the nasty green fist called jealousy
 

ok, so my boyfriend talks about his ex all the time. Not like 'guess what she did today', but more like relating everything to her. I could say 'hey i went to disneyland today' and he would reply 'great. yeah kelly (his ex) went to disneyland once. she had fun'. I don't want to be bitchy and complain, because its not a horrible big deal... but it makes me wonder why he mentions her all the time. No offense, but i dont want to hear about the ex. What should i do? Does this happen to anyone else??:(

He's not over her. Tell him how you feel so you understand that you're not comfortable listening to him ramble about a woman of his past and that you want to hear more about you! ;)

Yes, if he wasn't thinking about her he wouldn't be talking about her. On the plus side, sometimes that is just hurt feelings talking. Did he have a nasty breakup with her?

yes, he did have a bad breakup. They had gone out for more than a year...

while not about a girlfriend, i used to do something similar. when i moved into my frat house, we started playing poker. because i was one of two that had any real experiance, when we'd go over rules or conflicts, i'd often relate what had just happened at the table to when i had played with my old poker group. when it came to poker, everything i knew was related to that group and so i would use them as examples and stories. i may just be that he's relating things to what he knew, although if he would really say that about disney land, it could be more.

just a thought.

Have you told him how you feel? This is common, but not acceptable, imo. If you've explained to him, then it's time to DTFMA. If you haven't, then you need to sit down and explain the situation, without placing blame on him. There's even a possibility that he doesn't know just how much he's talking about her.

The bad breakup is the key. He thinks he isn't over her and sometimes that is all it takes. I agree with confronting him but nicely. It should make him more aware of it.

he's not over her. period. how soon did you two start dating after their breakup?

I dont think its as sinister as you may think. I feel his point of reference for things happens to many times include his ex's feeling, views, experiences. I mean he did date her for a over a year. Thats a long time . In that time he formed opinions from her experiences and heard her views about many things. Its no diff. if his best freind went to disneyland and relayed an opinion to him. "BUT" you should try to bring this up to him and tell him how it makes you feel. However; if hes like most guys you may have to find the right time and place to approach him(from a fellow guy good luck finding that right time). We as a species tend not to deal well with these situations. Good luck and dont stress too much about it. In fact next time he brings up Kelly in a response to something , ask a folow up ; like " Really, where did she stay in Disneyland, who do she go with , when , why, etc. etc. After that he may not bring up her name anymore for fear of the innocent follow up questions you may have.

heh I think this a really good solution. I HATE when my wife asks about ex's and such. I also know she hates when I ask her questions about her old mates. If you act over interested then it will make him uncomfortable and he will move onto other topics taking a mental note to not bring up her name, for fear of your intrest in her. Just make sure you dont do it in a "smart ass" way, or that will for sure lead to a fight.

I know that I have a tendency to ramble on about things. I usually don't know what I'm saying until it's said. He might be similar, maybe he is just used to talking about his ex because they were together for so long that he does it without thinking.

Like someone else said, how long did he break up from this girl? I think that might be the key issue. My fiancee and I started going out a few months after I broke up with my previous girlfriend. During the first couple of months, I used to talk about her all the time. Slowly that faded, along with open communication between my fiancee and I.

i wouldnt say he is not over her yet. there might be alot of other things at play. was she his first? how long were thay together? when you spend years with someone, its hard to talk about stuff without refering to them. after all, they did alot of stuff with each other, and probably went through alot together too. another important question is were the more than lovers? he might talk about her alot because they were also friends

Talk to him about your feelings. Communication is the key. Tell him your thoughts/feelings straight, and work on it.

good luck :thumbsup: