Women with good male friends.
 

Ladies...... What is the freaking deal? Why do you keep guy friends around? I know tons of girls that say that they have very good male friends. I can only speak from a guy's prospective when I say this, but as a rule, men do not have female friends. Its true, we don't come right out and say it, but its the case 98% of the time. We have females that we are friendly with, but this is because we want to sleep with you, or otherwise have the possibility at some point in the future. You can tell yourself differently all you want, but its a fact of life. We as men can only assume that you are the same way. We think that if you are friendly with us, that you want to sleep with us, or otherwise retain the option at some point in the future. Its the way the world works. I can see you sitting there shaking your head, but if you really looked at the reality of it, you would see it too. We are pigs. Some of us are a bit more evolved, but we all think the same way.

The question I feel I need to ask is why? Ladies, do you really believe that those guys you keep around and hang out with are there because they value your friendship? And guys, back me up here if I am right. Do you have any female friends that you hang out with that are attractive to you, but you see them only as a friend? I want to hear some stories people. Prove me wrong!

I have several female friends that I do not and have not ever wanted to sleep with.

I love everything you just said. I also love this forum. Every girlfriend i have ever had always NEEDED to have another man in their lives. Many of the girls i have been with would get jealous if i tried friending another female. I guess thats the base for any womans ideology. hypocrisy :) but kidding aside, i would love to solve this mystery. It may be some womens way of not feeling as "tied down"

Thank you! Maybe that's it. Maybe they really can be friends with a guy. But if the woman is attractive to the guy, a man will not, nay, cannot be friends with a woman.

On a side note, how do you deal with your female SO's male friends? Its always been a thorn in my side.

I have several male friends. They are also friends with my husband.

Sexual attraction?
I can honestly say I'm not interested in them. Whether they're attracted to me or not is irrelevant. If they are, and they act on it, they'll not only lose a friendship but they'll also end up bruised, battered, and unable to reproduce.

Yuck.

As for any sort of double-standard? My husband also has female friends. He has made it abundantly clear that he finds them sexually repulsive.

My husband is the monogomous sort. He finds me attractive and tells me so frequently. I find it impossible to be jealous of any of his female friends. I suppose there are scenarios where I would be jealous, but this relationship doesn't have room for jealousy.

Conversely, Magpie is friends with many guys who she has no intention of having sex with. I can only assume that they're not interested in her -- they had their shot before I came on the scene, and didn't take it.

I don't particularly care if guys think my girlfriend is hot. I also don't care if she thinks other guys are hot, for that matter, and the same is true for me looking at women. So long as I'm the only one getting into bed with her at night, it's not anything I feel I need to worry about.

I hate it. Im not typically a jealous guy but any long term girlfriend showing affection to another male will stir up some feelings. Relationships are all about compromise

Are they all unattractive?

When Harry Met Sally pretty much summed it up.

I have one female friend I've never slept with in 26 years now. May have if the opportunity had of arisen in the past - but it never did - so we did not. Probably the same for her. She's married now. I can tell her husband finds me moderately intimidating, but neither of us cares. My ex used to make a HUGE ordeal about my friendship with her and wanted me to end my friendship with her. But I never did. It was a HUGE reoccuring arguement with my ex.

I have 3 other female friends (note - they were friends, never GFs) who I have slept with in the past, but we are not bonking at the current time. We are all still friends even after the sex ended. We may or may not sleep together again ine future, it just depends on the timing. (Timing is everything.) Right now, speaking for myself, I have no plans to sleep with any one of them. So we remain "just friends".

I'm also on speaking terms with a few ex GF's and see them from time to time for dinner, or social occasions. Not currently sleeping with any of them and really don't desire to either at the current time. Maybe things will change in the future - you never know. My current GF asked me just the other week which of my ex's I'd like to sleep with if given the opportunity. I had to think about it for a while. Only one came to mind and I haven't seen her in 10 years or so. (Though we email on occasion.)

I am not currently (secretly or otherwise) lusting after any other women - friends or otherwise.

I have more male friends than female friends. My SO and I share a number of male friends; he's introduced me to his and we've become friends, and vice versa. I would be nearly friendless if males were unable to carry on meaningful platonic relationships with females; my best female friend was introduced to me via friendships with guys. My SO has no reason to be jealous of any of my male friends. I know some of them find me sexually attractive, but they would never act on it for a variety of reasons, some of which genuinegirly mentioned above.

To each his own I guess. I have lots of female friends I've never had any intention of sleeping with, some friendships are just worth too much to turn into a one night stand.

Well...I have some female friends that I find no physical attraction whatsoever. BUT there is one that I was immediately attracted to, and I became friends with her. Overtime our friendship grew very close and we developed feelings for each other and we acted on it. It lasted a little over a year. She lost the connection we once had, but I still do. Now I find it impossible to be friends with her on a platonic level. She was my best female friend, too, and she considers me her best friend. FUCK.

I have to say, I think the OP is being a bit short sighted and stereotypical

sure, a lot of men may be like this (maybe even the majority), but the OP makes it sound like nearly every male is like this

despite our brains working this way, we can't always just put people in little boxes and assume that because a lot of X type people, the rest of them are like that too - as humans, we are way too complex for such simple classifications

This was my first thought too.

I get along with men better than women. I do have friends of both sexes, of course, but I'm most comfortable when hanging with the guys. And yeah, for me there is a slight attraction I have for the male friends in my world. All of them are good looking, have great personalities and they make me laugh. They're all married though and I wouldn't dream of actually being with them. A couple are even old enough to be my very young dad, not that age matters. I guess there's just good chemistry between us. But that doesn't mean my goal is to get them in my bedroom. They're good, honest, trustworthy people / company and that's it.

What if the woman's bi? Do all friends immediately amount to nothing but potential sex? Or what if she has lesbian friends? Is that just potential sex, too?


I've known my two closest guy friends for nearly 20 years. Except for one crush-type situation back in 8th or 9th grade, there's never been anything sexual or romantic mentioned.

I just don't relate well to a lot of women. I have way more guy friends than girl friends, and the girls I am friends with have that same tomboy streak in them that I do (for what it's worth, I'm supertight with the few female friends I have.) I like video games and beer and sports and being a geek...I have no interest in celebrity gossip, designer purses, tanning, or Carrie Bradshaw. Obviously, not all women fall into that pattern, and not all men eschew it; I'm generalizing a bit.

Oddly enough, I had this conversation with my most recent ex quite a bit. He was one of those guys, though, that thought women were only good for fucking, and not much else.

For me, and I'd hope for most people, friendship has nothing to do with gender. If you find someone you can relate to, and care about, and have fun with, then it doesn't matter if they have dangly bits or not. And if there's one-sided sexual attraction, then fine-- but it doesn't automatically exist just because one person's a man, and one's a woman; it's not automatically excluded because both parties are women; and unless it becomes mutual attraction, nothing will ever happen.

I'm not sure - I have always found it easy to be friends with women; some of whom I consider sexually attractive and some I do not. I'm a very faithful guy (I think), I have a "look but don't touch" policy that's worked for me for my entire adult life, and has not (as far as I'm aware) upset any woman I've been in a couple with.

My wife has male friends and it doesn't bother me.

I have what I consider two good male friends, and I consider all the rest mere acquaintances, because I agree and find that my definition of being friends with a man never works, except in unusual circumstances.
Of the two male friends I have, one is an ex-boyfriend, and we keep in touch often, play games online, and help each other out. And the other was never a boyfriend, but was a lover at one point. I am sexually attracted to him, I have been for years. But it wouldn't ever work out, he lives too far away. But he knows because I've told him, that if he and I lived closer together, I'd definitely want him to be a lover or fuck buddy of some sort. Our relationship is kind of skewed that way already. I love him dearly, but I'm also attracted to him. lol.
But yeah, I'd say that in general, its difficult for men and women to be friends free of sexual tension, etc.

In all honesty, everyone one of my female friends I DO find attractive. I'm seriously married and have no intention of jumping their bones, but I do enjoy the company of female friends who are attractive. I don't think I've ever willingly gone to lunch with a woman I didn't find attractive. Shallow? Maybe. I also like them for other reasons, but physical attraction is part of it, even if it is something I'm never likely to act on.

Every close female friend I've ever had in my short lifetime, I have either: a) tried to fuck her, or b) fucked her.

Sadly, column A far outweighs column B.

I've always had female friends. My girlfriends have always had male friends.

I guess I just don't get the jealousy issues. If she wanted to be with him she wouldn't be with you. If I wanted to be with my friends I wouldn't be with another girl.

Had a bunch of female friends during college. Even though I use to adore some of them, never had sexual interest. It just never occurred to me ... Now we exchange emails on occasions.

Now I don't have any female friends. The only female I have in my life is my gf. Even if I have female friends, even if I find them sexually attractive, I cant act on it - There is TOO MUCH to loose if I do

I tend to think they're attractive, but most of them are heavier than me... I suppose I don't see them as competition.

There you go. They're probably just outside of your husband's attraction bracket.

Would he say the same about somebody who looked like Emmanuelle Chriqui? Would you see her as competition?

Logan, the response was in the first message.
If he had a beautiful female friend, he would not be likely to act. He has said many times, even women that I find insanely attractive, he finds the thought of having sex with them repulsive. But hypothetically, if he had an attractive single female friend, and he was sexually attracted to her, I would be excited. If he were to become polyamorous, I would consider it a victory.

I learned a long time ago that there was no room for jealousy in a healthy relationship. I tend to work through those emotions quickly.

Alright.

Although I can't comprehend how a straight male finds the thought of having sex with an attractive woman repulsive. Regardless of whether he's in a relationship or not.

I think this is a matter of distinguishing between I want to fuck... vs. I would fuck....

^^ True, Had I been involved with someone I'd WANT to fuck anything that is wearing a skirt and will stand still long enough (derr.). Would I do it though, well, no. I wouldn't cheat on my SO under any circumstances. Honestly it's really very easy, do not put tongue in mouth, do not accidentally fall over and over again on top of her in bed with your clothes off.

/threadjack

Having seen many friends who turn into friends +, I just don't break the barrier.

Honestly I've never had a female friend who wasn't attractive. Most of them (not all though) I started trying for something more but it just.... evolved.

Once you get your testosterone under control you'll see that there are PLENTY of lays out there... but only a handful of good friends you can count on. Plus... the good side is they'll hook you up with their friends ;)

I think in part I disagree with you, and in part I disagree with your framing of the issue.

I have several female friends. Some of them are hot, some of them not. Some of them I'm sexually attracted to, some not. Obviously I'm more likely to be sexually attracted to the 'hot' ones, but it isn't a direct relationship. One of my hottest female friends I feel almost no attraction for in that way. Another, who an objective observer would call 'average', I'm incredibly attracted to. Even female friends I'm attracted to, I still consider 'good' friends - I don't spend time with them just because I want to boink them - I spend time with them because I *like* them, and enjoy spending time with them. I just don't see how the two are mutually exclusive.

If you have a 'hot female friend', and the only reason you're friends with them is because you want to have sex with them, would you stop being their friend if they were in a terrible accident and were no longer hot? That just seems...sad.

Those are just the guys that got stuck in the FRIEND ZONE!!

Eventually if the friendship develops far enough it starts feeling like your hanging out with your sister. A really great bond, somebody you share everything with, can depend on but sex is just out of the question...it just feels creepy at that point anyway.

One of my best friends is a girl I met my freshmen year of college in music theory class. It started off smoking at the picnic tables outside to practicing together to auditioning for a jazz group together about a year later. We both got in and often car pooled together to practice, when the band begin to play shows we pooled our resources and traveled to each gig together. Some of my fondest memories of my years in that band wasn't criminal amount of free pot and whiskey or the great parties or getting head in the bathroom after a show it was riding in that little car under a starry winter sky and laughing our collective asses off at coast to coast call ins. Other times we just talked to pass the miles, sharing life stories, asking for and giving advice on relationships, crying over lost loves or just getting silly and trying to out do the other with bad jokes. During really long trips we'd get a room together and pass some cheap shit called crown royal back and forth over bad movies. We'd find local bars and get roaring drunk while helping the other get laid before meeting up the next morning for bad truck stop food over stories of our previous nights conquest.

The band broke up when everyone started graduating and a year later she got married. I stood in at her wedding as an usher and hung out in a waiting room with her husband (hes a really great friend now too) and family when her first was born. She was the first person I called when my fiance left me last year and she stayed on the phone with me until sunrise just to listen. Those moments and others created the dynamic of our friendship and as it developed it didn't matter that she was hot before long I'd stopped noticing all together. A truly great friend is something you only stumble upon a handful of times in life in the end what does it matter weather that friend is a guy or a girl?

Your and idiot.

^^ hee hee heeeee

I have male friends. I have lesbian friends. Boys have had issues with the male friends, but rarely the lesbian friends.. Hmmm...wonder why.

I can't say I've never been jealous of a boy's female friends. Usually it was a specific female and not all female friends.

It comes down to trust. If the girl gives you reason to question her relationship with anyone (blatant flirting that goes beyond being platonic), then you should talk it over. It's amazing what conversation can do for a relationship, but no one seems capable of doing so.

I personally have a lot of male friends, because I seem to have a lot more in common with them. I attribute it to having two older brothers.

Ever since my last girlfriend fell in love with her best friend, part of me will always not trust male best friends. It's not a life-ending distrust, there's always just going to be a little part of me that worries about the same thing happening again.

So, uh, congratulations on being stuck in the mindest you developed in 6th grade.

must....................................resist...................................correcting grammar..............................

http://img689.imageshack.us/img689/4985/pullhair.gif

I think both men and women start out sniffing, or sniff at some point. But we humans are evolved and in some way communicate to the other the ifs, ands, or maybe the butts, and go in whatever directions suits us. Its the evolved that allows some us to think there is value in someone beyond their body.

I like it. I like it all.

Actually, you are only speaking from one guy's perspective. And, assumption is the mother of all fuckups. But you might want to audition for some of those humorous beer commercials we see during NFL games.
And realize that many men/guys really do have thoughts and feelings that emanate from somewhere above the waist.

Lindy

Man, I have no idea what you're talking about. What Martian said in post 2 pretty much sums it up.

I do however have a problem with my girl having guy friends. That's just the jealous side of me. I won't say anything to her about it, but I'll just hide it. Yeah, whatever.

^^Hooray for passive aggressive behavior!

It's not something that tears me up inside and bothers me to no end. I just get hit with that dreaded feeling and it goes away pretty quickly. It started with my ex-girlfriend, who I had alot of trust issues with. No, the relationship didn't end because of my behavior.

I wish this were true. Sadly it's just there to take over when the other one is sleeping.

the thing is, sexual attraction doesn't really have to exist for some people, for them it's not even emotional, it's just a matter of willpower.

you put a hot succulent.... slice of pizza in front of someone and the aroma sets in, enticing them to take a bite, and the hunger pain kicks in and makes you think about how good that would taste on your tongue.

Willpower and instinct will wrestle for only a moment, because opportunity only knocks once. If you pass this up, someone else will remove your opportunity.

to stop speaking in metaphor, basically if a girl appears to have many guy friends, it almost compels me to pay more attention to her in a way, esp if she's a serial monogamist who just chains relationships back to back.

If they only seem to talk to you in between relationships, take a fucking hint.

So it's just a matter of changing your flag from "taken" to "single" and I'm sure you will watch the sausage fest ensue if you're not an entirely repulsive woman.

Don't get me wrong, I, as a male, CAN, be friends with a woman, but more likely than not, if I'm putting effort in to talking to a woman, it's out of sexual instinct, not out of social nicety .

I totally agree with woods. i simply just get along with men a hell of a lot better then woman. unless of course i find another woman who is interested in the same things as me, doesn't cause drama, and doesn't want to be friends with me just so she can fuck my guy pals! haha. also though, my SO has many lady friends, a few of them that he has had relationships with and a few that he has just known for a long time. I will admit that on occasion i get a little jealous when a previous x comes over to say hi, but i usually let it go (as soon as i scratch out her eyes)...haha just kidding. anyway, a relationship will NOT last if you try and dictate who your partner can and can't be friends with. it's all about trust, communication, and full dis-closer!.

Being friends with a man is not like being friends with a woman. Men are waaaayyyy easier to deal with than women. Having male friends is a relief because they are so straightforward.

Furthermore, different men have different likes and dislikes, and, in my experience, the overlap between what I like and what an individual man likes tends to be very narrow. So, having more than one male friend means I can have more opportunities to share activities with men, relieving me of the necessity of hanging out with women.

That being said, there are some things a girl can only do with other girls - "girl things" - like hair.

Of course, this is mainly academic, because at the moment I have no male friends except my husband. The reason is because I worry that the man will feel the way you do, OP, and secretly hold out hope of an affair. I don't want to accidentally torment a friend in this way, so the only men I hang out with right now are family members. I enjoy the company of my father and male cousins (don't have a brother) instead of attempting to maintain platonic friendships.

http://img263.imageshack.us/img263/5968/image35m.png

:o

I really don't understand why people always have to assume that the guy wants to fuck his female friends. I have three female friends who are too themselves "hot" and I have no desire to sleep with them. I think in the beginning I did but each of them has turned me off in one way or another that I just wanted to be friends. There not all friends, just three independant chicks I pal around with.

My girlfriend (soon to be wife) does not care, or at least pretends not too. She has meet them all several times and we all hang out in the summers for bbq...etc. I don't see the issue, maybe it is because I've never struggled to get girls (not bragging) so I really did not see the need to try and fuck everything that moves.

Finding chicks to fuck is easy, but truly good friends are something I would never risk for some sex.

Just thinking more about this and I would have to say a couple of my guy friends who have zero female friends and I know there wife's would not allow it anyway probably for the better since they do try and fuck everything that moves.

I've had many female friends over the years and even if I wanted to bone them it didn't get in the way. Now, I always had a girlfriend (now I'm married) so I wouldn't have boned them even if I could.

More importantly, why is it that people have to put everyone in boxes and make broad statements about how 'everybody' is?

Because it's easier to speak for everybody than for yourself. You have to defend your stance. With everybody it can be written off as "well, everybody's doing it."

Well I won't speak for everyone just myself. I have lots of female friends, most of which are either married or in a relationship. I am married myself. In the back of my mind there is always that little voice screaming to fuck them, but I know better. I think it's only natural to be attracted to attractive people. Not acting on those impulses just takes willpower.

This is one of those times were I REALLY appreciate Dave and the fact that he doesnt think like "all other guys"

I've been more comfortable with men my entire life, on the whole I dont like women as friends, I've been stabbed in the back by women at a much higher ratio than men and as a result my real life friends include about 2% females and 98% men. Have I slept with or do I want to sleep with them? There are a few that I have because we were in a past relationship, but I wouldnt now, and I have loads of guy friends that sex never enters my mind. What do they think? We've had this discussion many times...in a few there is some interest but *gasp* Im not god's gift to men and there ARE guys out there that, sexually speaking, are not interested in me.

Dave has lots of female friends (one reason is he doesnt mind at all doing "girl" things... he loves getting manicures and pedicures, he sits in hair salons more than any guy I've ever known) and while there are one or two that he might be attracted to, for the most part he hangs around them because he genuinely like them as people, not as "slot b"

Maybe my opinion doesnt mean as much to others because of our lifestyle, but then again, just because of the lifestyle we lead doesnt mean we wanna fuck any human that will stand still long enough.

I get so tired of the "everybody" crap...to use Shauk's analogy, some of us really dont like Pizza and would have no problem, passing it up and not giving it a second thought.

either my analogy failed, or not liking pizza would require me to create another analogy synonymous with homosexuality, though I get that's not your point at all, so I'll just pass on the topic anymore, bottom line is, we're all different, some of us just chemically react differently to the opposite gender than others I suppose.

This is a weird one for me. I have dated a few women who had a bunch of male friends. Most of the time, I'm not too threatened by it unless there's one that's constantly around or they really seem almost too close. With all but one of my exes, I've trusted her completely. The one I didn't trust couldn't say no when it came to sex. I'm not sure we were ever actually "together" but we did date off and on for quite a while and she usually only came to me when she didn't have anything else lined up. We were always up front with our sex lives and I'm fairly certain she's slept with most of her guy friends at least once.

However, being a single guy, I do not trust guys...especially if they're single. I can be just friends with a woman but chances are, I want to sleep with her anyway and I will jump at the chance if the opportunity presents itself. There was one specific time I remember where a friend of mine came over after work one Friday so I could fix her laptop. She spent the night. It's not that I try to instigate an encounter, it's just sometimes things happen.

Ok let me rephrase......If you put pizza in front of me that has onions on it I wont give it a 2nd look, If you put pizza that has anchovies on it, I wont give it a 2nd look, if you put pizza that has Canadian Bacon on it, I might give it a once over....etc.

Do you get a hard on for EVERY female you come across?

no, but they all have cheese. and I love cheese.


lol


nah it's like I said earlier, I don't go up to girls hoping for a friendship out of it, and I don't know many guys that do. The girls that wind up in the friend category are generally there by circumstances we don't really dictate. Like maybe it was a co-worker you had to work alone with and just by chance you found out that you have a lot in common, yet you're completely unattracted to her because maybe she talks deeper than you do or looks like your brother, father, robert deniro...

Now, these kinds of people might actually be friends with your other female co-worker that you ARE interested in, next thing you know you're just hanging out with both of them, even if you'd prefer to be with the other girl alone. You'll take what you can get.

And I mean lets me honest, I'm sure some guys have just wound up talking to the girl who's a friend of the girl you actually are interested in for that reason alone, just to get a scope of what you're dealing with, a little information recon.

It doesn't make you lecherous, you have a goal in mind, that's all.

I mean hey maybe the friend likes the same movies and wants to spend time doing the activities I do with me, but she's not attracted to me cuz I have a higher voice than her, but sometimes those gender defining moments really just make you want to facepalm, like if I say my balls itch out loud or she just says something like "i really like the color of those shoes" about a movie character.

I will never hope for a "me too" moment there.

Some of my best friends are eunuchs.

So what you're saying then is that a guy can only intentionally end up friends with a woman if she's ugly.

Huh.

As a general rule, when I'm interested in sleeping with a woman I make it apparent from the start. It's been my experience that doing so (in a non-creepy way) is the best route to success.

If you're a woman and I've been interacting with you for more than a week without any indication of this, you can safely assume I'm not interested in it.

There are two people in my life who might fall under the heading of 'best friend.' The first is a guy who I've known since grade school. Having been friends for that length of time has resulted in a unique bond.

The other is a young lady who most folks would agree is quite pretty, myself included. However, she's 5'11" and her weight tends to hover between 120 and 130 lbs. I like girls with curves generally, and she doesn't have a lot of those, so even though I can acknowledge that she's attractive I have no personal desire to sleep with her.

This is one example. Potential partners may be rejected for a wide variety of them. An incompatibility of personality, lifestyle choices or ideals are all things that might disqualify a woman as a partner, but not as a friend. They're all completely independent of physical appeal.

Please. If you're going to talk about attractiveness and how it relates to a male's chances of befriending a woman, avoid phrases like 'all guys.' I know it's hard to imagine, but some of us are capable of looking past a pair of tits.

Obviously there are a lot of strong opinions here... I personally like being called "an idiot". It means I struck a nerve at least somewhere along the way, and it at least partially validates my point of view. Perhaps I was too general when I was talking about the male perspective... perhaps. But perhaps there is also a lot of posturing in this thread too. I'm not sure. I guess if you can't believe what you read on the interbutts, then what can you believe?

If you can't be friends with an attractive member of the opposite sex and allow it to progress beyond sexual intentions... well then you don't have what it takes to be a true friend.

I don't know. I've had good female friends all my life. When I was younger some of them... OK, MOST of them I was attracted to. Some I ended up sleeping with. Some not. But the friendship was always the most important part.

Now I'm old, happily married and boring. And you know what? I STILL have good female friends. But now days I'm not hoping to fuck any of them.

I don't mean you can't have sex, as many of my female friends I have had sex with. It's the point that the relationship evolved beyond sexually to true friendship. We didn't work in a relationship, but were great friends.

Women just need the cawk. Right? I mean, why else befriend a guy?

After newly moving to this area, most of my female friendships were cultivated from one night stands. I like making new friends :thumbsup:

Hey, Captain Obvious... you forgot "money."

I luv me some biches 'n ho'z. I be doin' mah thang while the poh-poh be yellin' @ me to open the dough but nah! I ain't doin that shit! I bust a cap in their ass. Mah bebe mama be spreadin some liiiiies dawg but it no thang, I get mah money, I get mah bitches, iz all goooood

I am exactly on same boat. Only Two Differences. (1) I am male (2) I don't want to cause any doubt/discomfort/issues to the husband of the female friends

I had very good platonic relationships. Though I adore some of them so much, never had any sexual attraction or interest.

And these days any female other than a family member or family friend, I see them sexually ONLY. I sometimes feel contradiction in myself... But that is how it is

Oh, totally... women just want the cock. And the money. We're aaaaaall about the money. :rolleyes:



This post vaguely reminds me of when I was in high school, and there was this huge uproar about the softball coach being a lesbian. She shouldn't be allowed to coach girls' softball, because, well, we were girls. OF COURSE she would try to seduce us, or convert us, right? That was the only reason she'd want to be the coach. Never mind that she'd been coaching for years, and had played for years, and loved the sport.


The afore-mentioned ex, the one that just saw women as holes, tried to tell me I couldn't be friends with a guy I had slept with years earlier. He tried to convince me that it was disrespectful, and the friend only talked to me for potential future sex. I basically told him to fuck off, which, really, was the only major thing I held my ground on for the whole relationship. I'm glad I did. I never talk to the ex anymore, and I'm still friends with the guy.

There are straight girls that play softball? :)

I think Crack was exaggerating in his OP but his idea in general is correct.

Men who have female friends don't necessarily have them only because they want to have sex with them, but they probably would have sex with them if given the choice in an alternate universe. Yes I'm bringing up the alternate universe idea and yes it's valid and useful.

A better way of explaining it is that men can be friends with women, sure. But if the woman is attractive to the man, at all, he would have sex with her in an alternative universe. So basically he wants to have sex with you, but wouldn't, and values the friendship moreso than just for that.

That's the real debate here. There is a huge difference between men and women. Many men want to have sex with every female they find attractive, even their friends, while this idea doesn't seem to be as popular with the women. You don't hear about women saying that they want to have sex with every male friend they have.

This has been debated on TFP multiple times in years past. I'm glad it's brought up again -- it's a very interesting topic despite how shallow it seems. It really shows a biological, tribal difference between men and women and the uncontrollable urges we have and what triggers them.

Haha, laz, don't bother, you'll be branded an idiot too. Get out while you can, agreeing with me here is not going to win you any friends, lol

Huh? If they were uncontrollable the UCR would be a lot more interesting.

Uh, yeah. Urges, sure. Uncontrollable? Maybe I'm the exception here, but I haven't dragged any women back to my cave by the hair lately.

If what you're arguing is that sexual attraction often accompanies good looks -- well, congrats, Captain Obvious, you win. It's a bit of a leap, though, to say that the only reason a guy befriends a woman is because he (either secretly or overtly) wants to have sex with her, or that he wants to have sex with any of his female friends who are remotely attractive.

I suppose that yes, if you want to be totally semantic, the very act of acknowledging that I find a woman in any way attractive could be taken to mean that at some base reptilian level I want to have sex with her. Trouble is, as a higher functioning mammal with a fully operational brain I have a lot of other considerations to go through before I even get halfway to that one. Turns out the vast majority of women fail the test, which is why I don't end up humping the leg of every one I meet.

There's nothing interesting about this thread.

I completely agree Martian.

One thing that hasn't been discussed here (maybe I missed it) but its also completely possible to have a friend you also have sex with. Although rare and probably destined for massive failure I have seen it done before and the friendship remain perfectly intact. hmmm....massive amounts of whiskey seems to have rendered me unable to find a point to pursue there...I guess attractiveness and urges are ultimately relative to the context and dynamic of the friendship or something along those lines.

To me this thread is very interesting ...

Erm........

Ok, I have to admit three things.


1) I did not read the originator's own words on when he/she first started the topic.

2) I did not read any other Tilted Forum user's replies on this topic.

3) Sometimes I do bear very strong romantic feelings towards my female friends, even when sometimes they are already attached. And i can restrain these feelings and hide them well. I wouldn't want them to find out about it, they could "run" away and pretend that they never knew me in the first place, if you know what I mean.

You need to read up on ladder theory, it explains male-female reaction perfectly and I'm sure they'll sell you an extra book on how to put those spiteful whores in their place (your bed.)
2 million years of human evolution has done a pretty good job of making us want to fuck people we find attractive. Just because there's a biological urge doesn't mean it's even processed consciously. The urge works both ways, too. Intelligence evolved in part because it helps to control instinctual urges when they are detrimental to us. Your argument boils down to a tautologous "people find attractive people attractive."

Oh hey! I'm all over it!

Ladder Wiki - Free Relationship Advice and Dating Tips for Men

Thanks!

Few things genuinely frighten me. This is one of them.

/beta male

The Ladder Theory shit was posted here like a year ago. Somebody dig it up. I can't summon the intestinal fortitude.

http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/tilted-...er-theory.html

Oh, and then there's this gem: http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/tilted-...l-humping.html

Both of them are your joints, 9'er. :thumbsup:

I hope there are women in this world who are even more evil than ladder theory claims, just so there's someone to torment the pathetic losers who cling to the theory rather than try to become better people.

Well, considering I have neither wealth nor power, I'm not sure what I think of ladder theory. If it's a working theory....if I were to ever get wealth and/or power....well, to paraphrase Tolkien:

Nicely quoted, Baraka.

Darn. I wish I hadn't missed that thread.

My reply wouldn't have scored me any points, but it would've been fun non the less.

I freely admit to being attracted in some way to over 90% of my guy friends, past and present. But the proportion I would ever realistically consider sleeping with is woefully small, for some reason or another. That is the key point, I think. Mind over cock.

That totally just solves 90% of the problems on TFP.

I have no male friends.
 

SOme girls are just girls girls and some are guys girls... i dont have any male friends. Unless hes my boyfriend theres no reason for him to be around...

Hell, I just wish someone female enjoyed talking to me.

I have a great deal of guy friends, and although I like to pretend differently, i'm pretty sure most of them would bang me if given the chance. The feeling is not mutual, however, and when they let their urges slip every once and a while I choose to just brush it off. This strategy works out pretty well seeing as the majority of the time they just treat me like another one of the bros - which is why I love them oh so much.

I couldn't admit this anywhere but the internet.

As a male, I have been unable to form (from my perspective) non sexual relationships with attractive women who fit into the parameters of "potential girlfriends." Even while I am in a relationship with a wonderful girl, I am extremely nice to these other girls, sensitive, compassionate, but in absolutely no way make any sexual advances. Yet, after years of analyzing my own behavior, l have discovered that all the time I have invested into friendships with females has coincided with at least a slim fantasy-chance of us becoming more-than-friends.

This goes for girls I've been friends with who have boyfriends, which especially is weird for me because I have an almost rabid hatred towards guys who openly hit-on girls with boyfriends (a guy once flirted and flattered a girl away from me two weeks after we were publicly together. I sat back and let it happen because at the time I believed human beings were empathetic and honorable). The truth is that this behavior of mine really bothers me. I don't mean I'm undressing girls with my eyes, or that I don't actually care how their day went, but I am not able to sit down by a girl I find attractive physically and mentally and find motivation to interact with her beyond some distant sexual possibility.

What. The. Hell.