You just can't win with women, can you?
 

I've been together with my current girlfriend for 7 months now, and we're having a wonderful time. She's really special. Anyways, a couple of months ago, she asked me how many girls I've been with before her, and I try to joke it away by saying something like "a million", and avoided her question. I thought that the real answer might've made her feel uneasy, as I myself would not really like to know that from my partner.

Now, this had her a little irritated. So she's been on me like crazy with this from time to time, and just today, I finally gave up and said "Okay... fine... three" (I'm 19, so it's a reasonable number, right? One was my ex-girlfriend and two others were just some one night stand things.. ugh..)

Now, after this, I noticed how she seemed to be really upset with this, but didn't really want to show it, so she was kind of awkward all night. She was a virgin before seeing me, so it's understandable.

Now, when she's at home again she sent me a message to my cell phone, saying that she feel stupid for asking questions she can't take the answers to, and so on.

Now, wasn't this what I predicted in the first place!?

Anyone had any similar experience?

You're right, you just can't win with women. :D

But seriously, if she really can't prepare herself for an answer that might not live up to her expectations, she shouldn't bother asking. It's really not your fault that she can't handle the truth. But don't worry, she'll get over it.

Uh... does your girlfriend visit this forum too?... because I saw a thread a little earlier that had seemed like it was your girlfriend asking about the same situation but from her point of view. It was this thread that suddenly is now edited...

http://tfproject.org/tfp/showthread....threadid=23620

Just talk to each other about it... nothing more important in a relationship than communication, and it seems that you two could use some of that right now. You don't want your three times to come back and bite you in the ass in the future... it could definately lead to some problems in her trusting you. Don't just ignore it and let it go because it seems she's really bothered about it.

ahhh i was expecting some big number count like at least 15+ when you said a million :o

Girls are dumb and they smell bad.

Insecurities...they are a bitch.

The thing is...men pull the same shit, you just don't have to deal with them.

Just focus more attention on her, and don't say anything about it anymore.
Until she becomes more comfortable with herself and her "skills" then it's a losing situation.

Ask her to practice more with you.;)

Right buddy, but <i>we never win</i>...and if we do, it's probably because she made us <i>think</i> we've won. :-)

no, you can't ever win. but trying can be fun! lol

just make sure you pay lots of attention to her and if you can, find a mutual friend with a huge number under his belt, might put things into perspective for her.

when i was dating my wife, she had posed the question to me as well. I had ducked it for a few months, knowing that it may affect our relationship (and also because since we have the same circle of friends, she was bound to know some of them)

Anyway, to make a long story short, I finally gave in and gave some numbers - which led to questions about who I did what with. Well, needless to say, it was slightly uncomfortable when we would run into some of my ex's after she knew who they were.

So, the moral is that although I did not mind coming clean, it made my life very difficult for a while when we met someone from my past.

You cannot win.

Just curious... do guys ever wonder how many guys she's had? And would you even want to know such a thing? If so, why?

What would have been the right answer? 25? 2? 100? What does she have a problem with. This question of "how many before me" is completely irrelevant. It just plain doesn't matter. It is ok to have some idea but then just forget about it, no good can come of it. You will find that as you date more mature women this will matter less and less. No one should really give a fark about this because it really has no bearing on the current relationship.

For me, however many guys she's been with doesn't matter because she's with me now. If my GF told me she had been with 50 guys before, I honestly wouldn't give a fuck, because stuff that happened before I was with her is something I cannot change, and I dont let it bother me.

the number of guys she had been with was completely irrelevant to me as well (even though I already knew I was her first intimate relationship)

But, I agree with jbrooks - the older she is the more mature she is and the less relevant the issue becomes

Collide - this was never a question I had with any girl I ever dated - just not relevant in my mind for the relationship

You can't give the right answer girls don't know what they want to hear.

I could care less how many guys my wife or any former girlfriend had been with. It just so happened I was my wife's first, but it really wouldn't have mattered to me. What was important to me was to know I was the only one once the relationship got serious. My wife's best friend died in childbirth at the age of 19, and about a year later she ended up dating her friend's husband for about a week. It didn't feel right to her, and she broke up with him. I was the guy she met next, and things really clicked between us. Six months after we started dating, I moved around 700 miles away to start work. We ended up getting engaged about 2 weeks after that. During that 2 weeks, she went back to that friend's ex-husband just to make sure that what we had was real. During that 2 weeks, I also made the move on a girl I met at work, and we went out on a date (nothing physical happened). Neither of us found out the other did it for a long time. It did bug me for a bunch, but eventually I realized I couldn't condemn her for something I did myself. I guess it was the old double-standard. Just know that as you spend time together, the hurt on her side will get less and less (even though she probably should never have asked the question).

Huh, interesting. Makes me wonder why some girls want to know this stuff at all. Is it a territorial thing, as wiseguy1100 suggested? I pretty much agree though; I really don't see any good from knowing this information, and I pity any guy who has to answer this question.

Don't want to know. My imagination is active enough that I'd be able to see it happening in my mind - which would inevitably upset me. And my girlfriend/wife would be on the receiving end of my jealousy/anger for no good reason.

Speaking as someone in my mid thirties who from time to time still gets questions like these, i have one answer.

Lie.

Seriously though, no good will ever come of revealing this information. I frankly have no idea how many women i have slept with, i stoped counting somewhere after 5. I could guess, but i wouldn't know for sure. I can't even remember some of their names cause it was a one night stand a long time ago and was just sex.

And before you judge me, i CAN tell you this, when i was 19, i had slept with one (1) woman ever. If you love sex like i do, the number tends to accumulate.

I personally never ask a woman her magic number, EVER.

If for some reason she asks me, I tell her that I don't think that it's her business and it's not something i would ever ask her. If she presses the issue, i give her a number that i use in all such occasions so as not to trip myself up at a later date. Again, i have no idea what the number is myself.

Thats happened to me. I couldn't help wonderinmg; sometimes my mind would wander...I also think the reason I would care was because she was my first serious girlfriend.

Speaking as a woman, we ask because we want to be number 1 in our "guy's book." That doesn't mean we want to be first -- just "the best." My bf told me his "magic number;" and to tell the truth I can't remember it. That is because he is good at building me up and helping me feel sexy and desirable. The other woman (some of whom I've met) do not matter to me! I know I'm his only one right now, that I turn him on, that he REALLY satisfies me, and that is all I need. Give your gf time and lots of feedback (about her -- don't compare her to others) -- this will all be behind you soon.

I hate women.. damn I "love" them also.. damn sexuality and human nature!

I dunno about you guys, but I win sometimes. I just let <i>her</i> think that she won. I'm nice like that.

I hate when girls ask stupid questions about your past relationships, It never turns out to be good. Every time a girl has asked me about my past relationships I try to avoid the question, Not because I am hiding anything..It's just that i know it always starts arguments.

I don't want to know anything about thier past relationships or how many guys she has slept with...Because i don't care.

In order for someone to win, someone else has to lose.
I'm not interested in being a winner at my mate's expense.

Best thing you can do is call it a draw.

So long as she knows that she's special, she shouldn't have cause to worry. Not that she won't worry, but she should get over it in the end.

I'm involved with two women right now. It's an open, polyamorous situation with complete disclosure. The last one to join (making it a poly relationship) wasn't bothered by the fact that she wasn't my only love (even right now) so long as she knew that she wasn't just a lay to me. Because I'd treated her with love and respect up to the point, there was no problem with her believing it, either.

Grr...I hate when they get irate and dont talk about it until the most inconvenient times, like when I'm playing PS2, or the football is on or I'm about to hit the town with the boys....

In my experience, the best thing to do is just not give a fuck, or at least act like it. They WANT you to be all upset over it and apologize to them for...hell, for your mere existence! Just play it cool. It's not a big deal, so why pretend that it is? They'll get over it, assuming there's any maturity to 'em.

You can't change the past, but you can learn to live with it. If she wants to continue dating you, she'll have to learn to accept what has happened and cannot be changed. Let her know you think she's special.

At least she owned up to her mistake afterward - could have been worse. I'd say chalk it up to relationship karma and move on both the wiser.

drop the whole subject and enjoy your time together

Be nice to her... it's a touchy subject, especially for virgins. No one wants to be just another bead in the necklace. If you really love her, let her know that she's special and unique to you, and not just another girl; that's the worst feeling in the world.

37 is the magic #

go forth and use it well.


kevin smith rules.

37? For girls too? Damn, I gotta go work on that...


This is a strange subject for me. I've been with 3 guys, and those three have been with about 80 women total. Yeah...

My ex-boyfriend claimed to be a virgin like me. Well, he wasnt. He slept with a girl in Germany. I could care less, he should have just told me that. Guy #2 was apparently quite busy in the early 90's. He racked up at least 60 women. Was a mistake to sleep with him, but whatever. Live and learn. Guy #3 had been with around 15 girls. Didn't bother me.

I wasn't dating those last 2 guys, so maybe I was able to detach myself from those numbers. Numbers can be intimidating. They shouldnt be, but they are.

Guys do the same thing, men and women are all just a bunch of insecure idiots

i usually dont care how many guys she has been with..unless its some astronomical number, also how old she is..
if shes 21 and has had 90guys i think id make a hasty retreat,
i dunno..gotta draw the line somewhere.

but i really dont see why she would get upset with 3ppl, unless she is all religous and all.

WinterScar, you said it yourself: as far as she's concerned, you're very man she's ever had (and possibly ever going to have) all rolled up in one. While she's curious, I think it's more the shock that you're not both coming from the same place (meaning new to all of this) that's thrown her for a bit of a loop.

Just be there for her. If she can't get past this, then gently let her go - there's no use in you being miserable over something she cannot deal with, after all.

But I'm rooting for the two of you, so be there for her as often as you can; or as often as she wants you to be - you'll know the difference.

Well women are hard to win with, definetly. But if you're a virgin it's hard to understand that your mate isn't. I don't know if you've had to but it's hard to understand that they've done stuff before you. Just comfort her and help her accept it.