Husband wants to watch me have sex with another guy??
 

Yes I am brand new here to TFP and yes I am going there. I have lurked around for a while and I know you all (male and female) have some great insight when it comes to these scenarios.

This is a biggie...a little background:
We have been happily married for over 15 years(got married very young). Just in the last 5 years our sexlife has exploded and we have been sharing fantasies with each other and in some cases living those out.

I cannot imagine ever wanting to see him with another woman so I find this desire of his hard to understand. He wants to watch another guy f@*$ me and preferably one who is packin heavy (you know what I mean) ;) He says he wants to see me pleased in ways I maybe never have been.

SO please someone enlighten me...is this normal and should I be at all worried about what this says about his love for me???

Maybe it is a guy thing because I don't get it.

Honestly I wouldn't be worried, it sounds like he just wants to try, or see something different. It doesn't sound like he wants to cheat on you, he isn't asking to bring another women into the bed for a three way or asking if he can be with another women so I wouldn't worry about how he feels about you, in fact it sounds like he wants to give you a good time...just in a different way. Perhaps this is some fantasy or fetish he's always had and now that the two of you are sharing your fantasies more openly he's suggesting something he's always wanted to try but was maybe to afraid to bring up.

I don't know, I've personally never had the desire to see a girlfriend with another guy but I have heard of this fantasy before and I wouldn't say its highly unusual, certainly not common per say but not in the realm of the extremely bizarre either.

Hope it turns out great no matter what you decide to do. :)

FWIW, it can be quite an erotic thing, but it is very important to find someone that you both are comfortable with. Don't jump into the sack with someone just to fulfill a fantasy. It won't be nearly as enjoyable as if you find the right person. Also, I'd advise against considering friends for this as it will almost surely end badly.

I can say that it doesn't indicate anything about his love for you. Be glad you are open and honest with each other regarding your desires.

If this is something you want to do, go for it, have fun, and post about your experience!

You would not find me agreeable to this with my husband. He will never forget it, and neither will you.

Your name is SwingGirl and you are unsure about having sex with another man?

Really, all you need to do to confirm that this is normal behavior is look on craigslist for all the people who are looking for stuff like this. Trust me, there is nothing abnormal about it.

Oh, for the record, I'm packin' heavy. :p

I'm gonna guess your username has to do with dancing then? :p

This isn't that unusual and I don't think you should worry about what this says about your relationship. If anything, it says good things considering he trusts you enough to want you to experience other people.

That said, tread carefully. Communication at all times, with all people involved. Before you do anything, make sure all boundaries and scenarios are considered.

My ex-wife wanted to have a threesome with another woman. We talked about it for quite a while before doing it. She didn't want anything to do with another woman but wanted to watch me. She swore that it would not affect our marriage. Being a guy, and with her seeming so ok with it I finally said sure, let's do it. Well, to make a long story short, the night ended with her crying her eyes out, me wishing I could go back in time. Our marriage was never the same and we got a divorce about a year later.

I'm not saying that anything bad will happen to you if you go through with it. But be careful. There's an all-to-real chance that it won't be worth it.

Is this something you're interested in, SwingLady? Or is this something you're not interested in?

Best post yet.

If you're not into it, then you're not into it. He shouldn't try to force it.

We know what he wants. The real question, though, is "what do YOU want?" If you want it, go for it. If you have reservations, talk about them. Figure out how everything will work.

Is his request "normal"? Sorry, dear, there's no such thing as normal, especially here. What does it say about his love for you? Really, nothing, at least as far as I'm concerned. This isn't about love; it's about sex. That said, the sex can break the love, so I'd talk to him about how far you're willing to go to fulfill his fantasy.

And don't believe what Halx says. He's sporting 9", maybe 10" tops.

Don't forget the condoms, but be prepared for him to ask you to watch him have sex with some girl the next time, the swing goes both ways.

I'm sort of jumping on the bandwagon at this point, but the fact is that you're asking the wrong questions of the wrong people.

Is this a one time thing, or does he want to introduce a third party on a regular basis?
Does he expect that because you have sex with another man, he should get to have sex with another woman? You've already stated that you're not comfortable with that, so it needs to be clear that it's not an option.
And most importantly, is this something you want to do?

Sometimes fantasy is best left in the realm of fantasy. If you're opposed with this idea, doing it to make him happy is a bad decision. If that's the case, perhaps some roleplaying would be an alternative.

No prize for guessing who you should be asking these questions.

This is a good point. SwingGirl, has he considered pretending he's the neighbour or something as a start?

My wife and I have tried quite a few things sexually. Threesomes and such are things that we have discussed, but never agreed on and so it never happened. This just seems like a good time to be mindful of what the other person wants.

As far as it being normal... Your husband did not invent this fantasy on his own.

Hubby here. She should have said "likes to watch" instead of "wants to watch". We have done this a couple of times now, but with couples. (hence the name). Now we are talking about just a guy. Trust me folks, she is the boss. Whatever she wants, or doesn't want, I comply. I'm not in it for the big payback i.e. fmf, I am just getting off on her getting off!

:)

It's great to have both husband and wife in this thread! What a fun discussion.

This is not an off-the-wall fetishy request. I'm not quite sure why it has thrown you so off-guard, considering that you're already comfortable with a swinging relationship. Is it the voyeuristic quality that is confusing?

True.dat. Some of the questions we've gotten here on TFP before make this look almost puritanical.

And THAT's why we love this board.

Sounds like the right mindset. What prompted the thought of a single guy rather than the couples?

Not rather than, in addition to. Just like seeing her pleased.

Wow, SwingGirl if that WarMoney is the real thing like he says, don't let him get away. But following his led, You're the Boss. Wow, make sure it IS what YOU want. I don't know, I'd been so afraid of disappointing him, what a catch, and yet, I 'd be so afraid of him being disappointed in the end, as much as he says go girl, do you go? Big Question.

OK so I should have given a little more background info. This all began with both of us agreeing that it would be fun and exciting to have same room sex with another couple(s). We have done it a couple times and sometimes it has led to more (girl/girl and me messing around with the guy a little) which hubby and I loved every minute of.

That being said, my intention with this thread was to get some perspective on why or how it is appealing for my husband to see me have sex with another man when the thought of him with another woman makes me cringe. He and I talk about it all the time and are extremely open about all of our thoughts, feelings, desires. I just needed to get some revelation from other people but yet keep my anonymity since this isn't something that I could sit down with my mom or sibling about=]

I'd say it comes down to watching your partner be pleasured. Starkizzer (my fiance) being pleasured is quite a turn on for me. I love to see her in bliss, no matter if it is with me, alone, or with someone else.

Maybe it was my non-traditional upbringing but I'm a traditionalist when it comes to marriage and monogamy. If you've already "done this a couple times" where it's involved you fooling around with another woman and another guy for a bit, well it can't seem -that- unusual that he gets off on seeing you with other people. Your mindset can't be too off base either seeing as you can look him in the eye and tell him you're upholding your wedding vows while having sex with someone else.

So I guess color me a bit confused that the thought of him being with another woman is OMG SO AGONIZING while the thought of yourself being with another person if perfectly fine. Dare I say that's being a bit hypocritical?

evilmatt: For a lot of people it's different when it's same-sex. Even more importantly, everyone is different. There's no real logic to these boundaries, they just are what they are.

Yeah, as close as you two sound, I know I would be uncomfortable watching my husband have sex with another woman, and I have to say that I would be a little uncomfortable with the knowledge that he doesn't mind so much another man touching me, especially when he is around, kind of the whole protect me, how could you want anyone to touch me. I could see the whole if he really cherished me he wouldn't want another man to touch me thoughts happening, but then again, I can see how he could love you so much he wants to see you immensely pleasured, as you have said you two are adventurous, I'm sure you've gone the well developed dildo think, right. Wow, this is really an interesting discussion.

I wonder, WarMoney do you feel as though you completely pleasure your wife or do you wonder if she could be more pleasured by a larger mem. or something like that??? just asking

conundrum at its best, great communication though, neat couple.

I remember reading about this awhile back. (Yes, this is my life: reading and not experiencing.)

Apparently the cuckolding fantasy/fetish is such that the husband is sexually invigorated by it because of an innate reaction to sexual competition. He actually produces more sperm even.

Do you think this is what this is about WarMoney? I find it hard to believe it's just a generic "hey, anything that pleases her...." especially considering that it doesn't seem to be something on her list of things that turn her crank.

I don't think it is the cuckhold thing. From what I understand, in that scenerio the husband is ridiculed and left with clean up duty. I on the other hand (no pun intended) am able to participate.

Idyllic,
I know that I please her. I just like to see her pleased above and beyond what I can give her!

I think this is just a sexual form of compersion, really.

For emphasis:

Sex is never zero sum. Or at least it shouldn't be. It's all about the individual boundaries, and how the two (or more) people can interact and have a mutually satisfying relationship within those boundaries.

Looked at another way: if your girlfriend/wife is begging you to tie her up and you consider trying it, does that mean she should get to tie you up too? What about spanking then? What about anal penetration?

WarMoney being comfortable and even encouraging SwingGirl to have sex with another man does not in any way mean that SwingGirl has to or should be comfortable with WarMoney having sex with another woman. It's up to her to decide whether or not that's outside her comfort zone, and there's nothing wrong with her deciding either way.

Back on topic:

If what you're looking for is for someone to tell you that this is normal SwingGirl, you've got a thread full of people telling you that. This is perfectly normal and if you're both comfortable with it then you should do it. There's nothing wrong with you or him or your relationship together for wanting this.

All you have to decide now is whether or not you do want this.

I think that sexual compersion is a form of cuckoldry. There are various themes to it, but cuckoldry generally refers to a man and his adulterous wife, whether or not he knows about it. Cuckoldry as fetish implies that he derives pleasure form it. He can be right there in the room, and he can even be participating somewhat, but it generally is the same situation: his wife is having extramarital sex with a man.

In this case with the thread here, I generally found it interesting that he seems really into it, but she's indifferent and even confused about it as a source of pleasure for him.

I dunno, I understand cuckoldry to include an aspect of humiliation for the husband, whether direct or indirect. It doesn't sound to me like that's why WarMoney likes this idea.

compersion, new word, love new words, cool.

WarMoney, Your a pretty amazing dude, I think maybe, that if it were me, and I had this great guy who was so seemingly compassionate, and so giving, and so many of those rare things that we women want in a man, and think never exists, I'd be terrified of you potentially changing your mind mid camp, or not getting out of it what you expected or I don't know, I would greatly be afraid of your lose, lose of anything from you, in anyway.

I think your reassurance could be as positive as you could possibly give me and it may just make me love you more and not want to take that risk. Just a thought.

Maybe why your lady enjoys her time with the other wife more than the husband is because it is a feeling of pleasing you by your watching and pleasing herself which may be elevated merely because it pleasures you to watch her, but there is definitely less risk for her to have feeling like she may be hurting you, as most men don't seem to look at girl girl relationship as that threatening. As a woman the possibility of hurting my husband in anyway frightens me, especially his manliness. Not saying that is your case, but that is how we women are typically taught to think.

How about another woman with a strap on, you know we woman really do know what other woman like, to most degree, maybe even a little dominatrix, if your lady approved obviously. I know the whole restraint thing can be very tantalizing, and if done right extraordinarily pleasurable, maybe even add a little sensory deprivation. Still though she feels less threatened by a woman, it would seem.

I think that is a more traditional view. With sexual liberation, or whatever you want to call it, many fetishes have been more accepted and openly practiced. I can see how a man would get off on this. I can only imagine that sexual competition is hardwired in us. If you can override the jealousy factor, I can see how that could be hawt. :thumbsup:

Hmm, I didn't mean anything negative by what I said. Lots of people get off on being humiliated. Nothing wrong with that. Just saying, I'm not sure it's accurate to call it cuckolding without the humiliation. At least, that's what I've always associated with the term, no judgment intended. Basically, it seems to be a matter of semantics, depending on how broadly we wish to apply the term. Beyond that, I think we're both saying the same thing :)

I agree with you in principle, but in reality there's a big difference between two married folks doing things to one another and an outsider coming in and doing something to one of them. If the two married folks involved don't see any difference there, well bully for them I suppose but my own opinion, which is the only frame of reference I can speak from, says that sex is between two folks with some form of emotional attachment, doubly true if they're married.

When you bring someone into the bedroom you immediately remove that emotional attachment from sex. It become just sex. It cheapens it, turns it into just physical thrusting and that's just not something I'd want to see it turned into for myself or my wife.

Like I said, just my opinion.

During a former relationship, I would masturbate to thoughts of my girlfriend obtaining pleasure from another woman, and quite regularly, other guys. She was submissive and wished to please me above all else, so the idea of her becoming aroused to the point that she would seek her own pleasure first and foremost, without consideration for anything but sexual desire, was an immense turn-on.

A few fantasies:

-Her becoming hot and bothered with a co-worker and fooling around on the nearest desk, coming home with soaked panties and allowing me to go down on her
-Deciding to wear a skimpy skirt to the bar and having some stud nail her in the backseat of his car, possibly venturing back to his pad for a raunchy gang bang
-Using a webcam with a friend while drinking a bit too much wine, finding her furiously masturbating and flirting away, thighs spread wide in her chair as I peek into the room

I can confirm that jealousy is a competing emotion when considering these fantasies as actual possibilities, and that always prevented me from genuinely proposing what your husband has, which is offering your body to another man. With my girlfriend, she would often tease me about her naughty activities, how she hadn't been able to resist someone, or that she was horny enough to consider a fling. We both knew it was just playful banter, but the fantasizing was incredibly enjoyable.

You should be proud of your husband for mustering enough courage to openly admit his fantasies, but I urge you to discuss it with him and discover if any jealousy lingers in his mind, regardless of how fucking hot he considers your arse raised sky high with a thick cock balls deep inside of you. :thumbsup:

Not even a little. Compersion is the opposite of jealousy. Cuckoldry (in the consensual context we're talking about here) is the fetishization of jealousy. Entirely different things.

Just out of curiosity: everyone on this thread who has actually experienced compersion, please raise your hand? (*hand raised*)

(BTW, "compersion" is a slightly outdated term, at least in the poly circles I travel in. The preferred term nowadays is "frubble". I know, silly word, but it's cuter and less clinical-sounding, which makes for happier poly-hippies.)

When we are with other people it is just fucking. Sport fuck as we say. When we are together it is totally different. Very loving, sexual intimacy.

I think that seeing your lover getting off can be very pleasing. It could be with fingers up to another dude. I am WAY to jealous for another man to be a reality. I like the fact I am the only guy my wife has been with.
However, lately I have been entertaining the fantasy of watching her ride a nice big dildo. It is kind of my version of this fantasy. Just no jealousy danger from a hunk of plastic. But, if she is not that into it, then the whole hotness factor is not there. That is part of the whole process. Your SO really needs to be getting off on it to make it exciting to the watcher as well.

I don't see jealousy as a prerequisite for cuckoldry. That's a traditional (even Medieval) view. People might make up new words like frubble or whatever, but often what happens is older words take on new and more encompassing meanings. I view cuckoldry, generally, as the situation of a man and his wife's extramarital sex. Period.

I can't see a simpler way of labelling the OP as anything but a cuckoldry fetish. He wants his wife to have sex with another man. Yes, he's involved, but what he's getting off on is the idea of his wife having sex with a man that isn't him, the husband: so, cuckoldry. Try not to view this word in the traditional, Biblical, or Medieval sense. I'm using it as it means today in its multifaceted, overarching, and rather generic meaning. Make up another word if you want, but it will mean essentially the same thing. You might want to call more specific activities by another name, but that's what words are for. Fellatio, for example, isn't just oral sex. It's a specific kind.

Maybe the whole problem here is that I'm more familiar with archaic words and shifts in meaning over time than the average person. Maybe cuckoldry is too archaic for contemporary sensitivities. What other single word do we have for such a situation?

I don't even know where to start, Baraka. "Someone else's cock in my wife's vagina" equaling "cuckoldry" is NOT a new evolution of the term. THAT'S the medieval usage. It was applied whether or not the cuckold even knew about the situation--ie whether or not he even had an opportunity to be jealous. In the antique usage, jealousy had nothing to do with it. It has evolved into contemporary use by a particular fetish subculture that's ALL about submission, humiliation, and jealousy. Go google it if you're unclear on that.

I also like how you can claim to be enlightened about an evolution of the term cuckold, be wrong about that, AND simultaneously dismiss the evolution of compersion/frubble. So... only your words get to evolve, and only in the way you say? It's weird because you claim to be on the cutting edge of this term while clinging to a centuries-outdated notion of what it is, with no real clue about the particular fetish community you're referring to.

Linguistics aside, okay? If you're going to talk about the cuckolding fetish, at least understand what that is. If this guy went on Craigslist and said he wanted to fulfill his cuckolding fantasy, I guarantee what he'd get isn't what he's said here that he wants. So. Don't tell him what you think the term is, because that's not the term.

I didn't dismiss the evolution or compersion or frubble, nor do I claim to have a "cutting edge" on anything.

And if you don't call someone else's cock in one's wife cuckoldry, what do you call it? I've already asked that. I've already admitted that the term is problematic because of its archaic ties, which you as well seem to have a problem with. In its archaic use, it was a derisive term. It isn't only that now, especially with the fetish communities we both have referred to. This means the word has multifaceted meanings. Many old words are like that.

So I ask you again, what do you call someone else's cock in one's wife? And why do people get off on that?

Agreed, you guys are being downers. :thumbsup:

Everyone has their own boundaries. I would enjoy exploring with a girl who is not my GF, and I would let my GF explore with another girl. However, other men are a different matter, UNLESS I have completely vetted them for competitive qualities. I would not let another guy touch my girl if I thought for a moment he would disrespect me.

Swinggirl/Warmoney:

Have your sex lives always been this vibrant? I know you said it's ramped up in the last few years, but were you ever ho-hum / stuck in a rut? If so, how did you get out of it to where you are now?

Frequently on this forum, we have people who post on how their significant other doesn't care about sex anymore, etc. I would be really interested to hear how you guys rev'd it up! Did one of you initiate it? Did either of you resist? Were you kicking yourselves for not realizing you were both thinking the same things? Anyway, if you want to share - I'd love to hear how you got here.

Regarding the OP, when I initially read it, I was thinking, "Oh dear God, don't do it." Then, when I heard you had done some swinging - even if it was soft-swapping - it all made more sense. Perhaps the reluctance I would have is that you can't take it back. If it invokes unexpected feelings, you can't undo it.

If I were you swing girl (but I'm a dude), I think would be plagued with my inner thoughts: "Am I outwardly enjoying this too much? Is he thinking, 'how come she never screams like that with me?'..." Because the thought doesn't seem to turn you on much, perhaps it would feel a bit like a performance - which might ultimately feel degrading?

What about one of those dick covering strap-ons, so WarMoney can screw you with a mule's pecker, but it's still him? :D

Motivation? I think it's a bit like the ultimate in "Reality" porn.

You get to objectify your wife as a sexual being and that can be hot, especially if you've been in a marriage for a long time.

Personally, I wouldn't advise it unless you're absolutely sure that you want to do. Fulfilling your lover's fantasies is a wonderful, giving thing, but the dynamics change when you consider bringing another person into it.

And I tend to agree with fresnelly, this is more of a voyeuristic thing than anything else. It's just kinky, doesn't have a name that I know of.

Cimarron,
Our sex life has never been boring. We have been married for almost 16 years. When we dated, we fucked like rabbits. We just wanted to take it up a notch!

Oh, and communication is the key. If you have a fantasy, throw it out there. All she/he can do is say no. If you get turned down it may be weird, but at least you are starting a dialogue.

Just though I might add a little something to thread after a conversation earlier this evening. I'm tipping back some drinks with an old friend of mine who happened to be in town and we got sharing stories of about various sexual exploits and she tells me this she had her boyfriend fuck another girl while she watched from the corner. Being the inquisitive person I am, I asked why, and she said it was a power thing. Yeah I said "huh, say what?" too. So she explained that she likes feeling in control of her boyfriends penis, from a fantasy perspective of course, and in this case got off on "giving him permission" to fuck somebody else while she watched.

Now I've heard of this fantasy/fetish before and never have I encountered anybody who views it in that way, but the more I thought about it...it kind of made sense. Anyway not much to add but I remembered this thread when I hoped online to check my email and thought maybe it would add a new spin to the convo.

Is it a power thing or is it that they want to know their partner is still attractive and sexually desirable by others?

Swinggirl, I cant imagine watching my SO with an other guy.
I also cant imagine her watching me with an other girl.

However there are two ways in which I would love to watch her
(1) She with a very hot stranger girl or a very close friend (girl) of hers
(2) There was a video in Tfp Titty Board where a girl gets massage and gets orgasms on and on and on. The trembling, moaning was so much I would definitely like her to have. In this case if the professional is a guy - it is still perfectly ok with me

In both cases the key thing is she should be mindlessly in bliss.

Well I think its probably different for everybody, in the case of my friend it was part of an ongoing "control" game and they seemed to keep upping the stakes so to speak. For others the reasons might be completely different and probably fall somewhere in between all the various reasons listed in this thread.

last night i had a dream. I, my SO and a bunch of fellow class mates are illegally exploring a magical premises. We are all wizards. Lot of wizard / witch stuff and at the end I & my SO next to each other leaning to a wall, this white guy comes nude. He is our class mate. My SO held his cock with her thumb and index finger as if she wants to know how thick he is. And both of us were laughing. Not much happened - but I was surprised it all seemed harmless and funny

I am gaining a lot curious on the "Soft Swapping" - Need to look up the literature ...

I've done it in the past with a couple of GF's. I've set up the reality, and I've gone to swinger's clubs. It's very hot, it's just sex, and I don't get confused about it. I have lead a very satisfying sex life over the years.

As long as both people are up for it AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, will not get all weepy about it later on - then go for it. I find the scenario of a woman taking on a guy far more exciting than her taking on another female. (Perhaps because I think of the f/f thing with a guy being involved as being contrived. Pandering to the 16 year old boy's Penthouse fantasy.)

With me, I find myself attracted to the "hot slut wife" fantasy. The kind of woman who has a high sex drive, who loves cock, and at some level, can't be trusted. I get off on the competition in a way. In the end, I don't feel threatened by the other male in the least for several reasons. 1. I've come to a point in my life where I figure if it goes south, it goes south. It either works or it doesn't and if it does go south, you're better off. 2. I'm confident in my abilities in the bedroom, 3. I'm confident in my abilities to provide for her more so than most males and 4. it completely eliminates "cheating" or adultery from the context of a relationship (she is free to have sex with other men, so how can she cheat) 5. Monogamy is not natural behaviour for humans. We'd like to think it is, but it isn't. Admitting that and being honest about it and honest about desiring other people sexually is like a huge sigh of relief. You don't feel like you have to lie about your desire. (Actually, that's one of the harder things to ever get your head around - your partner asks you when you are out somewhere if you find that woman attractive and you'd like to have sex with her and you answer yes (as opposed to how we men have trained ourselves to lie and say, "No baby, it's only you that I want"). It's like a 10 thousand pound weight off your shoulders.)

I can't remember who said it to me, but they are absolutely correct. "If you have a good relationship and you are both open to swinging, swinging will make your relationship that much stronger. If you do not have a solid relationship - it (swinging) will blow it apart"

(I'm using the term swinging simply as a way to refer to having sex with someone other than your partner - take it in whatever context and apply whatever label you like.)

I agree. I think the first step would be to research poly-am. I would advise you to check out Mistress Matisse for advice in three sums, coupling, poly-am and relationship guidelines regarding choosing a stranger or a friend as your third. On the other hand, your husbands fantasy of you with another man is completely normal. The man still loves you. But be sure when you do your research you include your husband as well. He needs to know what he is getting into also. Lots of trust plays a significant role in this sort of thing. So be careful and have fun! :)

Lulu_mq, what if it is a one time attempt out of curiousity? or like a birthday gift?

Have anyone tried it like a one night stand? Just to find out whether that is something for ya?

Well, seeing that this is one of the most common male fantasies, it's probably safe to suggest that most men are secretly still mentally in the teenage years. Lord knows I am. My aspirations to "bang it" to two girls at once and drive a Ferrari while toting a sweet mustache have yet to fade.

Don't fret man, one out of three ain't bad.

But... but... I'm never going to be Magnum PI.

1.) There ain't nothin' "secret" about it.
2.) The theme from Magnim P.I. is my ringtone. Just puttin' that out there.

Ah, the fabulous Friday night shows of childhood:

Dukes of Hazard
Magnum PI
A-Team
Knight Rider
Miami Vice

Who didn't want to shoot out the tires of a '79 Caprice with a mini-14 while hanging out of a van!?!?

Compared to all the so called Reality CRAP that is out there now, those were the Golden days of Television I guess.

Actually, I kind of liked Magnum PI.

I had a parrot back then which I named Higgens.

Aaah, '80s TeeVee derailment. My favorite kind. Continue, gentleman... I'm going to go get my Captain Bellybuster hat and find Billy, my invisible dog.

Hubby wants or You wants?
 

Quote:

Originally Posted by SwingGirl (Post 2769217) OK so I should have given a little more background info. This all began with both of us agreeing that it would be fun and exciting to have same room sex with another couple(s). We have done it a couple times and sometimes it has led to more (girl/girl and me messing around with the guy a little) which hubby and I loved every minute of. That being said, my intention with this thread was to get some perspective on why or how it is appealing for my husband to see me have sex with another man when the thought of him with another woman makes me cringe. ...

I have thought about this for some time, and it does depend on the personality of your hubby. Adding risky elements and thrill to spice up sex is good for a couple, but if you have maintained a monogamous relationship for many years, and find that to be more comfortable, for spiritual or personal reasons, I would say, stay with this caution that is already caught up in your person hood.

You mention above about a couples night out, and showing him a side of yourself he may not have seen before (playing around a bit with girl/girl and me 'messing around with the guy' a little). Then you say you both loved it. So the question is outstanding, how much is "a little?" LoL. It is implied one guy, but did this happen with more than one?

Again this depends on your husband, but you may have displayed a scenario in front of him, and shown enthusiasm. Was this to test him for jealousy and by mistake you have evoked communications that have not prior happened?

These are merely reflections into the psyche of a man's mind. Some men have already crossed this area without much spiritual import being placed on the vow or oaths between a woman and a man.

This is okay for them. But if you are a woman who valued monogamy, it is a time to shift into a different focus:

He may be following your non-verbal cues and remembering the delight in your face or the way you moved your body with a stranger in his presence.

When monogamous couples venture out on this ledge, it can be thrilling but it can also backfire, collapse the marriage and ruin the trust prior established in agreeing before hand, to be monogamous.

This crosses a spiritual boundary of vows and prior oaths. Oaths spoken and observed in years past. This can be the sacred ground between a man and a woman. or marriage of two adults who have grown fond of one another over the years.


If he has seemed to be a faithful husband, you must have a measure of adoration, especially if you do not like the idea of him being with another woman.

I say adoration above but you can insert the word appreciation or respect. The idea is that you cherish him to yourself in the marriage, and therefore a certain degree of adoration is appropriate and serves to calm a husbands misunderstandings or troubled emotions. It can also serve as a balm to quiet misunderstandings you may have inadvertently or intentionally awakened in your husband.

Caution is better if you want the marriage to last. And I see you have some caution or reservations here.

At the bottom of all this, I am interpreting (perhaps wrongly - it again depends on your guy), a subtle form of insecurity that is difficult for a man to voice, when he sees his favorite dame being naked with as you said "girl/girl and ... messing around with the guy a little" ... if it was girl girl, less chance for insecurity to creep in, but with another swordsman present (again it depends on the guy) it can cause unsettling notions or confusion that a man has not worked out yet. His voicing such a thing, could be a voice speaking from misunderstanding and you have to sort that out. It is okay to put on your nurturer's hat every once in a while to help a guy sort out a confusion in his spirit or mind.




You have brought up the subject of why he might want to see you with another man? You are puzzled because of your own feelings of him being with another woman. To properly answer you, we may need to take a quick detour.

Now lets focus on whether you were trying to see if he would still be jealous: Too many woman play this game to bad consequences. Because they do not know how to arrest the jealousy and stop it once the desired observance is achieved. After that things can go stupidly for both parties, and the hurt can expand to other areas of their life together.

Not all women are this way, but some women have a tendency to manipulate a man's emotions and think of it as entertainment, and something to gossip about. This of course is a fatal mistake when it comes to sex in a (prior declared) monogamous marriage.

It is a verbal declaration of monogamy that binds you to preserve yourself, in the oath or declaration. We all fall down, but as long as you have been faithful there is no need to compromise your word, because your husband is experiencing a confusion from you trying to see if he would still be jealous. This is like taking a drain plug or cork out of a water damn, and forgetting to put the cork back in after you are done. As the water trickles out at first (as expected) it seems harmless. But then over time, a week or a month, the water may bore a hole wider and the cork you took out, no longer fits. Then it is only a matter of time for a larger piece of the circle to break off, so the shape becomes irregular. Then a chunk.





I want you to answer, were you trying to see if he would be jealous? This is sometimes the game of a woman and we may not be qualified to answer your original post, unless you are honest with us and yourself.

You may have unintentionally caused him to be confused and to speak to you later, out of misunderstanding, saying he wants to see you in that way.

We all know males can be confused even as adults. When they get confused spiritually or in marriage, they can make stupid mistakes. It is important for a wife, not to exploit a man's confusion. The woman has superior intuition and this is for a reason: In the natural world if a man learns to listen to his woman's intuition, it will save him from making many blunders or mistakes. This intuition is one thing about a woman, some men cherish. In this narrow focus they may recognize the woman has superior discernment in certain things and this can lead to a deeper level of love, commitment and understanding. Genuine gratitude. Respect and often relief, on an unspoken level. Joy. And then more passion of course.=]

It is like a divining signal that saves the smart man from all types of trouble and anguish. We are not talking logic, we are talking intuition. Two different things.

The one area where a woman's intuition fails, is when she is naked with two or more men. When this happens her intuition is less stable and cannot always be trusted to keep her man safe from trouble.

So we go back to the question: Were you trying to cause him jealously, directly or indirectly to see if he would still be moved in this way by you?

I have more to say. I can help you with this, but you have to be honest and authentic in this narrow point.


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