bdsm- first time advice - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

-mia · 01-23-2011, 03:16 PM

Ive been discussing having a bdsm relationship with a friend. We've discussed rules and other things. I've been doing some research on the subject and need some advice. While reading up on the matter it talked alot about love being necessary between and dom and sub. So my question is in your opinion is it alright to go into such a relationship with out having the love factor? We aren't close friends but I get good vibes from him that he is an all around good human being. He has some experienced and I am not, though I've always been attracted to this sort of thing. We've established that this is a sort of experimental thing more than anything. Also he'd be the dom and I'd be the sub. so what are your thoughts and suggestions?

Seaver · 01-23-2011, 04:58 PM

Have your safety words, and know the sub really has just as much power (if not more) than the dom in any point in time.

From what it sounds like, this is more about experimenting and exploring aspects of your sexuality. I don't believe love is a requirement, but there must be that chemistry click.

I say have fun, and explore yourself.

Kelly_G · 01-23-2011, 05:27 PM

People go to professional Dom/mes and there isn't love between them.

Zeraph · 01-23-2011, 05:56 PM

Love isn't important, trust is.

I'm not saying your guy is doing this, but a lot of, men in particular, people say they're Doms for an ego trip. Then when they finally get someone in the bedroom they just want oral sex. Just sayin, be warry, lot of posers out there.

-mia · 01-23-2011, 07:30 PM

Thanks guys, i feel like it was a silly question to ask. I should pay better attention to what i'm reading i guess

01-23-2011, 03:16 PM	#1 (permalink)
-mia Upright	bdsm- first time advice Ive been discussing having a bdsm relationship with a friend. We've discussed rules and other things. I've been doing some research on the subject and need some advice. While reading up on the matter it talked alot about love being necessary between and dom and sub. So my question is in your opinion is it alright to go into such a relationship with out having the love factor? We aren't close friends but I get good vibes from him that he is an all around good human being. He has some experienced and I am not, though I've always been attracted to this sort of thing. We've established that this is a sort of experimental thing more than anything. Also he'd be the dom and I'd be the sub. so what are your thoughts and suggestions?

01-23-2011, 04:58 PM	#2 (permalink)
Seaver Junkie Location: Fort Worth, TX	Have your safety words, and know the sub really has just as much power (if not more) than the dom in any point in time. From what it sounds like, this is more about experimenting and exploring aspects of your sexuality. I don't believe love is a requirement, but there must be that chemistry click. I say have fun, and explore yourself. __________________ "Smite the rocks with the rod of knowledge, and fountains of unstinted wealth will gush forth." - Ashbel Smith as he laid the first cornerstone of the University of Texas

01-23-2011, 05:27 PM	#3 (permalink)
Kelly_G Upright Location: Kansas City	People go to professional Dom/mes and there isn't love between them. __________________ "Love is not primarily a relationship to a specific person; it is an attitude, an ordination of character which determines the relatedness of the person to the whole world as a whole, not toward one object of love." — Erich Fromm

01-23-2011, 05:56 PM	#4 (permalink)
Zeraph Banned Location: The Cosmos	Love isn't important, *trust* is. I'm not saying your guy is doing this, but a lot of, men in particular, people say they're Doms for an ego trip. Then when they finally get someone in the bedroom they just want oral sex. Just sayin, be warry, lot of posers out there.

01-23-2011, 07:30 PM	#5 (permalink)
-mia Upright	Thanks guys, i feel like it was a silly question to ask. I should pay better attention to what i'm reading i guess