safewords
 

My bf and I have just decided on a safeword to use during sex:

fork

We chose it because it's a short, one-syllable word. We're curious what words others use.

Wouldn't fork sound too much like another four letter word that is often in many people's vocab.?

As for my b/f and I.. we don't have a safeword. I do think it a very wise idea though.

For the video we shot with me spanking the hell out of a model, we used 'red' as the safe word.

"Red" and "Yellow" are popular safewords. "Red" usually means "stop right now". Yellow usually means "You're getting close to the point where I'm going to say 'Red'".

Some people even use "Green", meaning, "I know I'm screaming 'no' at the top of my lungs but I am just fine with what you're doing."

Hubby and I have a safephrase that's very personal. It's one of those things we don't share with anyone. We've had it so long that it's part of the 'soul' of our relationship, like the final layer of our wedding cake that's still sitting in the freezer.

I didn't even think to use one.. I like that idea of the stoplight colors.. hmm...

When I'm in the top role I encourage my subs to use Mercy as in "Please Mistress, mercy on my butt" or "Mistress, may I please have mercy on my wrists, the rope is starting to cut off circulation". I just find using it keeps the feeling of the scene as well as enabling open communication between myself and the sub. In casual play quite often subs will have their own safeword which is then my duty to heed when they say it, usually it's red, once guy I know had a safeword of ambulance :D

One partner I had insisted on potato being used as a safeword - I was bottoming at the time and was thankful I didn't need to use it, I would have cracked up. :)

My own personally opinion is that the closer and more intimate the relationship the less of a need for safewords there is. I know a couple of people in relationships like that where they don't have a safeword but the dominant knows the submissive *very* well and the sub trusts the dom not to harm them. It takes while to build up that kind of trust though.

lol it's better than boner and bones!! :P that one confuses me regularly ;)

safewords: not a bad thing, although i'm not into screaming for mercy and not being heeded. in my world, no means no. if I don't MEAN no, I don't say it.

Having a safe word is like having a fire extinguisher. It's useful even if it's just gathering dust.

Hubby and I haven't used our safephrase in years, for exactly the reasons you mention. However, just knowing that it's there allows us to go farther out on the edges.

I would say that if you have safe words it can ruin the moment,wudnt it be better just to say anything that came to mind luck 'fuck thats gd' or 'harder' but u might start laughing so hard if you g/f sais chicken or beefcake as a safe word.

The whole point of a safeword is to get the other person to stop, so the fact that it ruins the moment isn't much of an impediment. If you are using the safeword, things have already gotten to the point where you are bailing out.

That doesn't apply to a "yellow" type safeword but most people use something ordinary, like "yellow" or "mercy" or whatever if they mean "that's about all I can take" or "back it off a little but don't stop"

"fuck that's good" is the opposite of a safeword in that it is trying to encourage the person to do more.

yeah well fork is ok, but you need to realize it should be something that doesnt sound like anythng else. it could be a good idea to use a word that never comes up in coversation (or sex) like apples, the color coding is a really good idea too (yellow-red)

On the rare occasoin that it comes up, I always advise people to use something like "Armadillo" or "Rush Limbaugh." Even if they don't want to stop, those two can really kill the mood.

oklahoma, oklahoma

I was just talking to my b/f about picking a safe word to use... just in case. Cause I have a habbit of kidding around and saying "stop" when I don't really mean it... sometimes it means more like... keep going but I'm gonna play the little innocent one hehe

my girl and i should probably get one... although i'm really good at reading her and stopping when i need to.

hahahhahaa
Alabama is one and I can't think of the other.

arie and i were discussing this just last night... we were thinkin that it would be a good idea... cuz were planning on doing the tie up thing again... and last time that almost got out of hand....

am i the only other one that got it? :D :lol: :D

hmm.... I sure as hell didn't...

To stay on topic, my girl and I don't have a save word as we have never done anything that would put either of us in a position that we could need one.

Maybe at some point in our relationship, but we are slow evolvers in that area :(

Heh, nope, i got it too.

No to veer off topic too much, my friend posted a profile on a bondage site and she got so many funny emails. She would get 3 page long stories, which she didn't even ask for. Very funny.

I don't have a safeword.

Cowabunga: The Anti-safeword :)

my new safeword with my "lovers" is "No"
she said no, but i know she wanted it anyway, she was asking for it the way she teased me like that, they all want it in the end
but the judge told me "no means no"


:-)

I plan on us needing one soon. Thanks all for the input.

I'm not devious planning things at all though... heh, heh, heh...

What is the Oklahoma joke?

mistress/master mercy is a great system so that you don’t break the mood


basically instead of yelling Oklahoma (which tends to break the mood)

Say something like mistress please take mercy on my wrist, the ropes are cutting off circulation.

etc.

and above that you should have another, master word, just incase the shit hits the fan

...well if you into fecal propeller things... :)

I think the Oklahoma joke is referring to the movie, "Dirty Rotten Scoundrels" where Steve Martin is playing the dimwitted brother (Rupret) of the con man. The brother tells Rupret that they are moving to Tulsa, Oklahoma where there are wide open spaces where he can run and run. He grabs a pot, starts banging it and yelling, "Oklahoma, Oklahoma, Oklahoma". Trust me, it is a lot funnier on the movies if you haven't seen it.

...maybe it is just me. I was doin one of my ex's from behind and out of no where she was like fuck me harder!... all i did was laugh and have to stop a sec because that was nothing she had ever done in the past.... who knows, different people, different fancies.

My bf and I have decided that three taps will end anything, anytime. We've never needed it during sex, so I don't know how well it'll work. "No" has always worked really well when needed. "Stop" is good, too.

My bf and I decided to use the word banana.

quite funny .. in jackass they use the word oklahoma .. when the big fat dude gets some S&M treatment. . he says it like 20 times ...

.. my girlfriend would just say stop.. that usually works.. .

Don't have one. She is trained to take whatever I am giving!

Just kidding, we are basically vanilla - nothing out of the ordinary.

Monkeyshine is ours.

never heard of this safe word before. i dont know if we would ever being doing something where we would need this. i feel our communication level is pretty damn good where it would never be an issue. we are pretty crazy and are very open minded and honestly would never see a need...i would prefer her to say something dirty to me that i know means lets move on to other things so we can at least keep the mood and continue whatever fun we were having.

so i guess our safeword is just plain simple open communication.

When she can speak, its Ouch.
When she can't, I feel and look for certains signs.
a certain quiver, or temble and we done, with our specific scene for that time.

I always thought "shit, the kids!!" worked better than stop, even if you don't have any...

lurkette and I use "tuesday" and "thursday" to say "easy there" and "stop". Those are borrowed from the couple friends we've been journaling about. Though like i8one2 says--and even though I don't have anything LIKE the dom experience he has--I've gotten to where I can usually tell it's time.

lurkette likes to be dominated right up to the edge of actual fear, the very edge of tears, and then cuddled and held and made okay. All I have to do is pay attention, and I know when that moment happens.

Stop always works. I can also tell a lot from body language.

There are times when you might want to free up the word "stop" to mean something OTHER than "stop". That's sort of the point.

safe words are a very good idea in any d/s realtionship


the only really important thing is making sure both parties know what the safe word is

so safe words are to get a point across short and sweet, whether it be that u have to stop completely for some reason (people coming) or just dont like whats goin on?

interesting. some funny safewords goin on, lol

to clarify safe words at least in a healthy realtionship mean that everything stops


it may countiune after some disscusion but for the moment everything stops