Because were assholes.

I can't speak for everyone, but in my case, there are gnomes that steal anything in my pockets.

http://images.southparkstudios.com/i...acters/38a.gif

Every single time I put a phone number or work related receipt in my pocket, it gets stolen.

Depends. There are only a few situations where I wouldn't call someone after telling them I would:

- If an emergency comes up.
- If I die :\
- If I have no access to a phone.
- If I forget.

Other than that I try my best to call them, it's the polite thing to do.

If I say I'll call and I don't, then it is simply because I don't fucking want to. I don't think it needs further explaining.

Do you have any idea how much guts it takes to call a girl up?

Oh sure, blame it on the gnomes. :p

Telling a girl that you forgot to call her is a pretty harsh dismissal. :( It's basically saying "I'm not interested enough to remember you." Ouch!

Anyway, If you are truly interested, you should call her right away, even if it's just to say "good night" or "I just wanted to call because I was thinking of you."

if i call a girl...and she doesnt call me back...i wont call again...if there has been less than 3 dates.....


so check your messages

as collide said, forget to call is pretty bad. ie you mean nothing to me. Also its very hard for a guy to call a girl he's interested in cause you get so nervous, especially when you have just meet them, and you ahve in your head that you don't want to come across as some dick. Although you do come across as a dick if you put off calling her.
It might come down to the mind games people play in realtionships to get more "hand" so to speak. I don't know, someone always wants to think of themselves on top.

And Averett, i hope that guy calls you soon. If not, give me your number and i'll call you ;)
smooth.... i know :P

We call if we think we're gonna get laid.
We don't call if we know there's no chance of getting laid.
We don't call if we already got laid.
It's up to the girlies to call and keep us interested after we get laid. :D

Heh, let me be honest here......

a) you arent top of his priorities, i.e. he might want to go out with his friends instead of calling you.

b) you once pissed him off by not returning a call, cancelling a date etc.

c) he met you when he was drunk, forgetting about his g/f or someone he was seeing

d) he's a little bit uncomfortable just calling you

e) he wants sex, you dont seem to be that person that will give it up

f) he's lost your number

g) he's actually gay

h) he wasnt gay when he met you, but since has met that special someone on his side of the fence.

i) you're dog ugly, and the only reason he said he'd call is because he felt sorry for you.

j) saying he'd call you is the only way he could finish conversation.

k) you come off as an insecure woman to him, and thus by not calling you straight away, he's making you want him more, and thus he will control you.

l) you missed the call

m) since meeting the guy, he's been deported back to cuba, and he cant scrape together the few cents to call you

n) he's actually a hermaphrodite, and he doesnt think you'd be down with that.

o) he's dumped you for an up and coming hollywood porn star

p) he's really insecure about his excessive body hair, and he's waiting for his next beautician appointment before calling you again.

q) he's joined a cult

r) he's lost your number

s) since meeting you he got knock over by a car, and when death took his form, he simple didnt remember you, tough shit you daddy aint rich... (meet joe black...)

t) he's perfectly satisfied with cocaine and hookers.

u) you're a hideously looking freak, and the guy never really existed, you picked up business card off of the sidewalk and make up elaborate stories of guys not calling, more commonly known as the "Which guy will lend me his shoulder, in exchange for head." trick.

v) The guy is simply an asshole, if he asks for you number again knee him in the groin.

w) perhaps the gentleman is a tad nervous, and has been aching to call you all week, but just hasnt yet plucked up the courage and puts down the phone everytime he's on the last digit.

x) Ask yourself this, DO YOU REALLY WANT HIM TO CALL? Men mean trouble, as do women. Stick to casual sex with friends and random strangers, dont complication your life with emotions.

y) Why do you care? He's just a man, there's about another 5 billion to choose from.

z) Generally us guys are fucking pricks. If we dont think sex or a really good relationship is the instant result of the first few dates, we'll stray away. Sometimes a girl needs to take charge, y'know. Why dont you make the call. Fuck it! About 2 mins of embarassment, for what could end up being hours/days/weeks/years/lifetimes of fun. Dont put it on us. We might say we'll call, but nervousness, fear, impatience, frustration make us forget, chicken out, or just not want to call anymore.

As with all guy and all gal's there's a certain proportion of assholes, you might have just got one. Call him and see what's up, then you'll know, that or forget about it... There's always someone new.

How bout, if you want to talk to the damn guy, call him yourself...im sick of women who expect guys to do everything...like paying on dates, callin and shit...fucking call him yourself bitch

sorry about that, hard days work

Uhhh... I did call. Tuesday night. Got this message "Your call cannot be compleated at this time"

Yeah, I'm expecting this guy to call me 27 times a day and buy me diamonds already. Give me a break.

What I do expect though, is a call when somebody says "I'll call you tomorrow" Maybe that's a bit silly of me.

Nah, I know what you're saying, i just think that you gotta just take them as they come, dont question why. I mean when I've called girls, or texted (it's pretty popular in ireland), and just got no sort of reply... it sorta begs the question "Why do girls give you their number if they're not interested?"

Yeah, I'd hate that too. I wouldn't give my number if I wasn't interested. I'd be happier with a guy saying something like "Well, I had a nice time, maybe I'll see you around." Then I'd know where I stood. I know that's not easy to say, but sometimes you've gotta say the not easy things.

i gave a girl my number at a bar one night on a coaster. she was a total biscuit - didn't think i had a shot - she was just being nice talking to me that night.......

she called me a week later when i was out of town, and my roomate just said, "he's not here." no explantation, nothin'. so when i saw her out again one night, she was already pissed at me (for not calling her back)!

we've been married 8 yrs now & she's still a biscuit..


why he won't call:

guys lose shit all the time (phone numbers)
guys have bad-message-taking-roomates/answering machines
guys are scared/lazy
maybe he's just not that interested

I can accept the "lost the number" option. Except he put my number directly into his cell phone. 3rd guy who's done that, 3rd guy who hasn't called. Maybe they all lost their phones? That'd suck!

I think it's more of the scared/not interested option.

He was doing all the right things to show he was interested. Shortly after we started talking at the bar, he motioned over to my friends and asked which was my boyfriend. Asked if I was single. Asked about my family. All that kind of stuff.

If he was just looking for sex, he wasn't trying hard enough.

I figure its either:
-he's scared/nervous
-not interested
-thought I wasn't really interested
-some combination of the above

damn!

If he was just looking for sex, he wasn't trying hard enough.

I gotta big huge grin on my face after reading that. As usual you're 2000-4000 miles away, otherwise i'd call ya ;)

He might have a girlfriend (the latest guy), but you said that it was a cell phone, and when you called you couldnt get thru, so in all inevitability he may have lost/got his phone stolen, and lost your number... this has happened me once or twice. I cant get their numbers back now, i wish they'd call me....

all single men out there - take note!!!!!!!!:lol:

He wouldn't have gotten any sex anyway ;) But at least then we'd know where we stood!

And as usual, only the guys who are hundreds/thousands of miles away want me!

luckely, guys are different, just like every girl.. should never ever stereotype anyone. there are many guys out there that call back, reason you dont hear about them, is because no one complains about them not calling.

Good point Keg ;)

I can only speak from personal experience... I was just thinking back, and only once has a guy called me back when he said he would. Back in college.

And I swear, I'm not hideious!!!

I think this pretty much covers the "not interested" side of things.

If he is interested, then as mentioned he is probably too nervous. I doubt you would have simply missed the call.
If he thought it worth while to try and ring once, unless he met someone else in the meantime (in which case he is a prick anyway) then there is no harm in him trying to ring a few hours/days later.

Then just don't say your going to call. I've had guys ask me out and I tell them outright that I'm not interested. I say it in the most polite way possible but at least they're not left hanging wondering if there was something they said wrong or what happened to me. I think it's rude to say you'll do ANYTHING and then not follow through.

Exactly!!! There was one time about a year ago when I was talking to a guy out in a bar and when I was ready to leave he asked for my number. I politely told him that I really wasn't interested, but that I had a good time talking to him that night.

I know guys who get girls numbers just to say they got the number. An ego boost, I guess. And so you can boast to your buddies. It's incredibly lame.

Oh, in the case where a girl will give a guy her number, and then he doesn't call. I won't fault the guy in this case. He didn't ask for the number. He could always turn it down, I guess. But I've only given out my number when A) the guy asked for it and B) I was actually interested in him.

I think the fact that this guy gave me his number says a lot too... Most guys (that I know of) do not do this. The message I got might have been a fluke. All this stuff just gives me a headache :crazy:

We don't call for the same reason women never give the real reason for a breakup - a little white lie is easier for both parties involved than telling the truth. We can't handle the truth. None of us - male or female.

Don't you agree it would be awkward to have a conversation like this at the end of the date?:

You: "I had a great time - I hope we can do this again real soon."

Him: "Sorry, babe - but your nose is a little crooked, you could lose a few pounds, and you never even offered me so much as a handjob. I think I can do a lot better by the weekend. Have a nice life."

It's just so much easier to say, "Sure - I'll call you."

I'm not saying it's right - I'm just saying that's the way it is.

If you want to get to the truth, you'll have to call him and ask for the truth - tell him it's rude to leave someone hanging like that, and you'd like to know the reason he never called. He still may not tell you, though.

Dude, the sucky thing about this thread is that half the people don't know the original circumstances. Someone should come back and put a link to the first thread so that all of the "ending the night" people understand how the night ended.

Edit: Oh, I realized after I looked at the post that it might be taken the wrong way, so, in explanation: I call everyone "dude".

That said, let's check some of the options.
1) As mentioned above, the cellphone could've been lost or returned or pawned or God knows what. Things happen.
2) He leads a hectic life, and has a hard time finding quiet moments for himself, much less to talk to someone else. That'd be pretty sucky, but that also happens.
3) He's got the names and numbers of several girls in there, and he's forgotten which one you were. Not to say that you're forgettable, but hey, there've been times when my own mother called me by my brother's name.

Keep trying to call him off and on, or let it go. Both have been known to produce favorable results in the past. Good luck to ya.

D'oh! My bad.... Original thread:
http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...threadid=24004

I'll try and call again tonight.. I realize that I need to work on some of my own issues. I was talking to my friend who was with me, and she said that I did the whole self-put down thing many times that night. I tend to do this. Keep people at arms length I suppose. Coulda turned him off a bit...

You know what's a great alternative? Email. If he's a technophile, you can just exchange emails (set up a junk account if you're not too sure about this guy). Most of the time it's easier to be able to write well-thought out letters on your own pace instead of real time conversations over the phone.

I thought of that... When we got to his apartment, he had AIM up on his computer. Shoulda got the name. D'oh!

I lost my cell phone a week and a half ago. Lost the number of one very promising girl, so that was just one more thing to be upset about. *argh*

Uhh... Is your name Matt? Did you spend time in the back of a cop car with this girl?



Wow, that would actually be sorta bad. Because I'm coming off as quite neurotic here! Oh, I am.... D'oh again!

Sparhawk.... If you met her out in a bar or something, go there on the same night of the week that you met her. Chances are she'll be there again ;) That really sucks though...

taking a phone number and saying you will call is the best way of ending an awkward conversation. I f he doesn't call that means that it wasn't meant to be. just go get back on the horse and try another.

/dr phil

I always called back, but it seems I only reach the woman about one-third of the time. The rest of the time I'm leaving a message on her machine or with a roommate. About half of those times I don't get a call back. Now, if I really like the girl I'll try one more time. No returned call means to me she wasn't in to me all that much and was screening. If the date was just okay, I figure she was screening and doesn't want to return the call. As I got a little older, I just figured screw it, I'm not calling if I don't think it is going anywhere. I almost didn't call my wife back after our first date together because it ended kind of badly. Luckily she fell in the like enough stage that we went out again and that was it for me.

I think that guys just get tired of not having much choice in the matter. Most women seem to have more control of whether they continue seeing a guy or not, and eventually we just get tired of it enough to take matters into our own hands. Is it fair? No. But it isn't quite fair to simply say call me, screen your calls and dump us through not wanting to deal with us.

Easy, they don't dig you. Move on.

So grow a pair and DONT ASK FOR THE NUMBER IN THE FIRST PLACE!

Phew, I feel better now :)

I try to wait a day or two first, by then sometimes I might think that I waited too long,so I won't call.

Or

I won't call if I just wanted some random sex.

If I don't call a girl there is a really good reason for it...


Mainly it's becasue I'm drunk.

Well, maybe if we were sober when we met you, we wouldn't know what to say....or geez, what if you dont remember us or try to brush us off...PLEASE NOOOOOOOO!!!!! I still remember my first (and second, and third) brush off. OUCH, mama...ouch... NOT good for the soul...

Averett,

I can only speak for myself, but when I meet a woman I would like to see sometime, I make sure to give her my number. I explain up-front that I really am not big on being a pushy guy, and that this way she's free to give me a call without all the hassle of wondering if I'll ever call or if I'll ever stop calling; something which several female friends of mine have complained to me about in their relationships with other guys.

For me, doing this also leaves the situation firmly in the woman's hands. If she doesn't call, fine. If she does, great! However, occasionally she's insistent. When that happens, I always make sure to call when I say I will. No exceptions (barring death, dismemberment or alien abduction) allowed.

Of course, since there are a plethora of assholes out there, I've taken the liberty (as have many before me) of making a list of possible reasons why this would happen.....

**He's joined a mime school and no longer talks.

**He's a Hare Krishna, and those airport phones are no place to call from.

**Telling you he'll call was easier than chewing off his arm the next morning to get out of a relationship.

**He got mugged. You're about to be called by some sweaty criminal-type.

**He was carried off by Dingoes in the night.

**He's waiting in a Michigan Secretary of State line for his driver's license (also known as the 7th circle of Hell).

**He's waiting for the hangover to go away.

**He's a man, what do you expect?

**His boyfriend won't let him call.

**His mother took away his phone priviliges.

**That annoying "Crocodile Hunter" finally got to him, and he took his own life to stop the pain of having to watch this moron!

**He forgot where his phone is.

**He's still in shock that his line, "I forgot my number; can I have yours?" actually worked.

**After years of Yoga, he's now able to perform self-fellatio and immediately gave up dating.

**He took a vote among his friends, but then Florida chimed in and blew it.....George W. Bush will be calling you shortly for his date.

**He's busy running for Governor of California.

**The French heat-wave killed him.

**He read one of those "25 Reasons Why Beer Is Better Than Women" posters, agreed, and is now drunk off his ass.

I hope these were amusing. Since I'm not an asshole - at least my female friends have never accused me of being one to my face - I really wouldn't have a clue why he hasn't called.

Why it takes days to call back.

Friday: Meet, get your number.

Saturday: Can't call, don't want to sound like a stalker

Sunday: Can't call, don't want to sound desparate.

Monday: Monday night football

Tuesday: Lost the number sometime in the past three days, takes until 2 in the morning to find it

Wedneesday: Finally get around to calling.

Nice list ;)

I'm thinking I might try again Sunday.... I wanted to thank him for being nice during the whole cops episode, and I didn't reallly do that. So I think I might call him up and do that.... Maybe. Of course, I've been known to change my mind many, many times!

because they ask and i'm too nice to turn them down.

edit: bcos i totally quoted the wrong thing :o

hey anti fishstick... can i have your number? :D

I think most guys get numbers as something of a self esteem boost. I know guys who have contests to see how many numbers a night they can get... with no actual intention of calling almost all of them.

Personally, I'm not much of a phone person... and I'm hesitant to give my own number out, let alone ask someone else for theirs. I prefer chatting online or in person... there's just something I don't trust about the phone...

@anti fishstick
Cool, so could i get your number then ;)

EDIT:hmmm i must of had this page open too long or it didn't update, cause Bermuda and i am using the same material here.

:p

awww haha for a good time call 867-5309 :PpP

why can't guys that want my number live HERE dammit??

You could always move to australia.

Anyway, did you just make that number up, or get it from somewhere?
Also has any one ever given out a false number in order to completely avoid a bad situation?

no. it's an old 80's song.

*sings eight-six-seven-five-three-oh-niiiiiiieyiiine*

i have not given out a false number but have thought about doing it. what would be really funny is giving out a number to a rape victim's hotline or something :-x bwahahahaha.

I know a girl wou used to give out "Jenny's" number... It was very rare that people knew what she was talking about!

Oh yeah, decided I won't call up again Sunday. Why bother? How many times should I leave a message? 2, 3, 4, 5? I think I'll save my cell phone minutes on people who wanna talk to me ;)

give me your number. I'll call.
It won't lead to anything other than great Head (brain food) but it will be fun none the less.

Some just get scared of calling girls I guess. You could also ask the same question of girls.... why dont they call when they say they will? and the answer is probably gonna be the same. I know for a fact how depressing it is when a girl says they'll call, but never do.

It sounds to me like you were too aggressive. Let the guy do a little chasing. Us men are hunters and we like what is hard to get. Too easy= boooooring. Forget about him and work on your new approach so the next guy won't conveniently lose your number. Since you said yourself that this has happened to you before, it might be that it is YOU that might be doing something wrong... not us "evil men" :p.

I'm curious as to how I was "too aggressive". He came to talk to me, he stuck around during the whole mugging thing. He invited me to his apartment. He initated all contact, he asked for my number, and he gave me his. I didn't ask. He asked me to call him, but I wasn't comfortable with that. So I asked him to call me instead. When he didnt, I left one message on Thursday night.

Fuck me if thats too aggressive!!

I don't think men are evil. Not at all. I'm not a male basher, don't worry. I just don't get you sometimes! :p

Averett...

just chill baby.
if he´s interested, and it sounds like he is, then he´ll call(sooner or later).

carry on with your life, and if he calls too late (ie; you´ve lost interest), then thats his problem.
there is no one answer as to why guys don´t call a lot.
he may have other stuff (people) in his life, and may just want to string you along while he ties up loose ends... or he may just be busy... or nervous... or even afraid of telephones

girls have done this to me... a couple of times... and i usually try twice, then move on.... their loss.

It's kinda interesting to see the opinions I've found on here though.

Don't worry, I haven't lost any sleep over this ;)

Thanks, bundy. Or should I call you Tina Fabulous? (Yeah, I'm a Bachelor addict)

I always call back.

I think some guys like the challenge of getting a phone # or they don't have the guts to call back after they didn't enjoy a date and just tell her they arent interested.

i am opposite of your problems!

when the lady is sexy, i call on the phone for many times! i want to speak the sex on the phone, but also to discuss the job day, the dinner food, the rain or no rain today, the television shows of 'friends' and 'do not shoot me.'

but sometimes, the lady is putting on the machine so i get the beep. one lady say i am too much on phones. 'get the back off,' is her quotation.

so who is to say? let's be friends!

I speak for myself when i say that if i dont call a girl when she ask its probably because i have no interest in her at all, also i feel it pointless to call someone if i have no interest in them. Ok what if i ddi call what am i gona say "u know what i really didnt have a good time last so i really dont think we'll be doing this again *click*". I know that sounded bad but im a guy im straight to the point. But to avoid not calling i usally give the girl my cell phone# before we go on a date so if she really wants to talk she'll call me.

Absolutely. Also, someone else pointed out it's a little white lie to avoid a nasty put-down.

In fact, I can't even count the horribly HIGH number of times i've heard guys- good guys, DECENT guys I know- tell me about girls just flatly telling them off with nasty attitudes, NO tact, and just plain rude as all hell.

So to answer your question more directly- girls are just as bad at blowing people off, if not worse, because girls will just tear out a heart.

I bet for every boo-hoo, "i waited ALL DAY by the phone" story from a girl, there are AT LEAST 2 or 3 totally random devastations issued from girls to guys, based on the same two or three-date scenario with subsequent brush-off.

Anyone can back me on this. Sorry Averett, but sometimes shit just happens. I'm glad you're not upset over it though, because you shouldn't be. Just because you're not his type doesn't mean it's you, it means his tastes aren't pointed in your direction. For ALL girls who have this happen- if you wanted to date a guy and he said you weren't his type or blew you off, but his type is people who pee themselves and throw their feces, can you blame yourself? No, he's just looking for something else.

Same reason ladies don't call, even after they say they will.
There are a significant number of selfish, self-centered, flakes in the world.
Doesn't matter what sex they are.

Unfortunately, they don't advertise this.
And so you end up having to deal with the idiots.

Personally, if we've already had some significant time, I always call. (especially if I said I would)
Only time I might not is if we just exchanged numbers in a semi-friendship gesture...and then life happens.

Look at it this way...he did you a favor.
At least you didn't make a significant investment into him.
He showed his true colors pretty fast.

All you can do is brush yourself off, and try again.
But do try, don't give up, don't give in.
And play it straight.
Sooner or later, you'll find someone who respects your worth.
And makes the effort to let you know it.

Because we're wankers.

Besides, and talking from experience, girls prefer bastards. The nice guy always comes last. And I know this is true because I was a nice guy (aka sucker) for so long. Being a bastard was so much more fun and dramatically increased my success with the ladies... not that I really cared at that stage. That's the whole point!

Of course, all that changed when I met my match. I married her... :)


Mr Mephisto

This has been an interesting thread. Thanks guys (and girls) :)

But still luck or contact with the guy?

Nope, nada. I had called last Thursday night and heard nothing back. If I hear anything at this point I'd be very suprised.


He's missing out, thats for sure :)

OK, where'd be, or is the point of no return?

ie a time where if he calls you'll tell him to get stuffed or somthing in politer terms?

Well, it appears I might run into Mr. No Call again.

I have to go to court for the purse snatching, and the detective asked me "Have you heard from Matthew? He may have to come in as a witness."

No, no I haven't. And thanks for the reminder!!!

So this might be interesting come next Tuesday...

Hm. Let's see if he comes!

I doubt that he would. Unless he really, really has to..

I always call if I say I'm going to. More often the girl doesn't call ME. :\

See, I think the fourth point is the one that's the problem, and is obviously far less solid in reasoning than the previous three. So the polite and respectful thing to do would be don't forget.

That said, it's easier for us to forget than many women realize...forgetting is also far less personal than they realize, too

New Developments!
 

Today I had to go to court for the purse snatching. Matt was there as well. He asked how I was, said he had been busy. And that he did get my message, but that his cell phone has been broken.

Now, I believe that story. He still seems interested. He teaches, coaches 2 soccor teams, and plays on a team himself. When we left the courthouse, he asked me to give him a call. Gave me his number again.

I'm going to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Question... Am I setting myself up here? Am I getting played big time?

Its simple...its the same reason girls don't call guys back when they say they will. No integrity and lots of gaming.

Getting to know somebody should not be this difficult Averett. Lose the number, if things start out flakey like this they will only continue to stay flakey like this. Stop obsessing over somebody who isn't even calling you. Remember, if a guy is interested BELIEVE me, we will do the pursuing ;)

this girl asked for my number a few days ago (we were chilling with a big group of people in a dorm), and we exchanged numbers. I called her a few days ago and we went to lunch. Then I called her yesterday, left a message and didn't get a response yet. I know she's really busy (taking lots of credits), but I can't help but be disappointed. Well, I'll wait a few days to see what happens I guess...

Hope she calls blackdas :)