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09-10-2010, 08:23 PM
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#1 (permalink) |
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... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.
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Original Sexual Positions!
I've heard it said there's nothing new under the sun, but I refuse to believe all the positions have been found. What position have you discovered that you think might be, if not original, rare?
The Attentive Husband Have the lady lay on a wedge (like the Liberator) with her head at the most acute angle of the wedge and her bum up in the air, with her legs separated enough for penetration. The gentleman enters her from the behind and moves in and out slowly as he provides an expert back massage. If you really want to pull this one off like a pro, work a full-body massage into the foreplay so there's maximum relaxation as you do the deed. The Six Men: Find a sexy, satin, rose-red dress shirt/tie combo and, if you're not platinum blonde, a wig or temporary dye. Suit up in your best dress trousers, best, freshly shines shoes, the red shirt/tie and the wig and, during an inopportune moment, turn on track 22 "A Sense of Six" from the Battlestar Galactica miniseries soundtrack, show up behind her (assuming she's sitting), and slowly make your way around her until you've got her in a heart to heart. Now, make your spine glow. Bonus points if you can make a nuke go off nearby. Ladies: Same as above, only a sexy red dress. |
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09-11-2010, 01:06 AM
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#3 (permalink) |
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Evil Priest: The Devil Made Me Do It!
Location: Southern England
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I favour the "Italian Husband".
The husband goes on top of the woman in the traditional "missionary" style, but lifts her legs high into the air, and kisses the back of her knees. This allows her very deep penetration, and him something exciting to look at. Meanhile, the wife is back home cooking dinner.
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Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air, And deep beneath the rolling waves, In labyrinths of Coral Caves, The Echo of a distant time Comes willowing across the sand; And everthing is Green and Submarine ╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝ |
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09-11-2010, 10:11 AM
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#5 (permalink) | |
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Addict
Location: Houston, Texas
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Quote:
I believe all positions have been discovered. I'm a sexual cynic.
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Our revenge will be the laughter of our children.
Give me convenience or give me death! |
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09-12-2010, 11:27 PM
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#7 (permalink) |
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I have eaten the slaw
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I call this one the "oscillating fan"
The woman bends over at the waist, and puts her hands on the floor. The man enters her from behind and proceeds to cartwheel back and forth around her as she turns in conjunction with him. Very difficult to pull off.
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And you believe Bush and the liberals and divorced parents and gays and blacks and the Christian right and fossil fuels and Xbox are all to blame, meanwhile you yourselves create an ad where your kid hits you in the head with a baseball and you don't understand the message that the problem is you. |
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09-13-2010, 07:12 AM
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#8 (permalink) | |
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Junkie
Location: My head.
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Quote:
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09-13-2010, 08:29 AM
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#9 (permalink) |
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Junkie
Location: At my daughter's beck and call.
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__________________
Propaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state. -Noam Chomsky Love is a verb, not a noun. -My Mom The function of genius is to furnish cretins with ideas twenty years later. -Louis Aragon, "La Porte-plume," Traite du style, 1928 |
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09-20-2010, 07:51 PM
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#10 (permalink) | |
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Insane
Location: California
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Quote:
With that ass it's amazing they were lining up to "sexually harass" her.
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"I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours." -Stephen F. Roberts IF PWNED > OWNED and PWNED=PWNAGE and OWN<PWN but PWN<PWNED and OWNAGE>OWN then what does OWNAGE+PWN equal? |
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09-20-2010, 11:13 PM
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#11 (permalink) | |
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Evil Priest: The Devil Made Me Do It!
Location: Southern England
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Quote:
__________________
╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air, And deep beneath the rolling waves, In labyrinths of Coral Caves, The Echo of a distant time Comes willowing across the sand; And everthing is Green and Submarine ╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝ |
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| Tags |
| original, positions, sexual |
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