Dating a Submissive.
 

So, found out it's kind of a major thing for her to be dominated. Like biting, squeezing, hair pulling and being held down and such.

Never really dated one before that was so vocal about it before so I feel the need to step up a bit and learn a thing or 2 on the subject.

Come forth and educate me.

We like it when you don't leave marks, pain is OK.

The best way to be educated on the subject is ask questions to the girl (what she likes, what she doesn't like, her pain tolerance) by trial and error, and always set up a safe word when things might get out of hand.

Er, depends on the person. Some submissives particularly like it when you leave marks. Ask her.

Yeah, it's really awkward. I always felt like it was about to go too far. Maybe that's the turn on for some guys but it just felt like an assault charge to me. In the end, I couldn't do it anymore and moved onto the next person... somebody without those preferences. I like to separate sex and moves seen in a Mortal Kombat fatality. I'm okay with the rough sex as long as its mutual, but I'm not going near the "Whip Me, Beat Me, I Need Love"* type again.

As for your answer, it comes from your current partner... and probably not a bunch of horny nerds hanging out on this board. We have stories, though.

haha, yeah see, I'm doubly cautious since apparently her last ex was "abusive" and I'm just thinking "but... you kinda like that so it makes sense?" of course I didn't get any details on that, yet.

Shauk, watch The Secretary by Maggie Gyllenhaal ... it's not completely unrealistic. Not to mention very entertaining drama.

Also, leave the abuse in the bedroom. Strictly speaking, during sex and only in private. No one likes being embarrassed in public or in front of their friends.

I think you should think very carefully before going ahead with anything like this.

Whether she believes to like such things, really does like such things, or whatever else... also consider how you will feel.

The things you speak of: pushing someone around, biting them, maybe striking with the flat of your hand... in my opinion you must be careful that such things do not make you despise yourself, even if she gets off on it.

Me and my girlfriend both found out that we really like biting, slapping, spanking, rough sex. That goes both ways, we both do those things to each other and its a huge turn on. I think it goes back to the fact that in our every day lives both of us are such nice caring people and its really a big turn on.

Communication and experimentation are the only things that I can suggest. Neither of us knew that we like that kind of thing before meeting each other but we found something we both really enjoy by being open with each other.

"I forgot the safe word!" Hopefully it doesn't get that far. A joke, a joke.

Ask her what she wants, and pound away on what she likes.

+1 that's a good movie.

I think the best thing you can do is just to talk to her and ask questions. And of course use a safe word just in case there's a misunderstanding somewhere :thumbsup:

The Story of O is another good movie, very heavily into BDSM.

If you are a dominant personality, especially in the bedroom, this may not be too far of a jump for you. Talk to her thoroughly about what she likes and wants. Safe words are a good thing to have especially if you start to get into more heavy stuff.

Ask her what she likes, where to bite, how hard to spank, how to pull her hair and how hard...etc. Find out if pain is her thing, ask about marks. If she is okay with them and where they are allowed. I personally love to see the marks a few days after the event as a reminder of what happened, gets me worked up to look at them. However, I do not like marks in visible places so they are kept to places that can be covered or thought to be marks from my clumsiness.

Lifestyle submissive or sexually submissive? There's a big difference.

+1 on what everyone has said so far.

This. I would have no problem fucking someone who's submissive as long as I was in a relationship with an equal once the pants are back on. Wouldn't kill me if she sometimes wanted to be the one in control in bed, either

I'd have to echo what Plan said above, I don't mind a little play but when your bordering on assault it gets to be a little much. Not to mention in my own experience sometimes the submissiveness carried over into other aspects of a relationship and became more of a headache then a fun game you play every now and then (nor could sex be anything but sub/dom). But it really depends on the person, some seem to like light playful games and others seem to be full blown put your cigarette out on my tongue while lighting fire crackers in my ass, some its just a passive fetish while others make it a lifestyle. Along with talking to her and finding out more about what turns her on, you need to ask your self how far you're willing to go as well.

It seems like an easy question, "Yeah so long as I get to fuck you I can drip candle wax on your tits and spank with you with a coat hanger" but personally I don't find it that easy, especially when it gets beyond harmless play. I "dated" a girl who was like this a little while ago and it seemed like every time we had sex she wanted the violence to escalate, at first it was just things like tying her up and being a little rough but when she started asking me to "really mess her up" I just had to draw the line and walk away, to me it just wasn't fun or a turn on. I don't know I'm not up to snuff on my fetishes and maybe she was into something that falls into another category (she had some bizarre and scary fantasies), but never the less, be careful, always communicate and have a line of your own you're not willing to cross.

Pain sluts are different than subs though they do overlap a lot.

I am more dominant in the rest of my life and like to be in control of most things, in bed I prefer to be controlled. So everyone is different. She might just like some light BDSM or she may want full fledge stuff. Sometimes people don't know what they like until they find someone they can trust enough to play with and explore these new fetishes.

A good dom will not cross the line, he/she will respect the wishes of the sub and not push boundaries. So, yes, it is really up to you on how much you can handle. Talking to her is key, but you should feel slightly honored that she feels she can trust you enough to even suggest this sort of play. Because no matter what any one says,TRUST really is the issue behind it. I can't let anyone be dominant over me other than smrt, why? Because I do not trust them and I trust him completely.

I had a submissive girlfriend once. There was no hard slapping or hair pulling, but whenever I wanted whatever I wanted I got it. Whenever I placed her hand on my cock it was either in her mouth or vag within seconds. If I pulled her ass cheeks apart, gently patted and massaged her rump, it was the signal for anal, but we weren't into rough stuff. When we awoke in the morning often times I would just move her head down to my genitals and within seconds I was vigorously pumping her mouth. I've only met one woman like that unfortunately.

Going along with this... what happened when you rubbed your stomach? :hyper:

Dinner? Never tried it honestly...

always remember and never forget, the submissive is the one with the power....not you

Give & take so honestly
that your submissive knows you
&'s willing to give.