This is embarrassing To ask
 

Like the title says, but I feel I need to do something. I am what you call a 2 pump chump and it is very frustrating. I have been married now for you years and we have been together for 6 years. My wife doesn't give me too much grief about this issue but I know she would like me to last longer. I can maybe a few minutes and that is dissapointing. I am wondering what tips I can do to last longer. My wife isn't expecting a several hour marathon but 20+ min would be nice. I am willing to try a lot of things and even go so far as tantra. I hear kegels help so if anyone has thoughts on that please let me know.

Thanks

Foreplay can help prolong a sexual experience. If the two of you engage in some things that don't involve immediate penetration, that can make the entire experience more satisfying. When you feel yourself nearing your climax, slow down (at the start of the climax, not right when you're about to ejaculate), and take a breather for a second. That will help dull down the sensation for a bit longer. When you get to the point where you can't contain it anymore, it will be quite amazing.

Essentially, it's called the 'stop and go' method. It's worked for me! Best of luck!

To gain control you need to find your cues, what gets you off. Everyone's a little different, some get off on the reactions/sound/sight of their partner. Others get off on their own sensations and thoughts and still others get off on who knows what. I have a friend who dated a wild Hippie Chick for awhile, now every time he smells Patchouli he almost jizz's in his pants. Figure out which way you swing and focus on the other. This has always worked for me. Get to know yourself and you can last for minutes or hours, your choice.

Other things that work well are pausing, as suggested above. Don't wait until you're ready to blow, but when you feel it starting to rise. Pause. Changing position or just stopping and kissing or playing with her breasts works well for a pause. Pull-out and slap her clit with your dick or just slide it across her labia. Porn stars do that for a reason. Changing sensation will slow the charge.

Masturbate before sex. It'll take you longer to recharge for the second blast.

Read the Kama Sutra. It contains hundreds of techniques and practices that will give you control of your body.


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Mechanically, stretchy silicone cock rings are a help to some men to make things last longer. In the UK you can even now buy them in Boots high street pharmacy shops.

This is all solid advice. :thumbsup:

Especially the part about slowing down *before* you start to get near the point of cumming. It has to be in advance.

You have to be in touch with your senses on this so you know the point where you *start* to get over excited. If you're unsure when that point is, then grab a bottle of lube and get masturbating until you know exactly when to take it steady, and then begin getting used to a constant rythm thats comfortable and under control.

Also a BIG part of being able to last is in your breathing. If you're taking short fast interrupted breaths, you'll tend not to last even a 5th as long as if you're taking slow and long breaths. Slower longer breaths have the physical effect of relaxing you, and focussing on that breathing will also keep the mental stimulation down too.

Overall, it comes (excuse the pun) down to being in tune with your own internal signals and senses.. once you're aware of what they are and can identify them, then you can start developing control, then over time that control will become automatic and soon enough you'll be able to constantly shag the living daylights out of someone non-stop for as long as you like without even having to think about anything except, well, shagging the living daylights out of them :)

---------- Post added at 02:41 AM ---------- Previous post was at 02:35 AM ----------

I tend to find that the kegel thing is like an emergency brake for when you're already on the brink.

Ideally you wanna learn when to slow things down before that point so you don't need to resort to hitting the emergency brake.

Also, I was going to ask before - do you feel that the over-stimulation is more mental, or more physical ?

Because that is an important factor in how you begin to go about dealing with it.

Google "edging technique." Worst case, if you blow early, give her some attention while you recharge and go for round two. Round two always lasts longer.

Also, don't be embarrassed to ask about anything here. Everyone is afraid to talk about their sexual problems, but just about everyone has had issues at some time and can probably help you out.

Masturbate, as often as you possibly can. I've noticed that my 'stamina' is more directly linked to that one variable than any other.

Don't do it more, try less. the fewer things you do to condition yourself to respond to a woman't touch the lower your reaction will be.

first of all dont be embarrased.... Try cock rings. I am too bad on this too. above all it is practice that makes it perfect.

as others have mentioned dont just rely on your cock, use everything you got to express your love . . .

Glue a photo of camilla parker bowles to your headboard - think that would delay me if I had a willy - but you might lose it totaly like.

It's not conditioning yourself to her touch, it's conditioning yourself to your touch and all the extra action may just tune down the sensitivity a bit, giving him a slower climb.

If you're not sporting a callus like the bottom of a Roman sandal, you're doing it wrong.

Basic: Go slow, have sex in slow motion. Add in lots of oral and finger sex.

Basic: Have you tried putting numbing cream on certain places?

Advanced: Look into SSRI (anti-depressants)pills to help with this. There was some research going into this a few years ago, but I haven't heard if they FDA approved it for this use yet. I can tell you that they do work. To the point where it is difficult to have an orgasm.

Advanced: Try to have multiple orgasms. Just keep going, even if it goes soft. It is probably best to try this alone at first in case it doesn't work.

Not to be crude, but the trick is to have a wank about 45 minutes before hand.

Also take it fairly slow.

I cant really describe the other thing, but there's kind of a way you tense your muscles in that region that "pulls the trigger" within 30 seconds and if you dont do it, you carry on longer... at least for me. I normally can pull the trigger pretty much when I mean to once I've got going, but obviously I cant carry on indefinitely.

Don't use it until you're ready to lose it. As most seem to have agreed, you have other appendages & techniques. I envy you for having such a patient, loving wife.

Oo something I'm qualified to chime in on! :P

Um, here is things that have helped me deal with challenges in this area.

- it's not particularly romantic, but having had a wank sometime within the prior 2-12 hours helps desensitize my member, which helps.
- use other methods to move her along closer to her climax. This is not unpleasant anyway, but plenty of foreplay, including ultimately cunnilingus and/or masturbating her with your hand for a bit before you put Mr Happy on the spot is a good idea.
- once you're in, take it slow, take some pauses, don't just go for broke/til you bust. You can play a game of teasing her with it.
- find certain moves that she likes more than you do. There's a certain length of stroke that really gets me going, but I find she will react to these little strokes, almost just clenchings, that don't do that much for me, but do wonders for her. A good way to find out these moves is to let her be in charge, probably put her on top.

You obviously need a partner who will stick around through all this, and some folks might not, if they need a good 45 minute riding that never stops. I'm not one of those - my cock is too sensitive and my sexual desire too fierce to last that long. There ARE women who will appreciate you.

For myself its a mental game. If I start a session thinking just about how good it feels and how its gonna make me cum, Im gonna be ready to cum too soon. If I mentally prepare myself to give her a good orgasm I totally get motivated not to cum no matter how good it feels. Jacking off before love making to me would make the love making not as good because Im not as horny and not as sensitive. Insead of laying there and closing my eyes and sayin how good it feels, I get get into it and make my movements distintive and while telling her how good it feels I also tell her how good Im gonna make her feel. You gotta take charge and really love her how she wants to be loved. Get mad almost and determined. Its all mental. Dont jus fuck slower because you will get off too fast. Clue in on how she wants it, look her in the eyes and do that damn thang!

Cock rings
 

I read cock rings should help with that.

Aw. Camilla isn't that bad. Joan Rivers or Margaret Thatcher however...

Thanks for the advice everyone. I have been working at it a little bit and things are slowly getting better.

Agreed with others who have suggested masturbation, taking things slow, and working on your concentration so that you can mentally redirect yourself when you're reaching the point of climax before you want to. The more you practice, the better you'll get and the easier it will become for you.

Here are my suggestions.

Train yourself by masturbating. Use the stop and start method if you have to but take the time to enjoy the sensations of playing with yourself. It'll extend your stamina and when you finally cum it'll be that much better. When I was younger and had time I'd masturbate for as long as an hour and it did wonders for my endurance with women.

As other have said definitely use everything else at your disposal to arouse her and get her off. Women really appreciate someone that knows how to go down on them. Brush up on your cunnilingus skills. I typically try to give a woman at least one orgasm before we move to penetration. So prolong the tease by massaging, licking, rubbing whatever.

During intercourse, I used to repeat a mantra of "Her first." It was my way of reminding myself that I was going to try my best to make her orgasm before I did. It distracted me just enough from enjoying the sensations but you have to make sure to not be too distant.

In missionary, you can sort of position your hips higher than hers so that your pubic bone is rubbing against her clit. Then in that position rather than thrust you sort of rock. She still gets good stimulation while you can save yourself.

Stop and starting is good but if you want a way to make it sort of seem more natural then when you need to stop change positions. Maybe try one where you can use your hands to get her off too.

If all else fails and you really find yourself at the point of no return. Stop. Pull out. Take two fingers and press the underside of your penis just under the head. It sort of holds back the orgasm. You may still ejaculate a little but it should keep you hard enough to keep going. I don't recommend using this method a lot because depending on how far past the point of no return you are you might redirect your sperm back into your urethra and bladder. At least that's the answer I heard Dr. Drew give someone once.

I heard that pulling on your scrotum at the point of no return works too but for obvious reasons I've never tried it. Everything else I have tried and they work.

I disagree about masturbation. Whacking off has really screwed me up in bed, as there are times that I can't get it up outside of watching porn. Also, I can cum in about 30 seconds by whacking off, so it doesn't help my stamina either.