Women with oral sex problems....
 

Now, most people opening this thread up would think I would be asking about getting a blowjob... which is untrue. My girlfriend thinks the idea of receiving oral sex is horribly disgusting. Now... I've never done it (or much of anything really), but I would like to maybe try it one day. Is there a way to convince her into it, or should I not beat a dead horse?

wow does she masturbate?

Apparently she does. But... she has issues with anything other than missionary. Any variation on sex, she says, makes her sick.

Yeah - sounds like she's got a lot of hangups. The best you can do is be understanding and not pressure her, but keep the topic open and revisit it now and then. She may never get over her fears and if she does, it's going to take a long time, most likely. Again, don't push too hard... she's likely to withdraw even further.

Yea... that I figure... but I dunno... is it really common?

Any idea why she has these inhibitions?

Well... I don't know really. As far as being an abuse hangup, i think the chances are slim to none. Then again, theres stuff that just triggers things on people. I can understand her not wanting to give oral sex... but I can't understand any of the other hangups.

her family super religious?

Her dad is semi strict- he's from a foreign country.

Be sneaky sneaky one day. If you are good, she won't mind :)

I'll bet my hat, ass, and overcoat that she's been sexually assaulted in the past.

I'd say be as understanding as you can, but in the end, don't sacrifice your sexual wants and needs on a woman who either can't or won't allow you to operate as you wish sexually. Good sex should never be frustrating for either partner. Plenty of other women out there, and it sounds like you may want to have a look anyway.

Nancy Friday, Women On Top.

BUY IT FOR HER NOW.

My wager would be she has a pretty puritanical upbringing, but has some unusual fantasy or other that she'd rather keep between herself and the pillow she squeezes between her legs.

IANAD though, so my opinion counts for a little less than rabbit droppings.

Try to talk to her man, oral is the best thing for them imho, mine loves it.

Common? Yeah - I'd say so. Large portions of the population are pretty repressed. People are told that things are dirty or wrong, so they're disgusted by them without ever finding out for theemselves. Whatever works for ya, really, but like I said - if you're wanting her to come around...be exceptionally patient. Pushing her definitely won't make it any better.

Yea... that I shall do. Thanks a lot guys for the replies.

I think you're jumping the gun. Just because a girl is closed up or whatever doesn't indicate sexual abuse/assault. The guy said chances of her having an abusive past are slim to none but her father is strict. I think this is more likely a psychological barrier based on upbringing/beliefs.

I know from my own experience that I was raised in a very strict home with strong extremely conservative beliefs. To begin with it took me a while to learn to enjoy some aspects of sex. I still find that I ma most comfortable in the missionary position but have learned that other positions and sexual play is very exciting and fun. I've even gotten to the point where I enjoy women as well. It was a step by step thing. One question is - Does she mind if you finger her or does she mind giving you oral. Talk things out and take things one step at a time. There are one or two things that I absolutely will not do with Hubby or anyone else - ever. But at this point I have no more hangups. On some things Hubby has been quietly persistant and I have given in to try things out - once I tried them out I learned they weren't as bad as I thought - rather they were fun and exciting. If this girl and you click on every other level except sex than I would say it is worth it to find out why she is reserved and patiently work with her to help her enjoy sex more. She will thank you for it and or course you will reap the rewards.

As always the trick is communication....tell her you would like to do it to please her. It could be, as mentioned, just the normal hangup's a lot of women have as far as being sexually open. It took me a long long time to discover the key to great sex was being open and speaking my mind and not being afraid to say no also. It's amazing the number of women who are afraid to try things because it's not "proper" or "socially acceptable". Took me years and meeting a wonderful person who opened my eyes to realize that it's all good. As long as you communicate your needs to her and vice versa it can be wonderful. Maybe she is just shy, or is a victim of the many many pressures that keep women from expressing their needs and desires. Keep in mind that we are over-all programmed to supress our needs. She just may need a bit of honesty, openness and you letting her know how much you want her to enjoy the experience.
For the sake of both of you...I hope it all works out! :)

Thanks Minkx and raeanna74. That may just be the case.

PAY ATTENTION TO THIS ONE:

Ask her if she was ever raped.

My thought exactly.

Could be, and I hope so.

Look, here's the thing. Let's say she is just held back by upbringing and beliefs. Gentle, postive encouragement will have her unfold over time and blossom into the full, richly expressed sexual creature that she really is.

Let's say on the other hand she's reliving traumatic events every time he goes anywhere near her crotch. Gentle, positive encouragement will get <i>absolutely nowhere</i> and will lead to her feeling absolutely terrible about herself, the relationship, and him. He'll feel like an idiot because nothing is working, he'll be frustrated, start to wonder what's the matter with <i>him</i>, and it'll be downhill from there.

Now, I sincerely hope it's just a question of how she was raised, I honestly do. But tell me: do you want to take the chance that it's something more, when some straight communication about it could tell you for sure?

Regarding "Is it common?", the answer is YES. WAY more women have some sort of sexual assault in their past than you would think. WAY more. That her odds of that are "slim to none" feels to me like speculation.

Yeah communication is defenitely key here. Its pretty much either a form of repression / upbringing that perhaps may have really forced it into their minds or, which is sad this happens, but sexual assault / abuse in the past that may have occured. This is actually, sadly, more common than people like to admit and it happens to young girls quite often out there. The worst part IMO is how traumatic it is and the fact it can affect them for the rest of their lives.

The best thing then is still no matter what the reason to talk.

if it is rape or molestation, it can be worked through.
My gf expierenced something awful as a child, we have worked on her fears together for a year and a half and there is definite progress. But it is real hard sometimes, and requires patience.

This is why I hope he'll ask her about her behavior *instead* of making an assumption that it's her sexual past OR her upbringing. COMMUNICATION. (gee, this is a common solution in the Sexuality forum) Even if he does jump the gun, I think it would be less insulting to start with asking about her upbringing. Think about it, if he were to just out of nowhere say, hey were you sexually assaulted in the past... because, damn, you sure act strange. No matter how much icing you put on the cake, it's still implying she's broken/weird/whatever. If he just asks, so I noticed you have very strict preferences as to what we do in bed, is there a reason for this? Leaving it open for her to explain if she wants and how she wants seems more comfortable and what not.

DON'T JUMP TO CONCLUSIONS. COMMUNICATE, ASK HER FIRST.

Yes, puritanical ideas abound. Try this one, my ex's mother said that sex was nothing more than a man p**ing inside a woman. That's messed up. Another slant...guys...girls...ever had that not so fresh feeling. Dated a woman who was...shall we say tangy. It was baths or hottubs before bed. Before long, she settled into the routine and most importantly, she RELAXED. That's the key.

I would just say go slow with her.. My current girlfriend also has severe apprehensions as far as recieving oral sex and she does not have any previous sexual expierences. She mainly doesn't like the idea of a face down there. That is the part that bugs her. Sometimes I am able to go down there before she notices then she will let me continue, however, other times she will just drag me back up..

i would just say take it slow... eventually she will just come to enjoy the expierence.. everytime with mine I just get her caught up in the moment and if she doesn't think about what is going on, she enjoys it.

In my experience, that's a safe bet for any woman, unfortunately.

My ex wouldn't let me down there either. She hadn't been abused, she wasn't all that conservative, but she just thought it was "gross". She's a very 'clean' person and the idea of tasting an area that bleeds once a month seemed really sick to her. Heck, she masturbated, but afterwards, she'd say "Eww" and almost immediately go to wash off her hands.

My wife has somewhat similar issues, but sounds way more kinky than your gf. She is very oral but just doesn't like to receive. After talking about it a lot it is clear that she is worried some discharge or something down there will freak me out and it makes her self-conscious. We worked it out by having her take a shower before whenever I want to eat her out and that works. Funny thing is she is bi and I am always wondering if whatever girl she gets it on with would be disapointed to learn she doesnt get off from being gone down on. Even though she will let me do it, she says I nor any one else has been able to make her cum that way, and I relate since I rarely cum from head. Sure can make for some great foreplay though! Best of of luck figuring this out, best advice is to keep talking about your feelings to eachother honestly. And ultimately you have to decide if you are for eachother, hope it all works out how you want~!

Whatever you do, don't strap her to the bed and force it on her. That will only make matters worse. Just ask politely, be encouraging and supportive, tell her that you love her (I assume you do), and then get in the car and go get yourself a first class hooker and have at it!!

I would suggest that it is because of her upbringing most likely. If parents are "strict" it can go both ways. Sometimes you grow up rebelling against them or you can grow up believing such things are "dirty" :( Just an unfortuneate result of us living in a repressed society.