Depression, intense anger and hatred.
 

I was rejected about 8 months ago. Back then I never questioned her reason for rejecting me.
I was rejected in last September. She got attached with a guy in last November. I find it difficult to forgive her. It was her who hinted to me to woo her yet she rejected me. It has been 8 months and I've sink into depression. A few weeks ago, I asked her angrily if she wanted me to wait for her still and she replied "I don't think so but I don't know if I will regret my choice in the future" .
Recently however, I questioned her and she claims she was unaware of my feelings. She also claimed that I confessed too slow. I felt something was a missed given her answer. I read her past journals where there were obvious hints of her being aware of my feelings. I have a problem of finding it easy to forgive someone who took me for a ride.. A few days ago, I text her regarding my suspicion as to her blog journals and she just said she read my message without refuting any allegation. In this case, then, my suspicion must be right. I am in intense anger, frustrations and depression. I have psychotic thoughts of hoping her experiencing a bad end. I want to continue being friends but yet the negative emotions are preventing me from functioning properly. What should I do?

see a professional.

no girl ( or guy) is worth that much thought.

its really difficult to see how people can beat themselves down for being rejected. the less you think about it, the less it will hurt.but you really need to break off all contact for that to happen, otherwise you'll be reminded of it everyday.

it may take a few years before you finally get over her, but you'll realise it was the best move you've ever made.

ditch the bitch
( only if you want to feel better )

Every person who faces rejection is up for a lot of pain, because they are always surprised and shocked by it...simply because they didn't expected to be rejected otherwise they'd never ask in the first place!



i dunno about seeing a professional dlish then it's making it something it's not. what do you think?

personally i think you can never be friends with someone who rejects you...but get this, in some screwed up way it makes you more attractive to them if you reject their friends request. Cause what you do, is you wait like so long being ruthless and not talking to them at all, then send them a random message acting all happy and cool, saying if you two want a coffee to catch up. there you don't bring up your feelings, just talk about how good and happy you are.

It makes them think you aren't a sucker for them anymore, how you are seeing other girls or hanging with them or talk about her friends (makes her jealous ) seeing you all happy turns you into their regret, and other sub conscious messages that for some crazy reason woman find attractive. You can't ever let yourself be an option to woman, but rather a solution to all their .... insecurities? i don't even know man.

the point is women are in some ways ruthless, ruthless, creatures. they go for guys with the most challenge, and the only way to be a challenge is not let them win you over, so you gotta reject her.

the reason this is so bullshit is because it means you've got to do the opposite to what your feelings tell you to get her.

i can tell you are being too kind because you are letting it be about 'her reasons for rejecting you, it's about you not confessions fast enough for her, and about you waiting and preserving youself for her again.

i know what you mean with your feelings though, when you face any kind of rejection the thing you miss out on like begins to infect your mind and every thought you have always ends up converting into a thought about that person or thing.

DAM WOMEN WAT IS WRONG WIF U I THOUT U WERE DA 1 4 ME

I think anyone who makes you feel that way is not somebody you should be with under any circumstances, for both of your sakes.

I agree with Strange Famous. Don't let her string you along. Her trying to makes her cruel & manipulative. When my last beloved dumped me, it was confusing, but clean.

Darryl, how exactly did you get rejected? Did you ask her out? Did you declare your intent or your feelings? I'm very curious.

Waiting for someone to make up their mind about you for 8 months would make anyone feel nuts. You need to make the decision yourself that absolutely no one is worth this.

It doesn't sound like you can be her friend until you are over her. You can never heal wounds while letting someone play with the stitches, something that's been a difficult lesson for me as well. Stop calling her and for your sanity stop reading her blog. Block it if you have to. That way lies madness.

If the hatred is too much, I agree with dlish - it may be time to seek professional help.

Rejection sucks. Making yourself that vulnerable and hearing no is awful. I can't imagine keeping these wounds fresh for months.

Good luck Darryl

Just to echo what everyone else has said, I would cut off all contact with her and ignore her blogs. You're spending too much time on a dead end when you could be pursuing someone who will return your affections.

People thanks for the respond.

To answer some questions, Yes, I have visited and consulted a psychiatrist. I have periodic follow-ups with the psychiatrist, psychologist and with the counselor. I am also on medication. It doesn't seem to really help. It has become so bad to the point where I would imagine all sort of gory torture for her. I.E, impaled on a stick and made to die slowly. I feel consumed by an intense hatred for having taken for a ride and having to go through torment each day. I can take rejection but not when someone give you an explicit green light then reject you? I can't think of any other answers aside from the fact that they were toying with you! I treat her really well. I go through emotional agony each day and yet she's happily attached!


Poetry- She gave me the green light to go ahead to woo her in June, and this was also explicitly hinted in her blog (which I only discovered after I was rejected), and when I did confessed in September she decided we'll better off being friends. Yes I did asked her out several times between June to September. We had good rapport. Her replies via sms would be almost instantaneous.
As I've mentioned, she got attached in November and her boyfriend apparently was someone who had a feelings for her a year before they got together. She had feelings for him then but she claims it was a crush and that because he was infirm about his feelings nothing progress back then. She claims her feelings for her bf only rekindle a short while before they got together. Her raison d'etre for rejecting me as being slow in my confession seems like a poorly fabricated excuse.

Dude, move on. What you are doing to yourself is far worse than anything she could do. It didn't work out. It happens. You deal with it and move forward. Time to take control of your life, in a positive way.

You really need to cut contact with this woman. This is not a remotely healthy reaction to rejection and it sounds like the more you see her the worse off you will be.

I'm not trying to minimize your pain but we all get rejected.

She is attached. She's made it clear she doesn't want to be with you. Does your counselor know how extreme these thoughts are? Have you told your psychiatrist the meds aren't helping? They can only go off the information you share with them. Keep trying to get help, it's the only way to find peace. Good luck.

I obviously think-and I think sufficiently true-she had no real intention to pursue a relationship/ If so, she shouldn't have gave the green light and made me invest my feelings. God Dam Selfish! Here I am agonizing while she's happy. Such people should be Shot and have their blood drained on a pole!

she is not the problem here. once you come to understand that, you will be ok.

I agree with mixedmedia. Here's an important truth to realize in life: You cannot control other people; you can only control yourself and your reactions to other people.

Dude...maybe this wasn't a secret plot to fuck you over. Maybe she caught a glimpse of the man behind the curtain. Maybe she just figured out that she's not that into you.

Hi Darryl

Monkeysugars point makes a lot of sense. As does your sense of pain and unfairness.

I'm looking at the timings and conversations you've mentioned.
Try the following thinking ... There's two people in the distance from each other, and they are interested. They approach and they are still interested, and closer still they remain interested and they are now within speaking distance and that's still OK. Let's rewind and do that again. In the distance, "hmm :)" with an option on 'wow!' . Closer, and :thumbsup: Wow! ... more options due to knowing more.

Closer still and .. what was your word "WOO" ... a green light to woo her. Wooing is a Different Road from 'just friends', as just friends is different from 'just acquaintances', as all of them are different from 'something interesting in the distance'. These are different sections of road, with different sets of traffic lights. So first off: Congratulations! You got to 'WOO'!. You are already one of the fortunate ones ... attractive enough for folks to go 'heyyyyyy, he's interesting ... I wonder how close I might want to get to him!'. Therefore your likely future means you will NEED to learn to navigate a richer tapestry of signals and motivations for rejection and attraction or distance and closeness, and I reckon your right to give it priority. But let's start from where you're at Right Now:

All the time you've been thinking about this upsetting situation, you've considered the options and come to reject some negative directions, therefore you are seeking professional help and also coming here. You've been gathering information and adjusting your thinking. You might have played with possibilities, but you've not 'toyed' with yourself ... you've genuinely exploring what you want and don't want in your life - choosing what you will and will not reject.

Both you and she had to get close enough to do this, to make properly informed decisions. Your object during the last few months has been 'what shall I do about all this and how I feel'. Her object had been 'what kind of relationship will I want with Darryl'. Your upsetness has got to the stage of 'fantasise shooting and blood draining on a pole' to know, rightly 'no way! I'm doing something different with whatever assistance it takes'. Consider the possibility that she had to get all the way to 'possibly woo' in order to find out 'no further than that'.

Think of that 'explicit green light' she gave you: you know green light to 'woo' does not equal 'door key' any more than your green light to recent fantasies about her intentions is a 'door key' to simply believing them or acting them out. There are many more, so please put 'She was toying with me' so it is just one option among many others .... like one small bead in a bag full of many other possibilities. I know you can begin to guess some of them, and there are many others not yet begun to concieve, so it's best to make space for them now. One bead says "Just Toying", Another bead says "needed to get 'this close' to wisely know 'no closer' ". Some will show her in a bad light, some will show her, and you, in other bad, neutral and also good lights: many beads, most of which have not yet got labels.

Now put that bag of possibilities somewhere safe over there: as I hinted in the "WOO" paragraph, you will explore them later.



For now, consider this sense of rejection again ... separately from old questions of red, green or amber lights, or walk/don't walk signs: no one of them was a door-key, or invitation to meet the parents, or to the bedroom or the altar; just as no image of those old negative scenarios was more than a signal to get, as you are, more and better choices than you felt you had. How much closer now can you get to and remain with that more pleasantly, or at least comfortably hideous sense of Ordinary Rejection? You know, you said:

"I can take rejection"

Is UNcomplicated rejection something you are ready to get through unassisted, or can it become a shift of focus for your therapy and support? What other things might you need to get past this? And also to prepare you for those other romantic possibilities in the future?

Oh, by the way ... how was life for you generally, before you met her? How were you getting along with yourself and others then? I'm asking: if you could get that life back, how would you want it to be different? And how could your learnings from these recent events be very helpful to you?
_______________________________


Should you wait for her?
I'm with everybody else in this thread and with their reasons.

She is not totally sure, and also seeing her with somebody else?
She is not your Red light,

Your future includes many people who are not her
The Green light is always yours to go ahead and WOO that future, and to continue, though increasingly less uncomfortably, to accept and respect others lights as you are learning to respect yours

Best wishes

You should never have to wait for a girl (or have her wait for you for that matter) while another relationship is being conducted. Its high time to reach down under the front of your fruit of the looms, take inventory, and look for someone else. she's obviously busy being content with someone else. time for you to do the same

Get her out of your mind fast. Your obsession to reason it and finding out why she rejected you is consuming you.

Respect her right to be interested in you enough to ask you to woo her, and then change her mind later when she had to commit. She had 2 men pursuing her and she chose one. That sucks for you but in those circumstances, somebody's bound to get hurt.

This anger and depression - she didn't do this to you, you're doing it to yourself.

Go and meet new people. Do something else that will take off this state of mind. Meds only suppress the symptoms but you have to get yourself out. Isn't the rest of your life worth living for?

It is you that is beating yourself up most. I guess you had dreams of a future - and the loss of those dreams is like a bereavement, and she is the murderer of those dreams. You are going through a period of grief, and I am glad you are getting some help and support. I once thought it was the worst, breaking up with someone you loved or love - but death itself is far worse. Now you stand up on your feet, and dust off your knees, and if you get a bit wobbly, you just reach out in this direction where you know people will reach back to try and help you keep your balance.
As for her. I think she is acting like a mean selfish silly little tart - who on earth would want to wear one of those on their arm.
Try taking borage - it increases the seratonin production in the brain, will take a couple of weeks to kick in. Obviously if you are onmeds, check before mixing.
Take care of yourself.

Lately, I have been less angry, still angry, but lesser. I tell myself each day I have to cool down, get well, then execute to her a masterpiece coup de grâce.

What is my best form of revenge? Don't tell me getting well is the best form of revenge. I am obsessed with revenge now. I want to drop a bomb on her, not a stab in the back. I want to do something which will devastate her very well-being even if it means collateral damage. I am willing to go as far as being her boyfriend (if she breaks up), maintain that relationship while dating someone else while I am studying overseas, all the while promising her I would marry her, then ditch her on the day we were suppose to register our 'marriage'.

This is less angry? You need serious help.

The fact that this chick decided she doesn't like you anymore (perhaps because you're a psychopathic creep? I dunno, just guessing) is not the root of the problem. You are every woman's worst nightmare. No self-respecting woman will ever love you when you are seething with so much immature, self-righteous, passive-aggressive instability. Sorry, but you're not going to get any coddling from me. I'm glad she ditched you. Grow the fuck up. This isn't Sparta.

Have you considered reevaluating your medication and trying something else?

Have you considered some other untried form of interventional therapy?

What's your diet like? Do you get enough exercise?

Is there a family history of mental health issues?

Have you spoken to a professional about this situation lately? Have you considered changing the professionals you're using?

You are a very disturbed individual, and you are destined to be lonely and angry the rest of your life, if you don't accept the situation and move on.

I will assume that you are too personally impotent to actually act on any of these sick revenge fantasies... Hopefully your counselors will help

Mixedmedia is right. You may get started in a relationship, but once the other person gets to know you, they won't want you anymore. What do you have to offer??? What would you bring to the table of a healthy relationship?:confused: A relationship with you (as you are now) could never be healthy.

Lindy

Revenge is very seldom the right answer...it hurts you more than her. Move on, do good things in your life.

All this because she decided she wanted somebody else? Really? Dude, I know it hurts (hell I've been dumped twice in the last year), but seriously, your reaction is NOT normal, and absolutely NOT ok. Have you told your doc that you are feeling this way?

I've lurked this thread since it went up, and Darryl, I'm not sure what you want from us. If you're looking for validation or permission, you're in the wrong place. I think that anyone who read the elaborations you've made on your OP is going to think that you need help. Honestly, I've lurked so long because I'm still undecided on whether or not this is all real. Your latest post drew me out.

I'm going to assume that you're telling the truth - you haven't given me any other signs of being a liar - and tell you that what you're feeling is not normal. If you described it as a momentary passing thought, I'd say "we all think that at one time or another". But these are lingering and consuming. You're spending what seems to be a significant amount of time thinking this through. And that worries me.

Obviously, you're under psychiatric care. Just as obviously, it's not working very well. Your latest post concerns me enough to think about the real safety of your future victim. If you think that you might be a danger to yourself or others, you owe it you, me and everyone else to tell your caregivers. Make sure they understand it. Get them to up your meds or find another way to help.

Good luck.

The best revenge is for her to see you lead a happy life - and no faking it. Make some decisions about long term plans, things to aim for, what you would like to achieve - and never screw anyone else over the way you feel its been done to you. You look back in five years time and see where you have come and look at where you are going. Your life will probably be so full by then, the memory of her will be like an irritating crumb left on the table - easily brushed away and discarded without a thought.
Do please get some support from your doctor, not only will it do you good to talk, its good for him to be aware how stressed you are so you can be regularly checked for high blood pressure - you can get all sorts of nastys from stress - do him the courtesy of making him aware so he can treat you to the best of his ability. If you cant talk to your current doctor, can you change?

Hi Darryl.

First off: agreement with all above advice. Re read it like I have ... churn it round again and again ... look at this:

Heck yeah! Futures beyond the issues in this thread, and Darryl, step into the shoes of all involved, and as you plan your future, ask How would you feel if you were a pawn in someone else's Venge-Quest? Your present upset would be a drop in the ocean - partly because you've got a strong sense of right and wrong, and I'm thinking of, for example, that 'girlfriend' who would have a bit part in your plan. I am also thinking of any claim to 'moral high ground' or personal integrity you might wish to preserve. You cannot claim 'righteousness' regarding principles which you consider to be violated, but which you yourself are not willing to keep.

And I bet I am not telling you anything you do not already know. Remember in your first post, you said: "I have psychotic thoughts of hoping her experiencing a bad end."
I take that to mean that you, Darryl, being of sound mind, albeit angry as hell and frightened by your thoughts, already judge firmly against doing that kind of stuff, and against nurturing those intentions.

There are various ways of expressing those judgements. I don't know where you live, but in England, there has been a tradition for an offended party to scream at the offender "I'll bloody kill you", and at the same time as lunging to attack, he'd bellow "Hold Me Back" to his mates. He would lunge slowly enough so they could get to him and hold him back. He'll struggle hard enough for the 'other guy' to know he's serious and that he's 'only just' escaped a can of whup ass. I'm reading this thread yet again. Yup. Everybody here supports you against doing that kind of stuff or nurturing those intentions.

Oh Yes ... I, too, can understand anger expressed as bloodthirsty curses, and detailed scenarios of fulfilment. Solid enough to take them in both hands now, as you have, and put them on the bench for all to see, and know in company, as well as privately, witnessed by all here, that they are wrong. Whilst you are upset and angry as hell. And you are right to seek choices outside the ones you've mentioned, though I appreciate you have not seen them yet.



That and my previous post are all the 'food for thought' I have to offer you - they are my best "stranger on the internet" shot at standing firm for your welfare and for that of those around you. I will, however, commit to checking, fussing at you and encouraging you regarding the following:

Are you keeping your local caregivers up to date? You are seeking support, so it is right that you fully inform all your supporters, especially those who are in closest contact with you. That way, you will be properly managing your support teams, and we may each do what we can do best. And the sooner may you attain a future such as described by ChineseCrested.

Best wishes

I take it you're trolling. Maybe you didn't read well enough. I went into depression AFTER what she did to me, and not BEFORE what she did to me. AGAIN you are trolling. I'm one of the nicest (not a push-over), mature individual and intellectual being as can be but you cross the line, you're asking for it. Your premise seems to imply that whenever someone gets really angry at another, that person must be of negative x, y , and z qualities. She did something wrong and I have every GOD DAM RIGHT TO BE ANGRY WITH HER YOU JOLLY WELL DRILL THAT INTO YOUR CEREBRAL.

---------- Post added at 09:05 AM ---------- Previous post was at 08:50 AM ----------

A lot of posters are making the unsupported assumption of me being a psychotic. The allegations are false. I am under extreme and intense anger. Anger fueled by hatred with a lot of depth. I am angry not by the lone simple fact that she rejected me but because she rejected me after consciously and deliberately told me to woo her.
This is selfish! As it seems, she wants to open her options by having people to woo her, thereby, evaluating their criteria. Selfish, FUCKING SELFISH. We have been friends for 8 months before she got me to woo her. Anyone who makes a conscious effort for others to woo them better be sure they are serious about getting into a relationship. Otherwise, it is no different from emotional dishonesty.

I grew up surrounded by capable people. I make careful choices in selecting people of quality, people of high-caliber, people whom I know wouldn't inflict unnecessary damage to me. I never had been failed, much less deal with the anger that comes with failure. I have everything going for me. I am a prospective major in theoretical astrophysics and philosophy, I am good-looking and I am debt-free. I had a good peaceful life until this girl came along. She made me deal with her insecurities. Why would it be unfair for her to deal with my anger?

---------- Post added at 09:08 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:05 AM ----------

What I really want is for nothing of these to have happened. Even if that means reeling to the point in time and space before I have met her. I am having a very very difficult time coming to terms with what she had done. I cannot understand why someone would do this to another person.

---------- Post added at 09:12 AM ---------- Previous post was at 09:08 AM ----------

I am bring a lot to a healthy relationship. The condition? Do not take me for a ride. The nicest person can turn diabolical. I am no exception.

Your insistence that the quality of your thoughts are not really your own but are caused by the actions of another are not rational. Shit happens. People aren't always great to each other. That's not a free pass to uninhibited hatred. You will not be free of this until you realize *you* are the one betraying yourself. I've no interest in how nice you think you are. What you are showing to us here is unabashed self-indulgence making whatever you claim this woman did to you seem suspect. Your imagination has already proved to be very flowery.

You are wrong. It is rationale. Every actions brings about a casual effect very much in the same way that the greater the amount of heat supplied to the kettle, the greater the intensity the vibration of atoms which configures the kettle.
Assume one day I return the favor to her in anyway distasteful, and the consequence of that results in her being in despair. Following your line of reasoning, the fault must lie with her if she is unable to cope with the damage. There is no way you can disagree for disagreeing would result in the contradiction of your proposition.

You're talking about an escalation of "pain" that's so great as to be unreasonable. You seem to believe that it's rational to inflict physical harm and death on another human being because they rejected your romantic advances.

There's a huge difference between "despair" and "dying a slow death". You want to inflict grievous bodily harm on this woman. That is not rational. That is not normal. That is not nice. That makes you a "bad guy". There's no wiggle room there. You want her physcially suffering BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T WANT TO SLEEP WITH YOU. That's her right and her choice. What you're feeling is so far outside acceptable norms that US law would allow these posts of yours to be used as evidence for you to be declared incompetent and hospitalized against your will.

I still haven't made up my mind on whether or not you're telling the truth yet, but I find it interesting that you're the one throwing the trolling accusations around.

Dude, you're angry; we get it.

But if you really do have your shit together, then why aren't you going to let it go?

Your failure to move on and your insistence on "revenge" says a lot about your character.

Personally, I don't think you have your shit together.

You better check yourself before you wreck yourself.

So in your estimation, everyone who gets rejected should feel seething hatred for the one who rejected them?

No, that it not the way it is. There is nothing that you have written here about this woman that rationalizes the extremity of the language you use to express your feelings. There is very little that someone could do outside of bodily harm or equally malicious emotional damage that would rationalize it. Even then it is an unhealthy reaction that should be dealt with professionally because it is not her actions that are causing it. Your mind, your thoughts.

Dude. you're this angry after 8 months, and it was only some chick you wanted to date? I wasn't this angry over my wife leaving me and the kids for my best friend.

I'm telling you, you're fucked up. You are the one w/ the problem....not her. Frankly if I knew you, I would feel an obligation to provide a link to this thread for every woman I saw you talk to.

You have a choice, you have control over how you react. Believe it or not, you are in control and how you react is up to you.

Please, share these feelings w/ your doc, psychiatrist and therapist.

you can choose no to believe. I have no reasons to lie whatsoever. The truth is simple. Her indecisiveness hurt me badly. Why am i branded the bad guy? Screwed world. I wont be dropping by anymore since this place is creating alot of agony n me.

---------- Post added at 10:52 AM ---------- Previous post was at 10:48 AM ----------

Oh please STOP YOUR SELECTIVE READING. IF SHE HADNT GAVE ME AN EXPLICIT GREENLIGHT AND SHE REJECTED ME THEN I WOULDNT BE ANGRY. NO REASONS FOR ME TO. HOWEVER, THE FACT IS THAT SHE VERBALLY TOLD ME TO GO FOR HER THEN DROP ME. THIS IS A FKIN SELFISH ACT.

so what.

So now you're going to blame us too?

Neat.

When you decide to start taking responsibility over your own life, come back and give us an update on how you're doing. We're always here to listen.

Twisting and pull my statements out of context? Hell yea.
I want you to know that I agree with you that causing physical harm to her is wrong. I would further add it is a foolish act. I want you also to know revenge has no expiry date. I will strike at the golden opportunity, at the core of her emotions. I will deliver the coup de grace. The thing about an eye for an eye is such that if world peace is to be achieved at the expense of a blind world, then it is a means justified.