what my gf is pregnant
 

hey, my gf may be pregnant. what should i do? i think an abortion is best, but what if she doesnt want that? how do i deal with her parents?

I like the way you think. When asking other people to help you make a decision that will impact the rest of your life, it's always good to be a vague as humanly possible.

Age? Work or School? Serious Relationship? Define maybe, have you gotten a test? Fill in some holes here, buddy.

Hmm, talk to her about it :\ tell her how you feel, listen to her, then come up with a solution together..

Sorry, I can't agree with you on the abortion thing. Sounds to me like you two just need to accept responsibility for what you've done. The only time I can see abortion as an option is when the birth would be life threatening to the mother, and I don't mean the mother being grounded by her parents. If you're not ready to take care of a child (it definitely sounds that way), offer it up for adoption. You're still going to have a lot to deal with, and it's not "an easy out", but your conscience will be a little clearer.

Wow. Of course abortion would seem like the best option right now. You clearly haven't considered other options nor have you talked with anyone.

I agree completely with the adoption option. You need to take responsibility for what you have done. Abortion may seem like an easy out, but the mother's parents will find out eventually. The act has already been done.

How old are you? How old is the mother? How close are you and her? How close are you and your parents? How close are her and her parents? Was she on the pill, or was any birth control used? The more details you provide, the better the response will be.

Who cares if any birth control was used, it makes no difference now. Seriously, parental relationships make no difference to any choice you make. You did it, it's your job to claim responsibility for it. Parental opnions should make no difference in what you decide.

I agree with one line in this entire thread.

"Come up with a solution together".

If it be to abort this baby, or have it and put it up for adoption, it's what in the best interest of the mother and the child. That's the first priorities you should have. While I don't condone abortion, you will never find me degrading and telling you to consider other options. What you two decide together I'm sure will be in the best intrest at heart. Don't allow peoples opinions and personal feelings in the way of what is right for you, and her. All you can do it take the responsibility for it and make her feelings the first priority. Just be a man, and be there for whatever she needs.


My wife and I were selfish, and we made the worst decision of our entire lives last year. I've been through it, and now we have begun the healing process and putting our marrige and lives back together. We made the choice and took the easy way out, but let me tell you, it hasen't been easy.

There is no wrong and right choice. There is the choice you will make together that best suits the two of you, and that's the "correct" choice. Don't let anyone persuede you otherwise.

I'm not anit-abortion by any means, but I don't think it should be a rushed decision. Seems to me that asking complete strangers for help wtih something like this isn't the best idea. What do you think?

What if your girlfriend was raped, and got pregnant would you want to raise the son of a rapist?

Re: what my gf is pregnant
 

So many guys have gone through this my girlfriend missed her period by two weeks that about killed me i was a super nervous wreck.

The sketchiest part is that i'm in college now and when i think about it abortion isn't an option really, because i'm almost an adult.

However, if the only reason you think she is pregnat is you havn't been 100% careful, and she hasn't had her period yet then you should go get a test. EPT is a good one go for that don't buy a shitty test its too important. If she is then you know, and it should be bitter sweet as it sounds like your not ready yet, however you're still bringing another life into the world

Why does everybody bring that up and think it's such a great example? Would you kill the son of a rapist? Not the kid's fault. Would I want to raise it? Hell no. But if I had to, well then I'd do my best to make sure he turns out nothing like his father.

oddball, I dunno how late it is, but check this out:
http://www.ppslr.org/Medical_services/Emertext.htm
if it's been less than 5 days since sex, you're still in the window for the morning after pill... something to keep in mind.

also, TALK to your gf. you can't make these decisions on your own, she's definately gonna want to have a say in something like this... her body and all, hmm?

Re: what my gf is pregnant
 

welcome to the wonderful world of unexpected pregnancy. i'm hoping you're not posting this after finding her poppin fresh after five months... you both need to get past whatever differences you have and get your asses down to a planned parenthood clinic as soon as possible. you have options. yes, aborting the foetus is an option, but there are others... adoption may be a thought if you both (or even one of you) is morally opposed to aborting.

and now the question i have to ask. are you sure it's yours? we got started on a weird angle, you are stating that she's your ex. why is she ex and not still your current? this is an akward situation, but if you both keep a level head about it, you'll get through it alright.

about the parents, if she's at least 18, they don't ever need to know unless she decides to keep it. if she's not over 18, you better get your ass over there right fucking now and explain yourself and your intentions to them, even if your plans are to go forth with an abortion. got it?

update us with the rest of the info and your plans. don't put this off. it's not gonna wait for you.

Well Wario, I have to disagree with you on this. Now it's true that we don't have any of the critical details surrounding this gentleman's situation, but let's ease up on the grandstanding. Abortion may come down to the only option for these folks, and it'd be horrible of all of us to guilt them out of it and potentially destroy their lives. The supreme court granted them that right, and I support this couple's (and every womans) right to choose.

Accepting responsiblity? Even the best birth control practices fail, and since we are not privy to those details I think we should reserve that judgement as well.

Best of luck to the couple in question.

Time to be a standup guy. Your wants and feelings no longer matter in the least. Time to worry about your girlfriend.

Heres what you need to do:

Talk to your girlfriend, and tell her that if she turns out to be pregnant, you will support whatever decision she makes unconditionally. The decision on whether to keep the baby is ultimately hers to make, and the only thing you will accomplish by pushing her in one direction or the other will be to make her feel even more scared and upset.

Tell her that if she wants to keep the baby, you will be HAPPY to marry her, and even if marriage is not an option (or if she doesn't want to marry you) make sure she knows that you will be there for her, and for the baby.

If she wants an abortion, she will probably get one whether or not that is what you want her to do. Take her to the clinic and cough up the money for the procedure.

As far as parents are concerned, you need to face the music. You knew the risks when you slept with your girlfriend, and now you may have to face the consequences. Everybody's parents will get over it, but they will, of course, probably curse you for a couple of months.

Don't worry too much now, she might not even be pregnant.

Don't forget to let us know how things turn out. Good luck.

Oh, how old are you and your girlfriend?

Really good for you then. However, i don't see myself raising any any child that wasn't born from my loins. Just kinda of a personal thing. I have enough trouble with kids as it is, and Giving countless hours to a child of love carring/ not to mention money and have him say you can't tell me what to do your not my real dad would just kill me inside.

Not that i'm agaist adoption, but personally i wouldn't

Also I would be against not telling a child that he was adopted after age 10. Especially if they asked.

You should have talked about it before you started having sex.

Suck it up man, If you were man enough to hit it, you should be man enough to take responsibility!

I knew a women who was the child of a rapist. Her mother almost aborted her. Glad she decided better. Who's to say when "life" starts? Exactly the point. Isn't it better to err on the side of caution?

"Having a baby" and "having an abortion" are potentially equal "life-ruiners" in this situation. At least if the baby is born and put up for adoption, there's at least some good salvaged. I've heard a lot of cases where women are forever mentally scarred by abortion.

Now you get to grow up and BE a man...The ultimate decision is hers to make, you just have to be there for her no matter what it is. You also have to realize that no matter what she decides to do, your relationship with her is going to change in some ways. And just so you know, If she does have an abortion she will most likely break-up with you soon afterwards, its not something you can both pretend never happened.

Dude, you have to stand by her side no matter what she choses to do.
You were man enough to give her sex, now be man enough to deal with it .. Might sound harsh, but its the only way to go.

Some people may not agree with abortion but if I were at this point in my life to get my G/F Pregnant. I would encourage her to get a Abortion. (No I would not force it, I would however let her know how I felt about it)

If you 18-20 then its not a good time to have a baby. Chances are your going to be lacking in social activities and feel as if your being forced into being a dad (which you are...)

Normally this tends to make people lash out against others, and most unfortunate... lash out toward the child b/c you will whether you want to or not blame him for the situation your in. (This is not everybody but it happens alot more often than you would think)

I base my opinions on the information saying that a child has no conscious, or "being" at the very very early stages of the pregnancy.

What kind of life is a kid gonna have being raised by 2 parents who really didnt want/weren't ready to have him?

Remember your in this too, so make sure she knows how you feel about the situation. I don't believe the choice she has to make should be completely hers(although its her body she should in fact have the last say)

pay close attention to what greg700 said. The key point here is to

SUPPORT HER FULLY .

Yes, this is about you, but even more, it's about her, and above even that, it's about the TWO of you TOGETHER.

It's a bit too late to rain judgement, or go into an abortion debate. No, i don't think anyone here can tell you the best decision, but give their opinions and their experiences. I have heard many mothers have regreted abortions or giving up children for adoption, even if it may be the best choice. For her, i suggest encouraging her to go to a planned parenthood or other group session for mothers to be. This is definitely an emotional time for all, and your support is key. The mere fact that you ask here says something, and you are one step up from the guy who denies his own child. However, now IS the time to step up to the plate. Marriage may not be the option right now, but your unconditional support is a requirement. Read over Greg's post again, he really knows what he's talking about, i just want to reinforce it.

Yes, it's more up to her than it is to you, so support her decision and dont pressure her to change it.

So, because you had a ex-girlfriend who got an abortion, that makes you the moral authority on the subject?

You can't thrust your morality onto someone else just because you feel strongly about something. What may be right for you, may not be right for some. After all, it takes different strokes to move the world.

This has to be the most assinine statement I have ever heard. Who gives a shit about your "social activities?" Obviously, there was some social activities going on with the girlfriend, and now another child is being born in to this world. What they did, they did by choice. The baby has none. At this point, abortion equals pre-meditated murder, no questions. Put the baby up for adoption, and you'll be MUCH happier in the end, that is a promise.
Abortion as birth control is probably THE single most fucked up thing EVER thought of. Period...bar none...get the idea?

"What if your girlfriend was raped, and got pregnant would you want to raise the son of a rapist?"

If that was me that was raped and my husband/boyfriend wanted me to "Kill" (that's what it would feel like to me in my mind) a child that was half mine just because he hated the guts of the guy who messed with me it would be extremely painful. I think I'd dump him. On the one hand I wouldn't want to have that reminder but on the other hand I would have the "gift" of a child to care for. To me every child is a miracle. It isn't their fault how they were concieved and I wouldn't feel right taking from them the opportunity to be born and grow into profitable responsible adults.

NOW to address the original question. I personal don't condone abortion simply as a way out of responsibility - i.e. in any case other than protecting the health of the mother or if she so chooses HERSELF in the case of rape or molestation. I wouldn't make any rash decisions. I would earnestly encourage you NOT to put ANY pressure whatsoever on the mother SIMPLY because you don't want problems with her parents or don't want to deal with a child. I feel strongly about taking responsibility for your actions. If you were having sex without one or the other of you being "fixed" then there was a chance - even with protection - that you could have a kid. If her parents are going to be upset with you it will either be because you weren't responsible when having sex, OR you weren't supposed to be having sex.

IF you BOTH choose to have an abortion you BOTH need to go to professional counseling - You have no idea how this sort of thing can mess with you if you aren't prepared for it, and know what's going on. Also you need to stand by your girl even when she goes through the grieving process. She WILL have regrets. I think both of you might. BUT you need to help each other through that. I wish you good luck in any outcome that you choose.

C'mon guys, this guy didn't start this tread to discuss whether or not abortion is right or wrong. He needs sound advice, please try to give some to him.

I am sure just telling him to get an abortion, or that abortion is wrong, won't really help matters any.

I have tried to provide good advice without getting sucked into the mess that is the abortion debate, some of you guys should try to do the same thing.

Selfish or not, that is true.

Children are a product of the enviornment they exist in. A single parent household lacking a father figure is not good for a child, im sorry, i mean sure it can be done, but that doesnt make it a good fucking idea!

I would seriously go with the abortion if your less than 25 years old, because you do not have a stable income, household or life before that. And im sorry, but i would rather see a kid aborted than being raised by parents that dont care, and living in a house that isnt fit for them.

For those of you that say "step up to the plate, if you could fuck her, you should be able to handle the kid" blah blah. seriously, I'm so sick of hearing that; IT TAKES TWO FUCKING PEOPLE TO HAVE SEX. He didnt force her to do it. Its her body, she opened her legs, maybe she shoulda got on the pill.

Seriously, don't bring an unwanted child into the world, wait for the time to be right.

And now, you will all tear into me, because you cant look beyond "awww its a cute baby, abortion is wrong!" Seriously, think about the long term, and nature vrs nurture, and how much the parents, and external forces affect the kid.

err... he never really gave us specs or details about his life. can't help him here. age can make all the difference.

i am so fucking with you.

a lot of you keep saying "take responsibility, be a man, blah blah blah." i hate to break it to you, but getting an abortion is a responsible solution to the situation. you may think it's bad and evil, but there is a problem, it is a solution. i would much rather see 1,000,000,000,000,000 abortions take place and not see a single child grow up unloved and unwanted by parents that aren't ready to financially and emotionally support and love the child than what's currently going on. fuck when life starts, we all have different opinions on that. but until the child is born, i don't care about it. i care about it after its born, which unfortunalty seems to be the opposite of the pro-life cause. but this isn't about pro-life/pro-choice debate.

you may not agree with abortion, but it is a responsible solution to what's going on. it would be irresponsible of them to raise a child that they don't want and love, or to give it up for adoption where it might go through the foster care system unloved and unwanted. there are enough kids out there that are up for adoption already, and there are too many kids out there that don't have a good home life. why add one more?

^ why are you fucking with me? I agree with what you said.

Ppl have to understand the situation when abortion is considered. A baby is a joy to parents who want it...or a pleasant surprise to those who want a child. To those who can't support it or do not want them pregnancy is an STD. If you got syphilis would you not go get it treated since you stuck your dick in the hole it came from? Sure you would. Some consider pregnncy to be an STD...one that could be fatal. You know how many things can happen to a woman from pregnancy? Diabetes, loss of vision requiring glasses to correct, and a host of other problems, some fatal, can arise from carrying a child to term. During the period of pregnancy a woman's body undergoes incredible stresses and much discomfort and sickness occurs along the way. Sounds like an STD to me, and one that I am glad I cannot catch.

There is no objective morality, there is only reality. There is a child, and it must be dealt with one way or the other. It really depends on the love between the two ppl involved and if they want to bring a third person into the union. If they are unable to care for a child, then she should be treated for the STD it is. If she wants his baby(obviously he doesn't) then go thru the pregnancy and don't bitch about it. Good luck, friend, you are officially fucked unless she agrees to abortion. It's clear you really don't want the kid, so now it's up to her.

so instead, you'd rather have her shove a clothes hanger up her uterus instead of giving her aid in a clean and safe way to abort the child? i just want to let you know that when i read this, it made me want to puke. i'm probably a hypocrite for saying this right now, but people who push their morals onto others like it's the *only* right way makes me sick to the stomach.

Rock on holo, good to see some people are realistic about the people that actually matter, not about an unborn grouping of cells. Which at this stage, is what it seems to be. You are honestly, quite fucked if she doesnt get the abortion, sorry mate.

Dammit, people. This is life we're talking about. Don't pretend that those promoting life are "forcing morals" beyond protecting life.

"...or to give it up for adoption where it might go through the foster care system unloved and unwanted."

Or you could just kill it and never give it a chance at all. Seriously, we're not sure where life begins. Err on the side of caution as opposed to risking genocide.

the last thing this world needs is more parentless children. even rabbits can control their populations better than we can.

a little late night rant: I had to wait 5 damn minutes to post this cause the server DB was backing up... what the hell! I've got time to write this crap, not time to wait to hit the submit reply button!!! rarr!!! ok it probably wasn't that long, but c'mon! i've got the attention span of a goldfish.


AND THE GODDAMN POST IS LOST IN MY CLIPBOARD!!! I STAB WINDOWS!!!


have the kid, don't have the kid... your choice... blah blah....


seriously if you aren't ready to settle down and raise a kid, please don't try to.

First off... you need to read what I said after that sentence and not manipulate it to suite your *****OPINION******. It isnt a fact.

If you wanna bring a baby into the world just so it can live in a shithole with 2 parents who care more about partying than taking care of their kid then I guess your right though.

To be honest with you...

You have no idea if its life we're talking about or not. Neither do I.

well my fiance was pregnant 2 months after we met and i loved her at the time and still do, so I did what a man should do tell her its her decision. And SUPPORT whatever decision she made. She is Catholic so she was against abortion and at the time I had become anti-abortion, but it was a tough decision at the time.
Today we are still full-time college students, engaged, and have the most beautiful year and a half year old baby. It is the most beautiful thing to watch your son (in my case) grow up. Me and my fiance decided to wait to get engaged until we felt we were doing it for ALL the right reasons because we love eachother and not because we have a kid.
I suggest if she can't handle having a kid, maybe the parents could help or give it to a couple who can't have kids. Abortion should be thought of a last choice, because it will probably be the most traumatic decision she will make in her life.
If have any questions please ask or if this was confusing I will clarify for you.

Good luck:rolleyes:

right on FORKS

First. This is not your decision. You can give your input and your thoughts on the matter. But it boils down to "her body, her choice".

I got my girlfriend preggers when I was very young... well not Jerry Springer young but when I was 20. I was a drunk, crazy, fuck anything that moves sort of guy. Got arrested on a semi regular basis and was generally a complete fuck up..... but thats besides the point.

The point is me and her had broken up and three days later I got the news... holy shit!!!! My first instinct was to run like hell. I was in no positon to be a father. But at the very same time I knew I now had a responsibilty like never before. We covered all the options, abortion, adoption and keeping the child. My thoughts were... girl you can't even change the damn cat litter much less raise a fuckin child. But she made the choice to keep it.

To say this event changed my life would be an understatement. I remained an ass of all trades for about the first 9 months of his life. The GF and I tried to reconcile our differences and do the right thing. Biggest mistake of my life right there. Talk about 2 people living together in misery. I moved out cause I didn't want the child raised around two people who just yelled at eachother.
I shortly "changed my ways" I quit drinking and made the child my focus. 11 years later I now have my son every weekend and all summer. I take him skiing in the mountains and camping in the great woods. While all my other friends are just learning how to change diapers I'm teaching my kid how to shoot a bow and arrow.

Oh yeah and I got two more of em too.

GSRIDER, thanks for sharing that story. It must have been a real transformation for you, and I'm glad you're part of your son's life. I'm sure he is, too.

It was, to the extreme that I lost a lot of friends the first couple years cause I shut most of them out. I was either working or with my son.

But oddly enough about three years into it i became a large contributer to the local music scene. Found a way to join a band. Started my own local music zine that ran for a couple years and fully supported itself to the point i could almost quit my job and just self publish. And having my son was really the root of it all. Cause other wise i truely believe I would either be dead now or in jail for something really really stupid.

Hold on i gotta call my son and tell him I love him. :)

In support of putting the child up for adoption. My husband was adopted and it has turned out very well. There are MANY parents out there looking to adopt. The reason there are still kids without parents is because the system is very picky to try to find "perfect" parents for these kids. Also there are a number of these children up for adoption that truely need extra care and support because of defects or birth mom's who were on drugs, alcohol, etc. It just simply takes longer for these to get through the system.

Hubby was adopted the week after birth and his parents were upfront with him about the adoption. When he had moved out of his parents home and was planning to get married to me his parents made the effort to contact his mother. They contacted a middle person who knew who the mother was and they contacted the mother. They asked her if she was interested in meeting her biological son and his soon to be wife. She agree and we met the Christmas before our wedding. It was great meeting her. She sends little cards and simple gifts to her Biological grandaughter and enjoys our notes about how life is going. She was forced into putting the child up for adoption and is grateful to be included in our lives. She has a husband and they have two grown children of their own. We have met all of them. Hubby's Adoptive parents could never had children of their own and cared for and treasured their two adopted children. It is a very positive thing and think of the gift you could give someone who can't have children.

I have to say you think that people are killing babies, but the fact is, if a true "being" isnt present at the very second of conception. Its not killing, and your entire belief is shot.

The people saying its her exclusive decision, that is not completely true if you ask me, It takes 2 to tango and its the males life thats being changed immensely here too.

I respect that you have your opinions though and I won't be negative toward them.

Its a joy to hear such good news about your child! You and the mother must be mature enough to be able to handle things of such high caliber importance. (Unfortunately in the youths today, you good people are few and far between)

PS. Before someone tells me "Things are different and its harder to grow up these days for the young kids!" I'm 20 years old right now. I have a steady job and I can tell you although that may not be a dead on Fact, its definately more than opinion.

So...any news? Is she pregnant or no?

Yeah we'd love to know how this turns out!

I'm glad that you have had such a beautiful experience, but who are you to impose your opinion about the beginning of life on everyone else based on your own opinions and feelings? There are a number of religions (Judaism and Islam among them) that hold that a fetus isn't a person until, what, 30 days in? And it's hard to argue that a 3- or even a 6-month-old fetus is "the person we are outside the womb." The point is it's a metaphysical debate, for now, and even though you might have very strongly held beliefs, they're simply your beliefs and not based in any kind of facts. My beliefs are different. Are they any better? No. They're just as much based in opinion and emotion as yours are.

And birth control pills are not the same as abortion. BC pills prevent the release of an egg. I think there are some that prevent the implantation of a (theoretically) fertilized egg, but I think they are no longer used, or at least used only in rare cases.

And even if an egg or sperm are not technically a person before they meet up, they still could become a person - so are you going to protest condoms? Contraception? Sex for purposes other than procreation? At least be consistent in your judgments.

The procedure that an abortion entails will drastically affect the womans body. If its an injection of saline, morning after pill, or as severe as a D&C like operation it will cause her pain and possibly other complications. The saline and consequent passing of the fetus will cause her trauma, the morning after pill frequently causes severe nausea and vomiting, and the actual physical disassembly and removal of a fetus in more intense abortions can frequently cause internal bleeding. Any one of these will make her feel sick and some pain. Some of these can cause her problems later with mentration and any futher attempts at concieving. If you were willing to gain the temporary pleasure of sex at the cost of her pain then you will need to be ready for the consequences and because of the many possible ramifications of the woman consenting to an abortion I believe that this is TOTALLY HER DECISION ALONE. Deal with it.

I did fail to mention the obvious solution. Adoption. If you can't have the baby, then adoption is the absolute best option. I'm adopted...my mom debated, but not for long. Here I am, and I'm glad for it. As is my wife and my daughter. I stand 110% by the previous statement that I've made.

My mom was adopted because my grandparents couldn't have children.

You guys keep saying, "What's the point to bringing a child into a life of pain?" Then you shouldn't start the life process. Once that's started, who are you to stop it? Truth is, everyone goes through pain in life...at least being given the chance to live is something.

Menoman, exactly my point. We don't know. The two possibilities...

1) Killing an STD
2) Killing a human

Now...if we don't know which it is, but we run the risk of killing a human...isn't it best to not kill it?

this thread was posted a few days ago did this guy ever go get a pregancy test, if he didn't go get one and let us know bro!

Ok, I'm going to step back - potentially go off-topic, and possibly offend someone. I've warned you.

This thread was started by a confused young gentleman confused about a possible pregnancy. Without details critical to us being able to offer ANY decent advice, we've since gone off on rants, we've grandstanded, we've offended.

This thread has quickly and steadily degraded into an pro/anti abortion thread. Many people have expressed vaild points. Others have chose to express a point and then destroy the spirit of debate by denying others right to have an opposing opinion.

We're adults. The majority of us have a few extra years of experience under our belts, compared to the starter of this thread. I can only assume that since he's not responded to any of the opinions shared here that he's been scared off. If that's the case, it upsets me.

Pregnancy and options surrounding it belong here in Tilted Sexuality. Anti/Pro abortion threads belong in a more appropriate forum such as tilted politics, living, or even philosophy.

In the future, lets take a second before starting another s*#tstorm like this one. One of the greatest aspects of the TFP in general comparison to other forum communities on the Internet is the lack of flaming and quality moderation. Lets keep it that way.

Please feel free to add your thoughts to this, or even PM me.

As a matter of fact, I *did* destroy their social life and am reminded by them of that from time to time. And I *DO* wish I had been aborted.

edit: That's why I strongly support abortion.
If a parent cannot raise their child in a healthy social environment, they should abort or give it up for adoption. Sure, it's nice and all to bring a life into this world, but what's the point if you're only going to raise it to feel like a miserable worthless piece of human being.

<hr>

http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/p...ons/foster.htm
There are more children looking to be adopted than there are parents looking to adopt. I really don't think putting up a kid for adoption is the best solution because a) it burdens the government with taking care of a child you should have brought into the world prepared to care for and b) you shouldn't leave a child during important developmental stages after birth. I felt like pointing this out to the people who make it sound like it's the easiest solution and there are more parents looking to adopt than children.

Knowing there is an overflow of children up for adoption, and if I didn't think I could care for the child, I would definitely leave abortion as an option. It's one thing to disapprove of someone choosing to get an abortion or not, but I think it's wrong to deny someone the right to abortion. Ultimately, it's their right to decide and it's their body, no matter what your opinion is.

^ :(. I can understand your reasoning for saying that, but i know that we as members of tfp are glad you were not aborted. :). So no worries.

I think all this arguing and fighting has scared oddball away.

Maybe someone should start an abortion thread where this crap can be hashed out without stealing this one.

I really want to know how this is turning out for oddball and what his situation w/ his girlfriend is. Also, I would like for him to be able to feel comfortable about sharing the choices that he and his girlfriend decide to make without fear of a shitstorm by everybody else on tfp.

regardless of my past, i still feel women need to be allowed the option of a safe and healthy abortion.

I really doubt that he's been scared away, chances are he's busy IRL or he is a lurker :\


Forks I think you have valid points, I don't think our debate can go any further than it currently is at. Since both of our beliefs are based on whether the fetus is "alive" at what point in its conception/growth.

I suppose it'll be awhile until we know who is right :)

DEI37, I didnt touch on adoption but if you go up and read motdakasha 's post about the AFCARS report you'll know how I feel about that.

On a side note, the original poster has failed to return to answer the questions we have posed for him.

Damnit! We need closure!

I love advice like this:

Young man you screwed up by having recreational sex with a women you aren't married to and ready to raise children with. Now you have to take responsibility for your actions. That's right the al-mighty god has decided to use a human life to punsh you and that young lady.

Your only choice is to have the child, have the mother drop out of school, and for you to get a job making jack shit. You will both give up tons of opportunities in life, for this. Before long (probably before birth), you will realize that you don't want to spend the rest of your life with this girl. She will be a single mother and you will either be financially strapped for life, or will be a dead-beat dad and ignore your child.

The mother of your child will have to move in with family or work and "raise" the child (by raise I mean keep alive, not raise as in educate, care for, prepare for adult life). Your baby will not get the love or care it wants or needs, or have a father figure. The mother were begin to resent the child when it becomes obvious that many men that she likes and that like her are scared away by the child. Maybe she'll get lucky and marry some other guy out of desparation to provide money or a father to her child.

Unwanted children are more likely to be involved in just about everything dangerous to our society, crime, drugs, abuse. They are less likely to be able to bind to other people in a production manner, and are more likely to beget more children like ourselves.

You need to talk to the girl, and decide what to do. Abortion isn't to be enterred into lightly, but don't let "responsibility" ruin three lives. If she can give the child up for adoption that might be nice, but that can get complicated if she decides she wants the baby later on.

I don't care what any one says, abortion is two things:

1) Killing your unborn child
2) Better for society than unwanted children

hmm Obediah... in a somewhat Skewed version of my opinion is right. Except for of course the ultimate "Killing of babies" which nobody can prove.

well, he really is right that by having an abortion, you're killing the unborn baby. but, the question is at what point does that baby become a seperate living entity? in my opinion, which i think most will disagree with the extremity of it, until the baby can live outside the mother without medical aid, it is nothing more than a parasite living inside the mother. and aborting it at anytime before it can live on its own does not bother me (although, i think if you're going to have an abortion, you should be making that decision well before the baby is close enough to fully developed).

if i were a woman, i could go to the doctors, and have a group of growing cells in my body terminated and no one would complain. but then again, no one seems to have a problem with killing cancer cells. even at 4 weeks, there isn't a whole lot of difference between cancer and a fetus. they are just a collection of cells multiplying that the body can not on its own get rid of, even if that is what the host most wishes.

Look kid, whatever you do, its your responsibility. Dont back out. You were man enough to do the deed, be man enough to follow through with it.

Abortion or adoption is your (really your gf's) call. Personally, I would go the adoption route. There are thousands upon thousands of families looking for children to adopt. Besides, I think your conscience will be clearer.

"Personally, I would go the adoption route. There are thousands upon thousands of families looking for children to adopt. Besides, I think your conscience will be clearer." ~Sailor420

I'd like to point you to this if you didnt read it.
"Based on data from the AFCARS Report, as of October 2000, there are about 568,000 children in foster care of which an estimated 118,000 are awaiting an adoptive placement. States need your help."

I don't think my conscious would be very clear if I knowingly gave my child to a foster care center until he's 18 with no real sense of family. Not to say that there are no caring foster parents, but would it sit well if you didnt know what foster home your child ends up in?

It's also annoying for people to keep saying "be responsible you had sex now raise the kid" Thats ludicrious and vapid, honestly, its nobody's place on this board to determine what responsibility is. I would respect someone more as a mature adult who made the decision, "I cannot have a child right now b/c I cannot provide him with the kind of life that he rightfully deserves" than someone who thinks responsibility is "Welp now I'm stuck with a kid but I gotta do it b/c thats what people shove down my throat as responsibility."

Forks, I couldnt give 2 shits about how a kid would affect the opportunity of some 2 odd people who decided they wanted to have sex. I do however care about how the parents are going to treat a child. If they are going to abuse physically or mentally the thing, then I'd say its best to not have it.

By the way, the way you said the Pill/shot (Birth control) is abortion. That is a ridiculous statement. I'm not sure you understand what the pill does. I'll give you a quote from one of the main suppliers of a Oral Contraceptive so you see what I mean.

"Oral contraceptives employ synthetic hormones that mimic the properties of natural estrogens and/or progesterone to "fool" the female reproductive system. They provide constant levels of an estrogen and/or progestin in the blood, thus suppressing the release of both FSH and LH. Suppression of FSH inhibits maturation of an egg in an ovary. Suppression of LH inhibits release of an egg from the ovary. In addition to the inhibition of ovulation, the constant level of an estrogen and progestin in the body cause insufficient thickening of the endometrium, which prevents attachment of the egg. Progestins also promotes production of thick, opaque mucus, which acts as a barrier to sperm, as sperm can only pass through clear, thin mucus. Progestin is also thought to produce changes in the fallopian tubes that impede movement of the egg toward the uterus. Estrogen and progestin may also alter the pattern of muscle contractions in the tubes and uterus. This effect may interfere with implantation. In case ovulation does occur, which is rare but can happen, these additional effects also help to prevent pregnancies."

The point being, OC (oral contraceptive) completely stops egg and sperm from touching each other in the least, which means no conception, which means you couldnt possibly abort something not there.

"but the point i was ripping the anti-abortion guy up with was that he SUPPORTED birth control pills. birth control is abortion, only at a very early stage of development. if you support birth control pills, you support abortion. that point made me realize that life really does begin at conception." ~Forks

So that made you anti-abortion yourself.... yet its not true in the least. Should you re-think others opinions of abortion now and not base them on false facts?




****Disclaimer*****

I enjoy posting here very much and I do enjoy debates such as this because they enlighten you on many things you did not know. I just want everyone to know that if I am on the other side of the arguement as you are its nothing personal and I fully respect your right to have your opinion and I will never ever tell you that you shouldnt have the right to your own opinion. So please take nothing personal

****Disclaimer*****

I can see where this discussion is going to lead to again. No matter what comes up, its all going to lead back to, 1) The baby is not a living thing and has no soul,"being". until later in pregnancy (making me correct and abortion NOT murder) or 2) The soul and/or "being" is present as soon as the sperm touches the egg (which would make you correct.)

The ladder is a bit hard to swallow for me.

Just a note about the Catholic Church reference. According to my gf (as we have had a few BC 'arguments') BC is outlawed not based on abortion killing unborns, but because pregnancy is a 'gift from God' and to prevent it, is to prevent one of his gifts (of course, being the scientific me, i can argue all day long to no avail about the scientific certainty of procreation by two fertile beings copulating enough... although i do feel for those who cannot have children). *NOTE this may or may not be the 'official' stance of the Catholic Church, this is just how she interprets it *END NOTE* Anyways, i thought i'd just add those two cents.

Oh, and menoman, that disclaimer, is that of a good debater. When a debate is reduced to attacking your opponent, instead of attacking the issue (called abusive ad hominem) then it doesn't help anyone. I also love debates, formal, informal, whatever. I find that i can learn so much from other people's views and often times facts and statistics that i am unaware of.

Personally, i'm not big on pro or anti-abortion. Some would say that if i'm not pro-life, then i'm for abortion (aka, by not going against the status quo, i'm supporting it). Say what you like, but i haven't yet come to a firm stance either way.

Personally, i think first trimester (within 3 months) abortions are okay, although i don't exactly encourage them. After that, i'm fairly against it, except for extreme circumstances (danger to mother etc). Why? Just because *shrug*

actually, one of my uncles is 37, without any physical or mental disability, and he cannot live on his own without his mother
:rolleyes:

edit: oh and yeah, i would also like to hear from oddball. yeah, i have my opinions on abortion but if we were to look at the original post, the dude was asking for advice but i will hold mine because i think sufficient rambling has happened all ready.

i dunno if he'll post though, maybe he was a one time user

With 6 billion people on the planet, and 300 million people in the U.S. Your baby isn't a miracle, it is a statistic. It doesn't matter how much you love or dread it, the likelyhood of it affecting even .1% of the people on the planet is almost nil. So while any aborted child might have been the next Einstein it is much, much, much more likely that the child would have been the next local hoodlum. Those economists pretty convinvingly showed that legalizing adoption signifigantly reduces criminal activity in the future. It's completely logical, unwanted, un-parented children are much more of a burden on society than aborted children.

It doesn't take a "god" to make a child, it takes a sperm and an egg, things that most horny teens have in abundance. Raising a child takes a lot that most teens can't even define let even provide. "Baby, a condem ruins it for me" is not an act of god.

I don't believe in souls. If I'm wrong it's my problem for all of eternity. I, nor you (any of you) know if I'm right or wrong, so there's no point in arguing about it. A fertilized egg is alive and ready to develop into a human child. Abortion should be a touch decision, as you are robbing a life of it's potential. The procedureis just too practical to ignore. People should make decisions based on what is right in this life not what may come afterwards. For many people (based on drug habits, age, and unfotunately sklin color), their baby is not going to be adopted immediately,so the have the child and place into a loving home argument is not always the answer.

If you kept you unwanted kid, and love it and have raised it well, then congratulations to you, the child and it's other parent. If you aborted a child, and then went on to lead a fulfilling life and meet your goals, then congratulatins for you. Unless you can show you're in the statistical vast majority and your results will be mirrored by other potential teen parents (or at least the perspective parents at hand), then your experience is meaningless and doesn't help others.

I feel strongly that an unwanted pregnancy is a unique situation every time, with no easy-out. Abortion is a terrible option, but in many cases it is the most responsible decision.

I think oddball193 is overwelmed by all the replys. He hasn't been back since he first started this thread.

Tell her sorry, it is your fault but her problem and get the hell out of there. Or, get an attorney who specializes in paternity cases and seek custody of the child when it is born so you do not have to pay the mother child support. He can let his parents raise the kid so as not to interfere with his lifestyle.

i thought you were finished with this thread?

This is by far the most immature piece of tripe I've ever seen. If he's man enough to get her pregnant, he's man enough to be responsible for the kid and work out a solution with the mother. And kids cost money. Deal with it.

And "not interfere with his lifestyle"?!? Dude, the guy's gonna be a dad (if they decided to keep the kid). That is now his lifestyle. You don't have to give up all fun, but the kid should come first. Sometimes life throws you curveballs and you have to adapt, be responsible, and make some sacrifices to do the right thing. If you don't understand that, please do us, and your progeny, a favor and don't breed till you've grown up a bit. Sheesh.

"If he's man enough to get her pregnant, he's man enough to be responsible for the kid and work out a solution with the mother. And kids cost money. Deal with it." ~Lurkette

Actually thats one of the most one sided things I've ever seen said. Just coz 2 people fuck doesnt mean they are anywhere near responsible enough to actually choose the right future for the kid.

" If you don't understand that, please do us, and your progeny, a favor and don't breed till you've grown up a bit. Sheesh." ~Lurkette

I won't even go there....

i hate when pro-life/pro-choice shit comes up, and here's why- most of you stupid fucks think that just because YOU think it's "the only way" then that means that's what EVERYONE has to do. You want to keep all your babies? Fucking go for it, with my blessings- but don't sit there and tell me because YOU THINK it's wrong, that should somehow impact MY decision.

Same goes for the other side- I get people chatting me up about "the woman's right" and "it's her body, her decision" as though abortion is the only option in an unwanted pregnancy. Just because you feel it's stupid to assume a baby is a living thing at age X and blah blah blah and want the woman to be able to decide, it seems LESS like you're fighting for the right to choose, and MORE for the right to just go and DO it. If you don't want the kid, someone else does. There are LOTS of families out there who would kill for your child, and will financially support you throughout the entire process.

Either way, i'm tired of this subject bring preached as though abortion or CHOICE of abortion are the only options, and that's EXACTLY what it comes across as, every single time. Quit your soap-boxing, too. This kid came here to ask a very hard question because he had nowhere else to go, and all some of you can do is fuckin bicker and whine over choice vs. life.

To oddball, i repeat what every other sane person here has said. Just fucking TALK to her about it. Bite the bullet. You put your dick IN there, and now you're as accountable for what comes OUT as she is, regardless of pills or profilactics. Be responsible. Under 18, talk with girl AND parents. Over 18, fuck the parents until it's their business, you have something much more important to deal with.

heh first off, calm down a bit :) this thread is obviously not even looked at anymore by oddball or he would have said something by now.

Second, us "Stupid Fucks" as you call us, are having a civil debate here, there is not one of us who has called the other stupid, dumb or ignorant. It would be appreciated if you did the same.

I'm not sure if you even read the whole thread coz your bitching about us doing something.... we didnt even do.... heh :)

"Either way, i'm tired of this subject bring preached as though abortion or CHOICE of abortion are the only options, and that's EXACTLY what it comes across as, every single time." ~Analog

you point out where this is happening and I'll stop posting on the thread.

And as I've pointed out more than once ..
"There are LOTS of families out there who would kill for your child, and will financially support you throughout the entire process."

There are about 4 times as many parents looking for children than children looking for parents.....

By "stupid fucks" i was referring to the people who are using this thread as a soapbox, rather than addressing the issue. If you address the issue, i applaud you. If you attack the person over their decision, that's different.

Also, Menoman, i could quote 5 or 6 people on page ONE that did exactly that. Sorry if it came off harsh, but i'm sick. No offense intended to anyone but those who deserve it.

uh... did you miss the post with the link to adoption stats? according to that, there are a lot more kids in the foster care system in the US than there are parents looking to adopt. and not only that, kids in the US have to compete with foreign kids being adopted too. a couple at my parents place of worship have adopted 2 or 3 kids from china, and more notably, angelina jolie adopted that cambodian baby.

so that comment isn't really accurate...

Sorry, I got a little carried away and responded off the cuff.

I was responding to JSD's suggestion that oddball either cut and run, or fight for custody of the child so he won't have to pay child support, and then have the grandparents raise the child so as not to interfere with his lifestyle. There's always the totally responsible option of recognizing one's inability to raise a child, and terminating the pregnancy or putting the child up for adoption. But that's not what this guy was talking about. I should have suggested it as an alternative but instead chose to get mad at JSD and blast his (IMHO) somewhat thoughtless suggestion.

Quote:

" If you don't understand that, please do us, and your progeny, a favor and don't breed till you've grown up a bit. Sheesh." ~Lurkette I won't even go there....

He was talking about having the guy's parents raise the child so he wouldn't have to pay child support and so it wouldn't interfere with his lifestyle. Not because he isn't ready for a child, or isn't suitable parent material. Selfish and immature in my opinion, and I hope someone like this wouldn't have kids.

There are about 4 times as many parents looking for children than children looking for parents.....

ack that was a total mistype... I have typed that like 4 times now and I didnt even think to check it.

I meant there are about 4 times as many children looking for families than families looking for children.

just calm the fuck down and get a hanger.

OK, enough already!!!

I'm locking this thread down for a while till tempers level off and people stop making stupid suggestions.